Anger and ideas for productive releases

Brihaha · Nov 3, 2023

Anger can sometimes be difficult to process. As I age my anger has abated and I have learned to separate the anger from other emotions. Sobriety from alcohol allowed me to finally mature and grow up somewhat. And it has helped me to avoid stress and live quite happily, rarely ever feeling pure anger.

Unfortunately, I recently lost my temper. I abhor the feeling, in the moment and afterwards. I realize there are other issues exacerbating my frustration besides the dog that triggered my outburst. My anger has diminished so much for a number of years and it has become easy for me to compartmentalize the few items that do bother me. It is evident that compartment of anger is full now.

I continue to work on eliminating or reducing the stressors in my life. My dog and I made up the very nite of the incident. I didn't physically abuse her but I know my rage terrified her. I let her (and myself) understand in certain terms that she can easily be replaced with a dog that will listen better. I have a couple of people whom I need to address again as well. I think it best to unload some of my anger and resentment before broaching the same worn-out issues that seemingly are of little concern to them.

Yet I don't have some of the releases for my frustration like I used to enjoy. Golfing is not feasible too often. Fishing is often more trouble than beneficial. I used to split wood beginning this time of year but that maul could put me out of commission for a week or more. Nor do I heat exclusively with wood. I thought this could start a cathartic pattern for folks to help others with input on some ideas for stress relief and to learn new ways to morally and productively release anxiety, before another angry outburst occurs. That and I need a release since nobody in my family has time to have an honest discussion apparently.

I sincerely appreciate any genuine responses and shares anyone can offer. (I also wonder if more people might reply if I click the anonymous tab? Does anyone ever click the anonymous box?) Here is an article from the Mayo Clinic with some tips also.

Anger management: 10 tips to tame your temper

Want to get your anger under control? Start by considering these 10 anger management tips.

www.mayoclinic.org

AlexB23 · Nov 4, 2023

Brihaha said:
Anger can sometimes be difficult to process. As I age my anger has abated and I have learned to separate the anger from other emotions. Sobriety from alcohol allowed me to finally mature and grow up somewhat. And it has helped me to avoid stress and live quite happily, rarely ever feeling pure anger.

Unfortunately, I recently lost my temper. I abhor the feeling, in the moment and afterwards. I realize there are other issues exacerbating my frustration besides the dog that triggered my outburst. My anger has diminished so much for a number of years and it has become easy for me to compartmentalize the few items that do bother me. It is evident that compartment of anger is full now.

I continue to work on eliminating or reducing the stressors in my life. My dog and I made up the very nite of the incident. I didn't physically abuse her but I know my rage terrified her. I let her (and myself) understand in certain terms that she can easily be replaced with a dog that will listen better. I have a couple of people whom I need to address again as well. I think it best to unload some of my anger and resentment before broaching the same worn-out issues that seemingly are of little concern to them.

Yet I don't have some of the releases for my frustration like I used to enjoy. Golfing is not feasible too often. Fishing is often more trouble than beneficial. I used to split wood beginning this time of year but that maul could put me out of commission for a week or more. Nor do I heat exclusively with wood. I thought this could start a cathartic pattern for folks to help others with input on some ideas for stress relief and to learn new ways to morally and productively release anxiety, before another angry outburst occurs. That and I need a release since nobody in my family has time to have an honest discussion apparently.

I sincerely appreciate any genuine responses and shares anyone can offer. (I also wonder if more people might reply if I click the anonymous tab? Does anyone ever click the anonymous box?) Here is an article from the Mayo Clinic with some tips also.

Anger management: 10 tips to tame your temper

Want to get your anger under control? Start by considering these 10 anger management tips.

www.mayoclinic.org

I luckily don't get angry often, but it subsides quickly. My anger is more towards where the world is headed, not directed as much to people. Sometimes, the best idea is to leave the area for a few minutes and go for a walk. That helps me reduce my anger. With my anger, tears may happen. I don't know how to help you specifically, but a 5 minute walk is always a good idea. Also, good sleep can reduce the probability of getting angry. Most days when I get upset (rarely) happen when I get under 8 hours of sleep. For me, 9-10 hours is best.

essentialsaltes · Nov 4, 2023

I used to go for long walks or aimless drives. (Fortunately, I don't 'drive angry' even when I'm angry)

Mindless video games might allow for venting rage against nonsentient targets.

