Am I Cursed?

[Jakkaru]

Man I post alot of questions, especially for someone who is not a beliver..I need to know this though from the Christian perspective, am I cursed?

I am probaly the most damaged kid you will ever meet, I mean I try and have a good personality and don't have too many tramatic moments in my life but I gotta lot of problems and more mental health concerns then you can shake a stick at.

I suffer from bipolar disorder. I have two sides of myself which I call North and South. My North side is pretty upbeat and happy but still pretty emotionless while my South side is depressed and dark and even more emotionally cold. In connection with this, I also have Boderline Personality Disorder, one I never truly feel I have but have been diagnosed with anyway where I tend to see things in black and white. Which..well I guess I do since I am an agnostic and only see belive in Christ or disbelief in Christ and this keeps me in the middle since I can't side with either side. Ontop of all that, I have Schizoid Perosnality Disorder...my big kicker. I have no real care top be social and prefer being alone plus I have no emotions.

I would love to feel real tru emotions but all I have is my North and South and that's it, beyond it I have nothing. People always told me I had a cold personality and I do, I won;t denie it, I have lived with myself for years. I build walls up around me and I don't want anyone into those walls but people always tell me it's wrong and yet don't explain why. Some people like stealing or murdering others so compared to that, my stuff pales in comparrison right?

I have few real confidants in my life and one is my friend Brett and pretty devout Christian. I can't remember how we became friends..or to as close as a friend as I wan't. I am willing to share and talk about anything buts thats just me but I have a hard time with attachments to humans. It's kinda hard to explain to hall full of highschoolers why your the only one not crying when we attende dthe funeral of a kid who died in a car crash at our school but anyway..he is the reason I came ino this forum, he knows about me and what not and told me I need to find Christ and that he could make me better and make me feel emotions and love.

Love is always something I wanted to feel. ANyway he said all these things where the devil and what not, I can't remember everything he said. He gave me a bible and I read it..studied it, breathed it and took in all the words I could..but I still can't believe in it. God kinda scares me and my disorders..if they are what are influencing me..or prevwenting me from accepting them as fact but Brett insist it's still just the devil. Am I cursed? Am I cursed by some devil or becuase of all my disordfers am I doomed to a life in hell, I can hardly have relationships here on Earth...let alone with Jesus.

 

[JoyforJESUS]

Man I post alot of questions, especially for someone who is not a beliver..I need to know this though from the Christian perspective, am I cursed?

I am probaly the most damaged kid you will ever meet, I mean I try and have a good personality and don't have too many tramatic moments in my life but I gotta lot of problems and more mental health concerns then you can shake a stick at.

I suffer from bipolar disorder. I have two sides of myself which I call North and South. My North side is pretty upbeat and happy but still pretty emotionless while my South side is depressed and dark and even more emotionally cold. In connection with this, I also have Boderline Personality Disorder, one I never truly feel I have but have been diagnosed with anyway where I tend to see things in black and white. Which..well I guess I do since I am an agnostic and only see belive in Christ or disbelief in Christ and this keeps me in the middle since I can't side with either side. Ontop of all that, I have Schizoid Perosnality Disorder...my big kicker. I have no real care top be social and prefer being alone plus I have no emotions.

I would love to feel real tru emotions but all I have is my North and South and that's it, beyond it I have nothing. People always told me I had a cold personality and I do, I won;t denie it, I have lived with myself for years. I build walls up around me and I don't want anyone into those walls but people always tell me it's wrong and yet don't explain why. Some people like stealing or murdering others so compared to that, my stuff pales in comparrison right?

I have few real confidants in my life and one is my friend Brett and pretty devout Christian. I can't remember how we became friends..or to as close as a friend as I wan't. I am willing to share and talk about anything buts thats just me but I have a hard time with attachments to humans. It's kinda hard to explain to hall full of highschoolers why your the only one not crying when we attende dthe funeral of a kid who died in a car crash at our school but anyway..he is the reason I came ino this forum, he knows about me and what not and told me I need to find Christ and that he could make me better and make me feel emotions and love.

Love is always something I wanted to feel. ANyway he said all these things where the devil and what not, I can't remember everything he said. He gave me a bible and I read it..studied it, breathed it and took in all the words I could..but I still can't believe in it. God kinda scares me and my disorders..if they are what are influencing me..or prevwenting me from accepting them as fact but Brett insist it's still just the devil. Am I cursed? Am I cursed by some devil or becuase of all my disordfers am I doomed to a life in hell, I can hardly have relationships here on Earth...let alone with Jesus.

My friend,

I can only say right now I am praying for you. I too have BPD. Please do not doubt God's Love for you. You are a gift from God to many, and I know you are loved.

