Am I Doing Something Wrong?

[megansophia]

I've been looking around, trying to convince myself or give myself some logical proof that God does exist and that I need Him in my life.

I've tried accepting Jesus into my life, but I honestly see no change in myself or no desire to go about my life differently. I've tried praying for faith and for God to show Himself to me, but I never feel anything from it and nothing ever seems to come out of it.

I've tried reading the Bible, but I always end up just spacing out and skimming over the lines, not realizing that I'm doing it until I've gotten through a page or two and it clicks that I have no idea what I just read.

I really am trying, honestly. I just can't seem to wrap my head around the whole concept. Praying and reading the bible makes me happy for a minute or two, but normally moments later I'm back online or reading through magazines and books looking up either theories on evolution, reasons as to why religion can't exist, or scientific proof that God exists. I even browse through richarddawkins.net from time to time to look at atheists' points of view on the matter. I'm not sure if I'm trying to prove or disprove Christianity to myself, but it always seems that I keep looking for a way to justify it, I can't simply accept it into my life (as much as I'd like to)

I've seen what God can do for some of my close friends and their families, and I want to be a part of that too. It just seems that for some reason, it doesn't work out for me. I really don't know what to do about it, if I should just keep trying to pray (which I really don't think is working) or give up on trying to find God.

Sorry if that was a little confusing

 

[aiki]

I've been looking around, trying to convince myself or give myself some logical proof that God does exist and that I need Him in my life.

I've tried accepting Jesus into my life, but I honestly see no change in myself or no desire to go about my life differently. I've tried praying for faith and for God to show Himself to me, but I never feel anything from it and nothing ever seems to come out of it.

Taken together, the above two paragraphs suggest that, rather than being convinced that God exists and then believing in Him, you are, instead, trying to enter into a relationship with God as a means of convincing yourself He exists. Am I reading this right? If so, I think you're in a situation where you're putting the cart before the horse.

How can you genuinely ask Jesus to be your Lord and Saviour (an action which, by the way, is not properly expressed in the phrase "asking Jesus into your heart") when you're not even sure he is your Lord and Saviour? Do you see the problem here?

Paul the apostle wrote:

2 Timothy 1:12 (NKJV)
12 ...for I know whom I have believed and am persuaded that He is able to keep what I have committed to Him until that Day.

In this verse Paul clearly outlines how one moves from doubt to faith:

knowledge > persuasion > action

If I know the purpose of a light switch, and am persuaded that it will fulfill its purpose, then I will take action and flick the light switch. You, however, are trying to reorder this process. You're going at it more like:

knowledge > action > persuasion

You are trying to "flick the switch" spiritually before you're persuaded that doing so is of any real value. The consequence is that you are in the confused, doubtful state that you've described in your post.

I've tried reading the Bible, but I always end up just spacing out and skimming over the lines, not realizing that I'm doing it until I've gotten through a page or two and it clicks that I have no idea what I just read.

To a person who doesn't believe God exists this is gonna' sound strange, but Satan and his minions are actively at work keeping you from a knowledge of God. They can and will distract you from Bible reading because they know that in the Bible you will discover the truth that will break the blindness and doubt you are presently in. Ask God, even though you doubt He exists, to give you clarity and focus as you read His Word. Expect Him to show you the truth as you study the Bible. It might help to ask someone who knows the Bible well to go through it with you and explain its contents to you.

I really am trying, honestly. I just can't seem to wrap my head around the whole concept. Praying and reading the bible makes me happy for a minute or two, but normally moments later I'm back online or reading through magazines and books looking up either theories on evolution, reasons as to why religion can't exist, or scientific proof that God exists. I even browse through richarddawkins.net from time to time to look at atheists' points of view on the matter. I'm not sure if I'm trying to prove or disprove Christianity to myself, but it always seems that I keep looking for a way to justify it, I can't simply accept it into my life (as much as I'd like to)

It is because we are all like this in one way or another that it takes an act of Divine intervention to free us from our biases, and presuppositions, and dependence upon our own capacity to understand. God is real; He is not merely a sterile concept defended in debate. If He enters your life it will be as your God. He will be Saviour, you will be sinner. He will be Father, you will be child. He will be Lord, you will be servant. He will be the Center around which your life must revolve. Is this what you want? Are you willing to submit yourself totally to His will? Really, it takes God moving in us to bring us to a place where we say "Yes" to all these things. It seems you might, perhaps, be on your way. Be patient. God isn't going to ambush you into a relationship with Him. He wants you to understand what being His child really entails and to desire it. This will take some time, I think.

I've seen what God can do for some of my close friends and their families, and I want to be a part of that too. It just seems that for some reason, it doesn't work out for me. I really don't know what to do about it, if I should just keep trying to pray (which I really don't think is working) or give up on trying to find God.

