Am I being "called" or not? If so, will I be rejected?

[LJW1971]

Hello everyone,

This is my first post here, so apologies for whether I use the correct terminology (or not)...

Apologies but this is a bit long, but I guess relevant to give a jist of my journey thus far...

From about the age of 15 I felt a strong inner sense of deep-rooted faith and belief in Christ and my weekly attendance at Eucharist really fired me up for the week ahead; indeed receiving the sacrament made me feel "whole".

Over the intervening 22 years since then a lot has happened. I have had two very violent marriages (one of my former husbands actually locking me in the house so that I could not attend Church). I was actually voted by the Parish Church Council to be a Leader for a recently planted Church's "Footsteps Into Faith" programme which I was willing to donate my spare time to. My then husband (who is not a churchgoer at all) said that I was not worthy and stood by my side as I made that telephone call to the Vicar to say that I had to decline the place. Much violence ensued in that marriage and it ended in early 2003.

I have also had two stillbirths (1992 and 2000) and a very hard time since my second divorce in 2003 due to such an intensive level of acrimony from my second husband. I am now remarried and have a wonderful husband. He supports my faith, even though he is not a churchgoer. He accepts totally my need for God in my life and "leaves me to it" as he sees the emotional and psychological nourishment my faith gives me.

We also have a son who is almost 4. I have two daughters to my second husband (the one who would lock me in the home) and they have recently decided to go and live with him. One of my stillbirths was due to a very rare but fatal renal anomaly in 2000. My son would be 9 this 14 Jan. Part of the cathartic process of dealing with my grieving was to study counselling, and I now coach parents faced with the terminal prognosis of their child to the same condition my son had.

Throughout all of the above, the personal and emotional challenges I have had to deal with, my faith has always been there even when I have been angry with God at my predicaments.

In late 2007 I spoke to my Priest In Charge about my sense of calling and we had a series of discussions at my home with my husband. I was due to have a report undertaken for her to send to the Director of Ordinands about having an audience with him to discuss my calling in further detail.

However, since that time, I have also spoken with some of my friends, a couple of which are currently going through the ordination process to become deacon. They have frowned on me as I am a married divorcee on my third marriage. They said that I would not be accepted by the Church at all and that I would be wasting my time. This really rocked my confidence, my self-esteem and my morale plummeted to an all-time low.

The voice, however, keeps echoing in my head...

Despite having a rather contented career, home life and lovely husband, I still feel incomplete. I feel that I am being drawn to ministerial work (I have a particularly strong desire to work in chaplaincy, given my stillbirth experiences and my listening capacity with my counselling work) in addition to administering the Eucharist, youth work, prayer meetings and outreach work, getting involved with steering committee work with other local groups, schools and organisations... in other words, becoming a Curate/Priest.

I am scared stiff, though... will I be rejected? Will I be frowned upon as my "friends" forecast?

Do I ignore the voice in my head and continue with my life, family and career or seek out whatever it is this voice may be asking of me?

To have survived what life has thrown at me so far has been difficult enough, and to be faced with the prospect of having my life micro-analysed over and over during the audience process petrifies me. I have nothing to hide and have dealt with any issues I faced, therefore I have no emotional baggage. The thought of peeling back the layers and leaving my whole essence exposed per se to all and sundry to be scrutinised, adjudicated and accepted or rejected fills me with dread.

I'd love some thoughts from members - what on earth should I do?

Thank you in anticipation for your responses.

 

[the.Sheepdog]

My beloved sister in Christ,

First let me say that you are an inspiration to me. Your story (testimony) of accepting all the bad/horrible events in your life and still bouncing back to praise God reminds me of Job. Thank you for posting.

I am happy that you have found a nice decent man to love you and your children and does not stand in your way. I pray that your loving kindness and steadfastness will bring him to Christ as well.

Ever hear the scripture " If God be for you, Who can be against you"?

We as Christ followers need to always remember that we all live in glass houses and have no right to chastise others who only desire to draw closer to God and serve Him. Your friends reference the scripture about Husband of one wife in saying that you will be rejected.
It must be so simple to blame others for our own lack, dont you think?

In a perfect world you would have been married only once I bet. I am on my 3rd marriage as well, at 13 years now and going strong. My first two wives left me while I was in the military and cheated on me and the first one got pregnant while I was away. I told her I would forgive her and accept the baby as my own but her guilt would not allow it. This is before I was a Christian. My second wife is/was a Christian but had an abnormal need for affection and I could not satisfy her for long. At 10 years of marriage she started collecting boyfriends. Again, She left to move to the UK with one of those boyfriends. I still love them both and pray for them but I am now where I belong just as you may be.

