Anger

[Missinyou]

I have been reading the posts from you guys who are angry with God for letting our husbands or wives die before their time....some are angry with thier lost loved ones for leaving us all alone with no one to come home to and a mulitude of other reasons. As I was laying in bed this morning, crying, I suddeny came up with a new concept...I'm angry too....and I am really angry... I'm angry at myself... I'm angry because I didn't set on the couch and read the bible to her when she was sleeping... I'm angry because I felt a little frustration when she asked me to return to the kitchen and get something she forgot the first time she sent me there.... I'm angry because I didn't get around to taking her for that ride out to see one of the Oregon Trail historic markers right outside our town....I'm angry because I thought I was traveling too fast to stop and let her look at a pretty flower growing beside the road...I'm angry because I sometimes got frustrated when I would trip over her air hose that was strung out through the house... I'm angry because I didn't say "I love you" more...I'm angry because I got impatient when she had to stop in mid sentence and go through a coughing spell before she could finish. You bet I'm angry...but it's not at God...and it's not at her... I am just so angry with myself...because I could have been a better husband...I could have loved her more... There are so many things I could have done...but..Heaven forbid..it was going to put me out a little...cut in to my busy schedule... Yes...I am so angry with myself.... I just cry to God that I could turn back the clock and do it over again...do it different.

I just wish I could tell everyone who still has their spouses and feel a little frustrated or angry because they have to go little bit out of thier way or be a little inconvenienced from time to time... Just stop and ask youself how you would feel about the same situation if you awoke in the morning and they were no longer with you...and would never, ever be there again.... Is that one little moment in time really worth fretting over? Don't set yourself up to be angry with yourself for not doing something... Do it so that you will someday be glad that you did everything you could to make them happy...to show them how much you loved them.

There....now I don't feel a bit better....

 

[Romans55]

I dont have anything to say other then
what your saying is right and but I am sure Patsy understood and what you said I wish alot of people would read and realize how true it is
These little fights are not woth it in the end!
DO not take people you love and care for for granted
sandi

 

[ComesoonmyLORD]

Amen brother!!

 

[HighLonesome]

Rick:

I know you are a month out from the 1 year anniversary of Patsy's passing and so I will be praying for you brother. Ironically, I am at the 6 month mark of Penny's death which happens to fall on our 24th wedding anniversay on Tuesday. But you know what, I'm not angry, I went through the anger before Penny died. Could I have loved her more . . . yes and she could probably have loved me more but we did love each other very deeply. Could I have been a better husband . . . yes and she could have been a better wife but we worked at it and tried to grow together. I decided early on that I wouldn't get caught up in the regrets - we had our live together and now she is in the arms of our Risen Savior Jesus Christ . . . which is what we all strive for. Yes, my selfish attitude wants her back here with me but I have to thank God for the years He gave me with her and rejoice in knowing she is with Him in heaven. Patsy loved you and since I did know her I think I can say that she wouldn't want you to be angry and have these thoughts and regets. She and Penny were both strong women and you know they would knock the crappe out of us if we continued to wallow in this self-imposed pity. I was going to stay home on Tuesday and do just that, wallow in my sorrow; then I decided that Penny wouldn't stand for it. So I have decided to go out in the world and show them that I ain't knocked down and that I am carrying on with the help of our Risen Lord and besides, I can cry and feel sorry for myself while I am out working in the field just as easily as sitting here at home and besides, I can get paid for it to boot! So No, I am not angry - I can't afford to be because as we who have lost the love of our life know, life is not only to short, it is to fragile to spend too much time in the sh!t hole. So to paraphrase Patsy 'Get it together Rick and be the man I know and love'. There you go brother - tough love and I'd expect the same from you. I'll call you soon to visit and check in on you.

 

[Missinyou]

Highlonesome,

I will be in your area somewhere around the 22nd to the 27th. Going to spend the 21st with Ron at Clarkston and the rest of the time down at Ray's. We will have to get together.... Glad to see your post though... I've been wondering how you're doing.

How are you doing with the "finallity' issue. That's the one that seems to weigh me down the most.... I have found out that traveling alone is a bad one...and I know you have to do a lot of it... Way too much time to think.

Even though it sounded like you were lecturing me (which you were) I know that everything you said was so true.... You have an advantage over the other people on here since you knew Patsy personally...and you are right... She would tell me to get a life...quit wallowing in the pity... She would say that we had a great thing...but it's not the only game in town... And she would tell me that her hand's been thrown in...time to deal again. I just trust in the Lord to steer me right, give me the strength to carry on. I believe that He will set up the events to make someone come along..if it's His will. I will just have to wait and see what He has planned for me.

Anyway...keep in touch Andy....

Missinyou

 

[ComesoonmyLORD]

As Winston Churchill said once, "Never, Never, Never give up!". The last 6 months of my life has been an amazing journey. When I met my new wife Missy, I asked myself over and over if I was going crazy. How could I love someone that much, that soon. Though it had been a year since I lost Ginger, part of me kept asking that question. But it seems I've known Missy for ages and my love for her is as deep as anything. Just the other day I was at work, sitting there looking out the window thinking about my 5 kids and the ball games coming up that night (they are all playing softball and baseball) and it hit me. I have something that I could have never formed or created on my own, even if I had the power. A terrific family with a wonderful wife and wonderful children. I feel as though I've almost began a new life. Sure I'll always cheerish the time Ginger and I had and that will never change, but I'm writing a new book in my life now. The kids are doing terrific and everything seems as though it should be in the universe. I guess what I'm trying to say is that God takes care of us, He walks point for us in the battle against the enemy. Our enemy wishes for us to stir in our sorrow, to sit down, to give up. DON"T DO IT! As my dad used to say, pull your boot straps and get with it. Our wifes would say the same thing. Is it easy, no. It is possible, oh yes!

