Another Lust Thread-My Specific Problem

[ahopelessmoth]

IT'S SO FRUSTRATING!!!!!!!

Okay, here's the dealie-o. I am and have been a Christian for a few years, I was raised in the church. I am a young teen, which seems to be the hardest time to be a Christian. I'm trying hard to do what pleases God, but the one sin that I can't seem to escape, (because of my age?) is LUST.
Lust fills my mind almost constantly! I know it's fairly common for my age but it has gotten really bad.
I've studied this in the Bible and all I can find is that I shouldn't feel this way. According to all I've read, and I have spent a lot of time on this, I shouldn't want to sin, being a Christian. HOWEVER, I'll be on the internet when suddenly, I see a link; I was fine before, but before I know it I have clicked the link and am looking at dirty pictures. When I stop myself, I feel ashamed for a long time. Also, I'll be having fun with my friends or something else unrelated and for NO REASON WHATSOEVER I just start thinking about sex! WHAT THE HECK!!!!!!
IT MAKES IT VERY HARD TO BE A WITNESS TO MY FRIENDS WHEN ALL I THINK ABOUT IS SEX! We're trapped in a world that tells me it's normal and that sex is okay BUT I AM A CHRISTIAN! I WANT TO DO WHAT'S RIGHT!!!!

Anyway, it's plain to see why I wouldn't want to talk about this with my parents. ANY ADVICE? I want this to stop so I can JUST FOCUS!!!!!

I'll be checking in often so feel free to post about any need for clarification.
​

 

[tripletiger1200]

I think every man struggles with lust, but the most important thing to do is to remember that you can't do it on your own. Keep praying that the Lord will help you overcome the temptation through the Holy Spirit. Also, make a habit of not masturbating. I know some people will attack me on this, but if you do that it's only going to give sexual thoughts and feelings more of a place in your life. You could also try limiting your online time or staying away from sites that you enjoy but that tend to lead you to temptation. It's not easy, but remember that God sees you. Imagine Jesus in the room with you when you do those kinds of things and I think that will turn you off pretty quickly.

 

[ahopelessmoth]

I appreciate that. It's a little easier said than done, but still...plus it means more coming from a guy that's only a little older than me.

 

[LWB]

I think God is far more interested in you learning to love others, rather than becoming an asexual robot. The goal of the Christian is not to become sinless, for that is impossible, but to trust in Christ.

Please don't get hung up on the guilt trip people are more than willing to lay on your shoulders. Enjoy women, for they are beautiful, and rightly should be the apple of your eye. Don't be ashamed of your body and its functions.

 

[tripletiger1200]

I am not saying to avoid women. Lust is not love. Lust is selfish and therefore gets in the way of loving others and valuing women for who they are, not the body parts that they have.
"Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may obtain it. And everyone who competes for the prize is temperate in all things. Now they do it to obtain a perishable crown, but we for an imperishable crown. Therefore I run thus: not with uncertainty. Thus I fight: not as one who beats the air. But I discipline my body and bring it into subjection, lest, when I have preached to others, I myself should become disqualified." (1 Cor. 9:24-27)
I don't want to argue here, but don't let lust get the best of you. It's a monster and the more attention you give it the worse it will become. If you let it continue things are going to be awful when you hit college. Girls, independence, alcohol, and a secular mindset in colleges nowadays lead to lots and lots of opportunities to sin sexually if you don't keep your lustful impulses under control. All it takes is once drunk girl, one bad choice, and one night to do something you will regret the rest of your life if you don't commit to completely and fully removing lust from your life.

 

[hedrick]

I'm not saying you should just go ahead and start looking at these things. You shouldn't. But in my many ways the guilt seems more of a problem than occasionally viewing or thinking about sexual images.

In my view, Jesus was very concerned about intent. His concern isn't limited to the act of adultery, but to the lust that leads to it. The problem is that the term he uses isn't all that well defined. Translations vary from "look at a woman to possess her" to "lust." If you look at his teachings as a whole, I think what he is concerned about is not so much maintaining pure thoughts, as intentions, because they affect how you think about and act towards, people.

