Am I cynical to not expect to find a virgin?

[Im_A]

i have noticed throughout the threads, it was mentioned that it probably isn't a shocker to a virgin, Christian girl, to find a virgin, Christian guy.

i wonder if i am cynical, pessimistic, realistic for not expecting to find a virgin Christian girl? i mean i honestly don't believe i will. i wouldn't mind God proving me wrong on this matter, but right now, my expectations are that i won't find that. it doesn't bother me that much for feeling like this. it also doesn't bother me if i am cynical, pessimistic or realistic for having these thoughts. i am just curious about what others think on here, just because i saw what others wrote. i mean i don't know if this expectancy feeling is based on my relationships in the past, or based from what i have seen throughout my life, or both, but it is hard to convince me otherwhise. maybe i am stubborn, haha. i dont' know, it just seems to be what i expect now, and it doesn't bother me. because in some ways i hope that maybe what God has done for me in waiting, will touch a girl's life and maybe that will heal her of a broken past, and maybe that could strengthen a relationship, or maybe not. maybe the answer lies in have everything be just like each other, which is impossible in my opinion. just curious for others opinion on this. God Bless! <><

 

[LionOfJudah]

always treat her as a prescious gift. never be concerned with it. God has a plan, accept it. She may be whole and unblemished, or she may be as spotted as Isreal was to God at times. We do not know, whatever it is, it is in the past and does not matter, She has changed and committed herself to God and is no long indulging the sin. Instead of focusing on the "negitive" maybe try to focus on the fact that she came to God and surrendered her self and committed to staying celabrate till marriage.




Yes i too would like to marry a virgin, though like i stated above ^^^^ it is not up to me and I will accept the Gift that God gives to me and be blessed by her when the Lord wills it.

 

[Im_A]

oh yea i totally agree with you there. i have my own views on like if i find a girl who isn't a virgin, to me she is a virgin, because she has never had sex with me, and the goal is to make that last till after we are married, so to me she is a virgin. i know it doesn't stand with the "true" definition of virginity, but nevertheless, it is my way to make the girl feel truly and purely special, no matter what her past may be.

i guess my reason for posting this thread is because i have seen others in threads mention about how Christian girls shouldn't be surprised for there to be a Christian guy to be a virgin. it just seems to be the given, when we live in a fallen world, and struggle with things. i don't like the idea of getting my hopes and expectations so high, that it leaves the realistic, logical level. if it wasn't for God, i wouldn't be able to ignore negatives. thankful to God, He helps me to not be a hypocrite to other people, not that i am perfect either. oddly enough it seems that the non-Christians see more of the amazing work of God with running into a virgin, then the christian girls that expect a christian to be a virgin. just odd how it works i guess at times.

so yea, i just posted this thread because i don't understand the whole, keeping your expectations high that it leaves the level of logic and reality we live in. nothing wrong with having hopes like that, but to live in them as the main goal with a certain area, seems severely unrealistic to me, that is all God Bless <><

 

[fishstix]

I think it is rather cynical to expect that the girl you find will not be a virgin. People seem to assume that hardly anyone over the age of 16 is still a virgin. And sadly many people who are virgins are ashamed of it and won't admit it, especially men. Perhaps because that's how things are on television and because movies and television glorify sex outside of marriage. But the good thing is that we don't live in television. In real life, a lot of people do still make it through high school, through college, and all the way to marriage without losing their virginity. A lot of people do mess up, but there are more than you would think who do stay virgins. It's great if you are willing to accept your future wife no matter what her past is, but you don't need to assume that she won't be a virgin. There's a very good chance that she may indeed be waiting for her wedding night with you and hoping that you are doing the same

 

[fieldmouse3]

I don't think it's cynical, but I'm kind of surprised that you posted it! I always thought it was way harder to find a male virgin than a female one.

 

[Lizzi4Christ]

I go to middle schools and highschools with a team that teaches abstinence to health classes. We get evaluation forms and it's my job to tally what they say. It's actually about 50-50 division. By college age, who knows.

