alcoholism

[ANN2626]

hi i need advice...
my 25 year old boyfriend is an alcoholic. just this past weekend he was arrested for DUI and running from the police. he is really depressed right now because he was planning to go to school in FL in january and finally getting his life on the right track...except for the alcohol, it was always there. and finally he now realizes he has something wrong with him but he doesnt think he needs help...he thinks he can help himself and i dont think that he can because hes dont this before and it only lasts for a while. he has a lot of issues with his family jail (when he was younger) and war (he was over seas for a year and 1/2 of his life)
i really think he needs counseling and i dont really know how to tell him this and get it through his head. hes messed up. he needs real faith in God, he believes but i dont think its in his heart.
im not going to leave him, im the only one who is really there for him and cares. he is 4 hours away and we rarely see eachother, its hard to talk to him on the phone about all this. i am supposed to go be with him for thanksgiving and i need advice on how to talk to him about faith and about his life...

 

[Cright]

Ann,

This sounds like an "extra grace required" (EGR) relationship. I'm not going to be the best one to give you advise here, because I have not been in his position or yours. I do have family members who are/were alcholics though.

first, pray before you go to see him! (I'll say a prayer for you too)

Second, go to www.biblegateway.net or any other good bible website (or your own bible if it has a subject index) and look up "wine" and "strong drinks" and other key words that are similar. Learn all you can about what God says about the situation.

third, if so inclined, do a google search for "celebrate recovery" it's a support group type thing for people and family of people doing 12 step programs and dealing w/ other hang-ups (such as anger mgnt ect). Find the number of someone local to you (this is a Christian based program) and ask someone to give you guidance on how to talk to him about drinking and about God. I'm sure they'll have much more advice than I can give.

I hope you get many more responces than mine.

God Bless,
Carina

 

[Johnnz]

Alcoholism is nasty, both the drinking itself, and the personality behind it.

Please don't be a martyr, don't be drawn in with a desire to help, as you can end up really hurt. Alcoholics take, and seldom give. Unless you friend is willing to admit to an alcohol problem, get some professional help and evidence over a longish period that he has changed nothing you do for him will be of much use. This is a time for realism, not sentiment.

John
NZ

 

[MrsGnomeCrusher]

Unless he's seriously wanting to change, there really isn't anything that you can do buy pray. If he isn't serious, I'd reconsider the type of relationship you want with this person. If he says that he can do this on his own and will not get counciling and seek additional help like AA or something along those lines . . . As someone who grew up in an alcoholic household, I see how alcoholism destroys not only the drinker, but their families and relationships and life. Like you stated, and from what I've witnessed, is that when they try to recover on their own, it only lasts a little while and then their old lifestyle begins.

I say pray and talk to him about this. If he's not willing to seek serious treatment, then I would serious consider what type of relationship you want with this man.

 

[NJA]

*why* does he drink ?
Because reality is boring for him, no joy, no fulfilling purpose.

Jesus promises:-
John 4:14: But whosoever drinketh of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst; but the water that I shall give him shall be in him a well of water springing up into everlasting life.

and again:-
7:37: In the last day, that great day of the feast, Jesus stood and cried, saying, If any man thirst, let him come unto me, and drink.
:38: He that believeth on me, as the scripture hath said, out of his belly shall flow rivers of living water.
:39: (But this spake he of the Spirit, which they that believe on him should receive: for the Holy Ghost was not yet given; because that Jesus was not yet glorified.)

I and many people I know testify that there really is another Life that satisfies - you are a new person, with God's abilities in you - Hisd mind, faith, love, joy, etc... but he needs to stop believing in a "God" that does nothing, the true God will do it, when he starts *expecting* action from God.

 

[InTheFlame]

Have a talk to AlAnon... esp. if they have a support group in the area... they will be able to give you some guidelines on how to help him in a way that doesn't cause him to get worse, rather than better.

*hug* God bless.

 

[E-beth]

Unfortunately, many addicts don't feel they need help until they hit rock bottom. Sometimes they have to lose everything before they can start out with a clean slate.

You have to be supportive without making excuses for him. Also, you can't make it easy for him to drink. You can listen to him, advise him, but he has to make his own messes otherwise the cycle will continue.

God is bigger than a drinking problem, however. PRAY PRAY and PRAY. God can heal in His perfect way and in His perfect time. But take these great suggestions so far and seek scriptural and professional advice and help.