Brihaha · Nov 4, 2023

AlexB23 said:
I luckily don't get angry often, but it subsides quickly. My anger is more towards where the world is headed, not directed as much to people. Sometimes, the best idea is to leave the area for a few minutes and go for a walk. That helps me reduce my anger. With my anger, tears may happen. I don't know how to help you specifically, but a 5 minute walk is always a good idea. Also, good sleep can reduce the probability of getting angry. Most days when I get upset (rarely) happen when I get under 8 hours of sleep. For me, 9-10 hours is best.

Thanks for the reply. You are right, a five minute cool down does help. And if I could even get six or seven hours sleep a nite it would also help. Enjoy your youth the short time you have it my friend.

AlexB23 · Nov 4, 2023

Brihaha said:
Thanks for the reply. You are right, a five minute cool down does help. And if I could even get six or seven hours sleep a nite it would also help. Enjoy your youth the short time you have it my friend.

You are welcome sir, and definitely. I promise everything will get better, even if it gets rough sometimes brother.

Brihaha · Nov 4, 2023

essentialsaltes said:
I used to go for long walks or aimless drives. (Fortunately, I don't 'drive angry' even when I'm angry)

Mindless video games might allow for venting rage against nonsentient targets.

Dang it! I quit playing video games 30 years ago but it does relieve stress. It's an idea at that. And driving is not an option for me as it's one of the biggest triggers of my anger

. I am still working on patience behind the wheel. I see others in a rage on the road and it can get reckless. I don't want to be that person. Thanks for sharing. I was wondering how people went thru life without anger.

Robban · Nov 4, 2023

Brihaha said:
Dang it! I quit playing video games 30 years ago but it does relieve stress. It's an idea at that. And driving is not an option for me as it's one of the biggest triggers of my anger . I am still working on patience behind the wheel. I see others in a rage on the road and it can get reckless. I don't want to be that person. Thanks for sharing. I was wondering how people went thru life without anger.

Nothing just happens, there has to be a reason/cause.

Am not saying any more lest I be put to the test.

The accuser is a smart dude.

Brihaha · Nov 5, 2023

Robban said:
Nothing just happens, there has to be a reason/cause.

Am not saying any more lest I be put to the test.

The accuser is a smart dude.

Touche`. I can occasionally lose sight of the cause or reasons for the anger once the temper gets lost. But I did realize I had some hidden resentment built up exacerbating my tantrum. And I am dealing with the root causes this weekend. It has gone surprisingly smoothly too. Setting firm boundaries with people is essential for me having successful relationships. Thank you for taking time to contribute my friend. Peace

durangodawood · Nov 5, 2023

I'm not acquainted with chronic anger. But it pops up once in a while when I dont want it. I tend to value the "mindfulness" approaches which teach you to slow down the autopilot mind generally. Then, when anger emerges you have enough space in your mind that you can reflect on yourself and say "oh here comes anger, how silly of me!", and defuse it before it starts.

Basically anger is your self getting taken for a ride you dont want to go on. There is a gap there where you can decline the ride. Its just that most of us are moving so fast mentally that the gap flies by and is gone before we know it.

Brihaha · Nov 5, 2023

durangodawood said:
I'm not acquainted with chronic anger. But it pops up once in a while when I dont want it. I tend to value the "mindfulness" approaches which teach you to slow down the autopilot mind generally. Then, when anger emerges you have enough space in your mind that you can reflect on yourself and say "oh here comes anger, how silly of me!", and defuse it before it starts.

Basically anger is your self getting taken for a ride you dont want to go on. There is a gap there where you can decline the ride. Its just that most of us are moving so fast mentally that the gap flies by and is gone before we know it.

I have found that to be true for me. Especially before I quit drinking. I couldn't recognize or distinguish different emotions like anxiety or sadness from my anger. Which led most of my emotions to be released as anger.

For years I had minimized my stress and was easily able to deal with rare instances of anger fomenting inside. Alas my life has changed somewhat and more stressors are present now. I cast aside many tools I utilized in the past to release frustration and need to learn new tools to avoid future outbursts.

