All showered out

[Princess Pea]

Anyone have any words of wisdom and cheer for a 35-year-old single woman who has, since New Year's Day,

a. participated in hosting 3 showers,
b. sent a gift to an additional shower which she was unable to attend,
c. attended 5 as a guest, and
d. has one more in about ten days?

BTW, three of these events were within the past 2 weeks. I think that's why I feel like I just can't play one more round of "Guess the Baby Food" or exclaim over one more Pzaltgraff place setting without getting either snide or punchy. And, as I said, there's still one to go in about ten days.

I'm truly happy for all these wonderful women, and it's not a financial issue. I don't even begrudge the time. It's just these little thoughts that creep in. Selfish thoughts, like "If it is ever my turn it is SO going to be payback time!" And self-pitying thoughts, like "It is never going to be my turn." Lots of those self-pitying thoughts since my April breakup. And even really mean, nasty, petty thoughts like "Why does a couple who's been shacking up for five years expect their acquaintances to rush to Williams-Sonoma for a $15 carrot peeler just because they finally decided to do the right thing?" (OK, so maybe I'm not happy for ALL the wonderful women. But in that case I was at least happy for the parents!)

Sigh. Just venting, I guess. Anyone know what I'm talking about here?

 

[Stanfi]

Yeah, I think we can. If suddenly these people seem no longer to be able to relate to you, or feel that your problems of life are not significant because you are "left behind", and have not advanced to the next level with them.

 

[kelco]

Yeah I know what you mean. In the last 25 years I've been to countless showers, weddings, christinings and anniversery parties and sat there and thought the same things. I don't begrude the gifts or the time either but sometimes you do wish that all this was for you.

Sometimes people don't realize how you feel, they think that you should be just thrilled,but the only thing you con do is wish them happiness (but I put my foot down on paying $15 for a carrot peeler for pity's sake )

 

[Princess Pea]

(but I put my foot down on paying $15 for a carrot peeler for pity's sake )

Yeah, that may have been a slight exaggeration. I have limits too, but when people register at upscale places it makes it hard to stick to a budget while still getting something they'll definitely like!

 

[kelco]

Yeah, that may have been a slight exaggeration. I have limits too, but when people register at upscale places it makes it hard to stick to a budget while still getting something they'll definitely like!

I'm pretty crafty so I make alot of the gifts I give. Baby sweaters, pillowcases, etc. In my neck of the woods upscale is Wal-mart so a gift card there is always an option.

 

[KeilCoppes]

Is that like going to your cousin's wedding and realizing that just about everyone there is either _really_ young, really married or your relative? Water, water, everywhere...?

Let me add a counterpoint, though - I know of two couples married right after graduating with me from our high-school - divorced. My brother-in-law - great guy - divorced. Hmmm - you know, I suddenly sound like the fox - "those grapes were sour anyway". Don't let it get you down, though - you're being stretched, but God has a purpose.

 

[wvmtnkid]

's Princess! I know from whence you speak! Take heart, if you get stars for being a good friend, you should defintely have a sky full!

 

[Princess Pea]

's Princess! I know from whence you speak! Take heart, if you get stars for being a good friend, you should defintely have a sky full!

Thanks! That was really sweet - just what I needed!

Hmmm - you know, I suddenly sound like the fox - "those grapes were sour anyway". Don't let it get you down, though - you're being stretched, but God has a purpose.

Thanks - that's true, although if it were just wedding showers I could handle it better. But most of these recent showers have been for babies, which brings an entirely different kind of angst for women who have hit their 35th birthday. At wedding showers I can still tell myself I have time - God didn't build a biological deadline for marriage into women's bodies. Baby showers are a different story, and sometimes it takes all the acting skills I have to sit there and look as if I'm feeling nothing but happiness.

But in thinking about the whole thing some more, I realized that most of the babies honored at these showers have been prayed for, long-awaited, and in some cases even seen as impossible. Two were adopted, one was conceived unexpectedly just days before fertility treatments were scheduled to begin, and one was born to a first-time mother of 42! So I can see God's hand in these women's lives, and I just have to trust that it is in mine as well, even when I can't see it.

Meanwhile, I plan to enjoy an uninterrupted sleep tonight and a leisurely morning of preparing for church tomorrow ... some things these new moms won't be able to enjoy for another 18 years!

 

[hischildsindik]

I understand what you are talking about. It's never the gift or the time for me either, it's the tearing of the heart or the sound of the hearts desire/dream being crushed under the weight of yet another shower or wedding or... yeah... hold on God's God plans for you!

