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What I observe is that the main reason women don't sign up to be things like construction workers or mechanics isn't the nature of the work, it's the hostile work environment dominated by men who don't want women there or treat them badly.
This has left modern feminism with little more to do than criticize men.
The core of feminism has bought into a narrative that men should be less....manly. They want men who share more, to take less, to be more emotional, less aggressive, generally...more feminine. They want men who are gentle, thoughtful, sensitive, and deeply supportive and seeking consent for every sexual advance.
They prefer, by a huge percentage, a man who is emotionally reserved (never heard a woman tell me I should be more emotional) more aggressive, both interpersonally and physically, more dominant and in control.
There's a lot of research backing this up...but if you don't believe me, look no further than the popularity of 50 Shades of Grey. The male fantasy for women, which was hugely popular, is essentially a borderline obsessive sexual stalker/deviant with GQ model looks and an unlimited bank account.
I think many young men these days are rightly confused about how they should behave. Society tells them to be man #1....but they largely see women only going for man #2. When it comes to the incels and other "angry young men" you see their views becoming more focused and upset about the hypocrisy of this dichotomy.
Man#1 is easier to be platonic friends with, easier to compete in the workplace with, and generally less troublesome than man#2. He's less of a concern in general because he's not inherently sexual to them.
I do find it amusing to see women complain about what masculinity is though...because it is largely whatever women want. If women want men with long hair, eyeliner, and manicured nails...that's what you'll get. If women want muscular guys with beards that hold open doors....that's what they'll get.
What you can't get is both at the same time.
I'll say this, I don't think the increase in the number of these guys and the prevalence of social media is a coincidence.
I think these guys get rejected early on....and instead of learning and growing....they regress to a point where they only have online interactions.
That's not how things work in the real world....but these guys have checked out of the real world. Their interactions are mainly online and mainly superficial. They end up finding each other and commiserating with each other in a sort of pattern of failure. It may be a string of rejections, anxiety or other mood disorders, or autism spectrum issues that got them there....but they almost certainly need help from loved ones to get out of that point.
That's it...it largely sounds like just being there for them and being concerned about their emotional development is the main thing. I think it's easier to let boys slip off into self isolation and compounding personal issues these days than it is for girls.
Men are generally speaking, visually attracted to women.
One interesting phenomenon is the "romance novel" though....because they're almost exclusively consumed by women and they feature roughly the same fantasy.
The man is a high status individual, if isn't independently wealthy he's an adventurous risk taker. He's a famous surgeon, CEO, prince, pirate, rodeo cowboy, etc....not an office worker, or mathematician, or gardener.
He's got classical masculine features, he's tall, muscular but not a bodybuilder, strong, square jawed....not short, pudgy or skinny, or bald or soft voiced. The guy follows a pattern that typically involves him being aloof or indifferent to the female....even standoffish. He'll insist why they cannot be together or even try to create a situation where they cannot be together ...then fall to his undeniable attraction/passion for her. He is at the same time sexually aggressive and even forceful....yet paradoxically gentle and considerate. The man then changes from being aloof and distant to protective/possessive.
It does however, provide insight into what turns women on....generally speaking. If we had to describe him in few words they'd be aggressive, dominant, protective, passionate.
This narrative about toxic masculinity, patriarchy, and power dynamics that insists women want a more submissive, subdued, gentle, emotionally expressive, gentler man.
One of the explanations offered is the end of World War II when traumatized men, who'd put their lives on hold for 3-5 years to serve their country, returned home to find that women had -- had had to -- taken up traditional male jobs. The women, finally with money of their own, weren't ready to return back to the kitchen and the men felt the society owed them a job and a living. So it was kind of like two dogs, one bone.
Thus, if you fail to grab the opportunity and fail to make something of yourself and become a productive member of the society, it's basically your own fault.
And yet we have a class of angry men who for some reason have decided to settle for the seemingly easy life of doing nothing while collecting the benefits we offer to guarantee a minimum lifestyle for everyone.
What's more, no money, no girls. Studies show that women prefer partners who have at least the same level or higher education, ditto earnings.
Self-fulfillment and the sense of belonging and being an important stakeholder in your community and in our society is the very antidote against angry men who feel left behind and outside.
That’s true. I didn’t dream of becoming the bread winner for my family. No one does.
What are the root causes of male disenfranchisement? How do we help them manage their anger in a healthy way? How have you tackled this within yourself or with others?
Please share your thoughts.
I didn't "dream" of becoming the bread winner for my family (didn't dream of having a family, honestly; was absolutely terrified of becoming a mother at all); but over the years my husband and I have done different things, and I am hands-down unequivocally most happy in the arrangement where I'm the bread winner. I hate being dependent on someone else, and am terrified of "What if something happens to him and I have no fall back?"
So I didn't set out to deliberately look for a husband who would let me support him, but I chose a man who had personality traits that means that in fact, that's what we do, and we're both content with it.
I think the American Way of living on the financial edge and swimming in debt is somewhat emasculating. Add in the health care guillotine where even the insured can be financially broken by unforseen expenses........Extreme wealth is seen as unheroic......Finland, chopping the wood and carrying the water for a lakeside sauna with no plumping woud be more like it, and the hero doesn't have to be fabulously wealthy to do that. Just have some muscle on him...
I think we’re all a little selfish but I hope we’re selfless to so e degree. I am very driven. My greatest goals have little to do with me. They’re related to God and future descendants.
I have a bucket list and I’m working through it. But the quality of life I’ve lived en route is equally important. Impacting others and providing assistant when needed are part of a well rounded life in my opinion.
I think its more prudent to make wise selections in our work and friendships to alleviate the disposal you’re suggesting.
Faith altered the landscape of my life. Should I set aside God because He threatened my plans?
What does he do when angered and how does he calm down? This is where strong male accountability comes in.
I agree. Saying sorry to keep the peace may be okay for trivial matters (i.e. pick your battles) but probably not for serious matters, even if you being "wrong" is the only way he will calm down.
Well, to be fair, giving birth is pretty "unbecoming."
Look, the reality is, I can move my own furniture, kill my own spiders, and do my own yard work (or in the case of very big jobs, perhaps, pay someone else to do it). But in the cases of the heavier work, yes, my husband is physically stronger, so it makes sense to ask for his help. Just exactly the same way as he asks for my help in areas of my strength and gifts. That's what marriage should be; a partnership; a team.
What I observe is that the main reason women don't sign up to be things like construction workers or mechanics isn't the nature of the work, it's the hostile work environment dominated by men who don't want women there or treat them badly.
And workplaces shouldn't be asking anyone to lift anything that's heavy enough to possibly cause injury. That's a safety issue, not an equality issue.
I for one believe in community accountability; we're ALL accountable, and we're all at fault when we try to shuffle the blame for ALL of what goes into some problem off to some other party. Very rarely is a severe social problem the fault of just "one individual," let alone just a mere man.
My sense is that this is typically a weak-male desire.Any job the defeminizes a women should be avoided, imso (in my sexist opinion).
I realise that we're sharing different experiences and perspectives, and don't want to come across as arguing with you, exactly, but I think even here mileage varies enormously.
I hate being dependent on someone else, and am terrified of "What if something happens to him and I have no fall back?"
What are the root causes of male disenfranchisement? How do we help them manage their anger in a healthy way? How have you tackled this within yourself or with others?
Please share your thoughts.
I'll readily admit that I have anger issue(s).
But as far as men's anger goes all around in more general, even sociological and Christian, terms, I'd say ... let's all just morally clean up our society from all of the filthy crap that exudes itself
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