Angry Men

[bèlla]

What are the root causes of male disenfranchisement? How do we help them manage their anger in a healthy way? How have you tackled this within yourself or with others?

Please share your thoughts.

 

[ChicanaRose]

Estrogen dominance in men can cause emotional issues. There are more estrogen sources in the environment today.
Hormone Imbalance in Men

I am single, but if I had a spouse and he was constantly irritable, I would take the holistic approach and explore possible physiological (hormonal imbalances), psychological, and spiritual causes. Sometimes, there are more than one cause, or it is the combination of all three.

 

[Ophiolite]

How do we address the growing disenfranchisement men are experiencing?

Is a child disenfranchised when you insist it share toys with its sibling? I suggest not. I've not been disenfranchised - I've just been equalised.

How do we help them manage their anger in a healthy way?

Same way anyone should manage anger. Recognise that you have a choice as to whether you will be angry or not. (OK, young children don't, but we are (supposedly) talking adults here.) I quite often get angry about all sorts of things and all sorts of people, but it is by choice. Carefully selected and managed anger can be valuable. It's the spontaneous, free range anger that can be problematic.

Three things are required

• Recognise anger is a choice.
• Evaluate the impact of anger in any situation.
• Choose not to get angry, or opt for carefully measured, restricted anger.

How have you tackled this within yourself or with others?

I've suggested my general approach above. In regard to the specific issue of perceived disenfranchisement, this is not a problem for me. I attribute this to paranoia. I think everyone is out to get me - not just women.

 

[mkgal1]

I think everyone is out to get me - not just women.

 

[bèlla]

Sometimes, there are more than one cause, or it is the combination of all three.

Thank you for sharing the link and mentioning health issues. For a holistic approach, I recommend Herbal Healing for Men by Rosemary Gladstar. She’s a reputable resource for herbalism and presents the information very well.

I think the holism approach (body, mind, heart, and spirit) to anger may be more effective in the long run.

 

[bèlla]

I've not been disenfranchised - I've just been equalised.

Well said.

Recognise that you have a choice as to whether you will be angry or not.

I agree. But it appears some are stuck in a loop of sorts where they’re unable to move beyond it or choose not to.

Three things are required

• Recognise anger is a choice.
• Evaluate the impact of anger in any situation.
• Choose not to get angry, or opt for carefully measured, restricted anger.

Great suggestions and a helpful process for those who struggle.

I attribute this to paranoia. I think everyone is out to get me - not just women.

At least you’re fair. ;-)

 

[Sabertooth]

One article that I read suggests that it's a lack of meaningful employment (in a Buyer's-Market economy). Now that I know that my mild autism is partially responsible, I derive that satisfaction from my side job and in care-giving.

 

[durangodawood]

How do we address the growing disenfranchisement men are experiencing? How do we help them manage their anger in a healthy way? How have you tackled this within yourself or with others?

Please share your thoughts.

I know a bunch of men, and I cannot think of one of them who's feeling disenfranchised as a man. So I'm wondering, what are these things men used to be allowed to do that they cant do now?

 

[Kaon]

How do we address the growing disenfranchisement men are experiencing? How do we help them manage their anger in a healthy way? How have you tackled this within yourself or with others?

Please share your thoughts.

What disenfranchisement?

 

[dzheremi]

Plenty of men -- this one included -- need to be more active. You look at someone like Elliot Rodgers the murderer or these other "incel" losers and think to yourself: Yes, fine, you are mad at women (at the world, at whatever; women are just a convenient scapegoat, usually), but what are you doing to change things? And you can really only change yourself, as cliche as that sounds. So, y'know...if you can't get a date, or can't get a promotion, or whatever the goal is, you need to do what you can do to put those odds in your favor. Simply whining about it won't work, and certainly reacting with violence won't work. You can't punch your boss into giving you a raise or a promotion.

It's a silly example, but I hate folding laundry after its done (just a pet peeve of mine), but I know that yelling at the pile and being mad at it and throwing it around isn't going to get it folded up and put away.

Quite simply, if you're a man, you need to do what you need to do. I dare say that's what being a man is, but I don't really want to make this into a philosophical argument that might attract 'gender' talk.

