All I do is fail

[port41919]

I have been following Jesus for over 16 years now. I have given up all worldly forms of entertainment. I have even given up hobbies. I try to stay away from negativity and evil people which is easy to do since I do not work outside the home. I take care of myself, since my body is a temple. I am constantly aware of what I am putting into my body and my mind. I will not pollute it. I read my Bible daily and I pray often, but yet I still fail God. I do not attend church with others, because I have never found a decent church. I could care less about denominations because I want a Bible believing and preaching church, and I have not found one yet. Honestly, I do not believe you need to be in church to worship God since God is everywhere.

Most churches and denominations in my opinion are preaching false doctrine. I do not want to be led astray. I am actually OK with not being in a church. I do not need to be around other people to worship God. I find I do not want to be around many people anymore and again, I am OK with that. I used to be very outgoing and social and I am not anymore. I prefer spending my time in solitude.

The issues are simple. If I have a bad thought, I repent of it to God as soon as possible. If I have a bad reaction, I repent of that also. If I say something or do something that is wrong, I have to immediately admit that I was wrong and ask God for his forgiveness. But it just seems that no matter what I do I’m always feeling absolutely guilty and horrible no matter what. I am a failure. I am not doing what I am suposed to be doing. I am breaking God’s rules for the life I am to live. I feel that I am a horrible Christian and God must be so displeased with me. I deserve nothing.

I try so hard to do exactly what the Bible tells me to do and what God asks of me, but I keep failing. This causes me to clamp down on myself to be worthy of God’s forgiveness. I am constantly asking God what else I need to get rid of out of my life that is not good for me. All I want to do is please Him. I do not want to sin against my God. But it just seems that no matter what I do I am always failing no matter what. Then I think to myself well that’s it..you keep on doing (minor) stupid things even though you’re repenting of it and are truly sorry for them but you are not going to be with Jesus because you can not control yourself. (With the examples I provided) I just do not feel I will ever make it into Heaven. The punishment will be Hell.

I feel like I’m going to be stuck here on earth during the tribulation, and I’m going to have only myself to blame because I am weak. I have been feeling this way for over 16 years. These feelings do not get any better. They get worse. With everything that’s going on in the world and how we are getting closer to the end times (in my opinion) this causes more stress on me. I do not want to be here when that happens. I have been praying to God over and over to be relieved of this. The anxiety alone is a real problem, so are the anxiety attacks that wake me up every morning. They also come on out of the blue. I will not go to see a counselor or a therapist since I don’t trust them at all. Many years ago before I was a Christian I had a few bad experiences with them. Never again. I also don’t believe in taking medication that will do more harm than good.

Does anyone else feel this way or is anyone else experiencing this?

 

[port41919]

The Bible states many times the importance of going to church (God's people are the church). We need relationship with other Christians. I have tried to follow the Lord alone and it does not work nor is it obedient to God's Word. No churches are perfect. Not a one. Why? Because people sin and fall short of the glory of God as stated in the Bible. When you love God you want to go be around other Christians and worship Him with other Christians. It is a natural response to loving Him. Go to groups and get to know a few people, but always exam yourself.
Psalm 139:23–24 — The New International Version (NIV)
23 Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.
10 The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.
Who has control of your thoughts? You, Satan or God?
I hope this helps you. God bless you!

 

[Perrero]

Unfortunately, we are not called to live in a bubble. That doesn’t quite square with, “Go ye into the world and make disciples of all nations”. This tells you that your bubble should be “the world” and then in order to disciple people, you must be involved in their lives like Jesus was involve with His disciples, 365 days/year for 3 years. And I can guarantee that He had his frustrations with them. You can only imagine 12 testosterone filled men who each thought that they could fix the others. But through it all Jesus was able to build his church starting with them. The church being the Body of Christ in which you were baptized at the moment of salvation.

1 Corinthians 12:13 “For by one Spirit are we all baptized into one body …”

As a member of this body, you cannot say you have no need for others, nor can we say we have no need for you.

1 Cor. 12:14- 20 “14 For in fact the body is not one member but many. 15 If the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I am not of the body,” is it therefore not of the body? 16 And if the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I am not of the body,” is it therefore not of the body? 17 If the whole body were an eye, where would be the hearing? If the whole were hearing, where would be the smelling? 18 But now God has set the members, each one of them, in the body just as He pleased. 19 And if they were all one member, where would the body be? 20 But now indeed there are many members, yet one body.”

