annoying parents

[Kaylynn]

I'm sorry, I just need to vent right now. Does anyone else have the annoying parents that are just dying to marry you off to someone? I am so ticked right now. I had mentioned to my sister that I thought some guy was cute...just cute, don't even know anything about the guy (he's the teller at our bank) well, my mother and father bump into this guy's mother and my mother sits there and rambles on about how she has a daughter who has the hugest crush on him. (well, my sister already makes loud comments about how I think he's cute, so I'm sure it wouldn't be hard to figure out what daughter my mother was talking about not to mention that sister is already married and my other sister rarely goes to the bank there) well then his mother is gushing on about how they've been praying for this guy to find a nice christian girl so maybe God's answering their prayer.

I'm sorry, but hello, who EVER said I wanted to date this guy? I think he's cute, yes, how does it go from "hey that guy's kinda cute" to "oh, I have the hugest crush on him, do ya think he'd date me?" and now my dad's all saying "hey, we could hook you two up"

I'm so upset with them right now it's not even funny. My sister makes it sound bad enough whenever we have to run by the bank during our lunch breaks, but then to have my mom gushing with his mom about all this. I'm sorry, but I'm not desperate to have a boyfriend right now, so maybe ya'll could see why I'm so upset. And I can't explain how I'm upset because any little tiff I get in with my dad, and I get the whole "well if you don't like it, you know where the door is" Yeah, I do, and believe me if I could afford it, I'd be outta here in a heartbeat, but I can't. I already have a strained relationship with my father, the type where if I was to move away, chances are we'd talk once in a blue moon, IF that often....my mother is my best friend and confident, but I'm not feeling all to trustworthy of her right now and i'm very upset with her big mouth. I don't know what to do, I'm just mad right now....thanks for letting me vent.

 

[fishstix]

Sounds like you need to have a talk with your mom and your sister. Tell them basically what you've said here.

 

[DontWorryBeHappy]

I second Fishstix on this one. It's time for a nice, long chat with mommy and sister dearest. Chances are that they only think they're playing the ever loving family not realizing how much it really bothers you.

And somewhat off topic, I'd save up as much money as you can to get your own place. I was always "daddy's little girl", but as I got older and started asserting my independence our relationship became very tense most of the time, so I decided that I had waited long enough to make my own way. Like you, I thought it might make things even more tense between us, but you know what? It really didn't. Quite the opposite actually- he had the opportunity to see that he had done a superb job of making me into a strong, self assured, self sufficient woman. He just couldn't see me in that light until I wasn't living in the house where I was his little girl.

 

[klewlis]

I agree... talk to your mom and sister and get them to back off.

 

[Talie]

As has already been said, you need to talk it out with your mom (always feels like I’m typing that wrong, we say mum in Australia). It took me a long time to get past the problems I developed with my mother - and there are still problems though we get along well enough these days that we decided to rent a house together - but it has taken a LOT to get us this far, I didn't get along at ALL with my mother all through my teens - even before that - and early 20s - but God started working in us both to bring us to where we are today.



Part of my problem developed from my feeling that my mother would blab to all her friends about all my personal stuff - even telling a friend about issues with my period! It got to the stage where I would tell her NOTHING of even a remotely personal nature. That wasn't a good thing. I still have trouble saying anything personal to her today, though our relationship has come a long way, we still have some serious problems there.



One of the things that helped us, was me telling her that I didn't like her talking to her friends about my personal issues, and made her actually promise not to. Every now and then she'd still say something to someone I felt was inappropriate, and every time, I try to calmly let her know that she's stepped over the line and remind her that I'd prefer it if she doesn't talk to people about that kind of stuff without clearing it with me first. It's helped - it's not perfect, but our situation was pretty serious before - we've come a long way.



My point in saying all this is, it's so important to clearly let your mother know what kind of things you would rather she didn't talk to people about - without asking you about it first. And after having that conversation, if you talk to her about issues you wouldn't like shared, just tell her there and then, "oh, I’d rather you didn't tell people about that please"



Communication is everything, chances are, your mother doesn't realise how upset this really does make you. From her point of view, she is just trying to help you be happy, she needs to know that what she's doing isn't really helping at all, but making you feel bad. Try and be calm about it, getting emotional can muddy the waters and make the points you're getting across less clear.



THEN, ask her to talk to your sister, and let her know that her behaviour isn't appreciated either.



Don't let your relationship with your mother get like mind did.

 

[dawnmo]

Like the others, I would suggest that you have a talk with your mom and sister. I would pray hard first Don't lose your temper with them, just lay down the facts. I'd suggest talking to them one-on-one, that seems to go better for me at least.

My mother and aunt were like this. My mother was especially bad after I broke up with my ex-fiance. She was determined to get me locked into marital bliss, as if that would fix the emotional scars left from too many abusive men in my life. She was constantly searching for men to fix me up with, and she recruited my aunt to do the same. It was really bad

Finally, I sat down with my mom and told her that I appreciated her attempts to make things better, but the fact was, I didn't want another man in my life for a very long time, if ever. She tried to convince me otherwise, but I told her that my mind was made up. I also got my sister (who was on my side) to talk it over with her, and my sister basically said, "You are doing more harm to Dawn than good, if you ever want her to get into another relationship, you'd better back off." So she's backed off. My aunt, on the other hand...well...I only have to see her a few times a year, so it's not too unbearable

 

[Beauty4Ashes]

Kaylyn, I can sorta relate in the sense that I have quite a few guy friends and whenever my mom meets another one of them, she tries to play matchmaker with us or assumes that they ALL like me as more than a friend. It gets to be really annoying.

and to Talie,
your experiences with your mom sound Very similar to me. I had to stop sharing Anything personal as well with her cuz of her big mouth. Now I can share a few things but really personal stuff as far as guys, i just can't. Reading what you wrote, I could totally relate. I'm glad there are other people out there who understand that.

 

[DrBob]

Kaylynn, maybe you can get even though ... I'm probably pretty close to your mom's age ... you could tell her she doesn't have enough cyber friends and that you're going to set her up with a chat with this nice guy you met on CF ... show her my pics etc ... then blabber mouth to us here on what she says! LOL

I once saw a Dick Van Dyke episode where Rob gets even with Laura for being too curious and opening up his mail all the time ... it was hilarious.

Maybe at the very least you will think of some other creative way to get some fun revenge on her as a result of reading this post ... let me know if I can help! muahahahaha!


Doc

 

[fishstix]

Kaylyn, I can sorta relate in the sense that I have quite a few guy friends and whenever my mom meets another one of them, she tries to play matchmaker with us or assumes that they ALL like me as more than a friend. It gets to be really annoying.

My grandmother is like that. She keeps assuming that my close friends of the opposite gender are more than friends. It really is quite annoying, and embarrasing.