And as we start to understand things like rape and adultery more, we understand that it isn't just sexual motivations that causes men to treat women badly. It's thinking of women as sex objects, and in some cases a desire to dominate. That suggests that the translation "look at a woman to possess her", although probably overly interpretive, isn't far from the mark. I think if you follow out Jesus' statements and really examine the kinds of motivations we ought to worry about, it's not sexual thoughts that are the big deal, but intentions towards women, and if you're in a relationship currently, finding a way that you can still appreciate other women without slipping into a situation where you're tempted to violate your commitment.

If you are now and then distracted by sexual thoughts, but you have no intention of treating a woman dishonorably, I don't think you're actually violating his teaching. Again, I'm not saying you should just give in and start browsing those links. It's not wise to indulge yourself in that way. But ask yourself honestly, how is this affecting your attitudes towards and intentions toward actual women that you know or might know. My guess is that it isn't having much if any effect. If that's true, then it shouldn't be more than "oops, I slipped again" and on to something else.

Becoming obsessed by your failures can be more of a problem than the failure itself, because as you note, it distracts you from what you ought to be doing, and in fact causes your mind to focus on sexual issues, which is of course the very problem you're concerned about in the first place. i can't as a general statement tell people to lighten up with regard to sexual thoughts, because of course there are some people who need to be more concerned about their attitudes. But it looks to me like for you specifically, you need to appreciate that God knows you're not perfect, he accepts you anyway, and your goal as a Christian isn't to be good or pure -- which is impossible -- but to be an effective servant whose work bears fruit.

 

[ahopelessmoth]

I guess I really knew this but my eyes have been clouded. I guess I need to just forgive myself. It's hard, but I know God forgives me.

 

[Armistead14]

I guess I really knew this but my eyes have been clouded. I guess I need to just forgive myself. It's hard, but I know God forgives me.

Lust never equals sexual thought biblically, it's a false teaching. Sexual thought comes from puberty, the way God made you. The reason you can't defeat sexual thought is...you can't, God made it impossible to do so, so why fight God because he made you with sexual desires.

Lust is to covet, desire to take what isn't yours, extreme jealosy or just simply an overwhelming desire that could be used for good or harm. Once can lust for wealth or power. Lust is better defined as overwhelming desire to do harm.

Sexual thought, desires, etc., are a part of normal growth. After puberty it will become a big part of your life. It's the driving force that will eventually lead you towards marriage.

The human body is a glorious thing to look at and it's natural to desire to see it. Understand it's western culture that has perverted the natural naked body into something evil. In cultures all around the world, most tribal, they run around naked and don't go into evil lust because boobs and booty are open for public. In fact, they don't even notice nakedness. I've been to several mission trips to Africa and you go to church and you'll see several hundred naked butts in the air when they pray. Our culture and religion has taught us that sexuality is evil, so at a young age our minds develop viewing sex as ugly, dirty, lustful, etc. This is turns perverts sex and causes jealousy and often perverted sexual behavior. Most of our perverted sexual problems stem from religions goal to make sex evil, instead of teaching normal sexuality.

It's hard because of our culture to rid ourselves from the guilt we have from our sexuality. Many do in the secular world, but they do step into many sexual areas that are just sin. We see on TV sex often corrupted, almost always adultery, no talk of STD's or condom use. Hollywood isn't gonna ruin a good sex scene with a talk of STD's before.

Simply, at your age sexual desire and fantasy are there...period. You can't defeat it, but you can control it. When does it need control, when it does harm. God gave us many natural human needs that are part of our chemical make up, some are strong, food and sex are two natural hormonal needs that are very strong, but we have the will to keep them from doing harm. Don't entertain evil sexuality in your thoughts, rape, child sex abuse, beastality, etc..
As you get older the actual sex act will become the issue. You again will face the issue of harm, possible pregnancy, STD's, broken hearts, the often games and lying to get sex...until you're ready to deal with sex and know you're responsible with these issues, you're not ready. In fact, the only sure way to cover most sexual issues without harm is in a loving faithful marriage.

Why sexual desire leads us to marriage, it's really a small factor in holding a good marriage together. Again, my experience in Africa, Borneo and others where people run around naked sex is the last thing they consider in marriage, larger women are more desired, stronger workers and big hips to them mean easier childbirth and more babies. Beautiful women in america would be considered unwanted there. Because they're not so sexually corrupted by religion of hollywood, they find it much easier to deal with other issues beyond sex.