Be not concerned for how someone may judge you. Yes most organizations have to have some standards for those in ministry, and some are stricter than others.

if your organization fails you please dont take it as the Lord failing you. To him you are just fine as he understands your past and history. Please never give up your quest to serve Him. They say that Christianity is *not* a destination but a journey. I find that to be true for me and if it is for you then you are doing just fine.

If you have this calling you could no more deny it than you could stop breathing. Dont try to deny it whatever the church in your area says.

If turned down find other ways. other paths. Never deny Christs leading.

He would never deny you. Hold true to your calling and watch Him work!


I love you sister. I will be praying for you. Feel free to contact me anytime.


Bill

 

[vespasia]

Called deacons are meant to stand at the doors on the margins of the church...deacons are supposed to be servents not throw rocks.

Go an talk with the DDO, it is not about being rejected, it is about testing your calling how you have dealt with your life and your faith.

Keep talking with the priest in charge about your worries and concerns.

 

[LJW1971]

Hello Bill

Thankyou, dear friend in Christ, for the comforting way of your response. It uplifts me to think that yes, despite my failings, my trials and tribulations, there may still be work for me to do for Him.

Often, our vision is blurred by the infringment of others' thoughts, values and voices. I would perhaps, with hindsight, say that I am fickle to read too much into what others say or think of me, however would then in juxtoppose say that my response means that I take on board what others say and value their thoughts above my own.

Thank you for remembering me in your prayers; I too shall pay for you and the continuation of your work in spreading the Good News of our Risen Lord.

In Him,
Lynda

 

[LJW1971]

Hello Vespasia

Many thanks for your reply. I shall talk to my priest about continuing the testing of my calling and see what transpires. I feel very uplifted to have read your post and hopefully shall see the DDO in time to come.

In Him
Lynda

 

[Katifda]

Dear LJW1971,

My heart goes out to you for the trials you have been through, we all have been through trials so I know what you’re going through, …we must look at them as a refining process to burn off the dross and as Peter said we are to rejoice because we are partakers of Christ's suffering, so that when His glory shall be revealed, we may be glad also with exceeding joy, …I can see that the trials have only served to strengthen your faith in our Lord.

Maybe I can help you concerning being “called” as a deacon by showing you what Paul says about it to Timothy (1 Tim 3:8-10). May I point out that Paul gives a list of requirements to Timothy;

Deacons must also be of good character. They must not be two-faced or addicted to alcohol. They must not use shameful ways to make money. They must have clear consciences about possessing the mystery of the Christian faith.

What Paul is telling him is to look for these moral characteristics exhibited in their lives,

First, a person must be evaluated. Then, if he has a good reputation, he may become a deacon.

and he ends it with saying those who you see doing these things are deacons and deaconess.

As for the job description: they are servants, more rightly, …called to be those that wait on tables, they serve the congregation.

Paul then gives a second list of requirements that apply to husbands which certainly doesn’t apply to you (1 Tim 3:11-12).

Then in verse 13 he explains what is the reward for those that are serving as deacons or deaconess:

Those deacons who serve well gain an excellent reputation for themselves and will have great assurance in their faith in Christ Jesus.

From what I have read it seems that the Lord has been building up your faith and knowing He doesn’t waste His time, ...that means He has a plan or your life and the trials you have gone through is just a time of preparation for the ministry He has chosen for you.

I encourage you to continue listening to Him and verify what you are hearing in His Word, only you know what the Lord has told you to do and we must obey Him in faith no matter where that may lead us.

One last thing, those two precious children, ...they are in Heaven waiting for you (2 Samuel 1215-23).

I hope this helps my dear sister.

IN His Love, Gene

 

[GlennK]

Hello everyone,

This is my first post here, so apologies for whether I use the correct terminology (or not)...

Apologies but this is a bit long, but I guess relevant to give a jist of my journey thus far...

From about the age of 15 I felt a strong inner sense of deep-rooted faith and belief in Christ and my weekly attendance at Eucharist really fired me up for the week ahead; indeed receiving the sacrament made me feel "whole".

Over the intervening 22 years since then a lot has happened. I have had two very violent marriages (one of my former husbands actually locking me in the house so that I could not attend Church). I was actually voted by the Parish Church Council to be a Leader for a recently planted Church's "Footsteps Into Faith" programme which I was willing to donate my spare time to. My then husband (who is not a churchgoer at all) said that I was not worthy and stood by my side as I made that telephone call to the Vicar to say that I had to decline the place. Much violence ensued in that marriage and it ended in early 2003.

