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Am I Crazy? PLEASE HELP!

Discussion in 'Struggles by Non-Christians' started by amicrazy90, Jul 4, 2014.

  1. amicrazy90

    amicrazy90 New Member

    3
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    Atheist
    Single
    First, a few things. Do not try and get me to believe in god, say the world is going to end, etc. If I hear this, my thoughts about religion will again... it's all about the money and it doesn't exist. What I am looking for is honesty. I was at first an ethiest and then as I started realizing how we're all energy my thoughts moved to new-thought. I have only been to a church once, maybe twice.

    I am starting to get concerned though that I may be losing it and need to seek help from a shrink. I have OCD, Turrets & Autism. I am here to see if what's going on is normal. Everything said here is 100% true. I know it will be hard to believe so if you have to answer (if this is true...) so be it. I am looking for answers. I live in Phoenix metro area of Arizona.

    I don't really know where to start so I will start with where I am now and work backwards.

    What i'm doing right now:
    I own a holding company / investment company that is in the process of fund raising millions of dollars to get into several markets from fund of funds (banks that invest in banks). I have talked with wealthy bankers and investors, a few billionaires and many millionaires with networths exceeding $200 million. Wealthy people from all over the world. I have connections through out the private equity industry now. I've been working on this since 2011 and things finally slowly started connecting in 2014 with commitments from people in the millions. Though, it was stopped due to external forces with something going wrong and investigations taking place due to alleged illegal activities that were done due to associations outside of my own business. I had tails, was monitored and survielenced. I have become surrounded by evil, gangs and what not with out knowing it initially. I have talked with a few of the worlds elite including a couple who are the top 10 richest in the world, have connections to people such as Jay-Z and the list goes on.

    What's been going on for the past decade.
    I went all the way through cub scouts, achieved arrow of light and through boy scouts and achieved Eagle Scout. I was invited into Order of the Arrow but for some reason went against it and said no. I have been surrounded by freemasons for as long as I can remember, but they aren't in my immediate family as far as I know. I was going to become a freemason in 2010 but I was told I wasn't ready and that I didn't have a faith, this was before New-Thought. Keep in mind, in 2010 I was only 20 years old. I know many well known masons to, living in Arizona many of them are here and in some of the circles that I am in. Recently, i've started to question their actual intention after exploring deeply what it all is. Sadly, I already made the comment that i'd gladly become one. They do a lot of charity work and so forth. It's like a continuation of boy scouts which has helped turn me into a better person. I've been an entreprneur since I was 8 years old, became an eBay powerseller at 15 and had a couple buy-out offers for start ups I had launched, 1 at $1m and the other at $70k. Sadly, looking back I should have taken them. I seem to be making mistake after mistake in business and have never truly accomplished a lot. In 2010, I got fame with over 100,000 fans across Social Media channels and in addition to that, my business at the time had a world awareness of around 5 million people.

    Here's where I am starting to get very concerned.
    I am seeing things that do not add up, my dog is going crazy acting very afraid at times and cowards and shuts her eyes and shakes uncontrollably because she see's something that isn't there. Even more recently, these things have started crossing over into my life where others can see these things happen as well. Due to not looking like a fool / attention seeker I am only going to share what can be accounted for by others who have been around me.

    1) My tv came on to channel 51.700 and was a religious channel saying I need to believe in god (channels for 51 end at 51.7) 51.7 was the same channel as 51.700. Perhaps it was a tv glitch? The tv's in my house have come on at night before but usually it's just static.

    2) Two days in a row, my alarm clock which was set to go off at 8am went off at 6am and the radio station was changed to a christian talk radio show.

    3) There have been moving shadows that do not belong to me or my friends. A couple days ago, there was this large shadow bird that came in from a mirror at my home flew into my office and circled my chair twice. It looked to be some sort of vulture and it showed itself. It had two black eyes. It then disappeared. My dog was barking loudly and aggressively.

    4) I was playing Grand Theft Auto IV and the game malfunctioned. This business suit guy came up, showed his face and he looked evil with black and red color face like the devil but he had no tail. A message then popped up saying (there gonna strip you) I still have no idea what this means. But then it got worse, a friend of mine appeared in the game walked up to me and looked me in the eyes in front of me for like 60 seconds. Then when ever you tried to get into a car, the car would start catching on fire, driving by itself and then blow up. This was seen by 1 other person.