Accept you have sexual desires, but learn to set limits. Your other choice in non ending guilt, constant repenting daily.....just silly and harmful.

 

[Yarddog]

IT'S SO FRUSTRATING!!!!!!!

Okay, here's the dealie-o. I am and have been a Christian for a few years, I was raised in the church. I am a young teen, which seems to be the hardest time to be a Christian. I'm trying hard to do what pleases God, but the one sin that I can't seem to escape, (because of my age?) is LUST.
Lust fills my mind almost constantly! I know it's fairly common for my age but it has gotten really bad.
I've studied this in the Bible and all I can find is that I shouldn't feel this way. According to all I've read, and I have spent a lot of time on this, I shouldn't want to sin, being a Christian. HOWEVER, I'll be on the internet when suddenly, I see a link; I was fine before, but before I know it I have clicked the link and am looking at dirty pictures. When I stop myself, I feel ashamed for a long time. Also, I'll be having fun with my friends or something else unrelated and for NO REASON WHATSOEVER I just start thinking about sex! WHAT THE HECK!!!!!!
IT MAKES IT VERY HARD TO BE A WITNESS TO MY FRIENDS WHEN ALL I THINK ABOUT IS SEX! We're trapped in a world that tells me it's normal and that sex is okay BUT I AM A CHRISTIAN! I WANT TO DO WHAT'S RIGHT!!!!

Anyway, it's plain to see why I wouldn't want to talk about this with my parents. ANY ADVICE? I want this to stop so I can JUST FOCUS!!!!!

I'll be checking in often so feel free to post about any need for clarification.
​

You are a teen and you will do things all through your life which falls short of God's divine will. Guess what? It is forgivable.

At some point, you will need to learn to cast your sins onto the cross. When you have finally done this and stopped driving yourself crazy, you will find that God's Holy Spirit will begin taking away the desire to sin.

I tried to stop sinning when I was younger but the harder I tried the harder it became. I almost had a breakdown. That was when God revealed the cross to me. I heard the words spoken through his Spirit, "I didn't ask you to be perfect, Jesus has already done that for you".

Through faith, God makes us perfect. He creates us in his image and grants righteousness. His Spirit cleans our spirit.

Don't expect to be perfect on your own account, be perfect through Jesus.

Stop worrying and seek a greater relationship with your Father in heaven. You will fall short, again and again and again... But Jesus will never fail.

God Bless,
Yarddog

 

[Sum1sGruj]

I appreciate that. It's a little easier said than done, but still...plus it means more coming from a guy that's only a little older than me.

For lack of a better way to put it, just think of the bad@ssness of the Bible.
The Bible is commonly put into a bright spectrum of love and peace, but it is important to know that it is a truth of origin, God, fallen angels, desperation and fulfillment. The Bible is not without incident.
When you realize the gravity it holds and study it's wisdom, it becomes easier to understand why lust is a sin, and by extension, makes it easier to maintain adherence.
Do not let church trick you into thinking the NT is all there is. The canon included both testaments for a reason, not just for prophecy.
I think that is a big problem nowadays. Do not get me wrong, Jesus is the way and the truth, and he commands us to love, but only the events before him can help you understand why it is so dire to not sin. The OT paints a dark but true picture of the human condition.

 

[hedrick]

So far you've been getting advice that I consider sane. I think the responses so far are moderately consistent with each other. This is unusual. There are a variety of positions on sexual ethics among Christians. If this thread continues, you're going to start seeing answers that disagree with each other.

At some point you'll have to read the Bible for yourself, and talk with others whose approach to faith agrees with yours, to see which views you think are what Jesus would want.

I teach Sunday School for 7th and 8th grade in a PCUSA church. What we teach is what you've seen here: Jesus cares about your intentions towards others and how you treat them, but you shouldn't beat yourself up because you think about sex.

