Angry/Guilty/Frazzled

[JRSut1000]

I'm married and have one child - the perfect life and what I've always wanted.

But I'm not coping well with the challenges at all. I've spent the better part of today flustered and yelling at my husband and baby. I have a low weight 10 month old and eating is a horrible battle all the time and sleeping can be too many times. It seems I've never had a phase or stage where I can say "I think I have this motherhood thing down, I'm good!". I just can't handle all the crying and the constant battles. I originally wanted more kids, we both did. But now I find myself not wanting ANY more kids if it's going to be like this. How on earth did I get like this? I feel horrible!

 

[united4Peace]

I'm married and have one child - the perfect life and what I've always wanted.

But I'm not coping well with the challenges at all. I've spent the better part of today flustered and yelling at my husband and baby. I have a low weight 10 month old and eating is a horrible battle all the time and sleeping can be too many times. It seems I've never had a phase or stage where I can say "I think I have this motherhood thing down, I'm good!". I just can't handle all the crying and the constant battles. I originally wanted more kids, we both did. But now I find myself not wanting ANY more kids if it's going to be like this. How on earth did I get like this? I feel horrible!

There will never be a stage where you can say that you have this motherhood thing down! Although today, our oldest said he hated me, which made me think maybe Im finally doing something right
Don't worry about weight unless the Doctor or Nurse has said it is way off the charts! I had one who gained alot and fast and another who lost alot and took forever to catch up.
I had one walking by 9 months, talking by 9-10 months (counting etc) and another who didnt walk until they were ready (18-19 months) and didnt talk until they were 2!
One slept right through the night, the other was awake at all times...just hungry
The one that slept through the night ended up sleeping with us until the age of 8 (off and on) and the other who never slept as a baby, never slept with us after the age of 5 (stopped crawling in in the middle of night).
Im telling you this so you can see that each child is different and that the entire parenting thing is a learning experience! See if you can find a parent/baby group to join. We had a wonderful one where college students played with our children while moms/dads had people come in and teach us different things (from how to play to RRSP's).
There are also groups for new parents...so helps when you find that you are infact not the only one going through what you are going through. So helps to find out that this is all normal!!
Wishing you lots of luck...and relax...your doing your best which means your probably a good mom.

 

[jehoiakim]

being a new parent is rough, ours has been easier then it has for many parents... we just became new parents ourselves and in the process had one of the largest fights of our marriage. it is resolved now, but that doesn't change the fact that it is a lot a lot of work. Breast feeding has been the roughest on us with growth spurts and long tiring house for my wife, but we are hanging in there. It makes it even more challenging with all the hormone issues my wife has to go through with the birth and breast feeding. The biggest help for us was to know that we weren't alone and that this stage doesn't last forever. I can understand how you feel about maybe not wanting any more kids, we have those days as well, but I don't really think we will end up going down that road.

It sounds like you guys could use a few date nights, maybe have a grandma watch the baby for a bit and step out. Spent some time focusing on just you and your husband and recharge your batteries. Does your husband know how bad it is for you, is he experiencing any of this? Maybe if you tell him he can pick up some slack for you

 

[white dove]

First of all It's not easy for anyone, it just wasn't meant to be. Whether you have 1 kid or 5, I don't think any parent can ever say they've got it all down pat. You're constantly learning more all the time and nobody is perfect. We can only do our best.

I have a new baby, too, but am not exactly in the same situation. Are you breastfeeding or using formula? What kinds of other foods have you introduced to your baby? If you let us know, maybe we can help you by sharing what's worked for us.

Just the other day, I was feeding my son some green beans (DOES NOT LIKE), but I also got some carrots (something he LOVES). I just ended up doing a half scoop of beans and a half of carrots and he took them just fine. The beans all by themselves, no.

Does your baby seem to want food from your plate? When my baby seems more interested in what I'm eating than in his food, I just smash up some of mine so he can take it (beans and rice are so easy for him to take or bits of lasagna). Also, with bottle feeding.. my son is breastfed, but sometimes I've had to have him use bottles. He took to it well immediately, but sometimes he had his moments when he seemed to refuse. Because he was gaining weight, it wasn't a concern to me if he skipped the one feeding. But, if he needed to get used to the bottle, I just made sure it was the right temp and kept at it. Even if they refuse, just be persistent. Obviously, don't just smash it in his or her face, but just let it sit there or make the bottle (like the spoon of food) seem fun. Make stupid noises. I do that all the time even when I'm not feeding him. They usually come around.


I'm not married, but I do know that your husband plays a significant role at home. You need his support and he needs to know that he's needed. Maybe the married moms here can help in telling you how to communicate with him, but he needs to chip in, too. Raising a family is a 2-person job in a 3-family home.


What kinds of problems are you having at night? Is your baby teething pretty badly right now?

 

[JRSut1000]

I guess I'm coming here more for the spiritual/mental/health aspect of things rather than how to fix my child's 'problems'.

I was able to sleep in today, thanks to my husband. But barely 3 hours later I was already worn out and my energy/patience depleted. Yesterday, I had a good day where I felt I could handle anything, but I don't have those days very often. I get worn out and angered so easily.

 

[united4Peace]

Have you been checked for Post Partum? So many new mom's are over looked. I was overlooked, took a long time to get back on track

 

[JRSut1000]

It's definitely possible, though I haven't actually been checked for it. I have an appointment next week with my OBGYN about a matter, so maybe he is the one to ask?

 

[jehoiakim]

good call... I have also heard it usually doesn't happen right away, happens months down the road, and it can also happen if you are slowing down on your breast feeding (if you are breast feeding) because weening them off messes with your milk supply and your hormones

 

[united4Peace]

Yes ask him! So many of us are not checked for postpartum, its still taboo as a new mom is supposed to be happy all the time (when in reality that is not true).
Good luck to you and just remember you will get through this!!

