Am I being shallow?

[genestealerbroodlord]

I'm 38 now and since I was 16, I have mostly dated women who could be described as cuddly, But after dating a couple women who are not so cuddly, I found that I just don't find cuddly women sexy at all. If anything, I feel the opposite way.

I always said that personality was the only thing that mattered, But now I think I wan't a woman who looks after herself. I am not slim, I am around 20lbs over weight and would be happy to be with a woman of upto 20lbs over weight, But not much beyond that. I am not good looking, so looks are not something I care about. I do all I can to look after myself and would like a woman who does the same. I love going hill walking and camping and want a woman who will go with me and not moan about having sore feet or want to go home after 5 minutes. I'm not looking for perfection, as I'm not perfect, But to try to improve everyday physically, mentally and spiritually.

Am I being shallow?
Am I asking for something unreasonable?

Thank you.

 

[Belle703]

I don't think you're asking for too much

 

[Keith734]

I too look for women that take care of themselves. One that doesn't smoke at all,drinks very little or not at all and one that exercises and tries to eat right. That said I would not let a little extra weight narrow down my choices. So many factors are so much more important.

 

[dayhiker]

I think you have to do what you have to do. But as you know when we put limits on who we will date the field get narrowed really quickly. But I don't see any other way around it.

 

[GodsHandiwork]

I'm 38 now and since I was 16, I have mostly dated women who could be described as cuddly, But after dating a couple women who are not so cuddly, I found that I just don't find cuddly women sexy at all. If anything, I feel the opposite way.

I always said that personality was the only thing that mattered, But now I think I wan't a woman who looks after herself. I am not slim, I am around 20lbs over weight and would be happy to be with a woman of upto 20lbs over weight, But not much beyond that. I do all I can to look after myself and would like a woman who can do stuff with me. I love going hill walking and camping.

Am I being shallow?
Am I asking for something unreasonable?

Thank you.

Let me ask you a few of questions, if I may...
(and I'm presuming you care about whether your perceived as shallow or not...or you wouldn't ask the question.)

if I told you 'yes, I think it's shallow' would that change anything (other than, perhaps, your opinion of me )? You might think, "Who is this woman? She's calling me shallow and she doesn't even know me! She's almost 50 years old and I'll bet she's probably more than 20 lbs overweight and she resents any man that's looking for a woman that takes decent care of herself! It's not shallow! Of what possible point could there be to dating a 'cuddly' woman that I'm not sexually attracted to and isn't able to go hill walking or camping! I'm not shallow...really, I'm not!"

or

if I told 'no, you're alright...date whoever your attracted to', would that relieve this question in your mind about the kind of person you might be because your taste have changed to exclude women that are more than 20 lbs overweight?

Confused?...let me clarify myself.

The fact really is, my opinion doesn't matter a hill of beans. The truth is Christ's does. Is it shallow?..probably, maybe. Is it normal?..yes. Are we sinners?..yes. Will He save us?...yes. He knows your heart inside and out. He loves you unconditionally.

Philippians 1:6
being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ;

My advice would be: Quit worrying about your shallowness...about what type of woman you're attracted to and who you're not. Just love Jesus, love people, be you, give it to Jesus and let Him guide you. Open your heart to His will and when He brings the right woman along, you won't care about whether she's a triathlete or 21 lbs overweight...you will love her. Until then...have fun and enjoy dating.

 

[genestealerbroodlord]

I don't think you're asking for too much

Thank you.

I too look for women that take care of themselves. One that doesn't smoke at all,drinks very little or not at all and one that exercises and tries to eat right. That said I would not let a little extra weight narrow down my choices. So many factors are so much more important.

I agree, as long as they are at least trying to improve. I would also rather be with someone who doesn't drink at all.

I think you have to do what you have to do. But as you know when we put limits on who we will date the field get narrowed really quickly. But I don't see any other way around it.

I would rather narrow the field, than be with someone I can't fully love in every way.

Let me ask you a few of questions, if I may...
(and I'm presuming you care about whether your perceived as shallow or not...or you wouldn't ask the question.)

if I told you 'yes, I think it's shallow' would that change anything (other than, perhaps, your opinion of me )? You might think, "Who is this woman? She's calling me shallow and she doesn't even know me! She's almost 50 years old and I'll bet she's probably more than 20 lbs overweight and she resents any man that's looking for a woman that takes decent care of herself! It's not shallow! Of what possible point could there be to dating a 'cuddly' woman that I'm not sexually attracted to and isn't able to go hill walking or camping! I'm not shallow...really, I'm not!"

or

if I told 'no, you're alright...date whoever your attracted to', would that relieve this question in your mind about the kind of person you might be because your taste have changed to exclude women that are more than 20 lbs overweight?

Confused?...let me clarify myself.

The fact really is, my opinion doesn't matter a hill of beans. The truth is Christ's does. Is it shallow?..probably, maybe. Is it normal?..yes. Are we sinners?..yes. Will He save us?...yes. He knows your heart inside and out. He loves you unconditionally.

Philippians 1:6
being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ;

My advice would be: Quit worrying about your shallowness...about what type of woman you're attracted to and who you're not. Just love Jesus, love people, be you, give it to Jesus and let Him guide you. Open your heart to His will and when He brings the right woman along, you won't care about whether she's a triathlete or 21 lbs overweight...you will love her. Until then...have fun and enjoy dating.

I asked for opinions. I would not then judge you or ask who this woman thinks she is. Your opinion is important to me, even if it's not worth a hill of bean's to anyone else or in the grand scheme of things.

I am aware that only Christ's opinion really matters, But I wanted a less than perfect human viewpoint. One, I in my imperfect form can relate too.

Thanks.

 

[miss-a]

I think your desires are reasonable and realistic. You do not sound shallow to me. I also want someone who takes care of himself. I take care of myself. It's a big part of who I am, and I just wouldn't have enough in common with someone who didn't. I'm fine with that and don't feel shallow at all.

Blessings, bro,
a

 

[.Iona.]

I think you would be shallow if you only based your judgement of someone on their size.

 

[genestealerbroodlord]

I think your desires are reasonable and realistic. You do not sound shallow to me. I also want someone who takes care of himself. I take care of myself. It's a big part of who I am, and I just wouldn't have enough in common with someone who didn't. I'm fine with that and don't feel shallow at all.

Blessings, bro,
a

Cool. I think I just wan't someone that has the same respect for themselves I do and a similar desire to improve themselves as a person.

Blessings back.

I think you would be shallow if you only based your judgement of someone on their size.

I totally agree. If I or anyone judged someone on only one aspect of who they are, that to me is being shallow.

Oh and Hi, to a fellow Brit.

I just noticed. 500 posts. WOO HOO!