Am I wrong?

[Bumble Bee]

I have been in a long-distance relationship with a guy for over a year and a half. He is 8 hours away, and I have not seen him since March. We used to see each other once a month or every other month, depending on what is going on there. I haven't been able to travel there because of money and work... I just got vacation time this month, and have to save it for my mom and my dad's uncle. Both are very ill right now and I'm waiting for a call to say GO. He hasn't been able to come here for the same reasons.... no money and no time off from his job. He hasn't earned any vacation time there yet.

I have been very clear with him from the beginning that if he wants this to work, he has to come here for a while. I told him I am not opposed to moving there after we marry, but I want to see that he can pursue me. It is very important to me that he come for me as I think it would show his leadership in the relationship, his care for me, and his willingness to make the relationship work.

He has made plans to attend college this fall over where I live. It would be good for him because this school will allow him to major in youth ministry where the schools near him will not. That is the field he wants to go into. It would also help him to start living independently of his family, and there are far more job prospects out here, both pre- and post-grad then there are in his town. He is waiting on his acceptance letter and financial aid to get there.

This morning, however, his parents informed him that they don't think he should come. They think he should stay in his job and have me move out there and find a job there. Am I wrong for not being willing to do that right now?

 

[GuusVA]

No you are not. You are not married yet and have not committed to him in any special way like engagement. I know parents sometimes have a different Idea. Mostly mine do. Its hard to see through that and see what God wants you to do.

Though at the same time you are. You ask him to come and see you while he is in a very difficult situation to do so.

We (me and my girlfriend) do it in this way. We check who has the best transport from and to the other. Mostly it ends in me driving to her since she doesn't have a license yet.

Remember Love is not only about love. Its about mutual respect and both of the partners should give more into the relationship then they take out. Of course when you are down he should give most and you take more and the other way around. Be ready for each other. God never promised to make it easy. He did however promise to do this with you.

 

[dayhiker]

Hi Bee,
Sounds like your both grown and have to plan your own life and what God wants for each of you.
Long distance relationships are hard, yet you two seem to be doing pretty good for having been apart that long.
I guess the 1st point is does he feel called by God to be in the ministry. If so and he gets accepted and the scholarships he needs to then move forward with God is calling him to do. Being close to you will help you guys grow in your relationship as well.

 

[Bumble Bee]

Yesterday I figured that it is only fair to at least look into it. I have been called to my current location since I was a child. If God has decided my time here is over and it's time to move, I can accept that. It would be hard, devastating even, but I could accept it and follow His will. And at first glance, the option to teach in his school looks really, really good. There are two positions open (which is rare at this time of year). One is kindergarten, the other first grade. There is a really good housing opportunity. But when I looked at the statement of faith for the school, I could not bring myself to apply. I know that I do not have to agree with the entire statement of faith, but it would not be fair to the school for me to teach there when I don't agree. I was told that most of the teachers there disagree with the statement of faith, so I asked how they balance that with the religious curriculum in the school. I was told that they really don't do a whole lot of religious curriculum. If they aren't teaching the Bible, what is the point of a Christian school? If I am going to teach in a Christian school, it would be one where God has called me, one that is training the students up in the Christian faith, educating them about what and why we believe.

The whole thing sparked a heated discussion about baptism and communion between my boyfriend and me. Those subjects have come up before, but this time... well, we apparently have never discussed it in detail because we were both shocked by the other's views. I could have sworn he knew where I stood and that he agreed.... I could have sworn we had the discussion when he said that the church he grew up in doesn't do baptism or communion often at all because they don't view it as important. He himself was baptized a couple years ago in another church and said he has no problem with communion. Apparently we have two different definitions of communion.

As far as him being called to youth ministry, that was a decision he came to on his own, before we were ever in a relationship. He is active in that program in his church, and has a passion for that. I had nothing to do with that decision.

We have a longer road than we thought, I guess. The time zones and work schedules make it hard to work all this out without drawing it out forever.

 

[GuusVA]

Well if there's something to keep work on it. Do your best with your boyfriend. Also if it is his decision to study the youth ministry which for myself is a great passion too. I can't understand why his parents would stop him. Though its VERY important to look were God wants you to go.