The celibacy thread got me thinking about myself.
I've been "saving myself" all these years for a godly, childfree mate. (Yes, I know it's awesome to be a V at 33, but please hold the applause.) Even throughout my teen years, I was never a skirt-chasing ladies' man like most teenaged boys usually are, but I suspect that was due in large part to the depression and severe lack of self-esteem I experienced at the time. Do you think I'm "destined" for celibacy, or do you think God will provide me with a mate as a reward and as a way to show that He can bless us even when the deck seems to be stacked against us?
I'm in the same boat... opposite end.
Here's my perspective-
I don't think God's called anyone to celibacy that didn't already have a desire to be celibate. That's really cruel. He placed the first man- void of depression and self esteem issues- with a wife because he knew it would help him. I don't imagine he'd do any less for you. In fact, I think this is one of those areas Satan would like to talk many people out of because he knows what a blessing it is to have- relationships, fellowships, in a deep and intimate way.
Unfortunately, our Puritanical culture puts a high demand on sex, and having or not having it. Satan would like to make you think God's withholding sex from you; but he's not. Or make you believe you've sacrificed something and therefore God owes you! Sex is freely available, but He asks you administer it in the way He knows will work out for the best and yield the best results- and I'm not talking about sex for the sake of having children, even though that is a fruit of the sexual relationship. He doesn't want to see you get hurt, just for the sake of "getting some."
Another thing, God doesn't "reward" some with mates, and others celibacy. Joining with the person God destined you for, is not a reward. It is a free gift that He gladly gives His children. But that relationship is intended to be a three-way relationship. Therefore, you could say finding the mate God intended you to have can only be found through His leading, and not your carnal sense- i.e. "Does she have kids?"
But I will add, that God is not dense when it comes to who you are in the natural. When you delight yourself in Him, He will bring you someone that you will find attractive, and top notch. Don't expect God to bring you a wife with a face you find grotesque, in the hopes that you will "grow to love her". God is the giver of good gifts, and He's not looking to humble you by bringing you something you wouldn't like. That doesn't mean you're getting Brook Shields. But as the saying goes, "You show me a beautiful woman, and I'll show you the guy who's tired of *sleeping* with her."
But if faith doesn't rise up and begin to take hold of you, what God wills, and what God's intended can be thwarted. I know people don't like hearing this, because they would like to believe that God controls everything in this life. But God is not going to violate your free will, or force you to take a mate. So you either believe and receive, or doubt and go without. It just so happens, he won't set you, or anyone else, up for rejection. Remember you're not asking God to find you a mate, but bring you to the one He already selected since the foundation of the earth.
But I empathize, because self esteem is such a high priority in today's dating world, and culture; and when you're a bit of a misfit in one way or another, it's hard to imagine where this mate is going to come from. Will they see you if you're hiding in the back of the audience because you're shy? Will they be disappointed they didn't get Brad Pitt- the confident stud, who's had tons of experience, and knows how to treat a lady!? If you're seeking a mate in the carnal realm, that's a possibility. If you're seeking a mate out of your own ability, and merits, it can be devastating.
Remember, "it's the goodness of God that leads men to repentance." Not the wrath. God's not going to withhold someone until you get it together. If you could, you wouldn't need Him.
Next time you're feeling lonely, begin to praise God for His mercy, and the fact that a loving God intended for you to "know your wife" and experience a loving and tender relationship. Tell Him, you have the worst self esteem of any man, but that you esteem Christ on the inside of you more than anything.
Last thing- I know alot of people who, before they found the one God intended for them, took a vow towards celibacy. It was a desire they felt was hindering their relationship with the Lord, and they just couldn't release the pain, and desperation because they had that loneliness on the inside of them. I do believe this is apart of resting in the Lord's plan, but it doesn't have to be that way for everyone. It just so happens, some of us have had our eyes out looking, and it's caused alot of bitterness, and resentfulness towards God, and it's thrown some into self pity- "I'm getting old." But it can't be something you do in order to prove something to God, it's got to be a desire to let go of the heartbreak.
God bless.
