Am I being unreasonable?

[MNewYork]

Lets get to the meat of whats really bothering me. I went to the trouble of picking my husband out a really thoughtful Christmas gift. I got him a beautiful coat, scarf and tickets for us to see a musical together, as he is always saying we don't get enough alone time. I really thought this would be a nice way to get out for a night on the town and give him exactly what he's been asking for. Now granted the coat is too small, overall I think I did a good job, he was really happy or at least appeared to be. My gifts included the following: I got a YOU DO TOO MUCH desk calender, batteries (because I go through them a lot) an extension pack to a card game we play like 3 times a year, personal training sessions and discounted Sears emerald earrings. Now the personal training was a great gift, I specifically requested it. The earrings, now that's another story. I have wanted emerald earrings for a few years, but the ones he purchased aren't anything I would really wear. When I politely said I didn't think I would wear them, he became defensive saying her thought they looked great. In reality they are too small for my head, plus one earing is bigger than the other. I just feel like I put a lot of effort into his gifts and mine weren't really anything special. I also feel like he gave me stuff he wanted, ie: the batteries and game extension pack. I know I should be grateful for any gift, I just feel miffed and quite genuinely stiffed. The worst part is I feel like the unappreciative jerk who doesn't appreciate the effort on his part. Do I have a right to be kind of annoyed and unappreciated? I mean if I'm being unreasonable then I guess I'll just have to get on board and be okay with a kind of a crappy holiday.

 

[RedPonyDriver]

I think your mama should have told you that when you are given gifts you smile and say "thank you".

 

[pdudgeon]

sounds like the too-small coat and the not-the-right-fit earrings are a match in that both weren't just right:
you won't wear the earrings, and he can't wear the coat.
that's playing a game at giving where there is a gift, but a useless one.
what it means is that it wasn't really a true gift, but an 'obligation fulfilled and checked off the list, which in turn lets you off the hook.

like i said, not a gift in the true sense of the word, but a waste of money on both your parts.
you're married, but I gotta ask...do you two know each other?

the batteries are a practical gift, and the gift of personal training sessions shows that he was listening to you.

spending time with each other is a good idea, and the tickets were a pretty good try, but next time think of something that you can actually work at doing together.
sitting next to each other but paying attention to a play instead of each other isn't engaging each other, or working together to accomplish something.
keep trying.

 

[Saucy]

I'm going to be honest, but I think you're being completely childish and selfish. You sound like a kid who didn't get the gifts they wanted on Christmas, so they're going to stomp their feet. I'm not trying to be purposely mean, but that's exactly it sounds like. Christmas isn't about getting gifts. The spirit of the holiday is GIVING. Caring for the needs of others.

I think there's a disconnect between the two of you. It happens in marriage a lot. Something is off and needs to be rekindled.

 

[MNewYork]

I think your mama should have told you that when you are given gifts you smile and say "thank you".

I'm not ungrateful, I know what tact is and by the way, my mother has displayed nothing but class as I've grown up and aged into a self sufficient adult. I'm happily married and just a bit annoyed. Im not looking for a guilt trip from some ramdom person looking to "put me in my place". I'm looking for reasonable advice. Thank you.

 

[MNewYork]

I'm going to be honest, but I think you're being completely childish and selfish. You sound like a kid who didn't get the gifts they wanted on Christmas, so they're going to stomp their feet. I'm not trying to be purposely mean, but that's exactly it sounds like. Christmas isn't about getting gifts. The spirit of the holiday is GIVING. Caring for the needs of others.

I think there's a disconnect between the two of you. It happens in marriage a lot. Something is off and needs to be rekindled.

I'm not pouting, I felt let down as I felt the gifts I gave were more heartfelt is all. And yeah that was kind of harsh calling me a child. I love and appreciate my husband. I know he shows his appreciation differently, that's what I'm struggling with.

 

[RedPonyDriver]

I'm not ungrateful, I know what tact is and by the way, my mother has displayed nothing but class as I've grown up and aged into a self sufficient adult. I'm happily married and just a bit annoyed. Im not looking for a guilt trip from some ramdom person looking to "put me in my place". I'm looking for reasonable advice. Thank you.

Then quit throwing a hissy fit and act like you're grown.

 

[MNewYork]

sounds like the too-small coat and the not-the-right-fit earrings are a match in that both weren't just right:
you won't wear the earrings, and he can't wear the coat.
that's playing a game at giving where there is a gift, but a useless one.
what it means is that it wasn't really a true gift, but an 'obligation fulfilled and checked off the list, which in turn lets you off the hook.

like i said, not a gift in the true sense of the word, but a waste of money on both your parts.
you're married, but I gotta ask...do you two know each other?

the batteries are a practical gift, and the gift of personal training sessions shows that he was listening to you.

spending time with each other is a good idea, and the tickets were a pretty good try, but next time think of something that you can actually work at doing together.
sitting next to each other but paying attention to a play instead of each other isn't engaging each other, or working together to accomplish something.
keep trying.

