Too many times have I betrayed my Lord Jesus as I wallow in my own sins. I listen to a prophet named Jan Boshoff who teaches of repentance and the requirements of being a Christian (repentance, forsaking sin, loving Jesus with all your heart, yielding to him, living as sinlessly as possible, worshiping Jesus and not relying on the Bible or church for salvation, and trusting his sacrifice while not treating it like a credit card). I guess I'm depressed 'cause I'll never know the love of Jesus if I can't trust him. But how can you love or trust someone you've never met personally. In a matter of weeks, I've gone against the Bible, left my church, and have lost my purpose in Christ. Having a form of godliness, but denying its power. To make matters worse, I called the Holy Spirit something I shouldn't of today thanks to my intrusive thoughts. Knowing that I have no control over these thoughts, I know that I'm not responsible; still... What I'd do just to talk face to face to him for five minutes.