And if you're a lady...heck, I dunno what you should do. Haha. Never been one. I suppose if you're dealing with one of these kinds of men in your own life, being supportive of their goals (assuming they're good goals) would be good. Don't tear them down or treat them like kids who can't do anything. (And if there really is something they can't do and you do know how to do it, maybe teach them how, if they're the type that'll take direction well and you're the type that can actually teach without being a jerk; a friend of mine has this pretty much constant mild criticism of her boyfriend, i.e., "He can't cook, so it's more nerve-wracking watching him try than to just do it myself so as to avoid an argument over how he's doing it wrong"...well, congratulations, you both sound miserable, but at least in the end you get some good food out of it. )

 

[bèlla]

I know a bunch of men, and I cannot think of one of them who's feeling disenfranchised as a man. So I'm wondering, what are these things men used to be allowed to do that they cant do now?

Finances and relationships (including their absence) are common complaints. Some cite the diminishment of masculinity too.

 

[bèlla]

What disenfranchisement?

I just answered. I think this is a subject you may have insight on.

 

[durangodawood]

Finances and relationships (including their absence) are common complaints. Some cite the diminishment of masculinity too.

I have mixed feelings about this.

I think there are some real deficits in the ways boys are being raised, and consequently through no fault of their own, many are turning out to be lousy men. And so they lash out.

Otoh, some of the "diminishment of masculinity" is just the loss of un-earned privilege and being legitimately held to account for being a jerk.

 

[bèlla]

Plenty of men -- this one included -- need to be more active.

I agree. I overheard a conversation the other day between two men. One was raving about a game and said he planned to spend the weekend playing and shared his love of Sony products. He appeared to be in his thirties.

I glanced at him in quiet astonishment. Not because there’s something wrong with gaming. But primarily for the things you said. There was a time when weekend plans included doing and experiences.

So, y'know...if you can't get a date, or can't get a promotion, or whatever the goal is, you need to do what you can do to put those odds in your favor.

That is the logical approach and one most would take. I don’t know if entitlement or something else has warped the idea of hard work in some minds. But we can see the absence of their desires is difficult for some to accept. Anger is their response.

Quite simply, if you're a man, you need to do what you need to do. I dare say that's what being a man is,

You are correct and it should be said.

I suppose if you're dealing with one of these kinds of men in your own life, being supportive of their goals (assuming they're good goals) would be good. Don't tear them down or treat them like kids who can't do anything. (And if there really is something they can't do and you do know how to do it, maybe teach them how, if they're the type that'll take direction well and you're the type that can actually teach without being a jerk

Good advice. That’s equally important and may help him improve if he’s willing to listen and make an effort.

 

[bèlla]

I have mixed feelings about this.

That’s okay. Some insight is better than none.

I think there are some real deficits in the ways boys are being raised, and consequently through no fault of their own, many are turning out to be lousy men. And so they lash out.

I agree. That’s one of the reasons I started the thread. We’re dealing with the effects of many issues that present themselves as anger or violence. Understanding how to help someone in that place may alleviate duress and future problems.

Otoh, some of the "diminished of masculinity" is just the loss of un-earned privilege and being legitimacy held to account for being a jerk.

Equally true and solving the conundrum is the challenge.

 

[ChicanaRose]

That’s one of the reasons I started the thread. We’re dealing with the effects of many issues that present themselves as anger or violence. Understanding how to help someone in that place may alleviate duress and future problems.

From a spiritual standpoint, I think pride is a big issue. Some men become offended if they are not acknowledged for their achievements or receive special treatments.

 

[public hermit]

I don't know how, exactly, but coming up I understood that being a man was something I was to strive towards, not something that just happened or to which I was entitled. I was a sensitive kid and eventually learned that in spite of how I felt I was expected to do things. For instance, I might be afraid, but I was to do it anyway. Coming up, I had models I would look at and say, "That's a man. That's what it means to be a man."

I do wonder how much male disenfranchisement comes from loss of identity, an identity worth striving towards. Sometimes anger is rooted in fear, fear of loss. And then there's resentment towards the percieved cause of said loss.

 

[Chesterton]

...Herbal Healing for Men...

That just sounds oxymoronic. Plus I already get all the herbs I need. I put salt, pepper and ketchup on everything, and I'm never angry.

 

[bèlla]

From a spiritual standpoint, I think pride is a big issue. Some men become offended if they are not acknowledged for their achievements or receive special treatments.

In your opinion, where should the acknowledgment and validation they’re seeking come from? Was it a failure at home, work, or something else?

 

[bèlla]

That just sounds oxymoronic. Plus I already get all the herbs I need. I put salt, pepper and ketchup on everything, and I'm never angry.

Perhaps you see no use for natural remedies but many are seeking alternatives to prescription drugs.