So I pray with you.
Father God, Be with Jakkaru today. Help him to get through today. Show him your love through the events of today. Surround him with a hedge of angels.Protect him from those things that would cause him to feel that he is without feeling. In your loving arms, show him how impotant he is to you.
I ask this in your Holy son's name Jesus Christ.

 

[Rafael]

Fear is the opposite of faith and looks for the worse to happen - like a curse, but faith has the expectation that God is trustworthy and will make provision for a good future. Believe that God will do what He says and that He has the power to create not only the world, but a way for you as an individual. He does you know...
Having hope, faith, and love in the world is difficult, but not impossible with God. He surrounds us in creation, yet as men, we are born dead to Him in the most important way - spiritually. All people that are related to Adam and Eve, all of us, are born into sin and death, and the only way out of that predicament is through God's provision in Jesus. He made a bridge for us back home.
So, no, you are not cursed, but have your own special testimony to give as life. As long as you live, God speaks to you with life. If there is anything you enjoy about life, you have something to give thanks for in the face of all the troubles and grief the rest of the world faces each day. We are especially blessed in this country because we once were a country proud to call itself by the name of God, but as we pull away from Him, as a nation, we will see ourselves lending to the alien and becoming the tail instead of the head - as the scriptures warn us.
I was taught the lies of the world, too, as I grew up, and I fell away from God for a time, but trouble drove me back to Him. He was there waiting for me and helped me get my life back in order. He can help you, too, but don't expect it to be like someone elses experience. It takes time and patience to possess your soul, as the scripture says. Keep asking God for more faith, as it is a gift of God to even believe in Him, as we are born to naturally not believe. If you have not asked God to be born again, then ask Him to give you His Spirit and a new spirit of your own so that you can fight the old nature that expects the worse.
I will pray, too, that God will help you have faith instead of fear for a future.
May God bless....

Jer 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you," says the LORD. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.

 

[seajoy]

Jakkaru,

You are not cursed. The curse for all of us was broken at the cross. Jesus is way stronger than any mental disorder (I, too suffer from OCD, depression, anxiety). God made you the way you are for a reason, and He loves you, right now, where you are at.

seajoy

 

[Jakkaru]

Wow..I feel like a sympathetic seeking basket case now. I appreciate all your kind worlds, sorry everyone, I like to rant occasionally, it sometimes helps me feel, anger helps take the "nothingness" I have inside away for a short bit. I appreciate the nice comments. HUG!

 

[seajoy]

Wow..I feel like a sympathetic seeking basket case now. I appreciate all your kind worlds, sorry everyone, I like to rant occasionally, it sometimes helps me feel, anger helps take the "nothingness" I have inside away for a short bit. I appreciate the nice comments. HUG!

You don't seem like nothingness to me. You do seem like a caring, feeling person.

God's blessings this Christmas Season. May you draw close to Him who saved you!

 

[dvd_holc]

Hello Jakkaru,

I am glad you have come to CF. It is unfortunate that you have bipolar disorder. I am sorry that this disorder rules over your body so. You are not alone. There are many people who have bipolar and talk to you about what they have gone through and what they are going through. The general struggles in the Recovery section and Bipolar Disorder in Mental Health should be great places of fellowship for you.

It must be really hard for you to fight off the bondage of sin in your life. I tell you that this is a bondage of sin, but unlike most other people who are in bondage to sin yours comes from physical imbalancement in your body. It is hard for me to tell you that you were not meant for this bondage when you were formed this way, but you can see all the other people in the world that don’t suffer with your struggle and you know that you as a human should be like the rest.

I, myself, suffered from depression. And when I was in empty places I thought it was better to hate, be anger, and occasionally get out of control than replace the emptiness with the true fulfillment, which we were made for, love. Being depressed is quit and cold. I always drifted into regret when I was quit. I was a slave to it. But the message of the fullness of love has freed me that I might love God and others fully. God will handle your disorder by establishing order. He will give you the purpose of life which you receive when you are committed to Him through faith. God does show up in the form of professional help and medical medication to relieve you of the constant swings of emotion. It is better to love in all situations of life than to take quick hallow steps of fury.

 

[Jakkaru]

You don't seem like nothingness to me. You do seem like a caring, feeling person.

God's blessings this Christmas Season. May you draw close to Him who saved you!

Thanks..but I hate to be the bearer of bad news but it's mostly acting. To fit in I act like I have emotions but I really don't. I can see emotion and even understand it to a degree but I don't feel it.It's been like learning a new language, I just had to learn how to interprite and mimic emotions. That's why I say I have an emptiness, I am not really depressed but I am not happy eit5her, just "real" and being real sucks, lol.

dvd_holc: Thanks for the kind words, I may go poke around that board, maybe I can find someone else with Schizoid, Bipolar and Borderline. ^^

 

[seajoy]

You are young...you will learn much about yourself. You do seem very intelligent.

