Am I gay or just..

[iowakid8401]

I am a 20 year old male who is struggling with same-sex attraction. I never really been attracted to females that much but for I feel a more emotional connection with them. I could never see myself with a man because it just doesn’t feel right. I have tried to get girlfriends in the past but always got turned down. Could I be having these attractions because I think it’s easier to bond with men versus women?
I think some of it has to do with me being overweight when I was younger and wanting to look like some other guys my age. I am only attracted to guys my age. Now that I like how look and am proud of myself health wise the attractions have gotten weaker. Could these attractions be caused by me wanting to look with some other guys my age and in turn end up being attracted to them because I want their body so bad?
I guess my final thing is I understand that all men have temptations. God would never tempt us with more than he knows we can handle. When someone gets married they are supposed to remain loyal and honest to their wife. They are supposed to set aside these temptations. So is this just going to be the temptations I face throughout my life?
I want to have a family and a wife. Is this being honest with her if I just suppress these temptations? What should I do?

 

[CMR5278]

Hi, I believe you have answered your own question. I believe your attraction to other men is exactly what you said. It's that you wanted to be like them so much. You saw that the guys with the nice bodies got the girls and all the attention. Their lives seemed easier and better so you wanted to be like that. There is nothing wrong with that but Satan tends to twist our innocent desires into something that God never intended. He made you think that you were looking at these guys in a sexual way when the worst thing you did was envy their body type and the attention it got them.
God does not tempt us, but He will not let you be tempted with more than you can bear and will always provided a way of escape. I believe your way of escape is that you are now making healthier choices and you like how you look. Continue to make good choices and seek God in all things. Pray for God to help you see yourself the way He sees you and to also see other men as He would have you see them. Just always remember that the enemy is always trying to take what is good and turn it into something bad and all that starts in our minds. Renew your mind with the Word of God and let His Holy Spirit change this mindset (or stronghold) that Satan has set up in your mind. You are going to be fine and I am sure that you will make a great husband and father when the time is right. Read 2 Corinthians 10:3-4 and Romans 12:1-2
Be blessed.

 

[anonym00s]

I encourage you to read my other posts about this subject.

For now I will say, the entire premise of your post is wrong. Homosexuality is an activity people do and not a person. To suggest anyone is "gay" or to ask "am I gay?" implies that sin can be irrevocably part of a person, which I think denies the cleansing power of the cross.

You can choose to engage in homosexual activity, or choose not to. It's that simple. We are not animals such that we must cave in to every fleshly desire that comes to our mind.

 

[dms1972]

I agree with the earlier replies. Our culture is deeply confused about sexuality and gender and even christians sometimes question themselves - sexuality has been made into an identity issue and I think that is wrong. As a christian your sexuality doesn't constitute or define who you are, and God's Word working in the depth of your personality is able to transform the whole of you - that would of course be worked out in christian fellowship where you can develop healthy friendships with both men and women and appropriate boundaries.

A lot of what you say I think echoes in some aspects my own struggle in my twenties I very much wanted a relationship with a woman, but found myself awkward in talking to women, making approaches. I began to question if I was 'gay' also, because I was being turned down.

Its also the case that "gay" is now a sub-cultural term and it is used incorrectly but even in its incorrect use it doesn't signify merely same sex attraction but that particular lifestyle pursued.

The temptations are not from you as a child of God, but God allows them sometimes, and as you have said he doesn't allow us to be tempted beyond what we can bear he gives us a way of escape also.

"No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it" 1 Corinthians 10:13

Sometimes we need to pray and say "Lord, what is the way of escape here?" and meditate on the appropriate scriptures. The Lord's Prayer (that is the prayer he gave to his disciples to teach them to pray) contains the petition "lead us not into temptation".

One particular book that I think may help you would be : Crisis in Masculinity by Leanne Payne.