I have also had two stillbirths (1992 and 2000) and a very hard time since my second divorce in 2003 due to such an intensive level of acrimony from my second husband. I am now remarried and have a wonderful husband. He supports my faith, even though he is not a churchgoer. He accepts totally my need for God in my life and "leaves me to it" as he sees the emotional and psychological nourishment my faith gives me.

We also have a son who is almost 4. I have two daughters to my second husband (the one who would lock me in the home) and they have recently decided to go and live with him. One of my stillbirths was due to a very rare but fatal renal anomaly in 2000. My son would be 9 this 14 Jan. Part of the cathartic process of dealing with my grieving was to study counselling, and I now coach parents faced with the terminal prognosis of their child to the same condition my son had.

Throughout all of the above, the personal and emotional challenges I have had to deal with, my faith has always been there even when I have been angry with God at my predicaments.

In late 2007 I spoke to my Priest In Charge about my sense of calling and we had a series of discussions at my home with my husband. I was due to have a report undertaken for her to send to the Director of Ordinands about having an audience with him to discuss my calling in further detail.

However, since that time, I have also spoken with some of my friends, a couple of which are currently going through the ordination process to become deacon. They have frowned on me as I am a married divorcee on my third marriage. They said that I would not be accepted by the Church at all and that I would be wasting my time. This really rocked my confidence, my self-esteem and my morale plummeted to an all-time low.

The voice, however, keeps echoing in my head...

Despite having a rather contented career, home life and lovely husband, I still feel incomplete. I feel that I am being drawn to ministerial work (I have a particularly strong desire to work in chaplaincy, given my stillbirth experiences and my listening capacity with my counselling work) in addition to administering the Eucharist, youth work, prayer meetings and outreach work, getting involved with steering committee work with other local groups, schools and organisations... in other words, becoming a Curate/Priest.

I am scared stiff, though... will I be rejected? Will I be frowned upon as my "friends" forecast?

Do I ignore the voice in my head and continue with my life, family and career or seek out whatever it is this voice may be asking of me?

To have survived what life has thrown at me so far has been difficult enough, and to be faced with the prospect of having my life micro-analysed over and over during the audience process petrifies me. I have nothing to hide and have dealt with any issues I faced, therefore I have no emotional baggage. The thought of peeling back the layers and leaving my whole essence exposed per se to all and sundry to be scrutinised, adjudicated and accepted or rejected fills me with dread.

I'd love some thoughts from members - what on earth should I do?

Thank you in anticipation for your responses.

If you have a goal or a dream you never stop chasing it. Whether or not they accept you, you keep chasing that dream in your head... you don't ever stop because God didn't plant that dream in them, He planted it in YOU. Now, get a vision of success on the inside of you, and pursue that dream you have expecting success.. don't doubt yourself and hold yourself back, know that God wants YOU in the ministry and that's what you'll do. The decision is yours.

I'll tell you this... The devil would not put that voice in your head to be called into the ministry...

LJW, I'll remember you in my prayers. God bless.

 

[palatones]

Don't listen to voices echoing in your head. If you are feel you are called, you will know it as a feeling in your heart. Pay attention to what your heart is telling you!

Now the word says, "many are called, but few are chosen". (Matt 22:14)
It also says that a son has to be proved by the testing of faith, which is by a fiery trial or ordeal. (1 Pet:4:12)

So you have a calling - why are you consulting with men and church clergy, when you have the freedom to ask God to guide you to that calling? Remember, we are not to be led into spiritual truth by men, but by the Holy Spirit. Ask God and ask him what you have to face and overcome if you want to be a person useful to him. Do not be afraid!

The truth is in the word and unfortunately it is very different from what the church is telling people. Who are you going to believe? Your fellow church-goers, or God?
Listen to your heart and pray into it as often as you can.

In these end-times the truth is being twisted and distorted by the church. Don't listen to them. Men pick and choose things in the word which suit their comfort zones, but that which they fear to look into, are the very teachings which need to be examined and understood. Study the word, ask for wisdom and be strong enough to face your fears. Make a 30 minute, wholehearted commitment to God each day to read the Word last thing at night and stick to it. Jesus tells us, "unless ye remain in me, ye can do nothing". This will develop your faith and give you an idea of the deliverance which must take place by walking in faith before a called person can become a chosen person.