Hebrews 10:24-25 is clear on the importance of gathering together.

24 And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works: 25 Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching.

Do you want to become a disciple of Christ as you are called to be. Here’s the recipe for that.

2 Peter 1:5-7 “5 But also for this very reason, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue, to virtue knowledge, 6 to knowledge self-control, to self-control perseverance, to perseverance godliness, 7 to godliness brotherly kindness, and to brotherly kindness love.

It starts with faith and ends in Agape love (God’s love), but just before that you must master brotherly love. And how can you do that if you don’t mix with the brethren and become part of a church, a body even a group. Sure, there are a lot of imperfect ones and when you or I step in the door it becomes even more imperfect. To think that you don’t need that or that you are better than that makes you self-righteous.

To NOT be involved in some kind of body makes you disobedient and is probably why you are having difficulties with sin and failure and your thought life. You will not have victory over thoughts, doubts, imaginations, etc. if you walk in disobedience. It is the last 4 words of the verse below that activates the breaking down of strongholds.

2 Cor. 10:3-6

3 For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh. 4 For the weapons of our warfare are not [a]carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, 5 casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ, 6 and being ready to punish all disobedience when your obedience is fulfilled.

There are no islands in the Lord. Remember God requires obedience more than anything else you’re doing

1 Sam 15:22

22 And Samuel said, Hath the Lord as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices, as in obeying the voice of the Lord? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to hearken than the fat of rams.

 

[Aldebaran]

I can’t remember who mentioned this in the thread, but Christian counseling Is not an option for me.

I've noticed that you said that writing here gives you anxiety, but please understand that you're among friends here on this site. I hope you will continue sharing your thoughts with us about your concerns. Fellowship is very important, and we can give you that here.

 

[lsume]

Dear Sister you have picked up you cross and traveled far with the Lord and for this He is well pleased. From your post you have traveled further than most, but you still find yourself in need of the blood. It will always be so. The blood is for where you are not the cross is for where He is taking you. You will always be standing between the two.

He will never allow you to find perfection in yourself. The more you look there the more desperate you will become. He will break you of that. The desert He leads us into finds everything out. There is nothing that furnace doesn't reveal about ourselves. It leaves no stone unturned. You will never get to the end of yourself. There will always be more.

What is the secret then? Bear the humility of where you are not, sit in the blood, and trust the process He is using for where He is taking you. It seems slow. But He is thorough. There is nothing like that furnace to conform us into the image of Christ. He is wise. He is patient. Trust the process. Our self love hates being exposed for the fraud that it is. But let Him shine the light where He may. When we are no longer surprised at what He reveals we will have made progress. Just bear it in love for Him, pick up your cross and carry on. Do the next thing He gives you to do in the Spirit and it will be enough. All you have is today.

2Cor.12​

1. [9] And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

2. 1Cor.1​

   1. [25] Because the foolishness of God is wiser than men; and the weakness of God is stronger than men.

   2. 1Cor.15​

      1. [43] It is sown in dishonour; it is raised in glory: it is sown in weakness; it is raised in power:

 

[SeventhFisherofMen]

I have been following Jesus for over 16 years now. I have given up all worldly forms of entertainment. I have even given up hobbies. I try to stay away from negativity and evil people which is easy to do since I do not work outside the home. I take care of myself, since my body is a temple. I am constantly aware of what I am putting into my body and my mind. I will not pollute it. I read my Bible daily and I pray often, but yet I still fail God. I do not attend church with others, because I have never found a decent church. I could care less about denominations because I want a Bible believing and preaching church, and I have not found one yet. Honestly, I do not believe you need to be in church to worship God since God is everywhere.

Most churches and denominations in my opinion are preaching false doctrine. I do not want to be led astray. I am actually OK with not being in a church. I do not need to be around other people to worship God. I find I do not want to be around many people anymore and again, I am OK with that. I used to be very outgoing and social and I am not anymore. I prefer spending my time in solitude.

The issues are simple. If I have a bad thought, I repent of it to God as soon as possible. If I have a bad reaction, I repent of that also. If I say something or do something that is wrong, I have to immediately admit that I was wrong and ask God for his forgiveness. But it just seems that no matter what I do I’m always feeling absolutely guilty and horrible no matter what. I am a failure. I am not doing what I am suposed to be doing. I am breaking God’s rules for the life I am to live. I feel that I am a horrible Christian and God must be so displeased with me. I deserve nothing.