Oh... see now I thought going to dinner and the theater would be romantic and we could talk about the musical afterwords. What suggestions do you have?

 

[snoochface]

You asked if you were being unreasonable. Several said they thought that you were. You were immediately defensive with them about their response.

Your husband wants you to spend more time together. Maybe his idea of spending time together is engaging with each other in a card game... that he gave you an expansion pack for so you can play more often and more enjoyably. Maybe his idea of spending time together isn't sitting in a darkened theatre listening to show tunes.

You say your gifts were more thoughtful. But you didn't get him the right sized coat. He tried to get you earrings you've been asking for, but didn't pick correctly. He tried to get you the training you asked for. It sounds like he put thought into his gifts too.

It does sound to me like you are being unreasonable. That was your question. You can be defensive about the responses, but if that is not what you wanted to hear, then it shouldn't have been the question you asked.

 

[Saucy]

I apologize. I didn't mean to be offensive towards you. But you can tell how your post came across to those of us who read it. More than one person. And you've had very defensive responses, which is natural. Did you come here so a bunch of people can agree with you so you stop feeling guilty? Yes, we've all said you're being unreasonable. Accept that answer or not, it's up to you.

 

[MNewYork]

Then quit throwing a hissy fit and act like you're grown.

Wow. I thought this forum was supposed to be open minded Christians willing to give advice with adult redric, maybe not in your case. I don't want or need advice from someone like you. You can go attempt to assist someone else with your endearing words of wisdome.

 

[Kenny'sID]

I know he shows his appreciation differently, that's what I'm struggling with.

And that may be all there is to this. I realize this may not help much but this is something I wouldn't worry about. You know in general he appreciates you, and if you have that, you have more than many.

Be happy, and enjoy the musical.

 

[MNewYork]

I apologize. I didn't mean to be offensive towards you. But you can tell how your post came across to those of us who read it. More than one person. And you've had very defensive responses, which is natural. Did you come here so a bunch of people can agree with you so you stop feeling guilty? Yes, we've all said you're being unreasonable. Accept that answer or not, it's up to you.

No no I'm not looking for people to automatically agree with me. I do appreciate the reasonable advice. I too can see how my post might have come off less than attractive.

 

[MNewYork]

And that may be all there is to this. I realize this may not help much but this is something I wouldn't worry about. You know in general he appreciates you, and if you have that, you have more than many.

Be happy, and enjoy the musical.

Thanks

 

[AvgJoe]

Am I being unreasonable?

Yes.

 

[Kenny'sID]

Thanks

You're welcome.

 

[Kenny'sID]

What is "redric"?
And your entire lead post smacks of nothing more than a bad case of "spoiled-bratitis"...don't like it? Too bad, so sad. Now, you ARE being unreasonable...you're married and don't even know what size coat your husband wears!

Time to realize that you are being a spoiled little brat and grow up.

Not saying that is the case here but your post goes to show, there are much worse things than being a spoiled brat.

 

[Soyeong]

Lets get to the meat of whats really bothering me. I went to the trouble of picking my husband out a really thoughtful Christmas gift. I got him a beautiful coat, scarf and tickets for us to see a musical together, as he is always saying we don't get enough alone time. I really thought this would be a nice way to get out for a night on the town and give him exactly what he's been asking for. Now granted the coat is too small, overall I think I did a good job, he was really happy or at least appeared to be. My gifts included the following: I got a YOU DO TOO MUCH desk calender, batteries (because I go through them a lot) an extension pack to a card game we play like 3 times a year, personal training sessions and discounted Sears emerald earrings. Now the personal training was a great gift, I specifically requested it. The earrings, now that's another story. I have wanted emerald earrings for a few years, but the ones he purchased aren't anything I would really wear. When I politely said I didn't think I would wear them, he became defensive saying her thought they looked great. In reality they are too small for my head, plus one earing is bigger than the other. I just feel like I put a lot of effort into his gifts and mine weren't really anything special. I also feel like he gave me stuff he wanted, ie: the batteries and game extension pack. I know I should be grateful for any gift, I just feel miffed and quite genuinely stiffed. The worst part is I feel like the unappreciative jerk who doesn't appreciate the effort on his part. Do I have a right to be kind of annoyed and unappreciated? I mean if I'm being unreasonable then I guess I'll just have to get on board and be okay with a kind of a crappy holiday.

By the world's standard, you have every right to be kind of annoyed and unappreciated. The world says that we can be hurt the most by the ones we love, but true love is unconditional and takes no account of its own, we probably just need them more than we understand love. We are depending on them for our sake rather than laying down our life for their's. Your husband likewise should not become defensive if he got your something that you didn't want, but should desire more than that to give you a gift that you would be happy with.

 

[Jane_Doe]

It sounds like to me that you two are having issues speaking and hearing love from each other. Is that correct? If so, then that's the bigger issue to work on than coat sizes and earrings (all of which can be exchanged/returned).

 

[tturt]

A couple we know agreed when they are at odds with each other before midnight that they would both apologize. It's based on "...let not the sun go down upon your wrath:" Eph 4:16