 

[vespasia]

Palatones,

The Anglican church has its own system of testing a persons 'calling' esp for ordained ministry.
Talking with the DDO and a SpiDir is the first step of this.

 

[Yardstick]

LJW, I don't see how you could be percieved to be unfit for ordained ministry. There is nothing wrong in getting out of an abusive relationship.

 

[palatones]

The truth is that our faith is not to be tested by any religious institution, but by God himself. Was Job tested by the church? Did the church send Jesus into the wilderness?

Interestingly, if you look up temptatus in the dictionary, it means testing, not temptation. The bible says that Jesus was tempted in the wilderness, but a deeper study of the latin reveals a time of testing, not just enticement.

 

[zayder06]

Maybe HIS road has rejection before you,maybe not.Continue your journey and never forget the road does not end at rejection

 

[whispershout]

Do your friends decide who is "worthy" or "unworthy"? Do they call and empassion and build up and support and love you, did they create the world, do they know everything?

I'd listen to the One who fits those criteria, and let their opinions fall to the side. Indeed, if God is with you, none shall stand against you.

 

[Aibrean]

Why does your current husband not go to church?

 

[PastorJosh]

Hiya LJW,

I want to write and encourage you to pursue what you believe God to be calling you to do in His service!

However, I also want to inject some other thoughts into the discussion.

First, I think the people who told you that ministry was not possible for you due to your marital history are not being very helpful. Certainly your history is something to be considered (please don't shut me down just yet) but your future is not determined by your past. These people should know better and they should try to allow for grace to bring about change in a person.

Second, and this one is very important, is that I would welcome you in my church and would love to hear from someone (anyone) who feels they are being called into Christian ministry. BUT I would also ask some very difficult questions. The point of these questions is not to belittle you or to disqualify you but rather to help you understand the importance of God in your life and calling. Here are a few of them:

Your previous two marriages ended badly. Yet you chose to marry, three times, men who were not Christians. Why? Scripture tells us specifically not to do this. This does not mean, in any way, that you somehow 'deserved' abuse or harsh treatment. Rather, I would want to try to help you think about any patterns of thought, feeling or behaviour that led you to do this three times in your life.

Second, what steps have you taken to prepare for Christian ministry? What steps would you like to take? how can the church help you? Are you prepared for the sacrifices involved?

Those are just a couple of question areas. As a pastor, my goal is to help people into ministry. however, ministry is a difficult thing and support is necessary. A good DDO and Spiritual Director will not be afraid to ask some hard questions in order to help you.

I do hope it goes well for you!

 

[JoReba]

Hello everyone,

This is my first post here, so apologies for whether I use the correct terminology (or not)...

Apologies but this is a bit long, but I guess relevant to give a jist of my journey thus far...

From about the age of 15 I felt a strong inner sense of deep-rooted faith and belief in Christ and my weekly attendance at Eucharist really fired me up for the week ahead; indeed receiving the sacrament made me feel "whole".

Over the intervening 22 years since then a lot has happened. I have had two very violent marriages (one of my former husbands actually locking me in the house so that I could not attend Church). I was actually voted by the Parish Church Council to be a Leader for a recently planted Church's "Footsteps Into Faith" programme which I was willing to donate my spare time to. My then husband (who is not a churchgoer at all) said that I was not worthy and stood by my side as I made that telephone call to the Vicar to say that I had to decline the place. Much violence ensued in that marriage and it ended in early 2003.

I have also had two stillbirths (1992 and 2000) and a very hard time since my second divorce in 2003 due to such an intensive level of acrimony from my second husband. I am now remarried and have a wonderful husband. He supports my faith, even though he is not a churchgoer. He accepts totally my need for God in my life and "leaves me to it" as he sees the emotional and psychological nourishment my faith gives me.

We also have a son who is almost 4. I have two daughters to my second husband (the one who would lock me in the home) and they have recently decided to go and live with him. One of my stillbirths was due to a very rare but fatal renal anomaly in 2000. My son would be 9 this 14 Jan. Part of the cathartic process of dealing with my grieving was to study counselling, and I now coach parents faced with the terminal prognosis of their child to the same condition my son had.

Throughout all of the above, the personal and emotional challenges I have had to deal with, my faith has always been there even when I have been angry with God at my predicaments.

In late 2007 I spoke to my Priest In Charge about my sense of calling and we had a series of discussions at my home with my husband. I was due to have a report undertaken for her to send to the Director of Ordinands about having an audience with him to discuss my calling in further detail.

