Another Widower Newbie

[InHisCare]

I know the feeling of being overwhelmed. All of the sudden the load that was carried by the two of you is all on you. I am not sure of the ages of your children, but I wonder if you couldn't let them help out a bit. Maybe they would feel good about packing their own lunches. My youngest is four and she loves to help fold the laundry and other small chores. Or maybe the older ones might help the younger ones with their home work. I think we can get trapped by feeling we have to be both mother and father to our children. My advice would be to simplify as many things as possible. If that means TV dinners, so be it. Don't think that you have to keep everything the same as before. In the long run, that will just wear you out. You and your children are in my prayers.

 

[Hisbygrace]

Well, it will be two months this Saturday that I lost my wife. It seems like it was only a couple of weeks ago. This past week has been my hardest yet. I'm miss her so much and I still can't believe at times that she is really gone. There is such a big void not having her here. I wake up at night and it's so lonely not having her beside me. I think it's been more difficult lately because I had so many things to take care of at first and having people around and now the reality is setting in with having to go on with everyday life. I'm very busy with work, being the cook, doing laundry, cleaning the house, packing lunches, helping with home work etc.. that some nights I feel so overwhelmed. I've heard over and over that time will make it better but for me it's worse right now. I'm sure it will get easier a year from now, at least that is my prayer because the pain is so intense, and this road is lonely and difficult.
I wanted to see if any others have had the same experience.
Thanks to all of you and your kind words and prayers!

Hi Kevin,
Yes I think we all experience what you have been feeling. I know for me it was the same way. For the first few months there is so much to do and friends are stopping by or calling. But as time goes by things start getting into a routine and friends slowly drift away. I think the nights are probably the worst for all of us, because they are when we shared the most. I do promise you that the pain will come less and less, but I don't believe it ever goes completely away, yet God carries us through when we trust in Him. May will mark the 6th year since my sweet Buck passed away and there are still times when I miss him so much, times when I cry because he is gone. And there are times when I wonder will I ever move on and then I realize that God moves me on day after day. I know that all of this is still so new to you and that working to support your family and working to meet their daily needs concerning school and home can feel so over-whelming at times. I pray that God would supply you with His strength, that he will guide your way and give you discernment in all decisions you have to make. I ask Him to be your and your childrens comfort and peace as He brings you all through this fire.
God Bless my friend,
Hisbygrace

 

[moviegal]

griefshare.com has daily emails to help with grieving,
also see if you can find a griefshare group in your area,
may help,
in Christ,
praying for you and your family in new stage of grief.

 

[kevin4him]

Thanks for the advice InHisCare to simplify things and that things don't need to be the same. I'm trying hard to make things simple and organized as much as possible. I'm getting better at not stressing if the house is messy or the bathrooms need cleaned. In the big picture of all of this it does not matter if gets done a day or two later. I've always kept the house clean even before my wife died and probably put too much importance on it. It's hard to get the older kids to help as they go to school in the day and both work at night so I don't bother them much as I know they are tired too.

Hisbygrace,
Thanks for sharing your story and your prayers. It gives me hope for the future.
I find it hard to pray and give him praise right now. This has shaken my faith to the foundation and it's hard for me to understand why this has happened. I know I will probably never understand and it is hard to accept even though I know I need to trust in him. I know he will carry us through it all and I know he has given me strength but my heart is still broken and I miss her so much.The Lord gave me her when I prayed for a wife and I always thought we would grow old together.

Moviegal,
Thanks for the website. I'll check it out when I get some time.

 

[kaykay637]

Thanks for the advice InHisCare to simplify things and that things don't need to be the same. I'm trying hard to make things simple and organized as much as possible. I'm getting better at not stressing if the house is messy or the bathrooms need cleaned. In the big picture of all of this it does not matter if gets done a day or two later. I've always kept the house clean even before my wife died and probably put too much importance on it. It's hard to get the older kids to help as they go to school in the day and both work at night so I don't bother them much as I know they are tired too.

Hisbygrace,
Thanks for sharing your story and your prayers. It gives me hope for the future.
I find it hard to pray and give him praise right now. This has shaken my faith to the foundation and it's hard for me to understand why this has happened. I know I will probably never understand and it is hard to accept even though I know I need to trust in him. I know he will carry us through it all and I know he has given me strength but my heart is still broken and I miss her so much.The Lord gave me her when I prayed for a wife and I always thought we would grow old together.

Moviegal,
Thanks for the website. I'll check it out when I get some time.

Noticed your new post, Kevin. I recommended the book to you on my first post, When God Doesn't Make Sense by James Dobson. If you haven't read it, at the risk of sounding like a broken record, I think you should get it. If it isn't available from your local Christian bookstore, it can be ordered from www.amazon.com.

I literally slept with that book in the bed with me some nights after my son (our only child) was killed. Believe me, I know what you mean about the "shaking." It doesn't try to give "pat answers." The reality is~~there are NO pat answers. It helps you put things in perspective and move from "why" to trust... That's not an overnight trip, but I think it should be our ultimate destination with this kind of grief and tragedy. Sounds like you're on the right track. At the end of the day, the question is whether we will choose to trust God even when we don't understand...

Prayers and hugs, Kevin!

 

[kevin4him]

kaykay,
Thanks for your post. I do have that book on my list but have not purchased it yet. I will order it and the others this weekend. Thank you for asking "At the end of the day, the question is whether we will choose to trust God even when we don't understand..." My answer is yes I do trust God and I know that all things work to the good for those who love him but it's very difficult to imagine what good could come from this right now.I do put my faith in Jesus because where else would I turn in time of need? I'm just having a hard time with this deep pain and loss that is in my heart. It's so hard even with the Lord that I couldn't imagine how unbelievers deal with it. I do praise him in this storm just as the song I heard on the radio said today. Praise God that she is in his care!!!!!!
Thanks for your prayers & hugs I appreciate it very much!!

 

[kaykay637]

kaykay,
Thanks for your post. I do have that book on my list but have not purchased it yet. I will order it and the others this weekend. Thank you for asking "At the end of the day, the question is whether we will choose to trust God even when we don't understand..." My answer is yes I do trust God and I know that all things work to the good for those who love him but it's very difficult to imagine what good could come from this right now.I do put my faith in Jesus because where else would I turn in time of need? I'm just having a hard time with this deep pain and loss that is in my heart. It's so hard even with the Lord that I couldn't imagine how unbelievers deal with it. I do praise him in this storm just as the song I heard on the radio said today. Praise God that she is in his care!!!!!!
Thanks for your prayers & hugs I appreciate it very much!!

Prayers and hugs again! It IS hard, Kevin...so very hard to lose someone you loved so much.