What you may want from God and what He will give you are likely two different things. I think God may be gently, slowly bringing you to a full understanding of what it means to be one of His children. This will probably involve exposing the emptiness and futility of some of the things you cherish or take pride in. This takes time.

Peace to you.

 

[BobW188]

I would add to the above, talk to some of those believers you know and see how they came to believe.
In the Bible, focus on the four Gospels; Matthew, Mark, Luke and John. Can you believe this Man existed? Was who he said he was? Did what he said he did? The Bible taken as a whole, and without benefit of a good adult Sunday School or Bible study course, is a complex anthology of history (with a definite point of view), biography, poetry, theology and (some would say) legend. Not a few honest Christians who accept it as God's word to us are very, very familiar with that spaced-out feeling after a couple of pages!
Finally, take some assurance that God is working in you at His pace. Part of what's going on here is that you are trying to arrive at belief solely under your own power. It can't be done. In one of the Gospels, a man cries out to Jesus, "I believe! Help thou mine unbelief!" That really sums it up.
Jesus also told us, "Seek, and ye shall find." It sounds like you are genuinely seeking; so you have the promise you'll eventually find. When that happens, I think you'll have some understanding how important your current struggle was.

 

[FutureAndAHope]

I have been hanging around atheist sites a bit myself lately it can be very damaging to your faith unless you have what you are missing at the moment which is proof that God exists. So I can understand your struggle. For me I now have proof that God exists, in fact I have never really since becoming a Christian ever doubted he exists. I will share with you what helps me when ever I read atheist arguments.

True Story from my life:

One morning I got up and walked into the hall, and I heard a voice (God) say "How would you like to be stabbed in the valley", I was scared as I was going to the valley that night, it was the tough end of town, and I wondered if God was displeased with me going down there to witness to people. But I went any way. I walked up to the first person I saw and said how would you like to go out to church. He said "I am an atheist I don't believe in God". I just said "fine", and hoped to change his mind. He then proceeded to open up his shirt and showed me scar marks up and down his body. He told me "I was attacked by a knife welding mad man in the valley some years ago, and spent months recovering in hospital, that is why I don't believe in God." So I knew why God had asked me how would I like to be stabbed, he was not referriing to me but to this man. I took him home latter on that day. On the way home I spoke of what God had told me, he opened up about his brothers faith in God. Some weeks latter he came out to church and became a christian.

Another thing which makes me feel safe around athiests is this true story from my own experience:

I was thinking of sueing a company for constantly sending me pornographic material uncollicated. But I felt uncomfortable with it, very unsure if it was the right thing to do. Latter that day I was about to start trying to witness to Muslums, and I opened my bible at random expecting God to give me the perfect verse for them. Rather it opened to the verse "It is wrong for you to have law suits one against another why not rather allow your self to be wronged" So I knew God was speaking not to them but to me. The law suite Idea was dumped.

 

[heron]

I always end up just spacing out and skimming over the lines, not realizing that I'm doing it until I've gotten through a page or two and it clicks that I have no idea what I just read.

That happens to me, no matter what I'm reading. It helps me to read out loud, or write while I'm taking things in. Sometimes I will even walk around while I read, to keep the blood moving.

I have come to love reading the Bible online. At times it seems sacreligious, but it really helps me stay focused. The light shines through, the print is big, and I can interact with it quickly with word searches and seeing other translations.

This is not good when it comes to being in church and someone asking me to find things in my paper Bible, because I have the impulse to hit a "back" key, or click on a word. But it's a solution that might help.

Give yourself something interactive to do while you read. A challenge. Think of a subject you want to find more about, and do a word search. That will help keep your mind on what you're reading.

 

[heron]

So I knew why God had asked me how would I like to be stabbed, he was not referriing to me but to this man. I took him home latter on that day.

Unique story!

 

[The-Doctor]

I don't think you are doing anything wrong, maybe trying too hard, it is my view that people come to God in different ways. What one person experiances may be not be the same for another. I have learnt to pray just in my head walking down the street, appreciating a great view, sitting in a quiet place.

If you can accept God is always with you no matter how much you pray or read the bible then you are already on the right path.

 

[eleyah]

Hey little sister, how are you? You have gotten some really good responses here from some very fine folks, and I am excited for you because I believe you are on the right track and that some very awesome things are about to take place in your life.

May I suggest a little task/ study for you to do? I'd like you to compare chapter 22 from the book of Psalms to chapter 15 from the book of Mark. Perhaps you could ask one of your christian friends to help you with this. You should see many similarities between these two passages of scripture. Now here is the thing that makes these similarities so striking; that book of Psalms was written about 1000 years before the book of Mark. This is just totally awesome to me!

The Bible is an incredible book and it is just chock full of prophecy and truth. Some people just go on and on about Nostrdamus and his predictions, but the Bible and its prophecies / fulfillment of prophecy, just blows Nostradamus right out of the water.

