• Starting today August 7th, 2024, in order to post in the Married Couples, Courting Couples, or Singles forums, you will not be allowed to post if you have your Marital status designated as private. Announcements will be made in the respective forums as well but please note that if yours is currently listed as Private, you will need to submit a ticket in the Support Area to have yours changed.

  • CF has always been a site that welcomes people from different backgrounds and beliefs to participate in discussion and even debate. That is the nature of its ministry. In view of recent events emotions are running very high. We need to remind people of some basic principles in debating on this site. We need to be civil when we express differences in opinion. No personal attacks. Avoid you, your statements. Don't characterize an entire political party with comparisons to Fascism or Communism or other extreme movements that committed atrocities. CF is not the place for broad brush or blanket statements about groups and political parties. Put the broad brushes and blankets away when you come to CF, better yet, put them in the incinerator. Debate had no place for them. We need to remember that people that commit acts of violence represent themselves or a small extreme faction.
  • We hope the site problems here are now solved, however, if you still have any issues, please start a ticket in Contact Us

Another lost marriage

UnworthyofHim

I like waffles.
Oct 15, 2003
11
0
51
Visit site
✟22,621.00
Faith
Non-Denom
Before I begin, let me just say that a year ago I went through a similar period of growth as blitzn in his thread. I had solidified my walk with Christ, and my marriage was restored last year at this time.

But that was last year.

I had changed quite a bit. I did everything I could to keep my wife and I walking in the spirit. We bought a home, and both went into ministry. I went into a seperated men's ministry as a leader, and she joined our church's worship team. I attended 4 men's groups a week, leading 2 of them. Things seemed great except........

She never wanted to deal with the issues that lead to our 3 previous separations. We never spoke about it- though I had tried. She wanted to play the role, and slowly she got more and more depressed. I finally talked her into seeing a counselor, and that day she left.

At first she had the church convinced that I was an abusive husband. In fact- I made it easier on them because I admitted to being abusive verbally and emotionally, early in the marriage. They supported us both early in the separation, and our pastor recommended us to more counseling.

As God brought the situation more to light- He revealed to the Christians involved that I had not in fact been abusive for the past two years. It was also shown that I was willing to do whatever necessary to repair the marriage, and my wife even acknowledges that I have made great changes.

But...she is done. After a while her victim act was shown for what it is....an act. She filed for divorce against the better counsel of our pastor, our church, our families, and our Christian friends. She has decided to get away from us all. She has since unplugged from our church and everyone. I have reason to beleive she is seeing someone else, but I care not to prove it. Point is- she's leaving and not looking back.

I don't know why I am posting this. There really isn't anything to do about the situation anymore.
 

chriso

Regular Member
Sep 5, 2003
385
21
62
✟23,226.00
Faith
Protestant
Remember God loves you and he is there for you even in the most difficult of times. I would suggest pray, pray, pray. He will see you through this. Satan works to destroy everything good in the eyes of the Lord. The closer relationship we have with the Lord the more work Satan has to do. You need a good support group in family and friends. Pray that the Lord will convict your wife if she is seeing someone else. And she will turn back to the right way. God Bless You and hold on to Jesus!!! I will be praying for you and your wife.
 
Upvote 0

Risen Tree

previously Rising Tree
Nov 20, 2002
6,988
328
Georgia
✟33,382.00
Faith
Atheist
Marital Status
In Relationship
Politics
US-Democrat
Wow.

:(

Wow.

Your ex-wife had better hope she doesn't post on CF, because if she did, I'd have some very choice words for her. :mad: She had the gall to participate on the worship team while she was thinking about leaving you? Wow. That, my friend, is an insult to the body of Christ.

Do you have any children?
 
Upvote 0

ceres

If life gives you lemons, make lemonade. <img src=
Aug 14, 2003
656
18
45
Visit site
✟888.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
Geez sorry that has happened to you. Maybe it will yet turn around. Pray that any potential 'other man' disappoints her and that she begins to miss you and your good times. It may seem like the end, there may even be an end-- but still it may not be the end. Even if the divorce fully goes through she may change her mind soon after. You guys are both Christians and she must have a conscience under all of that.
 
Upvote 0

blitzn

God is my Strong Tower
Jul 2, 2003
121
5
53
Upstate New York
Visit site
✟22,771.00
Faith
Christian
I hate to say that I see so many similarities in our situations, but I do. I too have been looking for answers to why these things are happening in my wife's life and mine. I do know that my wife is gone because the Lord has some things that He needs to show her and for her to learn in her own way, as He does with many of us - myself included. He has told me that there is a "veil" over her eyes right now. The thing that I don't feel I know or understand yet, is where this process leaves me and our marriage. I have been seeking the Lord and asking Him to show me His will because I want to be sure that if I have to continue to be in this "limbo" place that it's because He wants me to, not because of anything that I want; because it's so hard. By the same token, is His will for me to be released from this situation? I just don't know, but I told Him that I won't act until I feel led to, as the Holy Spirit helps me discern His path for me and my marriage. I just don't know yet.