I am excited to incorporate changes in my life that help me become the best mortal I can be while I'm here. But man it is hard work. I have learned how stubborn I can be lol. I appreciate your reply. I can feel the catharsis beginning simply by letting it out and asking for help. Thanks.

partinobodycular · Nov 5, 2023

I don't know that I can say anything that'll be helpful, because it's been a long time since I've been afflicted by anything like emotions. This wasn't true when I was young, but something happened when I hit my teens. I began to analyze everything. Why is that photograph pretty? Why is that song captivating? Why did my dog do that? Why is that person acting like an idiot? Why did so many people vote for Donald Trump?

That process of hyper-analyzing things seemed to short circuit my emotions. Seemed to isolate me from whatever was happening around me. It's remained the same to this day, instead of reacting emotionally my mind just automatically switches to analytical mode... why is that thing doing that, and what should I do in response? That driver just cut me off, is my best option to honk at them and give them a middle finger salute... no, my best response is to get as far away from them as possible... they're nuts.

People are crazy and the last thing that I want to do is provoke them, they just get crazier. So get yourself an imaginary bag of popcorn, pull up a chair, and let's you and me watch the crazy people.

Brihaha · Nov 5, 2023

partinobodycular said:
I don't know that I can say anything that'll be helpful, because it's been a long time since I've been afflicted by anything like emotions. This wasn't true when I was young, but something happened when I hit my teens. I began to analyze everything. Why is that photograph pretty? Why is that song captivating? Why did my dog do that? Why is that person acting like an idiot? Why did so many people vote for Donald Trump?

That process of hyper-analyzing things seemed to short circuit my emotions. Seemed to isolate me from whatever was happening around me. It's remained the same to this day, instead of reacting emotionally my mind just automatically switches to analytical mode... why is that thing doing that, and what should I do in response? That driver just cut me off, is my best option to honk at them and give them a middle finger salute... no, my best response is to get as far away from them as possible... they're nuts.

People are crazy and the last thing that I want to do is provoke them, they just get crazier. So get yourself an imaginary bag of popcorn, pull up a chair, and let's you and me watch the crazy people.

That sounds like what I regularly do is watch the crazy people daily. I am now acknowledging I may be just like em without some help from other sources.

You are affected by emotions too, even if you choose to ignore them. I can't live with denial in good conscience. And for me it would be denial. I have tried the analyzation route, but all it does is distract me from dealing with the feeling. I have to deal with feelings in order to process and discard them accordingly. Or I will likely become a drunk again. I appreciate your honesty, and the time to analyze and reply. I was nearly envious that one could live happily without being afflicted with emotions and I can't. But I have been learning that serenity prayer for years now. I can accept that I'm not built that way. We all have different obstacles to overcome. Thanks for sharing and offering more for me to contemplate.

I am feeling more positive about life than I felt a few days ago. Y'all have helped me deal with my troubles commendably. I'll just let the thread take its natural course. I never intended to focus on myself or answer every reply initially. It is a relatively simple thing to take action to deal with a problem. Like creating a thread to release pent up anger and frustration. Or going for a short walk. Yet occasionally a relatively small amount of action can produce a positive and profound effect on one's well-being. I'm grateful for all the responses and I am well from it now.

MehGuy · Nov 6, 2023

For me I believe my biggest hurdle when it comes to managing my anger is that deep down, I just loved feeling angry. Anger can be a very intoxicating drug. Often, I'd indulge in anger simply to feel alive and energized. Thankfully my anger was never motivated by physical violence, but I do feel sad about the numerous hateful stuff I've said to people in the past.

A few years ago, I tried to abstain from anger as much as possible. What I found were new horrors, life became dull, my creativity and sense of humor died. Since then, I've eased myself back into feeling anger in what I consider more intelligent and thoughtful circumstances. I'm someone who has trouble with moderation. Even now I don't always know how to behave, but anger is a part of being human. Just best to use it for productive means.

As far as controlling my anger load goes... I have delved into very heavy introspection to combat it. I believe my religious upbringing has contributed a lot of my damaged psychology. As a Christian I was taught to highly value persecution and that if you are a Christian everyone in the world (including lukewarm) Christians hate you. I swallowed this stuff up because I found it so appealing. When you believe everyone in the world pretty much despises you, it makes it easy for you to hate them back with the added benefit of believing that you hatred is justified and thus you feel very little guilt under such a mindset.

