Am I experieincing derealization/depersonalization or fear??

[Haley009]

Hey everyone. I have been dealing with anxiety on and off ever since Christmas last year. I am under a lot of stress and I think thats where it stems from. I’ve also noticed that it seems to be higher closer to that time of the month for me. I will have really good days that feel like I’m coming out of it but then it’ll hit me again. I don’t really have panic attacks, I just feel scared of worrying about worrying. I’ll usually have a physical symptom everyday, headache, muscle tension, or just heightened anxiety. For the past few days I have felt so strange. (It’s almost that time of the month) My body feels weird like it’s full of cortisol and adrenalin especially in my legs, my mind feels like it can’t concentrate or stay focused and my memory sometimes fails me. I’ve also lost my appetite, again. That hasn’t happened in awhile so thats discouraging. But the really scary feeling is I almost feel numb.. Like if something makes me sad, I cry. Or if something is funny, I’ll laugh. I can’t really describe the weird all over feeling other than just plain weird. It has been lasting all day which is not comforting. I’ve read some on depersonalization and derealization and it scares the crap out of me. I don’t know if that’s what I’m truly going through or if I’m just scared of that happening to me. Tell me this passes!! I’ve felt so consumed in anxiety that it makes it hard for me to relax and be patient, especially with these strange feelings happening. I feel kind of frozen in fear of never getting out of this. I’ve been seeing a therapist but she hasn’t really given me many tools to use as far as CBT like tools. She told me anxiety is like a dry season, it’ll pass and won’t last forever (my stressful situation anyway). But my mind doesn’t want to believe that, it likes to argue and think, you will always be like this. I also tried a small dose of zoloft about a month ago and had awful side effects. I’d honestly rather not take the medication route especially since I had been doing really really well, until these past few days. I haven’t been eating that good lately or exercising like I was either. I just don’t understand why it hits and somedays its great.

 

[jameseb]

I'm not in a position to write much at this time, but the hightened anxiety does pass... it waxes and wanes. Not sure how physical you are, but I can tell you that working out (running, resistance training, etc.) will help quite a bit. It helps to channel the anxiety into something that's beneficial at least!

 

[Far Side Of the Moon]

It does get better, I've experienced what you're saying.... When you deal with the stress it becomes manageable ..but I do have my bad days though.

 

[Hidden In Him]

I recently heard a story from a friend about a young 23 year old man who suddenly developed panic attacks that were so strong everyone in the house has to practically walk on pins and needles in order to keep from frightening him. The slightest noises affect him. My mind immediately wandered to if there isn't a spiritual component at work here. After all (and this would seem to apply to your situation as well), the scripture says He gives us not a Spirit of fear, but one of power, and love, and a sound mind. (2 Timothy 1:7). And surely it is not God's will for someone who looks so happy in her avatar to now be getting overtaken by anxieties and fear.

I have contacted someone here who might be able to help you discern exactly what the real issues are. When she has time she will reply.

God bless you, Haley, and don't be afraid. God knows how to protect His own, if they will only turn to Him.

 

[Haley009]

I recently heard a story from a friend about a young 23 year old man who suddenly developed panic attacks that were so strong everyone in the house has to practically walk on pins and needles in order to keep from frightening him. The slightest noises affect him. My mind immediately wandered to if there isn't a spiritual component at work here. After all (and this would seem to apply to your situation as well), the scripture says He gives a not a Spirit of fear, but one of power, and love, and a sound mind. (2 Timothy 1:7). And surely it is not God's will for someone who looks so happy in her avatar to be now be getting overtaken by anxieties and fear.

I have contacted someone here who might be able to help you discern exactly what the real issues are. When she has time she will reply.

God bless you, Haley, and don't be afraid. God knows how to protect His own, if they will only turn to Him.

Thank you so much for this. It's like I'm constantly trying to find relief for anxiety but it's so up and down with me. I've been dealing with some stress and I'm sure that has a lot to do with it, but at the moment there is not a lot I can do to alleviate the stress.

 

[Hidden In Him]

Thank you so much for this. It's like I'm constantly trying to find relief for anxiety but it's so up and down with me. I've been dealing with some stress and I'm sure that has a lot to do with it, but at the moment there is not a lot I can do to alleviate the stress.

You're welcome. Help is on the way. Trust me.

 

[Haley009]

It does get better, I've experienced what you're saying.... When you deal with the stress it becomes manageable ..but I do have my bad days though.