I try so hard to do exactly what the Bible tells me to do and what God asks of me, but I keep failing. This causes me to clamp down on myself to be worthy of God’s forgiveness. I am constantly asking God what else I need to get rid of out of my life that is not good for me. All I want to do is please Him. I do not want to sin against my God. But it just seems that no matter what I do I am always failing no matter what. Then I think to myself well that’s it..you keep on doing (minor) stupid things even though you’re repenting of it and are truly sorry for them but you are not going to be with Jesus because you can not control yourself. (With the examples I provided) I just do not feel I will ever make it into Heaven. The punishment will be Hell.

I feel like I’m going to be stuck here on earth during the tribulation, and I’m going to have only myself to blame because I am weak. I have been feeling this way for over 16 years. These feelings do not get any better. They get worse. With everything that’s going on in the world and how we are getting closer to the end times (in my opinion) this causes more stress on me. I do not want to be here when that happens. I have been praying to God over and over to be relieved of this. The anxiety alone is a real problem, so are the anxiety attacks that wake me up every morning. They also come on out of the blue. I will not go to see a counselor or a therapist since I don’t trust them at all. Many years ago before I was a Christian I had a few bad experiences with them. Never again. I also don’t believe in taking medication that will do more harm than good.

Does anyone else feel this way or is anyone else experiencing this?

If only i had read this sooner, i feel as though i am talking to myself by responding to you.

Well since you are so similar to me i will tell you what helps me. Build. Build with truth, draw, design your armor of Jesus listed in Ephesians, clean up your life little by little, take baby steps don't be tough on yourself Jesus is still with you there's a reason you're alive He hasn't left Jesus will not leave you. When you're feeling frustrated because it's so hard make a simple meal, lay in bed, read some scripture, tell Jesus you are frustrated. Jesus of all beings knows how you feel, remember He had no place to lay His head, but you have a home, a room, you have Jesus who is with you always. Don't feel like you have to do it on your own Jesus is with you even if you can't see Him. Some days may be tough but not all, when you feel the sun shine through your window take rest, learn to be ok with silence. Learn to build up and prepare spiritually, learn to take breaks get out and walk if need be turn off the noise mentally Jesus knows you need breaks and you are not compromising by taking breaks you have not forgotten what you learned. Take each day one day at a time, when you feel good plant seeds in the future telling yourself you can accomplish more the next day or so. i want to let you know i understand. Don't dwell on your mistakes, picture those past failures as documents being shredded and forgiven by Jesus, the enemy wants to remind you but Jesus wants you and Him to forget (Hebrews 8:12 "For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sin no more"). I don't usually tell people every detail of what helps me.

And just so you know life can be difficult for everyone. i've noticed it's been tough lately for people around me you're not alone. Remember Jesus calls you friend (John 15:15) as His friend know He hears your prayer for forgiveness and He often ate there is something to do. It is good to find joy in the little things. Find people you can talk to about scripture there hopefully is someone, if not message me please i'm always checking CF and i never thought i'd meet someone just like myself here but here you are and i'm not joking i literally go through so much of what you described my wife thinks i'm funny i have to stop mid-whatever i'm doing and pray for forgiveness it's true. Find a hobby but one that does not take up all your time, but that can be a rest to do. Jesus fished. Do good at your work Jesus was a carpenter. Remember Ecclesiastes 5:18 "This is what I have observed to be good: that it is appropriate for a person to eat, to drink and to find satisfaction in their toilsome labor under the sun during the few days of life God has given them—for this is their lot. 19Moreover, when God gives someone wealth and possessions, and the ability to enjoy them, to accept their lott and be happy in their toil—this is a gift of God.20They seldom reflect on the days of their life, because God keeps them occupied with gladness of heart." That is literal scripture, Solomon who knew all the wisdom God gave him and this was before tv and entertainment like we have it today, he said what is still true today.

Be encouraged you will make it home to Heaven someday, and we have a great cloud of witnesses up in Heaven cheering us on DO NOT GIVE UP

 

[Paul4JC]

The danger is falling into your own bondage(out of church) or the bondage of others(in a church). God knows our failures and still loves us. If the disciples were to forgive 70x7, why do we imagine that God can't forgive us?

I'm paraphrasing some quotes from my favorite sermons.

"God knows all about you, and loves you still."