Sadly, despite being an atheist for more than a decade; fragments of this toxic mindset still persist, albeit in a lesser degree now. I've learned to become more rational with my thought processes. The idea that a random person is just going to hate you 'because' seems silly in retrospect. This new mindset has helped stave off a lot of my anger and has helped press me to be a little more thoughtful with how I interact with others. I still have a long way to go, but it's nice to see a clear path ahead.

stevevw · Nov 7, 2023

Brihaha said:
Anger can sometimes be difficult to process. As I age my anger has abated and I have learned to separate the anger from other emotions. Sobriety from alcohol allowed me to finally mature and grow up somewhat. And it has helped me to avoid stress and live quite happily, rarely ever feeling pure anger.

Unfortunately, I recently lost my temper. I abhor the feeling, in the moment and afterwards. I realize there are other issues exacerbating my frustration besides the dog that triggered my outburst. My anger has diminished so much for a number of years and it has become easy for me to compartmentalize the few items that do bother me. It is evident that compartment of anger is full now.

I continue to work on eliminating or reducing the stressors in my life. My dog and I made up the very nite of the incident. I didn't physically abuse her but I know my rage terrified her. I let her (and myself) understand in certain terms that she can easily be replaced with a dog that will listen better. I have a couple of people whom I need to address again as well. I think it best to unload some of my anger and resentment before broaching the same worn-out issues that seemingly are of little concern to them.

Yet I don't have some of the releases for my frustration like I used to enjoy. Golfing is not feasible too often. Fishing is often more trouble than beneficial. I used to split wood beginning this time of year but that maul could put me out of commission for a week or more. Nor do I heat exclusively with wood. I thought this could start a cathartic pattern for folks to help others with input on some ideas for stress relief and to learn new ways to morally and productively release anxiety, before another angry outburst occurs. That and I need a release since nobody in my family has time to have an honest discussion apparently.

I sincerely appreciate any genuine responses and shares anyone can offer. (I also wonder if more people might reply if I click the anonymous tab? Does anyone ever click the anonymous box?) Here is an article from the Mayo Clinic with some tips also.

Anger management: 10 tips to tame your temper

Want to get your anger under control? Start by considering these 10 anger management tips.

www.mayoclinic.org

I use to go off as they say but as you said aged seems to mellow you out. Theres a saying in AA that "its a spiritual axiom that everything we are disturbed there is something wrong with us". I use t hate that quote as it exposed you to turning inward and looking at what part you played in any upset even if you thought you were right.

I think anger comes back to what you fill your life with that can lead to stress or contemptment. For me it seemed to be unreal expectations of self and life and stressing about money and things. Carrying around worries, guilt and fear and getting prideful and angry at the world.

I had to learn to let go and put all those worries in Gods hands. Of course we need money to live but I find if I keep things simple and just do what I can do to cover basics then anything else is a bonus. Funny enough the bonuses seem to come without the stress. A little reverse psychology I think. But I think thats the paradox that is hard to realize for many.

As you also mentioned in sharing and helping others. I volunteer and I find that its a good way to meet good people and help others which takes your mind off your own worries which will often help sort themselves out when you get to understand and appreciate what others go through and that life has more meaning.

I also think some form of art is good therapy as it seems to allow a person to express in ways they could not do through traditional therapy. Though talk therapy is also good like mens sharing groups or anger management therapy. We have a Mens shed in our local area and its based on the idea that men usually like to tinker around with stuff but also has a social sharing and awareness/support aspect that addresses the particular issues men face like loneliness, anger, and depression ect.

But art wise I play the guitar and I find its great when I am stressed where I can be distracted. It doesn't have to be music, it could be painting, woodwork, building models or even theatre group or something like that. It may even be a challenge at first as it requires a letting go to some extent and giving self over so to speak. I find you can get totally engrossed and when finished its like you went away somewhere for a time and you come back refreshed and relaxed with a renewed perspective.

I think basically modern life is a source of stress, anger and sickness and the more you can get away from being consumed by all the information and stress of everyone worrying about things that they think they need the better. Especially minimizing social media and all the bad news stories going around.

I'm also thinking of a tree change somewhere so I can be more self supporting but also just to live in the peace of nature. Of course not too far away as I still like some of the creature comforts. But I know many feel the same as we hear about road rage and people becoming intolerant of others.