Some of this is because some people have a lot more serious problems than I think you do. It's pretty common to hear from adults who become so addicted to porn that it interferes with their marriage. Looking at links now and then is probably nothing to worry about. I wouldn't go too far with it, but when you realize what you've done, the right approach is "oops, blew it again" and then go on to do something else, not beating yourself up. But just as recovering alcoholics normally don't dare drink anything at all, there are people who have to be really careful what they look at. If you think you're bordering on that condition, there are more positive things you can do than feeling guilty. There's nothing in your posting to indicate that you have a real problem, so most of us have assumed you don't. But if looking at porn is interfering with your ability to talk with real girls, then there are things you might want to do. (But I note that everybody has more problems dealing with real people than pictures of your ideal person, so I wouldn't immediately jump to the conclusion that having trouble dealing with girls is due to porn.)

 

[cowboysfan1970]

A lot of young people seem to have some real confusion about what lust is. I blame the people advising and teaching them. Lust isn't sexual desire, feelings, or arousal. Lust is where you take those and start making plans to do something that you know to be sinful. It's when a person starts thinking like "you know, I bet if I did this, this, or this, I could hook up with her." That's lust even if you don't go through with it. Lust is when you take those natural desires and plan to do something illegitimate with them.

 

[GBRK]

Christians are not immune to temptation for we are in fleshly bodies and therefore we are subject to the desires of the flesh. Sexual temptation is also something that has been around for a very long time in fact the Apostle Paul had to deal with issues of sexual immorality within the Corinthian Church. Note that Paul put emphasis on sexual sins because it involves our physical bodies and as Christians our physical bodies became the temple of God's Holy Spirit. This means that God's Holy Spirit actually dwells within our physical bodies along side and with our inner spirit/souls. When we sin sexually then we sin with our bodies and take the Holy Spirit (God) along with us and our sin.

Romans 8:12 (NLT)
12 Therefore, dear brothers and sisters, you have no obligation to do what your sinful nature urges you to do.

Romans 8:13 (NLT)
13 For if you live by its dictates, you will die. But if through the power of the Spirit you put to death the deeds of your sinful nature, you will live.

Romans 8:14 (NLT)
14 For all who are led by the Spirit of God are children of God.

Romans 8:15 (NLT)
15 So you have not received a spirit that makes you fearful slaves. Instead, you received God’s Spirit when he adopted you as his own children. Now we call him, “Abba, Father.”

Romans 8:16 (NLT)
16 For his Spirit joins with our spirit to affirm that we are God’s children.

The Holy Spirit (God/Holy Spirit) is given to the Christian as a helper to assist the Christian in many ways. To minister to us in several diverse ways such as prayer, understanding the Scriptures, ministry to others, changing us. Galatians 5:22-25 gives the Fruits of (I say reflections of) the Spirit. It is what makes us God's children as God dwells within us.

1 Corinthians 3:16-17 (NLT)
16 Don’t you realize that all of you together are the temple of God and that the Spirit of God lives in you?
17 God will destroy anyone who destroys this temple. For God’s temple is holy, and you are that temple.

1 Corinthians 6:12 (NLT)
12 You say, “I am allowed to do anything”—but not everything is good for you. And even though “I am allowed to do anything,” I must not become a slave to anything.

1 Corinthians 6:13 (NLT)
13 You say, “Food was made for the stomach, and the stomach for food.” (This is true, though someday God will do away with both of them.) But you can’t say that our bodies were made for sexual immorality. They were made for the Lord, and the Lord cares about our bodies.

1 Corinthians 6:14 (NLT)
14 And God will raise us from the dead by his power, just as he raised our Lord from the dead.

1 Corinthians 6:15 (NLT)
15 Don’t you realize that your bodies are actually parts of Christ? Should a man take his body, which is part of Christ, and join it to a prostitute? Never!

1 Corinthians 6:16 (NLT)
16 And don’t you realize that if a man joins himself to a prostitute, he becomes one body with her? For the Scriptures say, “The two are united into one.”

1 Corinthians 6:17 (NLT)
17 But the person who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with him.

1 Corinthians 6:18 (NLT)
18 Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body.

1 Corinthians 6:19 (NLT)
19 Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself,

1 Corinthians 6:20 (NLT)
20 for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.

For the reason that God (the Holy Spirit) dwells within our physical body should be added emphasis for us to strive to deal with our sexual temptations whether a teen or a mature adult for we all have them at all ages. While it's true that today sex is more before our eyes and everywhere we turn ... music, tv, computer etc temptation has always been there, always and there the Holy Spirit can also assist us.

