Am I wrong for this?

[Macchiato]

Okay so is my daughter's father I haven't blocked on everything and I told him that he couldn't see her or have his daughter until after he goes to court for child support he's about a year and a half and prior to that I gave him so many opportunities so many chances to see her and spend time with her but all those chances he blew I still have text messages of him flaking on his weekend to get her because he wanted to pick up some money or do something else equally trivial.

He's been calling nonstop every time I break up with him then he gets a fire under him to get back in gear and try to be a parent or whatever but I did all the nights with her I got her walking I did it all I start up her daycare on my own no help from him I asked her to watch her on his off days and you wouldn't do it and I lost my job I lost three jobs because I couldn't trust him or anyone else to help so I'm making him wait now but I did answer his call and I just told him everything I said here about how much I do for her and how little he does and how am I keeping her from him he blew all his chances and I have to wait until Court which isn't too long that's the middle of September.

And to that he basically said everything that I'm doing as well I'm supposed to be doing but he does nothing and he says he's a good father and he's not a total of that I told him because I felt bad because he said I was keeping her from that he could have her for the weekend but with his mom she doesn't run the AC from 8:00 to 6:00 and that's way too hot for a baby to be in the last time he had her it was sweltering and all he did waa have her under a fan with her shirt off..

He didnt dare run the AC bc he didmt want to bother his mother.

So am i wrong to keeo her from him until the court date? I also am not giving him any tax money again.

I feel stressed bc when he said that that's what I'm supposed to do it made me feel like that every all this struggle is normal is what it's supposed to be for me but not for him and on top of the fact that when I pick my dad up from daycare she had a bite mark near her eye from a little boy and I just have to deal with finding the daycare just so I can work and find the one that I can trust I feel bad because I feel like she's a little lab rat just trying to find the right daycare.


Idk please keep me in your prayers i am pretty stressed trying not to lose it.

 

[Michie]

Okay so is my daughter's father I haven't blocked on everything and I told him that he couldn't see her or have his daughter until after he goes to court for child support he's about a year and a half and prior to that I gave him so many opportunities so many chances to see her and spend time with her but all those chances he blew I still have text messages of him flaking on his weekend to get her because he wanted to pick up some money or do something else equally trivial.

He's been calling nonstop every time I break up with him then he gets a fire under him to get back in gear and try to be a parent or whatever but I did all the nights with her I got her walking I did it all I start up her daycare on my own no help from him I asked her to watch her on his off days and you wouldn't do it and I lost my job I lost three jobs because I couldn't trust him or anyone else to help so I'm making him wait now but I did answer his call and I just told him everything I said here about how much I do for her and how little he does and how am I keeping her from him he blew all his chances and I have to wait until Court which isn't too long that's the middle of September.

And to that he basically said everything that I'm doing as well I'm supposed to be doing but he does nothing and he says he's a good father and he's not a total of that I told him because I felt bad because he said I was keeping her from that he could have her for the weekend but with his mom she doesn't run the AC from 8:00 to 6:00 and that's way too hot for a baby to be in the last time he had her it was sweltering and all he did waa have her under a fan with her shirt off..

He didnt dare run the AC bc he didmt want to bother his mother.

So am i wrong to keeo her from him until the court date? I also am not giving him any tax money again.

I feel stressed bc when he said that that's what I'm supposed to do it made me feel like that every all this struggle is normal is what it's supposed to be for me but not for him and on top of the fact that when I pick my dad up from daycare she had a bite mark near her eye from a little boy and I just have to deal with finding the daycare just so I can work and find the one that I can trust I feel bad because I feel like she's a little lab rat just trying to find the right daycare.


Idk please keep me in your prayers i am pretty stressed trying not to lose it.

I had a hard time understanding all that but will pray God guides you so where you can get everything in order for the good of all.

 

[Pavel Mosko]

So am i wrong to keeo her from him until the court date?

Your ex sounds like a user so I would not feel guilty about keeping your daughter away from him until whatever court date or other legal deadline.

As far as your ex criticism, I would probably say something like he doesn't have the right to complain, or otherwise point out how much of the problems come from him not doing his job from paying his support etc. In all honesty, if I was in your shoes probably would be tempted to berate him if he is just criticizing and not really doing anything to help you.

 

[Theridiidae]

Hi Macchiato,

In (BC) Canada, the law sees child support and child visitation as two different things. Here, withholding visitation because of money can go against you in court. The courts are looking at it from a perspective of - you shouldn’t have to “earn” the right to a relationship with your child (unless proven in the courts you are unfit). It is also taking into consideration the child’s rights to have a relationship with the non custodial parent.

I happen to overall agree with what the law is trying to do here. I don’t think access should be denied because of money or disagreements. Only if the child is in danger of harm - as in mental/emotional/physical abuse, not “you need to raise our child the way I say”, should visitation be limited.

Having had my daughter at 17, with her now in her early twenties, married, and learning to adult, I can tell you from experience how having so much anger, drama, hurt, frustration etc etc between my ex and I, had hurt and affected my daughter. If you find you are angry/upset with your interactions with your ex, I urge you to seek therapy (there are free resources) where someone can help you navigate healthy boundaries for yourself while not needing to control another’s behaviour. It is your child who will suffer lifelong consequences if the parents can’t learn to be civil to each other or about each other around your kid.

all that said, if you have a baby, visitation shouldn’t be for overnights or long periods if I remember my psych/law stuff.

best of luck to you.

 

[Macchiato]

Your ex sounds like a user so I would not feel guilty about keeping your daughter away from him until whatever court date or other legal deadline.

As far as your ex criticism, I would probably say something like he doesn't have the right to complain, or otherwise point out how much of the problems come from him not doing his job from paying his support etc. In all honesty, if I was in your shoes probably would be tempted to berate him if he is just criticizing and not really doing anything to help you.

I did point all those things out but hes pretty delusional. He thinks hes a good father when he does the bare minimum.

 

[Pavel Mosko]

I did point all those things out but hes pretty delusional. He thinks hes a good father when he does the bare minimum.

And that is why I think he is not worth messing with because he sounds like he is suffering from Narcistic Personality Disorder or something else in the ball park. Such people are not just being a little bit immature or selfish etc. but have deep deep problems that are very rarely if ever moderated or solved, short of an extreme miracle. Which occasionally happen but they are rare.


This psychologist deals with people in relationships with Narcists because she lives in LA and many people of that orientation live in the area of Hollywood for obvious reasons.

Narcissists Use Positivity to Manipulate and Control Their Partners

 

[turkle]

Your post was very difficult to understand, but the gist I get from it is that your ex-boyfriend does as little as possible, is behind on support and you want to punish him for it by withholding your child from him. If he has a legal right to see his child, your using her as a weapon against him could backfire for you in court. From what I have seen, parents that use their children as pawns are not well received, neither in court, nor society.

Unfortunately, these are the consequences of getting pregnant by an unstable and selfish person. You are going to have to spend the next 18 years or so holding your tongue and doing your best to get along with him. Not doing so will result in very negative consequences for your innocent child.

 

[Macchiato]

Your post was very difficult to understand, but the gist I get from it is that your ex-boyfriend does as little as possible, is behind on support and you want to punish him for it by withholding your child from him. If he has a legal right to see his child, your using her as a weapon against him could backfire for you in court. From what I have seen, parents that use their children as pawns are not well received, neither in court, nor society.

Unfortunately, these are the consequences of getting pregnant by an unstable and selfish person. You are going to have to spend the next 18 years or so holding your tongue and doing your best to get along with him. Not doing so will result in very negative consequences for your innocent child.

He has no legal rights as of now. Ive been very considerate and lenient towards him for a year concerning our daughter. I would always see what day was best for him to get her and have her bag ready every time and he would come up with a lame excuse for a year blowing her off. Its always when i break up he gets fire under him to see her and acts like he wants her. Were 15minutws away from each other im done with the excuses im not putting up with it.( Im not "punishing" him for child support. Hes going to have it established now. Im irritated he keeps blowing off seeing his daughter and hes not being proactive in her life. So i stopped forcing it. Im not punishing him) The lawyer said he has no rights to visitations bc were not married so im not making somwone do what they dont want to.

He'll see her after his court date which is the 20th of this month.