Aging - Strange Melancholy

[DZoolander]

So tonight I was reading these posts by some friend of mine on FB about how she's having a hard time with aging... Pretty much thoughts along the lines of "Once people used to pay attention to me, now I'm pretty much invisible"...and I started to think about my own thoughts on aging.

I'm 47 now - both of my folks have passed - and so I've had some time to think about my own mortality. The kinds of thoughts that I have with respect to it - or that bring me melancholy - are a bit different.

Like, strangely enough, the thing that comes into my head most often and that means the most is "I will never have a honking zit again. That part of my life is done" - and for some inexplicable reason - that brings me a bit of sadness.

I remember being a kid and going through puberty. The rush of hormones felt hot...like literally hot. It felt itchy. In a lot of ways it felt just utterly miserable. Like I remember sitting in my dad's office tinkering around on our early computer and just itching my head and feeling like I was sweating...then finding some big honking zit on my neck or something...just totally miserable...and I miss that. I will never feel that again.

My son will...and I'm kinda envious of that...lol. But that phase of my life is over.

I don't worry about visibility or whether or not people notice me, really. It's things like that - which have to do with life stages - that occupies most of my thought. Would I opt to go back to when I was in my late 20's, when I got the most attention from women/etc? Nah. What I'd give an arm and a leg to go back and re-experience for a day or two would be sitting in that office and feeling those new feelings once again...having my mom and dad in the other room...my brother down the hall...etc.

That's the kind of thing that brings me a bit of sadness..

Anyone else relate? lol

 

[SkyWriting]

So tonight I was reading these posts by some friend of mine on FB about how she's having a hard time with aging... Pretty much thoughts along the lines of "Once people used to pay attention to me, now I'm pretty much invisible"...and I started to think about my own thoughts on aging.

I'm 47 now - both of my folks have passed - and so I've had some time to think about my own mortality. The kinds of thoughts that I have with respect to it - or that bring me melancholy - are a bit different.

Like, strangely enough, the thing that comes into my head most often and that means the most is "I will never have a honking zit again. That part of my life is done" - and for some inexplicable reason - that brings me a bit of sadness.

I remember being a kid and going through puberty. The rush of hormones felt hot...like literally hot. It felt itchy. In a lot of ways it felt just utterly miserable. Like I remember sitting in my dad's office tinkering around on our early computer and just itching my head and feeling like I was sweating...then finding some big honking zit on my neck or something...just totally miserable...and I miss that. I will never feel that again.

My son will...and I'm kinda envious of that...lol. But that phase of my life is over.

I don't worry about visibility or whether or not people notice me, really. It's things like that - which have to do with life stages - that occupies most of my thought. Would I opt to go back to when I was in my late 20's, when I got the most attention from women/etc? Nah. What I'd give an arm and a leg to go back and re-experience for a day or two would be sitting in that office and feeling those new feelings once again...having my mom and dad in the other room...my brother down the hall...etc.

That's the kind of thing that brings me a bit of sadness..

Anyone else relate? lol

You can look forward to shingles. It's like a marching zit parade!

 

[sdmsanjose]

What I miss the most is my physical abilities (Sports) in my teens and 20-30s. Also miss the abundance of humor in about just everything in life. I still have that humor but it is much less now. The change in physical ability and humor was very noticeable after I turned 50.

 

[snoochface]

It sounds like what you miss isn't the zits and hot flashes, but the comfort of the office and family nearby

What brings me aging melancholy is knowing how I feel physically, at 50, which isn't great, and knowing that in 20 or 30 years when I'm on my own, it's going to be sooooo much worse.

 

[Hetta]

Ah Z, you're still young. I'm 54, not far from 55, and I'm dreading 60 lol. There was something cool and "coming of age" about 50, but then the years keep creeping along, and I'm thinking "no, wait ... not cool anymore." Like you, both of my parents are gone, and I have only one aunt left now of their generation. Oddly, I've been thinking about periods lately. Not in the gross sense. But just, oh wow, I haven't had to think about that for years! I almost kind of missed them, but rather than missing 5 days of misery every month, I think I was coming to terms with the fact that there is no more reproduction! That's good, but also strange. So many years spent worrying about trying to not getting pregnant, and now I can't get pregnant, even if I tried (without expensive treatment I don't want). My kids are now all adults, other than the youngest who still has "teen" in his age, but even then he's in the latter part of his teens. Eldest is married, moved on, and he and his wife talk about having babies in the next few years. I keep thinking "but you're not old enough ..." but he's 25, and so he is, lol. And then I will be a grandmother! Bear that in mind - you're a few years yet from being grandpa.

 

[ValleyGal]

I relate to sdmsanjose.... I desperately miss my physical ability - running, swimming, long days at the beach maybe playing volleyball, hiking, dancing. And I used to cope with stress with laughter. I was always happy and giggling about something. Now I can hardly walk and my laughter has become serious and somber. I miss the ball of happy energy I was, and am having a hard time embracing my sad and lonely life now. It's not me and doesn't suit me. To make matters worse, I have a dark vision of the future, aging alone and likely will lose what is left of my mobility. The thought of losing mobility and being alone... not much to look forward to.

 

[sdmsanjose]

ValleyGal
I am sorry to hear of your losing mobility and being alone but I can tell you this. You see thing in life very well, very good common sense, and a very good writer! I know that will not fix your mobility and alone situation but you are one of my favorites to read on this forum.

 

[ValleyGal]

sdm, you are very kind. Thank you for your encouraging words. Because of my inevitable loss of mobility, I am trying to make the most of it now, painful as it is. But I am also narrowing in my career focus as well, and although I am not doing much writing now, I will be focusing more on writing in the future... hopefully writing social programs, since it seems to be an area that I am good at. So...getting older is not the end of the world. I finally know what I want to be when I grow up, and am a good way there. lol And if I will be alone, it's okay. I'm sure I will make more friends....which brings me to another sad melancholy of aging. Losing friends and family to death, to distance, to other circumstances that do not favor togetherness and nurture belonging. There is much grief associated with aging.