1 Corinthians 10:12 (NLT)
12 If you think you are standing strong, be careful not to fall.

1 Corinthians 10:13 (NLT)
13 The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure.

It is and will be a fight and struggle and each person must learn to deal with it themselves. If nothing else though is motivation for dealing with sexual temptation realize that you are taking God with you and involving God with this particular sin. It is God's Holy Spirit that also can assist you and give you the strength.

 

[revrobor]

IT'S SO FRUSTRATING!!!!!!!

Okay, here's the dealie-o. I am and have been a Christian for a few years, I was raised in the church. I am a young teen, which seems to be the hardest time to be a Christian. I'm trying hard to do what pleases God, but the one sin that I can't seem to escape, (because of my age?) is LUST.
Lust fills my mind almost constantly! I know it's fairly common for my age but it has gotten really bad.
I've studied this in the Bible and all I can find is that I shouldn't feel this way. According to all I've read, and I have spent a lot of time on this, I shouldn't want to sin, being a Christian. HOWEVER, I'll be on the internet when suddenly, I see a link; I was fine before, but before I know it I have clicked the link and am looking at dirty pictures. When I stop myself, I feel ashamed for a long time. Also, I'll be having fun with my friends or something else unrelated and for NO REASON WHATSOEVER I just start
thinking about sex! WHAT THE HECK!!!!!!
IT MAKES IT VERY HARD TO BE A WITNESS TO MY FRIENDS WHEN ALL I THINK ABOUT IS SEX! We're trapped in a world that tells me it's normal and that sex is okay BUT I AM A CHRISTIAN! I WANT TO DO WHAT'S RIGHT!!!!

Anyway, it's plain to see why I wouldn't want to talk about this with my parents. ANY ADVICE? I want this to stop so I can JUST FOCUS!!!!!

I'll be checking in often so feel free to post about any need for clarification.
​

If you look by my icon you will see that I am a LOT older than you. But I was actually your age once. You need to understand the difference between lust and looking. I believe woman is the most beautiful thing God ever created. Both when I was your age and today when I see a woman I will look at her and admire God's creation, her beautiful face, her abundant breasts, her gorgeous legs or whatever catches my eye. That's admiration for God's creation. And the way women dress today it's very easy to notice them. What I do not do is think of ways I can get her in bed. THAT is lust. There is nothing wrong with sex or thinking about it. God created sex. It's a beautiful thing. Sadly our society today tries to make something dirty out of it and uses it to sell just about anything you can think of. Masturbation is neither addressed or prohibited in Scripture. If you practice it you must not lust as THAT is a sin. And remember too that Satan will attempt to drag you down by convincing you that you're lusting and fill you with guilt when you look at a woman or think of sex and he will attempt to defeat you with it making you useless to God because that's all you can concentrate on. Your hormones are raging at your age and that is perfectly natural. Remember, looking at a woman is not temptation. Wanting to think of ways to get her in bed is. In time you will probably meet that special someone and enjoy a fulfilling sex life. Be patient my young brother and don't let Satan defeat you with this.

 

[Spikey4672]

i like what he says above. he's right. if u read the verse it says that if u look upon a woman TO lust then u have commited adultery with her in his heart. its ok to look at a beautiful woman and think man she sure is looking good today but when you look at her or pictures,videos,magazines etc. with the intention to experience lust it is a sin

(if anyone knows where this verse is it would help)

 

[chingchang]

IT'S SO FRUSTRATING!!!!!!!

Okay, here's the dealie-o. I am and have been a Christian for a few years, I was raised in the church. I am a young teen, which seems to be the hardest time to be a Christian. I'm trying hard to do what pleases God, but the one sin that I can't seem to escape, (because of my age?) is LUST.
Lust fills my mind almost constantly! I know it's fairly common for my age but it has gotten really bad.
I've studied this in the Bible and all I can find is that I shouldn't feel this way. According to all I've read, and I have spent a lot of time on this, I shouldn't want to sin, being a Christian. HOWEVER, I'll be on the internet when suddenly, I see a link; I was fine before, but before I know it I have clicked the link and am looking at dirty pictures. When I stop myself, I feel ashamed for a long time. Also, I'll be having fun with my friends or something else unrelated and for NO REASON WHATSOEVER I just start thinking about sex! WHAT THE HECK!!!!!!
IT MAKES IT VERY HARD TO BE A WITNESS TO MY FRIENDS WHEN ALL I THINK ABOUT IS SEX! We're trapped in a world that tells me it's normal and that sex is okay BUT I AM A CHRISTIAN! I WANT TO DO WHAT'S RIGHT!!!!