 

[Jakkaru]

Thank you, I try to come off as intellegent. ^^ Of course being a man of facts and feelings and philosophies, I have a hard time convicing myself of a god. It's strange, I don't know if the term is evil or indifferance but I feel...

I feel evil..evil is misery.Evil torments itself, secrelt ywishing to be good but knpowing that such a change is impossible. I sucks having a dead emotionless heart but it's even worse having one filled heavy with envy. I wonder if anyone else has had that dilemma. They WANT to believe in God and Jesus and eternal salvation, but like unicorns, they want to belive in them but feel..and know like they don't exist, my thinking prevents me from thinking otherwise...such a strange feeling. *sigh* oh well.

I mean..I COULD be a Christian but being a Christian and not actually believing is a sin in itself. Oh well, I am tired of complaining, hehe, complaining gets you no where in life, besides I am North right now and it's better to imaluate happiness rather then sorrow. Anyone with AIM or MSN, feel free to message me, I like chatting..okay I like chatting sometimes. =P

 

[seajoy]

Faith is not an emotion, so it really isn't needed for you to believe.
God does the work, not you.
Nothing is impossible with God. That is His promise.

 

[Zeena]

Man I post alot of questions, especially for someone who is not a beliver..I need to know this though from the Christian perspective, am I cursed?

I am probaly the most damaged kid you will ever meet, I mean I try and have a good personality and don't have too many tramatic moments in my life but I gotta lot of problems and more mental health concerns then you can shake a stick at.

I suffer from bipolar disorder. I have two sides of myself which I call North and South. My North side is pretty upbeat and happy but still pretty emotionless while my South side is depressed and dark and even more emotionally cold. In connection with this, I also have Boderline Personality Disorder, one I never truly feel I have but have been diagnosed with anyway where I tend to see things in black and white. Which..well I guess I do since I am an agnostic and only see belive in Christ or disbelief in Christ and this keeps me in the middle since I can't side with either side. Ontop of all that, I have Schizoid Perosnality Disorder...my big kicker. I have no real care top be social and prefer being alone plus I have no emotions.

I would love to feel real tru emotions but all I have is my North and South and that's it, beyond it I have nothing. People always told me I had a cold personality and I do, I won;t denie it, I have lived with myself for years. I build walls up around me and I don't want anyone into those walls but people always tell me it's wrong and yet don't explain why. Some people like stealing or murdering others so compared to that, my stuff pales in comparrison right?

I have few real confidants in my life and one is my friend Brett and pretty devout Christian. I can't remember how we became friends..or to as close as a friend as I wan't. I am willing to share and talk about anything buts thats just me but I have a hard time with attachments to humans. It's kinda hard to explain to hall full of highschoolers why your the only one not crying when we attende dthe funeral of a kid who died in a car crash at our school but anyway..he is the reason I came ino this forum, he knows about me and what not and told me I need to find Christ and that he could make me better and make me feel emotions and love.

Love is always something I wanted to feel. ANyway he said all these things where the devil and what not, I can't remember everything he said. He gave me a bible and I read it..studied it, breathed it and took in all the words I could..but I still can't believe in it. God kinda scares me and my disorders..if they are what are influencing me..or prevwenting me from accepting them as fact but Brett insist it's still just the devil. Am I cursed? Am I cursed by some devil or becuase of all my disordfers am I doomed to a life in hell, I can hardly have relationships here on Earth...let alone with Jesus.

God has Mercifully given us the answer to our need! :XD

Galatians 3:13-14
Christ hath redeemed us from the curse of the law, being made a curse for us: for it is written, Cursed is every one that hangeth on a tree:That the blessing of Abraham might come on the Gentiles through Jesus Christ; that we might receive the promise of the Spirit through faith.

Ephesians 2:14-17
For he is our peace, who hath made both one, and hath broken down the middle wall of partition between us;Having abolished in his flesh the enmity, even the law of commandments contained in ordinances; for to make in himself of twain one new man, so making peace;And that he might reconcile both unto God in one body by the cross, having slain the enmity thereby:And came and preached peace to you which were afar off, and to them that were nigh.

Philippians 2:9-11
Wherefore God also hath highly exalted him, and given him a name which is above every name:That at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of things in heaven, and things in earth, and things under the earth;And that every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.

