age

[racough]

I want to know about whether God could bless a marriage with a large age-gap.

You see, partly from circumstances where I was prevented (by my father) from having emotional relationships with my mother and other women when I was young; plus the fact I had been isolated from women because of my OCD, I cannot relate to older women.

I have read in a Univ. of Pittsburgh study were men who had OCD from adolescence has LIFETIME celibacy rates as high as 72%.


I mean not only can I not get turned on physically but even a younger woman of 40 seems to me like someone older, someone who would be like a friend's mother. I am not talking about a young girl like in high school--in fact when I was in my early twenties I was not interested in someone that young. I am talking about someone between 23 and 30. I am in my mid-50s.


I might add, when I was in my mid-late-20s I thought freshman and sophomore college girls were too young--and still do.


I am not a pervert. I believe in marriage to one woman for life and sex only with your wife.


I know if I had a normal life and had serious relationships when I was younger I would not have this problem (I would like to think I would be happily married to the wife of my youth if that had happened, but I cannot undo what had happened. I might be older in years, but it is like a part of me had been put into a deep freeze and so in relationships to women I am really a younger person.


I might add, I am celibate, and I am not interested in changing partners as they get older. I am sure if I met someone and they got older I would adapt--the same that would have happened if I had started younger.

I know there is no Biblical injunction again this and there is historical precedent. Look at Senator Strom Thurman. who at 66 married a 22 year-old beauty queen and never divorced and only separated after 19 years. They also had their first of four kids when he was 68. I might add that both he and the state his represented were considerate very conservative and not know for what modern’s call “tolerance.”

I could name others but I am more interested if there are examples of good Christian marriages with a large age difference.

I know people will say they will be problems but with my life history and my OCD that is a given with any woman.

I would appreciate any comments on this.

 

[katautumn]

First of all, Strom Thurmand was a white supremacist who impregnated a black maid in his early twenties, so I wouldn't exactly use him as an example.

With that said, even though I'm not a Christian, there is a sizable age gap between myself and my husband. I am twenty-seven and he is forty-four. He and I have never really noticed the age difference, although I know others do. A woman at a local fireworks stand mistook me for his daughter last summer. We have a wonderful marriage. Are there times when I sit back and think about how there is a substantial possibility that he will pass away leaving me with quite a few years left? Of course.

One thing you need to take into consideration is do you want children? That can be a huge issue, because men can reproduce pretty much until the day they die, even if it isn't exactly wise to do so. I only say that because my husband lost his father when he was only five years old because he was conceived later in life. His father was already in his late fifties when he was born.

You do have some issues working against you. I am assuming you are in your early fifties, have never been married and have never been sexually active. That can present a real issue with some women. Most women can overlook the age difference, but question why a man your age has never had a serious relationship. Another issue is that I'm wondering if a woman closer to your age would at least be more supportive of your OCD than a younger woman would. A lot of younger women these days are not very patient in terms of tending to an older man with physical or mental health issues.

Either way, it could work it would just take you meeting a very special woman. It's not impossible. And on an interesting note, Bible scholars believe that there was a tremendous age difference between Mary and Joseph.

 

[PolarBear3]

I'm not sure I completely followed your post, but the way I read it is that the women you find attractive are in the 23 to 30 age range and that women in their 40s seem too old and college-aged women seem too young. But if you fall in love and marry a 28 year old, she's going to eventually be in her 40s and even older. Will you no longer be able to relate to her then? It may be worth taking a good, close look at yourself and find out what characteristics of women in the 23-30 age range appeal to you. What is it about those women that you find that you can relate to? Are you in counseling to help you with this issue?

 

[Bootstrap]

I don't know enough about you or your situation to be confident in my feelings, but I'm uncomfortable with the combination of OCD and the desire for much younger women. I worry that you might feel the need to control women, and find younger women easier to control. An older woman who seems like a friend's mother may be more difficult to control. This may or may not be an issue with you, but I do feel the need to ask the question.

If this is an issue, then you may well find that women who are willing to be controlled when they are younger grow less willing as they grow older.

In general, I'm a little uncomfortable with huge age gaps, but I've seen them work well for some people. I'm a lot less comfortable with huge age gaps where one of the partners is not able to form romantic relationships with people their own age - it makes me worry that there's an underlying problem that should be addressed before dating.

That said, I don't know you or your situation, so you'll have to think about whether anything I said applies.

Jonathan

 

[unkern]

the age in which Isrealite women were expected to marry was around 12, Men usually didnt marry until they were around 30 because it took them that long to own their own business and live a stable life. Its ok to marry at big age differences. I would have to agree with the OCD statement, the lord cured me of my OCD when I was younger, so I dont feel that can affect the age of women your interested in. I would also recommend a woman closer in age, because usually in a womans 20's shes only interested in either parties or her job. You want a woman with a strong focus on God.

 

[Monaleezza]

You're too focused on LOOKS!
I have no issues with age gaps. My partner is 10 years younger than me.

But I'm not with him solely because he looks young.

Have you ever tried just hanging around more in groups with women that are closer to your own age. Getting to like them for their qualities. Getting to find that many of them are old and miserable, but just as many are young at heart, fun and vibrant!

But if you just look for younger women, you'll only be attracted to young women.
And those younger women will grow up to be 40 year old women within 10 years and then youl'll find yourself in a failed marriage just 10 years in.

 

[chicacanella]

Like I said in my other post:



Yes, this would be my question too. Why aren't you married by now? I understand not being able to meet the right partner or maybe you became a Chrsitian later on in life but even then, people in the world get married at least two-three times by their 50s.

I am soon to be 23 and I would def. not date someone in their 50s. The oldest I would go is 41 and that is even very old for me. But most women in my age bracket want someone who is going to be able to have an active life in their children's life, even someone 10 years older than me wants that.

And about the virgin thing, that is very weird for a man to be a virgin at that age and if I knew a man like that I would be weirded out and think maybe he doesn't like women or has some type of weird fetish.


Add to that: You need to find out your real reason behind wanting a woman that young anddddd what if you do live to be in your eighties and that woman will be in her 40s or early 50s I think. Would you try to divorce her because you are no longer attracted to her? But really, at that age you wouldn't be able to move around and your thinking wouldn't be all that great so I guess you would be stuck with her but she wouldn't be stuck with you.

 

[ImperialPhantom]

So your father prevented you from relationships. You turned 18 in 1972. You've had 36 years since then to have relationships and meet women. Why have you not?

 

[chicacanella]

So your father prevented you from relationships. You turned 18 in 1972. You've had 36 years since then to have relationships and meet women. Why have you not?

GOOD QUESTION.