Anyway, it's plain to see why I wouldn't want to talk about this with my parents. ANY ADVICE? I want this to stop so I can JUST FOCUS!!!!!

I'll be checking in often so feel free to post about any need for clarification.
​

Time to learn. Buy and read this:

Amazon.com: Divine Sex: Liberating Sex from Religious Tradition (9781553954002): Philo Thelos: Books

CC

 

[Incariol]

IT'S SO FRUSTRATING!!!!!!!

Okay, here's the dealie-o. I am and have been a Christian for a few years, I was raised in the church. I am a young teen, which seems to be the hardest time to be a Christian. I'm trying hard to do what pleases God, but the one sin that I can't seem to escape, (because of my age?) is LUST.
Lust fills my mind almost constantly! I know it's fairly common for my age but it has gotten really bad.
I've studied this in the Bible and all I can find is that I shouldn't feel this way. According to all I've read, and I have spent a lot of time on this, I shouldn't want to sin, being a Christian. HOWEVER, I'll be on the internet when suddenly, I see a link; I was fine before, but before I know it I have clicked the link and am looking at dirty pictures. When I stop myself, I feel ashamed for a long time. Also, I'll be having fun with my friends or something else unrelated and for NO REASON WHATSOEVER I just start thinking about sex! WHAT THE HECK!!!!!!
IT MAKES IT VERY HARD TO BE A WITNESS TO MY FRIENDS WHEN ALL I THINK ABOUT IS SEX! We're trapped in a world that tells me it's normal and that sex is okay BUT I AM A CHRISTIAN! I WANT TO DO WHAT'S RIGHT!!!!

Anyway, it's plain to see why I wouldn't want to talk about this with my parents. ANY ADVICE? I want this to stop so I can JUST FOCUS!!!!!

I'll be checking in often so feel free to post about any need for clarification.
​

This is normal. All of it.

 

[sniperelite7]

To the OP, I was in your situation some years ago and after being exposed to some fairly strict church teachings, I went down the wrong path and tried to restrict my sexuality which inevitably lead to plenty of unhappiness and self guilt. So after several years of struggling I manned up and talked to my dad. His answer. "If God didn't want you to be sexual he wouldn't have made you sexual, every man has these desires". Reality set in, which lead me to attempt to understand the bible in accordance to reality.

Fast forward to now, found the lady and am now focusing on building that nest so to speak. Looking back and realizing just how far I stepped away from church(read: Man's) teachings without embracing the world's teachings. Yet contrary to what the church has(and still) preaches. My relationship hasn't devolved into "just sex" or some other horrible consequence for embracing your fleshy, squishy, disgusting nature. In fact, I can say things are much deeper in our relationship because we can and do share all aspects of ourselves with each other. Ethos and Eros I honestly don't see how we could deal with the stresses of life, planning, college, jobs, etc and have this cloud of self loathing and guilt hanging above us. We are free, and joyful to be so.

 

[Walter Kovacs]

I'm trying hard to do what pleases God, but the one sin that I can't seem to escape, (because of my age?) is LUST.

Stop trying to please God and please Him.

 

[WeddingEpisode]

I feel like we're not addressing the issue at its heart. So, it's not that we don't express sexuality, attraction and affection and all that on a daily basis with other people (men and women)... it's just that it's appropriate affection.

We don't hide it, you show it.
It's not something that is bad as a result of sin.

In other words, Love is super potent, overwhelming, and intimidating somewhat.

I think this is too self-centered in that we are thinking that we're all by ourselves.

You know how in horror movies, they always go like this: the villain or monster makes its threat, then the victims always get isolated and scattered. That's what it reminds me of: get the person alone to exacerbate the "problem". In the light there really isn't a problem, first you need confusion and isolation.



J - Jesus
O - Others
Y - Yourself, lastly