However, since that time, I have also spoken with some of my friends, a couple of which are currently going through the ordination process to become deacon. They have frowned on me as I am a married divorcee on my third marriage. They said that I would not be accepted by the Church at all and that I would be wasting my time. This really rocked my confidence, my self-esteem and my morale plummeted to an all-time low.

The voice, however, keeps echoing in my head...

Despite having a rather contented career, home life and lovely husband, I still feel incomplete. I feel that I am being drawn to ministerial work (I have a particularly strong desire to work in chaplaincy, given my stillbirth experiences and my listening capacity with my counselling work) in addition to administering the Eucharist, youth work, prayer meetings and outreach work, getting involved with steering committee work with other local groups, schools and organisations... in other words, becoming a Curate/Priest.

I am scared stiff, though... will I be rejected? Will I be frowned upon as my "friends" forecast?

Do I ignore the voice in my head and continue with my life, family and career or seek out whatever it is this voice may be asking of me?

To have survived what life has thrown at me so far has been difficult enough, and to be faced with the prospect of having my life micro-analysed over and over during the audience process petrifies me. I have nothing to hide and have dealt with any issues I faced, therefore I have no emotional baggage. The thought of peeling back the layers and leaving my whole essence exposed per se to all and sundry to be scrutinised, adjudicated and accepted or rejected fills me with dread.

I'd love some thoughts from members - what on earth should I do?

Thank you in anticipation for your responses.

There is no such thing in Scripture as being "called" to be a pastor. The "calling" mentioned is for believers, and not for ministers.

The "calling" of ministers to be professional church talkers is a humanly contrived notion.

 

[Aibrean]

There is a Biblical basis for it JoReba.

Ephesians 4 makes this really clear.

But to each one of us grace has been given as Christ apportioned it. This is why it says:
"When he ascended on high,
he led captives in his train
and gave gifts to men." (What does "he ascended" mean except that he also descended to the lower, earthly regions? He who descended is the very one who ascended higher than all the heavens, in order to fill the whole universe.) It was he who gave some to be apostles, some to be prophets, some to be evangelists, and some to be pastors and teachers, to prepare God's people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ.

Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of men in their deceitful scheming. Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ. From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.

 

[JoReba]

There is a Biblical basis for it JoReba.

Ephesians 4 makes this really clear.

There is no mention of "calling" in Ephesians 4, Albrean.

It is not exegesis to add one's own ideas to Scripture, regardless of how popular a notion may be, and regardless of how wonderfully confident one may be when handing out advice, but is rather called "eisegesis."

Let me distinguish for you "calling" from "appoint."

Webster's Dictionary: "calling 1. An inner urge; strong impulse 2. An occupation; vocation"

ibid. "appoint 1.) To select for an office or position 2.) To fix or set by authority 3.) To furnish; equip"

Is it God's will for a pastor to be in his position by means of "calling" or by "appointment?" You decide.

If pastors are "called," then they are there merely by means of their own inner urge, their strong impulse, as having an occupation, and as having a vocation. No Godly person should want to listen to such a person or be under their leadership.

You are welcome.

 

[Aibrean]

Our definition is not the same as defined by you. There is more than one definition. "Calling" is being called by God.

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/Called

"To summon to an office or duty" is a definition for called.

The greek work "Didomi" (translated as "gave" as used in Ephesians) by definition has "to appoint to an office". I think they are one in the same.

 

[LinkH]

To the original poster,

I'd like to share a thought with you that might be liberating to you. Believers are supposed to be in ministry. Being a deacon or priest/elder are not the only ministers. They are not even the only ministers of the word according to the Bible.

The apostles appointed the 7, whom many see as the first deacons. Paul and Barnabas appointed elders in the churches they planted. Both groups were 'ordained', you might say, through the laying on of hands.

But then there are other ministries. It is unclear that an evangelist has to have hands laid on him to be an evangelist. Philip did, but that was in connection with feeding the poor. Timothy did, but that might have been in connection with the broader apostolic ministry. There is no indication in scripture that one had to have hands laid on him to be a prophet or a teacher. Ephesians 4 and I Corinthians 12 shows that Got sets these people forth in the church.

And these 'speaking ministries' are not the only ministries. There are gifts of exhortation, showing mercy, healings, miracles, and various other gifts and ministries in the Bible.

If God is calling you to a ministry, you need to find out what God is calling you to rather than just assume it is the cookie cutter deacon-to-priest type ministry you may associate with the word 'ministry.' All believers are supposed to be in some sort of ministry, and I Peter 4 commands us to use our gifts to minister to one another as good stewards of the manifold grace of God.