Alone

[frida]

I have been a christian for almost 3 years now. I feel like God just keeps showing me more and more things i need to change. I have such a problem with people. I get very defensive and i take things perosonally. especially when it comes from other christians. It is not even christian telling me im doing anything wrong... i just am paranoid that they all think they have to cary me.. or something like that.

and i guess i do feel alone, i do not feel like there is anyone i really connect with or that i can be myself with. it is so hard for me to make friends.. and to not think.. badly of them eventually.
i feel like when people talk about God or what he is doing in their lives that they are either showing off, or that they feel like i "need" to know it...

and i dont really share what God's doing in my life b/c i would not be doing it for the right reasons.

and . i am just unsure of what God wants me to do with me life.

 

[HoT-MetaL]

Galatians 2:20
I have been crucified with christ, so that it is no longer i that lives, but christ who lives in me.

Frida, you know that you are the MOST PRECIOUS being on this earth, to God. You know that all those times you were angry at someone, Jesus took it away with a nail in his hand, a thorn in his head, a whip in his back.

Just allow God to work through you. He will heal your hurts. He will make you into the warrior of God he wants you to be. Just allow him to do it.

God Bless, metal.

 

[twosteppin]

the only thing i can think of to say is that you are not the only one who feels this way. i could have written that post myself. PM me if you ever want to chat. God bless you

 

[Apollonian]

Frida,

I won't say that I know personally what you are talking about, but I think that I can see inside myself the tendencies you are talking about. I have striven hard to handle them within myself. Primarily, I've approached this by first understanding myself - not understanding myself as I want to see myself, but rather to see myself as I was made with all desires, insecurities, and bad temperaments included. Then, just as important as understanding myself, I have striven to understand how other people are naturally different.

Once I began to see some of these things, I could begin to understand why the things some people say seem like grandstanding or showing off to me when really they were just being open with everyone where I would not be. The reverse is also true - I begin to see where I should hold back because other people don't expect me to be so direct with them.

I am, for the most part, a lone-wolf type and my temperament has a tendency to pull me away from socializing and more toward the plane of introspection. As such, it's often hard for me to make new friends and keep up with them. A lot of times I feel like, in the few chances I get at meeting new people, I completely blow it. I've come to realize, though, that it is important to keep trying.

I hope you won't be defensive if I am so bold as to say that you may be defensive with other people because you would be defensive about what you say about yourself. I don't think there are any quick answers to your questions, and so I only offer a possible path to lead to a solution.

i just am paranoid that they all think they have to cary me.. or something like that.

To speak to this, I think I can see what you mean. It is natural for those of us (myself included) with social reservations to be reluctant to ask people to go the extra mile when we are unsure we would do the same. It's a tough issue to which I can only say - ironically enough - we're all in this together. It may take a sharp eye, but look for people who seem to have similar reservations and then talk about it. It often doesn't show up often in people's facades, but I think there are a lot of people who worry about asking other people to 'cary' them. Maybe you can work something out where you trade off weeks where you cary the other person (by listening, helping, and being available)?

To conclude, I'm searching for answers on these issues too. Though I don't have anything concrete, what I've found is this... If I understand how I usually act and why then I can be conscious of what I am doing and seek to change it. If I understand how other people are different, then I can understand how (and when) I shouldn't judge other people's intentions to be the same as mine. It's really tough to do, and still after making much ground, I am nowhere close to being a perfect friend.

A couple questions for you: How do you think you need to connect with other people in order to be satisfied? What do you think makes you defensive?

I hope this helps and that I am not just salting the wounds. (perhaps a bit too much salt and not enough light, heh)

-Apollonain
INTx

 

[jshanks3]

I've always been a 'loner' - or felt like that anyway

I've been reading through 'Changes that Heal' by Henry Cloud

It's a great book that talks alot about loneness and the need to bond with others, and reasons that we withdraw. - I highly recommend checking it out and taing a look!

God Bless!

 

[Samuel0310]

Well, frida, I suppose you could talk to God (thru prayer) more about this issue; it is definitely the best solution to your dilemma for he says in Jer 33:3,

'Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.'

And regarding yr inner conflict with other believers, I would like to point out that it's true that some Christians do show off a little, but we can always give them the benefit of the doubt, at the same time praying that we listen and they share with a right heart. After all, we Christians are recovering humans, so we may still be prone to sin; even little (or rather not so little) things like boasting and envy for instances.

However, I would rather choose to believe that most people, when they share about God's blessings, their intent would be (and should be) to share with others how God has moved in their lives, and to glorify God of course.

I believe that God does not want anyone to be a loner, for we are the body of Christ; and a member of a body should never be isolated, for it cannot survive alone...

1 Cor 12:12 For just as the body is one and yet has many members, and all the members of the body--though many--are one body, so too is Christ.

 

[Walk in Faith]

I've always been a 'loner' - or felt like that anyway

I've been reading through 'Changes that Heal' by Henry Cloud

I've always felt that way, but i never thought it was a bad thing.
I'll have to check that book out.

Hang in there Frida, it will be okay

-amy

 

[frida]

thanks to everyone for replying to my post, just seeing that people care really helps a lot. the messages will help me to look at myself.. and see where my heart is. thanks again.

 

[Bartimaeus]

Frida,
I don't mean to try and second-guess you, so if I anger you, I apologize in advance.

How do you feel when others share. I mean deep inside, and not just that "Oh......they're showing off again." feeling. Is it as if what God is doing with them is, somehow, better than what God has done with you? In other words, do you feel as though your changes with God don't measure up to others? Again, I apologize for presuming. I just wanted to share a question that drifted through my mind as I read this thread.