Always a friend

[inchristalone221]

Those of you who remember me no doubt recall that I am a horribly emotional hopeless romantic What's more, I tend to fall for people who are close friends of mine and it creates trouble for me.

Well I've done it again. My dear friend Ellie, who is just a fantastic person all around (not to mention strikingly beautiful) has always been very loving and supportive when I've needed someone to talk to, and I decided I wanted to spend more time with her. Well, I kind of started to fall for her. Then this past Saturday she and I went to see a movie together (we saw X-Men 3, good flick by the way). We had lunch together and went shopping, and she spent part of the time at lunch telling me about this guy she's going out with. From what I know of him, the guy is a real jerk, and they've had problems before. Well, he's moving away this fall and she's thinking they're just going to let their relationship go when that happens. Well, I just tried to do what I've always done. I've been supportive of her and I've let her know that I don't like that idea of him taking her for granted (he's stood her up quite a few times). Well, we had a fun day and I went home. Well, she was thinking about coming to spend Memorial Day with me, but since Saturday I haven't been able to get a hold of her (despite MySpace messages, text messages, and calling her cell phone).

My problem is, I'm getting the idea she's avoiding talking to me, and I think it may be because she has some suspicion that I care about her more than just as her friend. I don't know what bothers me more, the fact that I think this, the idea that she's avoiding me, or the idea that she'd respond that way to me being attracted to her.

Am I being paranoid?

Anyway, I just wanted to ask for prayer from fellow believers who know how these things can effect our emotions.

I've been attracted to her in this way before, and she knows it. We even talked about it (that'll give you an idea of how open we are with each other). She told me I was a "great catch" and an "awesome guy" but that she wasn't ready for that kind of relationship with me. So, I think she may have some idea that I've fallen for her.

Thoughts? Advice? Most importantly prayer.

 

[godsnumber1]

paranoid id say - she would have to be a clairvoyant to deduce youve suddenly fallen for her in the space of a few days,no doubt shes busy hence no replies,some women unfortunatly seem to get more addicted to the man the worse he treats her,ie standing her up etc....

bit of a lesson here,dont put all your eggs in 1 basket,i mean come on to strong to her early on,she will get scared,your a friend to her at the moment so a jump to you desiring her will shock her id imagine

just play it cool if poss.......

 

[Deliberatetourist]

Those of you who remember me no doubt recall that I am a horribly emotional hopeless romantic What's more, I tend to fall for people who are close friends of mine and it creates trouble for me.

Well I've done it again. My dear friend Ellie, who is just a fantastic person all around (not to mention strikingly beautiful) has always been very loving and supportive when I've needed someone to talk to, and I decided I wanted to spend more time with her. Well, I kind of started to fall for her. Then this past Saturday she and I went to see a movie together (we saw X-Men 3, good flick by the way). We had lunch together and went shopping, and she spent part of the time at lunch telling me about this guy she's going out with. From what I know of him, the guy is a real jerk, and they've had problems before. Well, he's moving away this fall and she's thinking they're just going to let their relationship go when that happens. Well, I just tried to do what I've always done. I've been supportive of her and I've let her know that I don't like that idea of him taking her for granted (he's stood her up quite a few times). Well, we had a fun day and I went home. Well, she was thinking about coming to spend Memorial Day with me, but since Saturday I haven't been able to get a hold of her (despite MySpace messages, text messages, and calling her cell phone).

My problem is, I'm getting the idea she's avoiding talking to me, and I think it may be because she has some suspicion that I care about her more than just as her friend. I don't know what bothers me more, the fact that I think this, the idea that she's avoiding me, or the idea that she'd respond that way to me being attracted to her.

Am I being paranoid?

Anyway, I just wanted to ask for prayer from fellow believers who know how these things can effect our emotions.

I've been attracted to her in this way before, and she knows it. We even talked about it (that'll give you an idea of how open we are with each other). She told me I was a "great catch" and an "awesome guy" but that she wasn't ready for that kind of relationship with me. So, I think she may have some idea that I've fallen for her.

Thoughts? Advice? Most importantly prayer.

She's one of the countless women who magnates to guys who treat them like secondhand garbage. The fact that you've fallne for her doesn't make matters easier. If you want my honest advice? Throw the monkey on her back. Cut off communication with her. Let her come to you. I woul;d say that in most cases it will probably happen as she will be wondering why you've distanced yourself. So you havw a choice - impersonate the jerk(which is the type of guy she's obviously attracted to) or continue being yourself and get used as a floor mat.

 

[Inperfected]

Be friends but be careful to align yourself with her intentions. I.e. if you want more than friendship, and she doesn't you are going to get hurt big time. So judge your actions carefully to see if you are spending more time with HER than other girls, or males remember. Exclusivity when you aren't together (ESP when she has a boyfriend) will only create rumors, pain, and anger. And believe it or, often confusion, for you.

