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Although I doubted, God was there!

Tappanga

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Mar 19, 2004
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I've been living by the skin of my teeth financially. There is nothing more to cut out of my budget and I still have no money, but I'm surviving.

Yesterday, I came home to find a note on my door from my apartment manager. It said that my April rent payment was returned and my May payment was overdue and I needed to come up with $1100 by this Friday or I'd be evicted. Attached to that note was a letter terminating my lease.

I was in a panic. I cried and prayed. Then I turned away from God and turned to Vodka. I'm not usually a drinker, but I couldn't deal with the frantic thoughts. The only reason I got any rest last night was because I passed out.

I woke up at four this morning frantic again. I hid under the covers with the pillow over my head trying to calm myself. I felt like God had shut me out. I felt like the least of Christians. I felt wretched. Most of all, I felt alone. I believed Isaiah 41:13 and Jeremiah 29:11 with all my heart, but here I was, alone and in need.

I came to work and checked my bank statement online. My May check hadn't cleared yet, but my April check cleared. I called the apartment manager. She said she'd made a mistake. She'd confused me with another girl that lived in our complex and she'd taken the letters out of my file already. She said I was not behind in payments with her, and please accept her apology.

I hung up and cried, ashamed that I'd doubted that God would provide and that he would turn his back on me. I am ever so humbled and give God all the blessings and praise. He is wonderful to me, and all I ever need. :bow: