Am I trophy?

[Singin4Him]

I have issues with my MIL anyway but this just irritated me like crazy. She asked my husband if we could come and go to church with them this Sunday A) so she could show me off (meaning my belly) and B) because my shower is the next weekend and the 38 women she invited won't know who I am or remember who I am since it's been a couple years since they last saw me at our wedding. I guess she wants to refresh their memory as to who's baby shower they've been invited to attend.

Correct me if I'm wrong but when you have a baby shower don't you usually know the people who come? Not to mention, shouldn't the mommy-to-be have more people on her list to invite than her MIL? My FIL is the superintendent in his town and my MIL used that to invite people who would feel obligated to come or at least get a gift, that really seems wrong and bothers me a lot. I am so not looking forward to going to church with them either, I do not want to be "shown off", I feel like I'm just the incubator for their grandkid. They have a very shallow relationship with me so this makes things even more uncomfortable. Maybe it's just the hormones but all this just irritates me to death. Has anyone else has these issues with their parents or in-laws? What did you do?

 

[Linnis]

My MIL treats me like an incubator for her Grandson. It's always her Grandson, she didn't speak to us for weeks when she learned he wouldn't have names from HER family. I basically didn't count for anything, it's all about me carrying her family's child. It's all about her Grandson, her son's baby...she practically ruined my nephew's birthday when I said he'd have two middle names which is common in French Canadian families, yelling, screaming etc

I refused to go to a baby shower she wanted to give me. It was all people who she knew who'd bring "expencive gifts". I couldn't believe she'd actually think I'd want to take free stuff from people I don't even know because they feel they have to.

How does your husband feel? Does he think it's right to take gifts from people whom feel obligated to do so because of his mother? Would he be willing to take the gifts back to get the money to donate or tithe?

Is there enough time to ask the people who want to bring gifts to donate to a charity instead? Maybe you can ask these people if they feel the need to bring a gift to donate to the March of Dimes or another children's charity, like the local Children's hospital. I'd have done that but my MIL only wanted to invite the people who'd give the best stuff....

 

[CarrieAg93]

My friend's MIL had a shower for my friend at her church, but kept all the presents to use at her house when the baby visited. Weird.

 

[Singin4Him]

How does your husband feel? Does he think it's right to take gifts from people whom feel obligated to do so because of his mother? Would he be willing to take the gifts back to get the money to donate or tithe?

Is there enough time to ask the people who want to bring gifts to donate to a charity instead? Maybe you can ask these people if they feel the need to bring a gift to donate to the March of Dimes or another children's charity, like the local Children's hospital. I'd have done that but my MIL only wanted to invite the people who'd give the best stuff....

There isn't enough time to ask people to donate to a charity but I do like the idea of taking some of the gifts back and doing that ourselves. I'm going to talk to my husband about that.

My husband just accepts his mom as she is, controlling and mentally unstable. She is this way because she has been allowed to be this way all her life and so it's pretty hard to try and change that now. Though she will not be spending any time alone with my children for sure which hubby agrees with me on. He doesn't know much about all this shower stuff so until I told him he thought my mom and I invited people we knew and his mom invited people she knew even if I didn't know them.

I am really annoyed by this, I just wanted it to be a house full of people I know well who can truly celebrate this with us...instead it's going to be a little awkward because I will not really be chatting it up with people I don't know, I want to enjoy my shower not try to think of small talk just to make my MIL's "people" feel comfortable. Is that rude of me?

 

[Linnis]

No, it's not rude, I wouldn't feel comfortable talking to strangers either. You also are probably thinking these women are thinking you are in on the whole just to get gifts thing.

My husband suggested you take back everything you can and get the money to donate to the local Children's hospital and donate the rest to Ronald McDonald House, if they have one in your city because most of the parents there are completely broke putting all their money into paying for their kids medical care.

My MIL acts similarly, so does my mother. The people in their lives are willing to put up with it and run defence so they don't have to change.

I don't want my baby alone with my MIL either. She drove into traffic with my nephew in the car because she was mad more than once...so I understand.

*hugs*

 

[RoseofLima]

It would drive me nuts-- but there is probably a crisis pregnancy center or a woman's shelter which would love some donations

Let your MIL do her thing....realize that you won't change her and love her as she is. Try as best as you can to set boundaries- and to not get sucked into the drama. Go with a smile on, let people bless you and enjoy the good feeling of being generous and celebrating the life of a baby... and go home and eat a burrito and a bunch of chocolate while your husband gives you a full body massage

 

[lovesbrightpink]

OK Im not pregnant but i thought that maybe you could invite a few of your friends then you wont feel so weird. Even if it is weird you could at least share that with your friends. Plus you may even like some of the gifts that they give you. The rest you could donate, or return and wait until you figure you need something for the baby.

 

[PegasusOnFire]

I am so sorry you are going through this with your MIL.

These ladies offer great advice.

 

[Singin4Him]

Thanks for your comments and advice it means so much! I think a couple of you misunderstood though, this shower isn't being thrown by my MIL. My mom's friend is throwing this shower for me. I will have many people I know there which is great. I just don't like having people who feel obligated to bring gifts or to attend coming. That makes me uncomfortable not only for myself but them as well. They don't even know me and hardly know my husband.

 

[tas25]

at my shower it's going to be all people I know, but you know I don't think I'd care if it where people I didn't, I would just have to practice my happy face that day.....and I don't feel like it's being phony just polite. If people didn't want to come I am sure they wouldn't..some people just like the idea of bringing gifts for a new baby...

 

[Singin4Him]

at my shower it's going to be all people I know, but you know I don't think I'd care if it where people I didn't, I would just have to practice my happy face that day.....and I don't feel like it's being phony just polite. If people didn't want to come I am sure they wouldn't..some people just like the idea of bringing gifts for a new baby...

Well if your boss invited you to their son or daughter's baby shower you might go out of obligation whether they want to or not. That's what I have a problem with.

Now today I found out my MIL wants my FIL there which is NOT happening. She just won't quit.

 

[purpleunicorn_Andi]

I wish my mother in law was arround to see Robert... she passed in 1999

 

[purpleunicorn_Andi]

but I do understand about not wanting to be arround a bunch of strangers.

my baby shower with robert was thrown after he was born at my mom's church...a lot of her friends, a few of mine and some family

 

[Singin4Him]

I ended up having a good shower. I knew everyone there. Only 3 people came from my MIL's list of 38 . We got the most important things we registered for though so that was nice as well. However, my MIL ended up creating a bad time for herself because she sat in the corner with her 3 friends and hardly said a word to anyone else, though everyone tried to make her feeling comfortable and included. She also rudely yelled out in front of everyone asking me to call out each name of who had given me each gift I opened and then corrected my or my grandma who was helping me when we said the last name wrong.

When she left it seemed like something was wrong because her and my FIL were supposed to go to eat with my DH and my parents afterwards but she back out saying she had some things to do before she had surgery on Monday. She didn't mention that before the shower and acted like she was going to go with us. My DH talked to my FIL the next day and my FIL told him that she had been talking about her surgery to her friends at the shower and freaked herself out so much she just wanted to leave. As soon as her friends left she called my FIL and asked him to come get her. She made it all about her once again and ruined her time because of that. I just don't understand why she feels the need to be this way. I know it's only going to get worse when Elijah comes, I'm afraid we are going to have to have some words at some point.