 

[inchristalone221]

Well, just like I thought I was just being a little paranoid. I should have remembered that Saturday when we were at Starbucks her phone beeped and delivered a voice mail that had been left a week before. The same thing happened with my message. So, she's gonna come see me this Saturday if she can to help me celebrate my "official" high school graduation.

Thanks for your advice and your prayers. I'm playing it cool and just enjoying our friendship more than anything.

I'm just trying to cool down and work up to a deeper relationship more casually. I had a pretty painful breakup this past Valentine's day, and it was only in the last few weeks I've even been able to feel attracted to anyone (I was pretty crushed).

 

[Inperfected]

oh dear.

may i suggest you take it easy, and not try for a deeper relationship with this girl yet... it may not feel like you are rebounding, but you are. I did this with my current fiance (except he had liked me for years, i'd come out of the relationship) and around about 20 months after me and the guy broke up? we are still trying to work through trust issues related to the break up....

 

[California Dreamin']

It's not a bad idea to fall for your friends.

I have known Paul since I was 14 years old and we have kept in touch over the years. I dated several jerks and started working in March at the same place Paul works at, so we started seeing each other at work and realized that we were meant to be together after all of this time. Things have been going well and we want to get married, have a family, etc.

So you never know you may end up with one of your friends someday, you just never know when it will be.

 

[inchristalone221]

All the people I've ever fallen for have been close friends of mine. It's partly a good thing and partly a bad thing. The good thing is how deep my only previous relationship was. She was my best friend before we started going out, and we had an amazing, loving relationship in which we often could complete each others sentences and guess each others feelings without saying a word. It was really awesome, but it just didn't work out for a number of reasons to painful to go into. And that's the downside, breaking up with somene who is more than just your girlfriend can be hard because it means you might lose a friend (luckily my ex and I are still on very friendly terms, just not quite how we used to be).

Anyway, that's the up and down of it. I'm kind of hoping Ellie and I will have a shot at a relationship, but whether we do or don't she's a great friend and always will be.

 

[California Dreamin']

I was getting content with my single-ness. I used to feel I *had* to have a boyfriend and was starting to get over that idea, it was hard.

Then I seen Paul the end of February and my face was so red and I could hardly talk to him or look at him, and everyone around noticed. He emailed me a big email that night saying he wanted to try again with me because we had tried dating when I was 14 and still talked since. I said no. LOL. That didn't last for long.

 

[Inperfected]

It was really awesome, but it just didn't work out for a number of reasons to painful to go into. And that's the downside, breaking up with somene who is more than just your girlfriend can be hard because it means you might lose a friend (luckily my ex and I are still on very friendly terms, just not quite how we used to be).

Dating friends is the best idea ever! Dating friends that long, and that emotionally long, out of a relationship isn't.

I broke up with my ex 1.5 years ago (will be just over 2 years when I get married).... He is to be our best man. He's a lovely guy and I enjoy his company still, infact I've stayed at his place with my fiance for the past two weekends. But this friendship only came with time apart and God healing hurts...
If I hadn't let God in, I wouldn't be with my fiance now. Firstly, let your heart heal 100% then think on relationships.

 

[inchristalone221]

The thing is, I think I might be ready to move on. I mean, I love my ex, I always have and always will. She's been like a sister to me ever since we met. But I think I'm ready to move on.

 

[Inperfected]

I'm sure you are, otherwise the thing is you wouldn't even be considering this other girl... The thing is, theres a difference between being ready to move on, and have already evaluated the relationship with time. once it's been evaluated, worked out why it ended, how you did things that were a problem, and what was the problems with the girl you had picked... the next relationship is likely to suceed more. However, until this? the next relationship is likely to fail on the same/similar grounds as the previous relationship.

 

[inchristalone221]

That's true. Very good advice.

The thing is, my last relationship ended mostly because of factors beyond our control. Distance between us, age difference, etc. None of those things are a problem this time. And there was a bit of over-dependency on each other, but I am aware of it and I won't let it happen again.

All the same, I think I'll take it slow.

 

[Shazamataz]

Try be patient (which I KNOW is VERY hard) and wait on God. My boyfriend (whose name is also Paul!! ) and I were very close friends for a number of years before we dated. And the first time we dated, it didn't work out because I wasn't ready to be in a relationship at that time. I hated him at first, and tried to avoid him (really because I didn't know how to deal with someone caring about me so much!) but I really still loved him, but because of what had happened and how I'd hurt him, I was sure we were never going to be together again. I was sure it wasn't God's will after all that had happened. But God's will and timing proved to be perfect in the end and we are together now, its been almost 6 months and we are determining if its God's will for us to marry (and we're pretty sure it is!) It may be God's will for you to be with this girl, it will just be in HIS timing, not yours.