Unfortunately it's being taught that sex is okay to do before marriage. So no, I don't think you're being cynical. I do believe that virginity is important, not just physically, but also emotionally and mentally. But if a person has lost it, repented and is now waiting, no, I don't think it should be a big deal. That person has hopefully dealt with themselves and with God. I think it's wise that you realize that the person you'll end up with may or may not be a virgin. I think some people focus on that one thing so much that they look past who the person is.

 

[California Dreamin']

I'm one...

 

[Captain_Scott]

Its a good thing, but not a thing to worry about. God has a plan for you, he'll send you the girl he wants you to be with (virgin or not) just trust God!

 

[horuhe00]

I totaly understand where your coming from. That's a question that Ive thought of many times before... It seems that as I get older, virgin Christian girls are a endangered species... I know some people will tell me that it doesn't matter, but to me, it does. I kind of like thinking that if Ive been holding up for my wife, God will have a girl doing the same for me...

 

[Living4Him03]

Virgin in what sense? intercourse or you mean one that's done nothing besides a kiss ?

 

[fishstix]

I totaly understand where your coming from. That's a question that Ive thought of many times before... It seems that as I get older, virgin Christian girls are a endangered species... I know some people will tell me that it doesn't matter, but to me, it does. I kind of like thinking that if Ive been holding up for my wife, God will have a girl doing the same for me...

They are out there. And the good news is that the ones who have chosen to wait this long probably aren't going to decide that they should start having sex because they've reached whatever age. They've matured enough to know that sex isn't a rite of passage into adulthood. Furthermore, peer pressure isn't as hard to deal with once a person gets older. So most of the ones who have waited this long are in for the long haul.

 

[Im_A]

I don't think it's cynical, but I'm kind of surprised that you posted it! I always thought it was way harder to find a male virgin than a female one.

thank you. i'm glad someone doesn't see it as cynical. i mean yea, coming from a guy and knowing what guys struggle with, yea it is hard to find a male virgin. but i believe both sexs have the basically the same issue. but it's something i'm not proud of, because it is only because of God that i am what i am. i have made a choice, and i have almost my virginity several of times, but God steps in, and i'm thankful for that.

i think that i probably will not find a virgin that wants to be with me not because of tv, or movies. yes i do agree, tv, movies have really lightened up sex, and so has the education system. we live in a society that it is hard to tell people what is best for we cannot control their actions, but yet we cannot look away from the Truth. i would love to be proven wrong. but i hear all the time the regrets of people that have given their virginity up for whatever reason. i have noticed the numbers rise above those that are actual virgins. so i see that, and then with my relationship past, yes, it becomes a difficult time to not think what i have already said.

plus i guess i should be honest, my last relationship started the way i think now. i moved out to Portland, Oregon for a girl. it was a relationship that i should not have been involved, and not becuase of long distance. but i move out there and within a month i am on a greyhound bus back. i get back to ohio, and she tells me online that she may have felt different if we would have had sex or make love or however anyone wants to put it. this girl is a Christian, now a new Christian, but still a Christian. if you want to know more details, we'll talk private messages. and with other Christian girls alike the same thing happens. it is easy to give up because of distance, or because "you" feel God is not wanting you with a certain person when you don't have sex with that person. that is another why i have reframed from sex. i don't want to give myself to someone that isn't going to stick through it the long haul of a relationship. then of course with the relationships that they haven't been Christians, yea it ends basically on the note that i'm a virgin, and i won't have sex with them yet. there has only been one girl that i dated that was a virgin, and if we would have lasted out without sex, it would have been a decent relationship, but things ended, and it didn't work out.

so i know that everyone is not like the girls i have dated, but it is hard when you have your own past you go through and then you see the same thing around you a lot so it is hard to expect to find a virgin. the tv, media, just go to far at showing what the world is like. you talk to people at churches, and so many say, i wish i would have waited. so i come to that conclusion. it's not me trying to be negative on women or anything. it's just a conclusion that i am so willing to let God somehow prove me wrong at if He chooses fit. God Bless you!