If I do use media I choose carefully. I follow Jordan Peterson who is a Clinical Psychologist mainly for his tips on life especially for males with his 12 Rules for life. But I also found this short video on anger which may help.

Brihaha · Nov 7, 2023

stevevw said:
I use to go off as they say but as you said aged seems to mellow you out. Theres a saying in AA that "its a spiritual axiom that everything we are disturbed there is something wrong with us". I use t hate that quote as it exposed you to turning inward and looking at what part you played in any upset even if you thought you were right.

I think anger comes back to what you fill your life with that can lead to stress or contemptment. For me it seemed to be unreal expectations of self and life and stressing about money and things. Carrying around worries, guilt and fear and getting prideful and angry at the world.

I had to learn to let go and put all those worries in Gods hands. Of course we need money to live but I find if I keep things simple and just do what I can do to cover basics then anything else is a bonus. Funny enough the bonuses seem to come without the stress. A little reverse psychology I think. But I think thats the paradox that is hard to realize for many.

As you also mentioned in sharing and helping others. I volunteer and I find that its a good way to meet good people and help others which takes your mind off your own worries which will often help sort themselves out when you get to understand and appreciate what others go through and that life has more meaning.

I also think some form of art is good therapy as it seems to allow a person to express in ways they could not do through traditional therapy. Though talk therapy is also good like mens sharing groups or anger management therapy. We have a Mens shed in our local area and its based on the idea that men usually like to tinker around with stuff but also has a social sharing and awareness/support aspect that addresses the particular issues men face like loneliness, anger, and depression ect.

But art wise I play the guitar and I find its great when I am stressed where I can be distracted. It doesn't have to be music, it could be painting, woodwork, building models or even theatre group or something like that. It may even be a challenge at first as it requires a letting go to some extent and giving self over so to speak. I find you can get totally engrossed and when finished its like you went away somewhere for a time and you come back refreshed and relaxed with a renewed perspective.

I think basically modern life is a source of stress, anger and sickness and the more you can get away from being consumed by all the information and stress of everyone worrying about things that they think they need the better. Especially minimizing social media and all the bad news stories going around.

I'm also thinking of a tree change somewhere so I can be more self supporting but also just to live in the peace of nature. Of course not too far away as I still like some of the creature comforts. But I know many feel the same as we hear about road rage and people becoming intolerant of others.

If I do use media I choose carefully. I follow Jordan Peterson who is a Clinical Psychologist mainly for his tips on life especially for males with his 12 Rules for life. But I also found this short video on anger which may help.

I enjoyed reading your reply. Many good ideas and revelations which I've contemplated or tried. I can certainly relate with the financial bit. I learned that same thing in regards to income and happiness. The more I chased the financial reward the more stress and unhappiness invaded my life too. I find I'm much happier with less money and less stress. I appreciate your sharing. This little stress relieving thread helped me release a lot of anxiety and I feel like I owe all y'all a debt of gratitude at the very least. Thanks.

YorkieGal · Nov 7, 2023

The gym. Lift and run.

Brihaha · Nov 8, 2023

YorkieGal said:
The gym. Lift and run.

I can't find a gym that lets me smoke lol.

YorkieGal · Nov 8, 2023

Brihaha said:
I can't find a gym that lets me smoke lol.

Ooooh! Ok, well a home gym is good, too. That's what I use, anyway. I have a treadmill but if you're not into cardio, just start with some weights.

MehGuy · Nov 8, 2023

Do you enjoy being angry on some level? I guess I am a little confused. Because if I did a lot of these suggestions they'd just help me meditate my anger into deeper levels.

I think everyone enjoys anger to some extent.. some people are just on different spectrums of severity.

Best thing to do is practice a rational mindset and be more empathetic of other people's feelings. Doing the latter might make the sensation of anger less pleasant too.

Brihaha · Nov 8, 2023

YorkieGal said:
Ooooh! Ok, well a home gym is good, too. That's what I use, anyway. I have a treadmill but if you're not into cardio, just start with some weights.

Yeah, I do most exercising around my homestead. I live on a less traveled river road and walk down to the bridge and back. It's a good little road for it, and many people jog and ride bicycles because it isn't too busy. I woke up in a humorous mood so that's why my reply was so brief. You definitely have the right idea. I have noticed stepping up my physical activity does relieve stress and I appreciate your reply.

Anger and ideas for productive releases

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