If you enjoy this little study and would like another to try just pm me. Or if you just have some questions I would be blessed to help out in any way I can.

God Bless you, megansophia!

 

[LadyNRA]

I don't think you are doing anything wrong, maybe trying too hard, it is my view that people come to God in different ways. What one person experiances may be not be the same for another. I have learnt to pray just in my head walking down the street, appreciating a great view, sitting in a quiet place.

If you can accept God is always with you no matter how much you pray or read the bible then you are already on the right path.

I really agree with The Doctor. It sounds like you are 'trying' too hard. It's not a trying thing, it just happens that you begin to believe and afterward things begin to make sense. Apologetics isn't my strong suit but look at my life as an example. I studied Christianity for nine years, reading everything I could on it. I didn't focus on atheist writings or anything else by naysayers. I knew that having God in my life was the thing I wanted and over time I just found I believed. From there I started looking more into christianity as opposed to Judaism because something compelled me to look in that direction (God). In fact, He was putting Christians in my path everywhere I turned. I read, I studied, I didn't believe in Yeshua though all this increased my faith in and love for God. But I didn't give up either. Years passed. I wouldn't say I persisted because that implies human effort, much like the effort you are putting into it. I just lived my normal life. Then, one day, while in a church trying to increase my knowledge of scripture, I felt the call to go up to accept Yeshua. I freaked for the first time. It was nothing natural. I felt the pull like an actual force and I had to grip the chair in front of me to keep myself from moving. And then I remembered that God will pursue you but eventually, if you keep resisting, he will just let you alone and I KNEW I didn't want that. So I turned my heart and my life over to him.

And since I didn't have any major addictions or horrible behaviors (from a human perspective), the changes that God brought about in me shifted far more slowly and gradually, without much fuss. As an example, I read tons of Science fiction/Fantasy before Yeshua. God didn't take that away from me, but a natural extension of my faith was to include reading Christian fiction and before too long I was reading about an equal amount of Christian literature and secular stuff.

And remember this...I can't scientifically prove to an atheist that God exists any more then the atheist can prove that God doesn't exist. so you can read tons of stuff "proving" the lack of God's existence but once you know scripture and the fullness of the teachings therein you also realize that their proof is no proof at all.

finally, there was no hit-me-upside-the-head born again experience like many folks have. For me it was subtle but I've been a believer since 1992 so I know it was for real just the same. Take heart, if this is what you truly want, just relax, keep moving forward, keep studying and one day it will just 'click' and all fall into place.

 

[zayder06]

Try a different approach i.e....Christian music(rock,traditional,gospel)CDs ,DVDs,Youtube,this site is an excellent resource,or you can start like me,I just went to a chuch,sat down and .....did nothing but enjoy the silence and peace (off hours for this particular church)

 

[GlennK]

I've been looking around, trying to convince myself or give myself some logical proof that God does exist and that I need Him in my life.

I've tried accepting Jesus into my life, but I honestly see no change in myself or no desire to go about my life differently. I've tried praying for faith and for God to show Himself to me, but I never feel anything from it and nothing ever seems to come out of it.

I've tried reading the Bible, but I always end up just spacing out and skimming over the lines, not realizing that I'm doing it until I've gotten through a page or two and it clicks that I have no idea what I just read.

I really am trying, honestly. I just can't seem to wrap my head around the whole concept. Praying and reading the bible makes me happy for a minute or two, but normally moments later I'm back online or reading through magazines and books looking up either theories on evolution, reasons as to why religion can't exist, or scientific proof that God exists. I even browse through richarddawkins.net from time to time to look at atheists' points of view on the matter. I'm not sure if I'm trying to prove or disprove Christianity to myself, but it always seems that I keep looking for a way to justify it, I can't simply accept it into my life (as much as I'd like to)

I've seen what God can do for some of my close friends and their families, and I want to be a part of that too. It just seems that for some reason, it doesn't work out for me. I really don't know what to do about it, if I should just keep trying to pray (which I really don't think is working) or give up on trying to find God.

Sorry if that was a little confusing

say say girlie... the Christian life isn't about praying, going to church, living right, proving or disproving this or that... the bottom line is the Christian life comes down to one thing: The Word of God. Memorize the Word of God and as you memorize it, let it become you... memorize a new verse every day and repeat it in your mind and keep it strong in your heart throughout the day, sincerely seeking Him, and this will allow God to work in your heart and life. God only works in the people who let Him. So let Him. And the only way to let Him is through the Word of God. He'll never force anything on you. But what you can do is allow God to give you the desires of your heart that he would have your heart desire. In other words... let Him put the desires in your heart through the Word of God.. The Word of God is no joke, it's real, powerful, and will change you.