another unpardonable sin thread

[Ribosome]

i didnt have ocd about the unpardonable sin before, but it finally came.

i cant even really understand what the unpardonable sin is, but i'll explain the thought that is bothering me:

many years ago i used to smoke pot with friends, i did not have the born-again experience back then, it happened over a year after i quit pot and those friends.

however, i have been getting this strange thought stuck in my head that i cant even explain or understand... i dont really know what it is. it seems to be the thought that smoking weed wasnt really that bad, or maybe that it wasnt a sin, or maybe that i can't repent from it because i like weed and enjoyed those high times. i don't know what it is.

this thought/feeling appears to me and torments me for the past few years. the last i smoked was october 2008. i had a horrendous reaction to weed during that smoking session, it was so severe that i became extremely suicidal because it was unbearable. it was not a panic attack, it was severe akathesia. since that incident i am afraid of weed and i will never touch it again.

now i believe i had by born-experience over a year after that incident. however, i still have ocd whether or not i had a genuine experience and if i was really filled with the Holy Spirit or not. my ocd targets the bible and my faith like crazy, and my experiences of being filled with teh spirit are very short, because ocd destroyes them very quickly. but when i am filled with the spirit, i feel compeletely accepted and forgiven by God, and i am convinced that God lives in me now, and i just want to thank him non stop and i want to go out and do his commandments of loving other people. i lose myself and his spirit lives in me, and we become one. however, this is a rare occation for me because of the ocd. when i start reading the bible, i start to get ocd that god is not real, that the bible isnt true, and that kills me. i have not had a spirit filled experience in like 4 months, and the times i did have it lasted at most a few hours before my ocd doubts would destroy it. usually however, the experience only lasts a few minutes or seconds because the ocd doubts shoot right away.

now however, i am worried that maybe the thought/feeling stuck in my head about weed is the inability to repent of that sin, and maybe that means that weed smoking was the unpardonable sin for me because i cannot repent of that specific sin. and i read that the unpardonable sin is that sin which stops you from being able to repent because the Holy Spirit leaves you.

did i commit the unpardonable sin because i cant repent of my weed days? however, my memory is bad, and i have a good feeling i repented of the weed days before, although im not sure, and plus, i do seem to have had the Holy Spirit experiences after my weed days have long gone.

today i tried thinking about my sinful days of smoking with friends, and i did seem to feel regret and guilt for doing those things, although i dunno if the guilt and regret were deep enough. but i have to think real hard about those things in order to feel ashamed and regretful about it. i think about how weed was an idol and that i would go to it instead of god to get pleasure and meaning instead of going to god. but thinking these things doesnt always make me feel guilty and regretful, it seems taht sometimes i am and sometimes im not. i dunno what this crazy feeling is!!! is it an obsession or is it that the holy spirit left me and now i cant be convicted that weed smoking was a sin??

my memory is really shot beacuse of teh ocd drugs, but i think i remember days when i really hated weed and it never went into my mind because i saw how much spiritual death there is in smoking it. although i cannot trust my memory because my OCD attacks my memory like crazy as well. im really scared, i cannot trust my mind, i dont know what is true or real.

 

[canamer]

I'm sorry to hear that you've been dealing with this. OCD is very hard to deal with and obviously if part of it is worrying that you're going to Hell over it than it's even worse. OCD and OCD way of thinking is not rational and so what I'm about to say to you may not make any difference as to how you 'feel' right now. But, I believe it is the truth.

I don't believe there is an unpardonable sin - at least in the way that we think about it - I'll elaborate a bit on that in a few lines. I don't believe that Jesus had a 'half' victory at the cross. I don't believe his sacrifice just covers some sins but not others. I believe that Jesus secured a 'total' victory at the cross and through his sacrifice all sins can be forgiven. God has been around well... for forever. He has seen it all. I don't see how we can think that our sins would be unique to anything he has seen before because he has seen it all.

So, maybe you're saying well the Bible does talk about an unpardonable sin though. Okay, let's look at that a bit deeper though and see perhaps what was meant by that and in what context. Before Jesus talked about the unforgivable sin he had just performed a huge miracle involving healing and casting out a demon. The Pharisees saw the whole thing happen right before their eyes. Instead of praising God they turned around and said actually what we've seen here is a display of Satan's power! They demonstrated an attitude in general (and it wasn't just on this occasion either) that was permanently resistant to the Holy Spirit and the saving grace of Jesus. They were arrogant. They had hardened their hearts. They had made a decision to reject Jesus and they were saying Jesus was really of the devil rather than of God - even though they had all the proof of Jesus being GOD they ever could've needed right before their eyes. That was blasphemy. There is no help for those kind of people that have purposed to go against God no matter what. So, what do I believe the unpardonable sin is? It's making a decision to permanently reject the Holy Spirit and the saving grace of Christ. How can God save a person that has clearly made up their mind that they don't want to be saved at all?

So, ask yourself is that who you are? I would highly doubt it! Just the fact that you've accepted Jesus into your life and are worried about pleasing him tells me that the Holy Spirit is likely alive and well in your life and helping you want to become - and become - more like Jesus. You may not always 'feel' the Holy Spirit. You may not always 'feel' like God is around but HE IS! You've got to believe that by faith. No, it's not easy. But, the more you go on in life and the more you trust and learn about God I believe the easier it will get to have faith.

Whenever you 'feel' like whatever you might have done or might do is not forgivable go right to God's word where is clearly says that whoever calls upon the name of the Lord WILL be saved! That's you. You've called upon the name of the Lord and asked for forgiveness, right? So, yes! Another verse: If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. It doesn't say that he will forgive us for 'some' unrighteousness. It says ALL unrighteousness.

I really believe that knowing and reflecting on the truth can help all of us with our OCD. Sure, we'll still have irrational thoughts and we'll still worry. I haven't come up with a way to really stop that. Good for anyone else who has. But, they're just thoughts! At that point, you've got to give it right back against those thoughts with the truth. And you say, I KNOW that I KNOW what the truth really is here. It doesn't matter how I 'feel'. That's all you can do. Go back to the truth. God's word is the truth.

Take care. And, have a great day!

 

[RPicking]

I know what it feels like to think that you committed that "Unpardonable sin", but I will tell you that IF you committed the U. Sin then you wouldn't be convicted of it. I think that God has a sense of humor, the very thing that we struggle with (doubt) should be assurance that God is with you. Like I said in another topic, I think you should take hold of the fact that you feel this doubt about the U. Sin, because to me, that is proof that God is in you. What would someone that isn't a Christian be convicted about sin?? Do people that aren't a Christian go around worrying IF they committed some sin? No? It's the devil (IMO) that is attacking you using the very weakness that you have.

Have strength to walk forward in your walk with God and keep your hands on your faith! Feelings are NOT your compass in the world of faith. You have to sink your heart and mind deep into Christ and no matter if you're up or down, keep walking forward.

Stay strong in Christ and have Faith.