I feel like the stress is whats causing a lot of mine. Do you ever feel like your anxiety feels different often? Does yours last all day sometimes?

 

[Haley009]

I'm not in a position to write much at this time, but the hightened anxiety does pass... it waxes and wanes. Not sure how physical you are, but I can tell you that working out (running, resistance training, etc.) will help quite a bit. It helps to channel the anxiety into something that's beneficial at least!

I was walking everyday and felt better from that. When the anxiety hits again and lasts all day, its so discouraging! My therapist told me anxiety can be like a dry season, that this too shall pass. I hope so!!

 

[Far Side Of the Moon]

I feel like the stress is whats causing a lot of mine. Do you ever feel like your anxiety feels different often? Does yours last all day sometimes?

Not all day just some hours and I'm good. I'm sorry you have to go through that, anxiety shouldn't be experienced even for a moment. I pray you get better.

 

[Haley009]

Not all day just some hours and I'm good. I'm sorry you have to go through that, anxiety shouldn't be experienced even for a moment. I pray you get better.

Agreed! One good thing about it, I don't have panic attacks. Sometimes I just feel frozen in fear & the fear is that I may always be like this. Yuck!

 

[GandalfTheWise]

FWIW, my story.

Over the last few years, I was slowly getting more and more stressed out at work until I finally had a day where I almost passed out when taking a walk to relax. (We were on a nice campus in the woods so I'd been relaxing by walking a couple miles a day during lunch for over a year.) I'd also been starting to see other physical side effects. I ended up quitting that job (which was a good job) and ended up in the ER with what they figured was anxiety issues since physical tests came back negative. At age 54, and having never been unemployed, my wife and I decided it was time to use our rainy day fund, so I took off about 3 or 4 months to totally unwind. We got a nice vacation in as well. I mostly sat outside (with our big fluffy dog) doing a lot of Bible reading and relaxing.

A doctor prescribed some medication (which I quit after 5 days due to very bad side effects) and recommended seeing a counselor which I did a couple times. He didn't figure there was anything wrong and recommended a book on CBT (SOS Help for your emotions by Lynn Clark) and gave some general advice. As I read through the book, I realized my real problem was not fear, anxiety, or depression, but rather anger. I had never realized this because I was not mad at people, but rather systems. I worked as an analyst and engineer so I was constantly making recommendations for how to make things better. I realized that I was getting angry that things couldn't be changed, that some messes that could be cleaned up weren't, and that I was foreseeing avoidable problems that weren't being avoided. So, anyway, I've been learning to think "not my problem" for stuff out of my control. It's a challenge changing decades of thinking and feeling patterns where I was taking responsibility for things out of my control and running with high levels of frustration and anger at how things were going.

In the big picture, I think God is moving my wife and I into a different direction. A few months ago, a great part-time consulting gig opened where I can work from home. My wife enjoys having me work from home and my dog often hangs out with me. I'm now much more relaxed and enjoying life. I can go do activities, live in the moment, and not have my mind preoccupied with work or other things. I had reached the point where I couldn't enjoy doing much, my mind would constantly be trying to solve problems. Anxiety issues seem to have subsided a great deal. I'm now much more conscious of separating what I can control and what I can't and letting it go.

To make a long story short, my high stress levels were mostly anger based, but I wasn't recognizing that. If I hadn't crashed and burned, I would not have been in a position to succeed at consulting. I would have become too emotionally involved, rather than just providing expertise and recommendations, I'd have become consumed with every project. I'm still not completely back to "normal", but among other things, I'm sleeping better than I had in years. I had forgotten it was normal to sleep through the night most nights.

I'm not suggesting this is what you're experiencing, but just that my basic problem was something I hadn't recognized as a problem. For years, I had presumed "caring about my work and pushing for excellence" was a virtue rather than something out of balance that was sucking the life out of me.

 

[little1]

Self care is important if you feel numb from anxiety. Be extra kind to yourself.

When you feel numb it's easy to disconnect from yourself and be critical of yourself. To expect to much.
Or to not think anything which is not nice for you.

For me when I go numb from fear it helps to picture myself when I was little. Remember to take care of yourself like you would a child. Remember to eat, sleep, shower, exercise, be kind to your numb body. She's frightened like when we were little and something was overwhelming. She is just stressed and freezing is normal in stress for some.
Humans react with fight, flight or freeze.

Don't be frightened of the numb feeling. God is close. You will be ok.