 

[CRAZY_CAT_WOMAN]

My sister had low weight kids,It drove her nuts.There healthy even though they always been on the small side.If that concerns u so much I would just look into vitamins for the baby and try to relax about it.

 

[united4Peace]

good call... I have also heard it usually doesn't happen right away, happens months down the road, and it can also happen if you are slowing down on your breast feeding (if you are breast feeding) because weening them off messes with your milk supply and your hormones

This is true! For myself, I wasnt diagnosed for a year after our last. And yes hormones have a huge factor. Though even those who don't breastfeed do get post partum as their hormones still go through changes as well.
My own personal opinion is, is that there needs to be more screening done for mom before she takes baby home instead of being rushed out less than 24 hours after the baby is born.
Also so many I think go by books and what they are told which makes it depressing as they feel as though they are not good moms if the baby isnt doing what its "supposed" to be doing. My own personal veiws is to throw out all the garbage and go by your own instincts.
Sheesh one nurse told me that the baby needed to be on their back, I fought that and said that I refuse to put a baby on their back when they are spitting up constantly! People need to stop comparing their children to others. If I could go back I so would and make things so much simpler on our children and on myself!!

 

[JRSut1000]

I just stopped BFing within the past month or so.

 

[JRSut1000]

Today just has been totally exhausting. I mean she's only had 1 hour of sleep since 7:30 this morning and she's been crying most of the day. I just can't take it. I want this day and this phase to be completely over. This is supposed to be a day of rest for us, why do I rarely ever feel like I get to enjoy the day of rest?

 

[united4Peace]

Because your a Mom and being a Mom is the hardest job ever!!
Oh dear...Im still going through this and mine are teenagers! You will get stronger...as another poster said, see if you can get a break, and if not, go and lock that bathroom door and let the water run (to drown out noise) for 20 minutes or so!!

 

[JRSut1000]

Some days (like today) I feel like I'm just not capable of this job. But then again, why else would GOd give me the responsiblity of a child if He knew I couldnt handle it. Exactly, He wouldnt do that. He knows I must be able to handle it, right?

I feel so guilty for occasional thoughts like "I don't want to do this anymore" or "I can't stand my kid".

 

[ex-pat]

Big hugs and know it's a tough job being a new mom! (Just a thought, have you tried just slightly dampening a wash cloth with water and putting it in the freezer, to sooth cranky teeth, in case teething is the problem)

 

[Niffer]

“She came tonight as I sat alone, the girl I used to be…

And she gazed at me with her earnest eye and questioned reproachfully;​

Have you forgotten the many plans and hopes that I had for you?

The career, the splendid fame, and all the wonderful things to do?​

Where is the mansion of stately height with all of its gardens rare?

The silken robes that I dreamed for you and the jewels in your hair?​

And as she spoke, I was very sad for I wanted her please with me…

This slender girl from the shadowy past the girl that I used to be​

So gently rising, I took her hand, and guided her up the stair

Where peacefully sleeping, my babies lay innocent, sweet, and fair.​

And I told her that these are my only gems, and precious they are to me;

That silken robe is my motherhood of costly simplicity.​

And my mansion of stately height is love, and the only career I know

Is serving each day in these sheltered walls for the dear ones who come and go.​

And as I spoke to my shadowy guest, she smiled through her tears at me.

And I saw that the woman that I am now, pleased the girl I used to be.​

- Author Unknown​

"Cooking and cleaning can wait till tomorrow,
For babies grow up, we've learned to our sorrow.
So settle down cobwebs, dust go to sleep,
I'm nursing my baby and babies don't keep."

Peace,
Niffer (a new mom to a 3 week old)

 

[JRSut1000]

That is a REALLY good poem and a great reminder. I know I've been struggling with fitting into my new role as motherhood. Though it's something I've always wanted, I've been reluctantly resigned to many of the changes it brings. It's a transition for sure and no one said it would be easy, but it IS worth it. Sometimes I need to remind myself over and over again on these rough days. Thank you for posting that.

 

[CRAZY_CAT_WOMAN]

Today just has been totally exhausting. I mean she's only had 1 hour of sleep since 7:30 this morning and she's been crying most of the day. I just can't take it. I want this day and this phase to be completely over. This is supposed to be a day of rest for us, why do I rarely ever feel like I get to enjoy the day of rest?

Have u taken her to the doctor,maybe she's colicy.My newphew sounds just like her on the crying thing.He was allergic to eggwhites,wheat,cats and peanuts,I also believe he has sensitivity issues,Since he's 3 years old and still fussy.He's never been the best sleeper either,still isn't.But instead of waking up every hour when he was an infant,he now get up a few times a night.He's getting better deal with what ever issues he has,so I'm sure your will too.I'm sure in 3 or 4 years u will be feeling better about your parenting.

 

[EmilyF]

I'm going to tell you a secret. You don't have to love this. Give yourself permission not to. It's OK. Sometimes, parenting really sucks. It's one of the hardest things you'll ever do and you aren't going to get it right.

You do sound like you might be suffering from Post Partum Depression. Your OBGYN is the right person to talk to.

It also sounds like there might be something going on with your little girl. Talk to her doctor too. An elimination diet is a great place to start. We just did that with my oldest son and found food dyes to be the culprit. We already knew about artificial sweeteners.

If you need to chat with someone, feel free to PM. I can add you to my facebook or we can find another way to chat. I had terrible post partum depression and little support at the time so I make it a point to "be there" for other moms.