Another reason I avoid online dating platforms

[Citanul]

Well, back to what you guys were discussing. I have always wondered why people would go online to find a partner, or specifically for a life partner. What if the people were just being there to look for fun, and nothing else? Compare to real life vs online, which would be better to meet someone who is serious about a relationship that is long term? Hmm.. why did you go online in the first place? What kind of mentally did you go online with?

I don't think it's possible to say whether online or real life is better as it's not as though everyone you meet in real life is looking for something long term. What online dating does is bring you into contact with people you might not have otherwise met, so the net is cast a bit wider, but there's no way of being able to predict whether those people will be of better or worse quality than those you might meet in real life (assuming you are meeting anyone in real life as not doing so is one of the reasons people give online dating a try).

Since the internet is world wide, chances are, the people there can come from anywhere - that is, from different countries, nationalities, races, cultures and customs, background, social status, etc, how do you deal with it?

I'm not interested in relocating, and I wouldn't expect someone to relocate for me, so I restrict my searches to only look locally. As for different nationalities/cultures, it depends how different - too different and I might pass, but it would possibly be on a case by case basis.

 

[ProGoddess]

Well, on line is a way to meet people one wouldn't meet otherwise.
Online sights have ways or looking for people that are within say 25 miles of where you live. I found one serious long term relationship online using a dating site. Now I'd use a social site like meetup to meet people. Often with meetup the meeting is around a common interest, like hiking or dancing. I've meet a lot of people that I enjoyed hanging out with thru meetup. Most of my GFs since my divorce have been thru meetup.

I see. Thanks for sharing.

So there is like different interest groups that one can join. Are these groups run by an organization, say its employees organize different outings and invite members to join, or these outings are totally independent? In whichever way, how does it work?

For those who are looking for a long term relationship, I suppose joining these outings may provide an opportunity for people to get to know someone who has a common interest as him/her-self.

 

[ProGoddess]

I don't think it's possible to say whether online or real life is better as it's not as though everyone you meet in real life is looking for something long term. What online dating does is bring you into contact with people you might not have otherwise met, so the net is cast a bit wider, but there's no way of being able to predict whether those people will be of better or worse quality than those you might meet in real life (assuming you are meeting anyone in real life as not doing so is one of the reasons people give online dating a try).

Ahh... I thought it might be the case. One way or another, it is like casting the net wider or further into the ocean to catch the fish or fishes. Some fish can be eaten, while some, they can't.

I'm not interested in relocating, and I wouldn't expect someone to relocate for me, so I restrict my searches to only look locally. As for different nationalities/cultures, it depends how different - too different and I might pass, but it would possibly be on a case by case basis.

It takes a lot of patience and courage to maintain a long-distance relationship.

 

[Citanul]

So there is like different interest groups that one can join. Are these groups run by an organization, say its employees organize different outings and invite members to join, or these outings are totally independent? In whichever way, how does it work?

I have seen the odd occasion where an organisation has done something on Meetup, but apart from those the interest groups are all created by individuals and they'll organise events for a group which anyone who's part of the group can sign up for.

For those who are looking for a long term relationship, I suppose joining these outings may provide an opportunity for people to get to know someone who has a common interest as him/her-self.

It does in the sense of bringing you into contact with people, so the casting the net wider concept would apply here as well, but I think anyone who joins Meetup for the sole intention of using it for dating might be disappointed.

 

[dayhiker]

The nice thing about meetup is that its set up for a social time around a common interest. This allows conversation to flow, talk about common interest and in the process see if there is some interest in this person beyond the current meetup. Ya, no guarantee of a date. But it is a way to meet someone on neutral ground with other people around and not go thru a meeting a stranger for the 1st time with no one around that might help you if help is needed.

 

[Rajni]

Facebook has it now where if you're not connected, the message
someone sends is filtered so that not even an alert comes up that
it's there. Even if I do read it, unless I act on it by replying, it
doesn't register on the other person's end that I saw it.

The person who sent me the creepiest message on Facebook
years ago is still on my block-list, even though I've since closed
down the profile I had at the time it happened. They were
married (though their spouse was never in any of their posted
pics), but still seemed to show what I thought was just a bit too
much interest in me. The message they sent that creeped me out
literally had me wondering if they were stalking my home,
because they asked why I wasn't outside on my porch enjoying
the evening weather. First of all, how did they know I wasn't
outside (I wasn't!), and secondly, how in tarnation did they know
I had a porch (I did!). So I'm running all over the house closing my
curtains and shades and peering out between the blind-slats to see
if I can detect my stalker.

No stalking took place, but the inquiry was just way too unnerving.
It helped to reinforce my no-PM policy.

Fortunately, I haven't really gotten any creep-tastic PMs since then.
Maybe people in general are learning not to do that, even if they don't
mean any harm by it. Maybe I creep them out already and so they
keep their distance!

This seems like a relatively recent change, but now Facebook does give
you the option to block messages from specific individuals, including
contacts. I don't think that was always the case. Or maybe it was the
case, but then they did away with it, and then brought it back (likely
due to backlash).

It's under Settings > Blocking. There's the option to block the person
himself/herself, or simply block private messages from them. They
can still interact with you elsewhere, but 'elsewhere' is usually publicly
visible, so they're generally less likely to be as creepy there than they
might with more privacy.