 

[Gentle]

It’s extremely obvious you have a ‘higher’ mind to use a label and are quite young. You have to expect trouble with that and that there will be serious mental traps but with that same mind you can get out. Don’t try to be frantic about it though ever or try to CONTROL it and by that I don’t mean go nuts but self discipline needs to be strong so you can let go of control. The sooner you realize there is nothing you can do about it intellectually the better because no amount on intellect can get a person out and by that I mean thinking it out. You want to work towards the calmest mind possible, passive but at the same time accept yourself. Living in the mind does have much too offer as long as it has no darkness and I will get in trouble by this like I always do here, but you shouldn’t just stick to one religion or religious thought one way or another. Maybe you just read too much Nietzsche or something? LOL It’s true though, men like him are so brilliant if I was thinking of him in church I would wonder what odd notion brought me here. I’ve been to hell myself and wish I could just 100% convince you, your mind feelings that now I see where it’s where I was supposed to be. The only reason for saying I would be careful of any religion or thoughts of evil, Satan is because it can drive one over the edge if you aren’t in the right place. Believe me dude it led me down a very dark path because of how my mind interpreted not only all of life but God, religion and that’s the ultimate big. Accept, try to relax into life as impossible as it seems You will find Jesus but not by forcing it and when I look back now I see it was what was right for me and that I couldn’t be who I am if it wasn’t for the darkness. But without darkness there is no light. Knowing ultimately you will figure it out there is no time set and you know about time I imagine. Two things will happen in your life right now, either you will believe in God or you won’t lol You also know no matter of reading spiritual reading or forcing is worth anything and empty. Here’s where people get really angry and I get the usual PM about am I a Christian or about the Nicene Creed but if you study philosophy you might as well religion. The Buddha can help a person to see Christ, Hinduism can help a person to understand Christ so why it’s seen as somehow ant Christian, well whatever b/c again you don’t seem the type to just believe what you are told. Lol If it’s true you have the mind to discern that and if not you will see through it but don’t play a game of back and forth, just let it hang out mellow in the mind. So yeah, good for you man, keep exploring as only as wise person looks at all and not just one piece of thought. “I” have depression, “I” have mental illness, “I” suffer. Try to lose all those false ideas in your mind because yes while there is great suffering it isn’t you, or your “I’ and think something is depressed, something is bi polar ect. It’s not you though but in our minds we start to think “I” am depressed and that again is a dark path b/c you aren’t your pain or your joy. It’s just that I’ve been in hell as I said, the suicide attempts and so much physical illness that led to mental illness and the darkest of abodes in the mind. Slit wrists and stomachs full of pills a few times a year kinda deal.
Now I have no concerns, fears, concerns, depression, pain and to be honest I see everyone around me suffering in mental from agony that I can’t even relate to. Content, always….I am so mellow man people I know call me the Dude from the Big Lebowski and I see their point. I went from hell to whatever man and intelligence whatever that myth means only goes up. I’m too content for Zen man, don’t need to bother with it and yeah I lived 20 years in a place I can only describe as Poe’s world. Nah, relax dude you will figure it out, I couldn’t spell philosophy at 16.
You will be fine man
God bless dude
Gentle

 

[Bain_Adaneth]

I think it's becoming a norm, for people to be depressed. the whole world's depressed, you're not alone. As for your disorders....sometimes people are misdiagnosed...but I don't know you, so I can't say. Well, All I'm gonna say is that God loved you so much He gave His son to die for you. That's all that matters...He looks at what's in the heart. So...stop being depressed, and rejoice, start enjoying your life. be happy. God loves you. I know starting out to try and balance everything is tough, but don't quit. People survive life because they don't quit. Everyday is a new journey, take it and be happy.

 

[Jakkaru]

I am not depressed, just without a belief in god and a literal to the edge outlook on life, I tend to see things as generally bad, pessimistic and what not. When I am South I tend to be way more depressed but never suicidal or anything, thank goodness.

 

[JoyforJESUS]

My friend, from someone who has been diagnosed with PTSD, and BPD I know where you are coming from. I can tell you that Hope in Christ is the only way that I learned how to "feel" with real feeling, not those that I thought others expected of me. Part of the problem is that as young children we hear. "Why are you crying" I will give you something to cry about" or "you cant feel this way or that way" with hearing enough of those kinds of messages, we learn to doubt if our feelings are real. So my friend please asy something like this... I am crying because, I am angry because, validate your own feelings.! Your feelings are real!
God Bless You
"This hope we have as an anchor of the soul, both sure and steadfast, and which enters the Presence behind the veil, where the forerunner has entered for us, even Jesus...." Hebrews 6:19​

"Now if we are afflicted, hit is for your consolation and salvation, which is effective for enduring the same sufferings which we also suffer. Or if we are comforted, it is for your consolation and salvation. And our hope for you is steadfast, because we know that as you are partakers of the sufferings, so also you will partake of the consolation." 2 Corinthians 1:6-7​

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:16-18



"your friend, joy​