ahhh.....

[luv4godremains]

I'm doing so well, or, at least for me I am! I don't do so well on stopping, but so far, I've gone for 5 days, but it's soo hard, I don't even see the point any moer, it seems like it's either that or going and ending it all completely! I mean, what's the point of stopping when I'm just gonna screw it all up again, I mean, I don't even care anymore, and it's not like any one else does, I know my body is the temple of Christ and all that lot, but, I mean, what pain does it really cause anyone else!? grr, any one understnad how I feel, I just feel soo alone in this, I mean, I just wanna give up on everything, and don't care about the cutting or burning anymore!

 

[always_hope]

I understand how you feel. I've been there and am sometimes there now. I am praying for you right now.

Love,
Hope

 

[luv4godremains]

thanks hope, grrr, it's just hard, we all struggle with it so, at least we have support here! and reasons to have more hope than if we were alone in it!

 

[oneandlonely]

I'm doing so well, or, at least for me I am! I don't do so well on stopping, but so far, I've gone for 5 days, but it's soo hard, I don't even see the point any moer, it seems like it's either that or going and ending it all completely! I mean, what's the point of stopping when I'm just gonna screw it all up again, I mean, I don't even care anymore, and it's not like any one else does, I know my body is the temple of Christ and all that lot, but, I mean, what pain does it really cause anyone else!? grr, any one understnad how I feel, I just feel soo alone in this, I mean, I just wanna give up on everything, and don't care about the cutting or burning anymore!

Oh hunnie, I really understand. Right now, i have stopped counting days because i feel like what is the point, I am just going to screw it up again.

I know we can do it hun, it is just going to take time. Slip-ups are a part of recovory. I think it would be crazy to just think that you can just quit without ever slipping up.

I hope you know that I am here if you ever need someone.

you mean a lot to me. Try and take care of yourself hun.

Bethany

 

[Nan1]

I agree with Bethany. You both can do this and part of recovery is learning to deal with square one days. One step forward with two steps back is in the long run still moving forward! There just seems to be a quirky band of us who like doing the two step shuffle! I know it's tough. Hang in there.

Nan

 

[luv4godremains]

thanks guys! I rsisted today, when I just couldn't stand it, I somehow managed to resist! yay! I actually can't believe it, I wanted to cut moer than ever and I managed not to! well, it felt like more than ever, it probably wasn't as I managed to resist, but! yay! I did it!

 

[luv4godremains]

thanks guys

I made a mistake again last night, well, more like lots of big ones!

all of us can overcome this though, no matter how long it takes, we can and will with God's help! or at elast I hope we do!

 

[ebonyelegance]

hey i know how you feel. its so hard for me not to do it. But i don't want anyone to find out and thats what stops me sometimes. and it does huirt other people. Especially the people that know you do it, and that care deeply about it. whne i cut i only do it to hurt myself but in the process it ends up hurting those who love me most. Like my best friend and my beloved boyfriend. Any time he finds out he begs me to try and not do it again until the point of tears! and it breaks his heart over and over again when i do give in to the urges! When i see him like that it makes me think twice befor i do it!

 

[luv4godremains]

praying for ya elegance,
hope you keep fighting it, and I'm glad you have support.
you know what? I'm quite lucky with my bf/not bf anymore??? he doesn't comment on it anymore, he accepts it but also supports me in stopping, well, he did when he was still here! friends all thinkI've stopped!

 

[Annoula]

my dear ladies,

Fight it!!

i am with you. May God help you in your efforts.

hugs & love to all of you amazons!!

Ann

 

[luv4godremains]

thanks Annoula.

I haven't been doing so well! again, I broke a glass yesterday, kept some of the peices, am going pretty deep again, but I do at least take care fo them! I just, I dunno... I dunno how to stop, I don't want to stop, but I want to want to stop (if that makes any sense to anyone else here!)!!!

I just don't know what I'm doing at the moment, I am going on a trip for a few days with one of my youth groups, and it's gonna be soo hard! I just don't know what I'm doing at the moment, I can't even go for one day anymore! I don't even just do it the once a day either! it's making me ill, I swear it is, and it can't be healthy cos I'm really aneamic cos of the ED I used to have, and, well, I just, I dunno, it can't be good for me, for anyone, and I can't deal with this!

 

[penguin]

When you feel that urge to harm read Jeremaih 11 v29 and phil 4 v4-7. Or even better write the verses down and carry them around with you
Love Penguin

 

[luv4godremains]

thanks penguin! will do that!

 

[oneandlonely]

*huggles* Hunni, I am so sorry you are going through all of this. Try to hang in there. I know that it is hard, but you can do it.

I love you babe. I you know that I am always here for you. I don't care if you ramble, or rant, or whatever, I would love to listen. You won't bother me, so don't think that

I am praying for you babe

Bethany

 

[luv4godremains]

thanks hunni! I think I just need support at home more than anything at the moment, things are getting really hard again, and I have soo many major decisions to make, but no one can help me, no one's around to help me, and, when my sister is, she cares about the t.v. more than me! and my mum, when she is, she's just too exhausted, I can't put the extra pressure on either of them, we are all doing courses again, mum and my sis at college, and me in final year of compulsory education! this sucks!

 

[luv4godremains]

well, went on the trip, didn't make it the whole week, only just made it one day! my youth leader caught me, took the stuff off me, asked me to talk to her any time I wanna do it, I couldn't, gave her the stuff though, but the week was soo hard, feels like this stuff is never gonna end, I can't stop, I'm out of control, like soo many other things, there is nothing I can control anymore, through trying to control food I lost control too! nothing will ever be controlled by me, the only thing I ever can control now is cleanliness, and even then bacteria still spreads! I can't do this!

 

[ChasingADream]

*nods head in agreement* As much as it might not help...I can relate to the loss of control. It completely takes over doesn't it? It has been a while since your last post...how are you doing now?

 

[luv4godremains]

still struggling, but finding it easier cos I have some support from my new bf, he know's how it feels too, and he won't get angry or dissapointed in me, just says he wishes I hadn't and dat I'd spoken to him, and when I have credit, I normally manage to find it in myself to text him first, but I never have credit atm! it's ok though, I dunno, I'm still out of control with everything, but, I know it'll get easier! I think I'm gaining control of my food a bit more again, and not in a bad way, I lost the 8lbs in the time I wanted to, and just 6lbs more then stop, and I know I CAN stop this time, and I know that control is God's not mine, but it's hard to give it over, even though I know that's what I have to do! It's easier to remember to give God the control at the moment! sorry, babbling, haven't slept in bout 4 days so, yer, doin it again! thanks hun. how are you doing with this kinda control stuff?

 

[jesuschickseven]

It is hard believe me it took me two years and I consider myself recovered though I did have a small relapse almost a week ago, but it was different I was sitting there and began to cut and then just stopped. I realized it no longer made me feel better and there wasn't any point. Hurting myself had never really helped me but had only hurt me more. So I just stopped, and praise God that relapse made me realize how empty cutting is and I don;t think I'll ever do it again!

 

[luv4godremains]

woohoo, well done jcs, *hugs* u've done really relaly well!