 

[Sketcher]

My chances of finding a suitable virgin to marry are slim. But then again, I only need to find one woman.

It is distressing to see so many people our age having sex. I very much understand the appetite for it, I know it's easy to fall and that so many people do, but that doesn't help. Society has put purity on the back burner, and the church seems to be following.

I don't believe virginity is just a nice option. It is far more than that. So many people try to separate sex from commitment, and according to every reliable non-virgin source I have, it just doesn't work that way. People sleep around, and destroy this link that God created every time they do it. The two are one flesh until they die, and I don't want to be a third, fourth, fifth, or tenth party.

And I'm sure that breaking up with a bf/gf after having sex with them is a real eye-opener and life changing experience. Even after repentance, can the damage done really be healed? Can the people love the spouses they do wind up with as though it never happened?

This stuff bothers me to no end. I just want to keep things relatively simple and marry another virgin, so I won't have to deal with this huge mess. Now, I don't know how a widow would view this, but since I probably won't find one my age, I'll just leave that alone.

 

[Raanan]

I am not a virgin. I don't expect whomever I marry to be one either. Plus, I couldn't care less whether she's a virgin or not.

 

[Cordelia]

always treat her as a prescious gift. never be concerned with it. God has a plan, accept it. She may be whole and unblemished, or she may be as spotted as Isreal was to God at times. We do not know, whatever it is, it is in the past and does not matter, She has changed and committed herself to God and is no long indulging the sin. Instead of focusing on the "negitive" maybe try to focus on the fact that she came to God and surrendered her self and committed to staying celabrate till marriage.




Yes i too would like to marry a virgin, though like i stated above ^^^^ it is not up to me and I will accept the Gift that God gives to me and be blessed by her when the Lord wills it.

This is good advice, tattedsaint Labels like 'virgin' or 'non-virgin' tell you absolutely nothing about the circumstances of a girl's past, which is why it shouldn't matter, especially compared to other features of a potential spouse. A person's sexual history should be between themselves and God, IMO.

 

[mina]

I'm 24 and a virgin. All in all i'm very very innocent about sex. However I do exist and I know quite a few girls/women that are virgins that are around my age or older. Funny how no guy has ever sought me out because of the fact that I was a virgin or was firm about obeying God. I think I'm cynical to think that guys are all talk, lol. Anyways I think God is big enough to work it out in such a way that whoever he has for you to marry, you are going to love them for who they are and God will bless your sex life together.

 

[waterbear]

Unless you really want her to be a virgin, odds are she won't be. They are, as everyone has said so far, quite rare. I should know - I only date virgins.

 

[Paul 888]

I have slept around (have only just repented actually) so i would not expect nor care if the girl i was with wasn't a virgin.

When i was young: i dated a girl for 6 years and she was the first girl i slept with, she had slept with one guy once about 4 years before that..... i just could not get past it..... it used to absolutely anger me, and make me so sad, and to make it worse he was dating someone she knew.... it was all so irrational for me at the time, it's funny when you look back and think gosh i was immature

i think you can re-virginise i do hope i can, i feel so dirty and unclean about what i have done, especially lately but luckily enough i do feel no desire at the moment because i feel like i've tried it all out and none of it ever made me feel good afterwards so i am pretty sure now that i can totally say good bye to that part of my life and start acting properly!!!!!

 

[fishstix]

They are, as everyone has said so far, quite rare.

Who's everyone? I posted in this thread and didn't say that. In fact, I'll go so far as to say the opposite - virgins (male and female both) are not rare at all. There's lots of us out there.

 

[Cordelia]

Unless you really want her to be a virgin, odds are she won't be. They are, as everyone has said so far, quite rare. I should know - I only date virgins.

You say that now, but what if God should send you a wonderful, beautiful woman who's compatible with you in every way (except that) and who you love completely, but who admits to you she's only a born-again virgin? What then?