Am I nuts?

[brokenandhumbled]

Am I nuts? I have been in my own a while now and do at times crave the company of a partner to share my life with. I was married for a number of years and I do fight with some of those 'needs' (erm....you get the gist).

The Lord has utterly transformed me and I am terrified of ever going back to where I was....but this is a real thorn that keeps jabbing at me.

Anyway to cut it short...A guy I have been friends with has recently showed an interest. He is a really nice guy and I like him a lot but I freaked. I told him that we cannot have a relationship because I cannot give him what he wants (of a physical nature)...it goes against my faith and I cannot allow anything to get in the way of my love for the Lord. He was upset but said he was sorry and that he understood. I feel really bad about it. I hated hurting him.

Friends have said I am completely nuts. They said that I am taking things too literally and that there is nothing wrong with a physical relationship. To me it is pretty clear that outside marriage it is an offence to the Lord. Now I am thinking maybe I am nuts. I am middle aged and could be facing a life alone. A scary thought indeed. I put my trust in the Lord..but a nagging voice is jabbing me. Am I nuts?
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[brokenandhumbled]

None Taken! I asked! loll.

Sorry, yes I have been divorced a few years now. I don't believe re-marriage is a sin but I believe that 'physical' relationships outside of marriage are. This guy wanted a physical relationship. He is not Christian..(but I am working on it )

I guess I am not asking weather it is o.k to marry. A friend said today that I should grow up because at my age I may not find another and things go downhill here on in.

Hmm...reading this I am not sure she is such a good mate! lol.


I pray that your new Partner will enrich your life and that you will grow in Love together. I pray that any hurts from your previous marriage will be healed and that your lives will be filled with happiness and joy.
Thank you.
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[BrBob]

Hmm...reading this I am not sure she is such a good mate! lol.

I think you are absolutely correct in this one. You are also correct to believe that sexual relationships outside of marriage are clearly sinful.

God Bless you. I know it is hard but hang in there and may our God answer your prayers with a righteous man of God!

God Bless
Bob
Spearfish, SD

 

[porterross]

Don't feel bad, I reacted the same way to the first man who expressed such interest in me. It's very frustrating that being in the dating game for another round is so awkward, especially when we are doing our best to follow God's laws and lead our children by example.

You're not nuts, just maybe a bit too honestly up-front with your friend before you had to be. It could actually work in your favor, though, if he's a friend. He'll likely still be around and might come to respect your values, recognizing that any man fortunate enough to win you, gets the prize for life. God has a funny way of working on blokes that way.

 

[SearcherKris]

Bless you for making wise choices! You are not nuts at all.

I was reading Christian Singles magazine and it talked about how many Christians feel that it is not necessary to remain sexually pure. They know the Bible says not to, but they don't take it seriously. It talked about teaching people why it's wrong, and not just saying to not do it.

I know what you mean about still having needs. I struggle there, too. I also long for someone to just hold me and comfort me. However, I'm determined to stand firm with God as my foundation. I want what He wants for my life because that is the only good life there is.

Hold out for someone with the same values you have. Hold out for the person God picks for you. You're doing great!

 

[Larkise]

Brokenandhumbled,
I cast my lot with those who encourage you in your decision. I'd be afraid of someone who asked me to compromise my standards... what would stop him from remaining faithful to you, if a serious relationship developed?

 

[kanga22]

I agree that you should stand by your convictions. Back when I met my husband (at the age of 19) I thought I would wait til marriage for a physical relationship, but my resolve was not strong enough. Years later he told me that he would have respected me more if I had told him "no" and waited. I don't beat myself up about it, but hope that I will follow through w/ this conviction when I start dating again. Anyway, I believe that you are on the right track! Wait for a Christian man who can respect your wise choices.

 

[SearcherKris]

Oh Y'all! I just remembered!

My pastor, wise man that he is, told me that when you are in a relationship with someone you are not married to, and you have sexual interaction (pre-mature intimacy), you relationship stops growing.

He said that it take a good 1-2 years to really get to know someone well enough to decide if you should marry. The sexual intimacy is should not be part of the early process, but should be the culmination of it, after the commitment of life long relationship (marriage) is made.

I've thought about that a lot. My husand and I became sexually active before we were married. Our relationship has been bad ever since. We loved each other, and thought that getting married would help. It did not. Instead of getting better, it got worse. I'm not saying the sex before our marriage caused our marriage to fail, because I confessed it as sin, and wanted to work toward a healthy family. I believe God would have granted that, if my husband had been willing to yield to the Lord as well. Unfortunately, he was not and still is not.

So, there's another reason to refrain from sex outside of marriage.

 

[eatenbylocusts]

My pastor, wise man that he is, told me that when you are in a relationship with someone you are not married to, and you have sexual interaction (pre-mature intimacy), you relationship stops growing.

This is indeed a good reason. I haven't had intercourse with my bf, but things have gone farther than I intended and I struggle with making the best decisions for our relationship and our walks. I don't want to mess this one up.

Brokenandhumbled-don't let anyone convince you that you're no longer subject to what the Bible instructs us. I dated a Christian who said all the right things, but later tried to convince me that we could have sex since we'd both already been married before. That was just one area where I started to see that he wasn't the spiritual leader I was looking for.

I also wouldn't date anyone who wasn't a professing, growing Christian. I'm trying to learn from my past mistakes. I want so much more this time around for me and my kids.

 

[brokenandhumbled]

Thank you all so much for your wonderful advise. I feel so much better now and have decided to stand firm with my convictions.


I am so glad that I am not 'nuts' after all! .

Thank you all so much you have been a really great help to this confused Christian. This has taught me a big lesson in trusting the Lord and the word. you are all so very kind for sharing your thoughts..a true fellowship in Christ.