    5) A burned CD a friend gave me, it became one of my faves of the week. I had listened to it a few times already. Then I was in my office listening to it again and a message took over the first 30-40 seconds of the song. It wasn't a song. The message involved power, taking over, etc. I'll admit, i've always wanted power and to become the next Warren Buffett.

    6) I've seen doorknobs turn on their own. I've heard people walking in my office who weren't there as have others who work with / for me.

    Due to the above things plus many more, i've ruled out that this can't possibly be pranks. It has made me question everything I know in this world and to start doing a lot of research, being very analytical that I am. I know things I never knew before. Things that I will not talk about here because 1) I will sound crazy and 2) I risk my life at that point. But, I will say this. Being who I am and the iq that I have I know some of you will know what i'm talking about and im not afraid to say that some of their agendas make sense and I am not against it.

    Then this happened:
    I had a dream this business man came up. Reminds me kind of American Pycsho and was telling me how God is the devil and the Devil is god. Exposed a lot to me and I recall getting shocked, amazed and very excited when I was told I will become the next elite if I sign. I don't remember the contract being long at all. Then he stabbed my right index finger closest to my thumb. Then, curtains opened and some people that ive met and worked with where sitting in the front row of an audience and everyone in the audience was clapping and cheering. I then woke up at 3:30 in the morning when this was done. I blew it off as a bad dream and went back to sleep. I mean dreams are dreams right? Then the next morning, I could remember it like it had actually happened. I looked at my finger where it occurred and this is where I almost fainted. My finger was cut exactly like the dream. 100% spot on, but it was barely noticeable. I know I did not cut this finger on my own because i'm a bit of a baby and notice pain fast. (lol "i know")


    Now before this all started occurring, there have been people who have come into my life who are very very very very very very religious and see things and have feared something behind me. Something not supposed to be there. One actually said, can I pray for you and this was in front of one of my business partners. We both thought she was crazy. Now, the past couple weeks. My dog has done the same thing seeing things that aren't there. According to my research, dogs see things humans can't.

    I am not a criminal outside of speeding with my car, I don't smoke. No drinking, Eagle Scout, no tats, piercings, etc. Never crazy and I was evaluated by a shrink a few months ago to see if I had cracked and the results turned up negatively. I am just a normal, hard working american who wants to become the next elite banker who has had nothing but extreme hurdles and struggles, even once connections and agreements were made. Prior to wanting to become an elite banker, I was simply a start up enthusisast, so much in fact if you search for me on Google, i'm everywhere from Tech Crunch to Twitter to Facebook to Wikipedia.

    All I want is to know if the things im seeing are real and what exactly is going on and to know if I did sell my soul? I know you will have a hard time believing me so go ahead and say (if this did happen) if it makes you feel better. I am afraid to talk about this to people because I fear I am crazy even though a shrink said I wasn't.
     
  2. Post Tenebras Lux

    Post Tenebras Lux Well-Known Member Supporter Staff on LOA

    +5,070
    United Kingdom
    Calvinist
    Single
    I suggest seeking professional help from a mental health specialist.

    I think they're the only ones qualified to deal with this.
     
  3. amicrazy90

    amicrazy90 New Member

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    Single
    If that's the case, I will certainly do it. But first, let me ask you why you said that. Which parts have prompted you to say this? That way I can weed out if I really need to see a shrink again, depsite the last one saying that I was perfectly normal.
     
  4. Post Tenebras Lux

    Post Tenebras Lux Well-Known Member Supporter Staff on LOA

    +5,070
    United Kingdom
    Calvinist
    Single
    I'll try and say this in the kindest way possible, but most of the post came across condescending at parts and egotistical throughout.

    That on its own is enough to put most people off and I'm probably going to have my candid opinion held against me, but I don't think many people will take the time to read through it all because of it.