Press On!!

 

[JeanR]

I met with my grief counselor and he told me something very interesting. He said I married much too young, I was only 20 years old. He said because I went from living with my parents to living with my husband I never experienced being on my own. He told me before I even thought about another relationship, I needed to explore freedom--make my own decisions and follow my own path.

I know he is right. I loved Terry with every ounce of my being, but I do have a life to lead. I still cry everyday, but I have to push on. Each day is hard and I wish I could say it was getting easier, but it's not. I hate making decisions by myself. But, I know he is right and Terry and I had discussed over the years what we would want for the other when one of us passed, so I know Terry would want me to go on.

So, explore freedom. That is my assignment. But, I don't like it.

 

[Missinyou]

It's good to see you back ComesoonmyLord. You always had such encouraging things to say. You are an inspiration to those who are greiving.

 

[Missinyou]

JeanR,

I too am exploring that freedom, having married at the ripe old age of 23...but I've found that the freedom was a lot more enjoyable when I had Patsy to enjoy it with...

 

[chapel247]

I have been reading the posts from you guys who are angry with God for letting our husbands or wives die before their time....some are angry with thier lost loved ones for leaving us all alone with no one to come home to and a mulitude of other reasons. As I was laying in bed this morning, crying, I suddeny came up with a new concept...I'm angry too....and I am really angry... I'm angry at myself... I'm angry because I didn't set on the couch and read the bible to her when she was sleeping... I'm angry because I felt a little frustration when she asked me to return to the kitchen and get something she forgot the first time she sent me there.... I'm angry because I didn't get around to taking her for that ride out to see one of the Oregon Trail historic markers right outside our town....I'm angry because I thought I was traveling too fast to stop and let her look at a pretty flower growing beside the road...I'm angry because I sometimes got frustrated when I would trip over her air hose that was strung out through the house... I'm angry because I didn't say "I love you" more...I'm angry because I got impatient when she had to stop in mid sentence and go through a coughing spell before she could finish. You bet I'm angry...but it's not at God...and it's not at her... I am just so angry with myself...because I could have been a better husband...I could have loved her more... There are so many things I could have done...but..Heaven forbid..it was going to put me out a little...cut in to my busy schedule... Yes...I am so angry with myself.... I just cry to God that I could turn back the clock and do it over again...do it different.

I just wish I could tell everyone who still has their spouses and feel a little frustrated or angry because they have to go little bit out of thier way or be a little inconvenienced from time to time... Just stop and ask youself how you would feel about the same situation if you awoke in the morning and they were no longer with you...and would never, ever be there again.... Is that one little moment in time really worth fretting over? Don't set yourself up to be angry with yourself for not doing something... Do it so that you will someday be glad that you did everything you could to make them happy...to show them how much you loved them.

There....now I don't feel a bit better....

Now that you realize the things you've done wrong, you can repent, and do right. It is not GOD'S will that you beat on yourself. HE is the GOD of reconciliation! Go out there and show your appreciation to HIM by walking in love with your fellow man. HE'S not finish with you yet!

 

[JeanR]

Anger itself is a natural emotion given to us by the Lord. Anger itself is not a sin. How we handle anger is the issue and that is what leads us into sin.

It is natural to feel anger at the loss of a spouse. If we are walking with the Lord and allowing the Lord to guide our path, he will lead us through the anger that we are feeling. There is no need to repent if we are not sinning in our anger.

Anger cannot be denied, but dealt with. And, again, depending on the Lord's leading, he will bring us through. It is ok to be angry at the situation, not ok to be angry with God himself.

I had anger well up within me yesterday while trying to find something important that Terry had on his laptop. I still have not been able to find it. But, even though the anger welled up, I went before the Lord to ask him to help me through that moment. I know that since Terry's laptop crashed, I have lost the document needed. But, that is life and things will go on--it would have been easier, but that is the way it is.

I think we all have regrets about events in the past. I could have been more understanding of the pressures that my husband faced with work and his family. I have a better understanding now of situations that frustrated him. We learn from those regrets and move on. It's hard leaving Terry behind, but I know in my heart he would want me to live a full life.

Our pastor is concluding a series in Ecclesiastes. The one thing that our pastor emphasized is that life is short, live each day as if it were your last, and enjoy life to its fullest, depend on the Lord for guidance and worship him each day. This series was comforting to me because that is exactly how Terry lived. He loved his life, his family, his work, and he loved the Lord. He was a wonderful example to our children and myself at how to live your life. I miss him, and will always miss him--even if I live another 30 years I will think of him everyday. I have no regrets, other than that I could have been more understanding. Everything I have done in my life, I would do again.

 

[ElElena]

I just previewed the messages about anger in here. You all seem to be so supportive of one another. That's great.

I recall reading this part in the first thread, "I'm angry because I didn't say "I love you" more..." - When I read that I was reminded of how I felt the first time someone real close to me died.

I personally made a determination that I would begin to tell everyone I loved that I loved them as much as possible. I needed God's help to do it but I did.

I know that every man woman or child I have loved since that time has heard me tell them at least once if not more than once that I love them.

Do you think it's true that we really begin to see what's important when someone we care about is no longer there beside us?