Medication if you can find the right one helps your brain to rest and stop producing to much stress hormones. You only have to be on them for 6 months to a year if you decide . Or not at all
Your choice of cause

I was anti medication but for me meds saved my life ...
I ackchually thank the Lord for meds. They are a great mercy for some.

But I understand you not wanting to take that road.
Peace

 

[Haley009]

Self care is important if you feel numb from anxiety. Be extra kind to yourself.

When you feel numb it's easy to disconnect from yourself and be critical of yourself. To expect to much.
Or to not think anything which is not nice for you.

For me when I go numb from fear it helps to picture myself when I was little. Remember to take care of yourself like you would a child. Remember to eat, sleep, shower, exercise, be kind to your numb body. She's frightened like when we were little and something was overwhelming. She is just stressed and freezing is normal in stress for some.
Humans react with fight, flight or freeze.

Don't be frightened of the numb feeling. God is close. You will be ok.

Medication if you can find the right one helps your brain to rest and stop producing to much stress hormones. You only have to be on them for 6 months to a year if you decide . Or not at all
Your choice of cause

I was anti medication but for me meds saved my life ...
I ackchually thank the Lord for meds. They are a great mercy for some.

But I understand you not wanting to take that road.
Peace

I may have to resort to meds but I'm afraid of them. I'm afraid of the side effects they may cause for my thinking.. How did you feel after starting medication?

 

[redblue22]

Why use the words derealization or depersonalization? Those are some pretty darn hard experiences to live through.

 

[little1]

Why use the words derealization or depersonalization? Those are some pretty darn hard experiences to live through.

Are you saying it's not that? I am curious to what you mean?
I suffer from mainly dissociation but can you elaborate?

 

[redblue22]

I'm just saying that what you are saying is a very hard thing to experience.

 

[little1]

I'm just saying that what you are saying is a very hard thing to experience.

Oh ok I understand
Yes and I hope the op is getting better.
She seems like a lovely girl.

 

[jameseb]

I may have to resort to meds but I'm afraid of them. I'm afraid of the side effects they may cause for my thinking.. How did you feel after starting medication?

Speaking for myself, I feel they help to "balance" me. I have been diagnosed with a couple of anxiety disorders, OCD being my primary issue. While medication doesn't cure it, it does lessen the symptoms. As far as side effects, I haven't suffered any.

Your doctor would likely start you on a low dosage to gauge its effect on you. If your anxiety is still distressing you, I would recommend giving medication a try.

 

[little1]

I may have to resort to meds but I'm afraid of them. I'm afraid of the side effects they may cause for my thinking.. How did you feel after starting medication?

It took a few tries to find the correct medication for me. I didn't so much have bad experiences so much that a lot of the first line anti depressants simply had no noticeable effect. And I was crying 247. Eventually I found one that slightly blunts me emotionally.

Sounds scary especially if you go numb like me but I am a super super sensitive so it only slightly takes the sting out of getting your feelings hurt or getting way to happy but ummm ...
I still feel everything but I have more control of tears and reactions.

For me though anti depressants didn't fix much. They just are giving my brain a break from producing stress chemicals. That's for the scientist to decide.

For me treating my underlying ADD with stimulants by a psychiatrist who specialises in Adult learning disabilities really really helped. My suicidal thoughts my anxiety my self harm everything disappears while I take my tablets.
Now sadly they wear off in the afternoon so I have to be very careful and always plan. i even cook dinner for my husband usually at 2 pm and do everything befor 4pm because I'm normal in the day but come 430 I am in a lot of emotional pain.
Also if I forget to take my meds I'll get all the not coping come. I dissociate and get lost. I've had many kind strangers bring me home or give me to the police.
So I remember to take them.

I suppose the stimulant medication helps the self control part of my brain so I have more free will or focus to stay present and I control of my self. It stops impulsive desires like running away or isolating. It stimulates the concentration part of my brain so I can focus on conversation and that helps me connect and feel loved.
With out my ADD meds I can't even watch a movie. Let alone follow directions or feel loved and connected. I just stare and lose track of time. This led to me being different and socially isolating. My meds help me pay attention. But they do so much more because people need to be focussed in life. If that part of the brain is damaged you develop anxiety and depression just because life is hard.
So for me the anxiety goes if I can actively participate in life

That being said I am on disability so it's not perfect. I want to get better and go back to work one day

I'm not saying you need these meds I am just explaining the problem that you see manafested could be resulting from some other little thing.
It's getting to the rute issue
Not just bandaids