 

[KeilCoppes]

I don't get invited to baby showers for some reason, but it hits men as well. Although there isn't the physical limitation, seeing newborn children and little ones can bring its own aching echo to men who don't have wives or families. There's no way you can manage to have children 10 years ago, and if you never marry, no possibility. There's just something about little ones.

 

[hischildsindik]

I am sure Keil that men are hit by similar feelings as women when it comes to the longings and desires for family. I fully agree, there is just something about little babies.

A woman came into church today, with her twin daughters (dad followed moments later). They were sweet and adorable. Then when greeting today, this family came in, I've met the parents before, but not the kids... they came up to me with open arms and all 3 of them wanted hugs. I wanted to swoop all of them up in my arms and just keep them there in a bear hug. It was precious.

 

[jenptcfan]

If the showers are really starting to get to you, consider dropping a gift by and not staying for the whole shower. Just stay long enough to give the one being showered your best wishes and have a glass of punch.

That many showers in such a short amount of time would start to drive anyone crazy.

 

[Princess Pea]

Although there isn't the physical limitation, seeing newborn children and little ones can bring its own aching echo to men who don't have wives or families.

I'm glad you said that, Keil - I hadn't ever thought about that. Too busy being in a snit over the injustice of women having biological clocks, I guess! I'll be more sensitive now.

 

[Princess Pea]

If the showers are really starting to get to you, consider dropping a gift by and not staying for the whole shower. Just stay long enough to give the one being showered your best wishes and have a glass of punch.

That many showers in such a short amount of time would start to drive anyone crazy.

Good thought! All this has made me think pretty hard about what kind of bride or mom-to-be I'd want to be should it ever be my turn. Frankly, my house is already fully stocked, and if I were to combine households with someone else, I wouldn't need a shower so much as a yard sale!

 

[KeilCoppes]

I'm glad you said that, Keil - I hadn't ever thought about that. Too busy being in a snit over the injustice of women having biological clocks, I guess! I'll be more sensitive now.

Well, know you're not alone. As men get older, the women that they can reasonably marry get older as well, and as men they stand to lose the same dreams, though adoption is of course an option. We share some of the same clock, though, just once removed.

I'm doing better today, though - one of the families in our church has the most charming little girls. Brianna is cute as a button and at that semi-shy, teasing, semi-outgoing stage. I got several smiles, so I'm charged up again. :^)

 

[Princess Pea]

Well, know you're not alone. As men get older, the women that they can reasonably marry get older as well, and as men they stand to lose the same dreams, though adoption is of course an option. We share some of the same clock, though, just once removed.

Again, excellent point! How wonderful that there are men out there who haven't decided to solve the problem by finding a younger woman instead!

I'm doing better today, though - one of the families in our church has the most charming little girls. Brianna is cute as a button and at that semi-shy, teasing, semi-outgoing stage. I got several smiles, so I'm charged up again. :^)

Awww ...

 

[KeilCoppes]

(On Miss Bri)
Awww ...

(smile) That's the heart of it all - she's precious. :^)

 

[wvmtnkid]

Thanks! That was really sweet - just what I needed!

You're very welcome!

Thanks - that's true, although if it were just wedding showers I could handle it better. But most of these recent showers have been for babies, which brings an entirely different kind of angst for women who have hit their 35th birthday. At wedding showers I can still tell myself I have time - God didn't build a biological deadline for marriage into women's bodies. Baby showers are a different story, and sometimes it takes all the acting skills I have to sit there and look as if I'm feeling nothing but happiness.

But in thinking about the whole thing some more, I realized that most of the babies honored at these showers have been prayed for, long-awaited, and in some cases even seen as impossible. Two were adopted, one was conceived unexpectedly just days before fertility treatments were scheduled to begin, and one was born to a first-time mother of 42! So I can see God's hand in these women's lives, and I just have to trust that it is in mine as well, even when I can't see it.

Just know you are not alone in having these feelings, dear heart. We have a new family that has started coming to my church, and they are sitting right in front of me. The wife is very, very pregnant. While I am rejoicing over a new, young family (we sorely need this age group in my church), part of me is slightly melancholy. I just wonder if I will ever get to experience that joy. One of my very close friends just had a baby on Friday-she is 36 and it was her first. So I know there is hope. Just gotta keep trusting and praying I suppose.