Al-Anon We Learn Detachment

[If Not For Grace]

Detachment is neither kind nor unkind. It
does not imply judgement or condemnation
of the person or situation from which we are
detaching. Separating ourselves from the
adverse effects of another person’s alcoholism
can be a means of detaching: this does
not necessarily require physical separation.
Detachment can help us look at our situations
realistically and objectively.

Alcoholism is a family disease. Living
with the effects of someone else’s drinking
is too devastating for most people to bear
without help.

In Al-Anon we learn nothing we say or do
can cause or stop someone else’s drinking.
We are not responsible for another person’s
disease or recovery from it.

Detachment allows us to let go of our
obsession with another’s behavior and begin
to lead happier and more manageable lives,
lives with dignity and rights, lives guided by
a Power greater than ourselves. We can still
love the person without liking the behavior.

IN AL-ANON WE LEARN:

• Not to suffer because of the actions or
reactions of other people
• Not to allow ourselves to be used or
abused by others in the interest of
another’s recovery
• Not to do for others what they can do
for themselves
• Not to manipulate situations so others
will eat, go to bed, get up, pay bills, not
drink, or behave as we see fit
• Not to cover up for another’s mistakes
or misdeeds
• Not to create a crisis
• Not to prevent a crisis if it is in the natural​

course of events

 

[If Not For Grace]

Codependent Personality Disorder is a dysfunctional relationship with ourselves. The codependent is characterized by their obsessive and repeated attempts to live their life through another, or to live their life for another. To enable this 'switch' they attempt to control another and to control circumstances. The codependent may often feel like they are a victim, or that everything wrong in their life is another's fault. They have the tendency to blame others for wrongness within themselves, or to be hypervigilant to other's actions and opinions. They may attempt to 'fix' others, or feel an intense anxiety in a relationship. They fear intimacy, yet - self-contradicting - have an intense fear of being alone or abandoned.

Ironically, as much as a codependent person may feel responsible for others, may feel the need to ta...ke care of others, or may overly relate to another's moods, they still harbor the false belief that it is the other person that is responsible for him. He often will blame others for his unhappiness or his problems. If he has an issue it is almost always because of something another person said or did, or didn't say or do. Additionally, where the codependent may feel that it is other's in their life that are 'over-controlling', it is in fact they, themselves, that are the overly controlling person. He is afraid that by allowing others to be who they are, or by allowing events to unfold as they will, that he will somehow, himself, be out of control. The codependent man believe only he knows best, he believes those around him should behave as he thinks they should behave, and he uses all kinds of little ways to get that person to do and think as he believes they should. He then becomes very controlling and if the other person fights this control, refuses to change, or remains adamant in their own beliefs the codependent will attempt to control and manipulate them even more - all the while claiming that the other one is the controlling one. He will use force, threats, coercion, advice giving, helplessness, guilt, insulting, shame, remove assets, neediness, selfishness, denial, manipulation, or domination - anything he can in his attempt to gain control over another.

Emotional problems are common in the codependent. Depression, anxiety, dysfunctional relationships, insomnia, addictions, or over possessiveness in relationships are all common traits among codependents. Additionally, a codependent often has a driven compulsion for 'more', yet an anxious feeling of incompleteness or emptiness will remain - no matter what he has accomplished.

 

[If Not For Grace]

~ WISDOM TO KNOW ~ (More Daily Meditations For Men) ~

Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a stroke of good luck.

~ H. Jackson Brown, Jr. ~

Managing desires is one of the most crucial elements of being an adult. Children want many things that aren’t good for them, and their impulses can often get them into trouble. They need loving, caring adults to protect them from the harm that can come from getting what they want. As adults, our spiritual development includes learning how to regard our desires and how to manage them. On the one hand, it isn’t healthy to become so controlled and repressed that we never let ourselves have fun, and on the other hand, we know that indulging every desire will kill us.

Sometimes we want something very badly and when we don’t get it, we feel desperate or very disappointed. However, life continuously points us in directions we hadn’t expected. Disappointment can serve to reset our lives. Not getting our desires, if we keep our eyes open, points us in directions that can be better than what we had imagined for ourselves.

Today I will be open to the new directions that life points me toward.

(Keep an Open Mind)

 

[If Not For Grace]

 

[If Not For Grace]

Continued..