This is where I am right now. I have been slacking from reading the Word lately, and this is a BIG no-no. Strange, but as I get away from being in the Word, old feelings, old attitudes, confusion, etc are coming back to me. Fortunately this time, I know how to fix this. I believe that as I spend more time with the Lord that He will reveal more to me and my get my focus back on Him, where it should always be.

I just had an interesting thought:
If we use our natural eyes and focus on the cares of this world, the physical peripheral is blurry and unclear. Conversely, if we instead keep our "spiritual" eyes on the Lord and focus on Him, PERSPECTIVE is perfected, and physical peripheral becomes CLEAR.
Not sure if I expressed that in a way that makes sense, but there it is anyway. All we can really do is keep our eyes on the Lord and walk in obedience, and He will make our paths clear. We have to trust the He knows better, and that there ARE good reasons for these things to happen. I will pray for you.

- blitzn
 
Upvote 0

wonder111

Love is the message!
Jul 24, 2003
1,643
92
Visit site
✟24,948.00
Faith
Christian
blitzn's quote:

I just had an interesting thought:
If we use our natural eyes and focus on the cares of this world, the physical peripheral is blurry and unclear. Conversely, if we instead keep our "spiritual" eyes on the Lord and focus on Him, PERSPECTIVE is perfected, and physical peripheral becomes CLEAR.

that makes 100% sense! very true
 
Upvote 0

Job24

Well-Known Member
Jul 21, 2003
1,136
33
48
connecticut
✟1,790.00
Faith
Baptist
I am not trying to say that what she did was right but it appeared as if she did make an effort. if you were seperated 3 times and she even made an effort to get involved in the church by doing all of those activities then I would say that she didnt just give up. I dont mean to bash you in any way but I think that I would need to attain all the facts of the situation before I made a proper assumption of who is at fault for the marriage break up. If she felt that you were emotionally abusive then that can play a very large toll on a person.

At any rate I am sorry for what has happened to you and will pray for your situation. It is common for a person like your wife to seperate her from things that would be familiar to her about the marriage such as the church and the activities that she was doing.

I guess it is the investigator in me that would like to hear both sides of the stories before I say that I would be mad if she posted in CF about the divorce.

:prayer:
 
Upvote 0

UnworthyofHim

I like waffles.
Oct 15, 2003
11
0
51
Visit site
✟22,621.00
Faith
Non-Denom
job24,

I agree with what you are saying. It isn't fair to expect everyone here to jump on my aide- if there is such a thing. However, one thing that's very clear from her sessions with our pastor, her counselor, and family, is that all the instacnes of abuse she cites are over 2 years old. In fact she admitted in counseling with our pastor that I am not the same person.

But she has not been able to let go or forgive those things, at least that is how it would appear.

She has, in her opinion, "tried" to work things out with the previous separations. Again I must note the fact that every time we have reconciled, she not only refused to discuss any issues that led to separation with me, but she has denied all attempts at counseling prior to this year- whichwas individual counseling only. We have not had any group counseling together.
 
Upvote 0

wonder111

Love is the message!
Jul 24, 2003
1,643
92
Visit site
✟24,948.00
Faith
Christian
UnworthyofHim said:
job24,

I agree with what you are saying. It isn't fair to expect everyone here to jump on my aide- if there is such a thing. However, one thing that's very clear from her sessions with our pastor, her counselor, and family, is that all the instacnes of abuse she cites are over 2 years old. In fact she admitted in counseling with our pastor that I am not the same person.

But she has not been able to let go or forgive those things, at least that is how it would appear.

She has, in her opinion, "tried" to work things out with the previous separations. Again I must note the fact that every time we have reconciled, she not only refused to discuss any issues that led to separation with me, but she has denied all attempts at counseling prior to this year- whichwas individual counseling only. We have not had any group counseling together.

it's obvious that she has some issues of her own to deal with. Would she accept counselling together? Some people don't like discussing "the past" together in private because it can turn out the wrong way and start an argument and you get nowhere, if there is a counsellor in the room, at least both of you would get your own time in. And the counsellor might be able to find out where the communication needs help. If she is just now interested in counselling, it may be a good thing to go together

take care!
 
Upvote 0