    Anyway, the stuff that I think is mostly egotistical and condescending is, for the most part, completely irrelevant to your predicament in my opinion. All of that stuff aside, I doubt anyone here is qualified to interpret the other things and what they might mean. A person in the industry I mentioned has likely dealt with certain things similar to this or at least have the knowledge to give an adequate response.

    The site rules also prohibit giving medical advice or counselling in medical matters, so I think your best bet is to just book in with your doctor and have him refer you to the relevant people.

    Again, I understand what I said may be a touchy subject, but it's just my honest opinion and hopefully it doesn't cause offence.

    Hopefully things get sorted for you soon :)
     
  5. amicrazy90

    amicrazy90 New Member

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    Atheist
    Single
    Fair enough, i've known for years about the ego things and overall done a pretty good job of keeping that in check. That however doesn't mean i'm crazy and what i'm gathering so far is that the things i'm experiencing are happening because no one has called me crazy about what i've seen yet even though I guess part of me wants them to. Friends, Shrink, etc all say im not crazy. I guess the thing's ive found are true even though they sound insane and I wish they were.
     
  6. Post Tenebras Lux

    Post Tenebras Lux Well-Known Member Supporter Staff on LOA

    +5,070
    United Kingdom
    Calvinist
    Single
    I can't see why you would assume you're crazy though.

    I mean, mental problems can be incredibly powerful, convincing etc.
     
  7. paul1149

    paul1149 that your faith might rest in the power of God Supporter

    +846
    Christian
    Private
    Not all dreams are from God or have meaning, but some are and do. It seems you have exerted yourself making sure these were not pranks or random occurrences, and have corroborated them as much as possible. That's the right first step to take. I also know that dogs can sense unseen things that people sometimes cannot.

    From what I know of the Masons (I make no claim to have searched this out very far, but nonetheless it is widely reported), they do good things at the practical beginners' level, but as you get further up you encounter things you really don't want to be involved with. Things of a spiritual nature.

    In the Bible, covenants were always "cut" with the shedding of blood. It spoke of total commitment. Even the New Covenant was initiated by Christ's shedding of blood on the Cross.

    That last dream you wrote of speaks to me of a deal with the devil: earthly success at the cost of your soul. I'm not going to opine on whether the dream is legitimate, but the finger cut certainly adds a dimension of impact to it.

    I simply want to say this: If you do get into spiritual trouble, do not forget that the name of Jesus is the highest authority, over all the dark powers of the unseen world. His shed blood, by virtue of Him being the perfect man, is the greatest power. Demons must flee at His authority. If you get in a bind, call out to Jesus to save you. Here's one testimony of a hardened atheist who found himself in that kind of situation: Atheist professor's near-death experience left him changed.

    And no, i don't think you're crazy. Many people have experienced these kinds of things.
     
  8. Simpleman25

    Simpleman25 Member

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    Methodist
    Married
    First off the above post is incorrect concerning freemasonry. The prospect of levels has been shown to be false. There is no such thing as an inner and outer circle.

    My question to the OP is what does masonry have to do with what you're experiencing?
     
  9. chrisstavrous

    chrisstavrous Member

    265
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    Seeker
    Single
    Yeah mate you're crazy like the rest of us, alot of people think they know why and what you must do. But they don't know the cure for your type of madness.

    Work out your own salvation with fear and trembling.
     
  10. aiki

    aiki Regular Member

    +1,242
    Baptist
    Married
    CA-Conservatives
    Everthing in your post is either very broad, or very vague, off point, or bizarre. As a whole, your post says a lot without actually saying anything. Given what you've offered, it is really quite impossible to judge you as sane or not. Personally, you come off as a troll, to me. Your awkward name dropping and obscure descriptions of your efforts in banking seem very unlike what I would expect from someone well-versed and educated in high finance. Nothing in your post rings true. If you're having hallucinations, well, such experiences speak for themselves. The Bible says that "God is not the author of confusion." He has no interest in being obscure or mysterious about what His will is for us. If you think some of what you're experiencing is of God, then check it against His Word, the Bible. If you think it is demonic, well, it may be, but it is impossible from such a removed position for any of us to make such an assessment. Are you crazy? Again, we are not able to make such a declaration about you given how extremely little we truly know about you.

    Selah.
     
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