"God's people make the narrow way, narrower than it's supposed to be."

"The victorious Christian life is not in the absence of problems, failure, (etc.), and even sin, but in the midst of it. The key is not just living victoriously, but knowing what to do when you don't."

" A lady came up to John Wesley, "why do you go on and on about being filled with the Holy Spirit!?" He responded, "lady, I leak!"

"Know where the refills are."

"Mountain top experience, or valley experience, God remains the same, yesterday, today, and forever."

[1Jo 1:9 NIV] If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

 

[nhisname]

I have been following Jesus for over 16 years now. I have given up all worldly forms of entertainment. I have even given up hobbies. I try to stay away from negativity and evil people which is easy to do since I do not work outside the home. I take care of myself, since my body is a temple. I am constantly aware of what I am putting into my body and my mind. I will not pollute it. I read my Bible daily and I pray often, but yet I still fail God. I do not attend church with others, because I have never found a decent church. I could care less about denominations because I want a Bible believing and preaching church, and I have not found one yet. Honestly, I do not believe you need to be in church to worship God since God is everywhere.

Most churches and denominations in my opinion are preaching false doctrine. I do not want to be led astray. I am actually OK with not being in a church. I do not need to be around other people to worship God. I find I do not want to be around many people anymore and again, I am OK with that. I used to be very outgoing and social and I am not anymore. I prefer spending my time in solitude.

The issues are simple. If I have a bad thought, I repent of it to God as soon as possible. If I have a bad reaction, I repent of that also. If I say something or do something that is wrong, I have to immediately admit that I was wrong and ask God for his forgiveness. But it just seems that no matter what I do I’m always feeling absolutely guilty and horrible no matter what. I am a failure. I am not doing what I am suposed to be doing. I am breaking God’s rules for the life I am to live. I feel that I am a horrible Christian and God must be so displeased with me. I deserve nothing.

I try so hard to do exactly what the Bible tells me to do and what God asks of me, but I keep failing. This causes me to clamp down on myself to be worthy of God’s forgiveness. I am constantly asking God what else I need to get rid of out of my life that is not good for me. All I want to do is please Him. I do not want to sin against my God. But it just seems that no matter what I do I am always failing no matter what. Then I think to myself well that’s it..you keep on doing (minor) stupid things even though you’re repenting of it and are truly sorry for them but you are not going to be with Jesus because you can not control yourself. (With the examples I provided) I just do not feel I will ever make it into Heaven. The punishment will be Hell.

I feel like I’m going to be stuck here on earth during the tribulation, and I’m going to have only myself to blame because I am weak. I have been feeling this way for over 16 years. These feelings do not get any better. They get worse. With everything that’s going on in the world and how we are getting closer to the end times (in my opinion) this causes more stress on me. I do not want to be here when that happens. I have been praying to God over and over to be relieved of this. The anxiety alone is a real problem, so are the anxiety attacks that wake me up every morning. They also come on out of the blue. I will not go to see a counselor or a therapist since I don’t trust them at all. Many years ago before I was a Christian I had a few bad experiences with them. Never again. I also don’t believe in taking medication that will do more harm than good.

Does anyone else feel this way or is anyone else experiencing this?When Jesus walked among men he was a perfect human never sinning but he still had to learn obedience by the things he suffered to become a perfect sacrifice for us.

I thought about the apostle Paul praying 3 times to have the thorn taken from his side.
2 Cor 12:9 The Lord responded with my grace is sufficient for thee, my strength is made perfect in weakness. Our Father is always working on us because Satan is always sifting us, keep yourself armored up and remember His Grace is sufficient.

 

[angelsaroundme]

While I cannot say for sure, your post shows signs of scrupulosity. It is common for people with OCD in general and moral/religious OCD (scrupulosity) to distance themselves from others. Other people can be triggering, like worrying if you have a friend who is not morally perfect that you will be held accountable for them. Or that their behavior may rub off on you even if the majority would consider that friend a good person. Constant fearing of hell and anguish over every slight sin are the most common hints that someone may be scrupulous. Repeatedly praying over past sins or intrusive thoughts is the typical scrupulous behavior.

I believe scrupulosity goes largely undiagnosed as most believers view it as religious enthusiasm. The difference though is that, rather than thinking about God all the time and feeling blessed and full of the spirit, scrupulous people are mostly in a state of religious anxiety and fear. If you think you might have scrupulosity it is worth learning more about it and how to handle it.