Age Difference In Marriage

[racough]

I want to know about whether God could bless a marriage with a large age-gap.

You see, partly from circumstances where I was prevented (by my father) from having emotional relationships with my mother and other women when I was young; plus the fact I had been isolated from women because of my OCD, I cannot relate to older women.

I have read in a Univ. of Pittsburgh study were men who had OCD from adolescence has LIFETIME celibacy rates as high as 72%.


I mean not only can I not get turned on physically but even a younger woman of 40 seems to me like someone older, someone who would be like a friend's mother. I am not talking about a young girl like in high school--in fact when I was in my early twenties I was not interested in someone that young. I am talking about someone between 23 and 30. I am in my mid-50s.


I might add, when I was in my mid-late-20s I thought freshman and sophomore college girls were too young--and still do.


I am not a pervert. I believe in marriage to one woman for life and sex only with your wife.


I know if I had a normal life and had serious relationships when I was younger I would not have this problem (I would like to think I would be happily married to the wife of my youth if that had happened, but I cannot undo what had happened. I might be older in years, but it is like a part of me had been put into a deep freeze and so in relationships to women I am really a younger person.


I might add, I am celibate, and I am not interested in changing partners as they get older. I am sure if I met someone and they got older I would adapt--the same that would have happened if I had started younger.

I know there is no Biblical injunction again this and there is historical precedent. Look at Senator Strom Thurman. who at 66 married a 22 year-old beauty queen and never divorced and only separated after 19 years. They also had their first of four kids when he was 68. I might add that both he and the state his represented were considerate very conservative and not know for what modern’s call “tolerance.”

I could name others but I am more interested if there are examples of good Christian marriages with a large age difference.

I know people will say they will be problems but with my life history and my OCD that is a given with any woman.

I would appreciate any comments on this.

 

[kaykay9.0]

Well, Biblically, I think of Ruth and Boaz. We aren't told the exact age difference but as I understand the story from the book of Ruth, Boaz is signficantly older than Ruth.

Now,personally, I wouldn't be sitting here typing this except for my grandparents' marriage. She and he married when she was about 18 and he was 44. Yeah! Quite a difference. But even though I owe my existence to their relationship, I can't tell you that it was a happy marriage. They were married about 17 years and it ended in divorce (in a time when divorce was less common.) And it would seem that the age difference was a factor with them in why it failed,but probably not the only thing. Also, you need to be sensitive to the fact that some young women will not want to date someome with a SIGNIFICANT age difference. So I would advise you to approach cautiously and respectfully in that regard. You probably already know this, but just so you don't feel personally rejected, if that were to happen, I thought I should mention it. In fact, if you begin to seek a relationship with someone that much younger, I would suggest you mention the age difference right up front to begin with and see how they respond.

That all said, however, there is a couple at my church who have a significant age difference and they have been married many years and seem happy. And I'm sure there are many others. That's just one that comes to my mind immediately.

My .02, is that it just depends on the couple. I'd be lying, however, if I didn't say that I do think a very large age difference DOES present additional challenges to the relationship, but you seem to be aware of this. As you mentioned, I know of nothing Biblically against it (again the story of Ruth and Boaz is very positive. You might read it.) If something isn't wrong Biblically, then, I think a person should pretty much just suit themselves. Don't make an obsession about it. I know, with OCD, we all can!) Just see what happens and if you actually become involved with someone younger in the future, I say roll with it!

 

[racough]

[FONT=&quot]I want to clarify just why I am attracted to women younger than myself. Here it is below.[/FONT]
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[FONT=&quot]The reason I look for a woman in a certain age-gap is that I do not get attracted to older women. If I did marry an older woman, it would have to be a celibate marriage (remember some cannot marry because they are eunuchs).

Note: I do not want to be a Donald Trump, who marries a younger woman, later divorces her, and then marries another young woman. I firmly desire a monogamous marriage with a Christian women—for life.

I know many older guys are attached to woman their own age. They say “I love my wife who is my own age.” But I ask, “Would you have been attracted to a lady your wife’s age if you when you were younger, the age you married your wife?” They say “No, but if you get older, you change.”[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]But changing in your view of women doesn’t come automatically like gray hair or wrinkles, which occur regardless of your life’s experience. It comes as a result of experience.

Suppose a group of men are going to college for many years studying mathematics, but one of them drops out after a few years. Now, he is not going to be at the same level academically as the others, even though they are the same age.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]I cannot be at the same stage as other men my age, not just because of being a virgin, but not having the other romantic and intimate relations with women as well.

To begin with, the vast majority of men my age are not virgins. And as I mentioned, I am talking more than just sex experience. My lack of experience with women started when I was young.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]It commenced with a lack of intimacy with my mother and other women when I was very young. My father “protected” me from the possibility of being hurt, caused the abandonment of my mother, by preventing any intimate relationship with women, mainly my mother.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
My mother, as I became aware of latter, acquiesced with my father’s desire for our separateness, because she did not want a intimate relationship with me herself. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]In later years, my mother suffered from deep, deep depression, was hospitalized and committed what is known as a passive suicide.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Actually my dad’s “protection” concurred with her own independent desire to not to foster any closeness with me.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]I used to blame my dad but I now realize it was a much as my mother’s fault for her behavior.

In fact, I now believe that if my mother had had fought for intimacy with me, that very act would have convinced him that perhaps it would be safe to let me become close with her as she would be showing that she would not be likely to abandon me.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]In fact the more my dad became aware of her acquiescence, the more he became confirmed in his belief that he could not trust her with his son and so worked harder at “protecting me.”

This alone would have stunted me but had I not had OCD I could have worked through this problem[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]I believe I mentioned that studies have shown that men who have OCD from adolescence have LIFETIME celibacy rates as high as 72%. The OCD itself does not affect the sex drive (the medicines they now use to treat OCD often do) but prevents a person from becoming intimate with someone.

The calendar may say I am older, but my experiences and outlook with women are what they were when I was in my 20s.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Honestly, not only do I look upon a woman 10 or 15 years my junior as someone much older—like I should get up and give her my seat and call her “Mrs. . . .”[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]I would be glad to be with a woman my age if God would turn back the clock and let me start out with a young woman around my age. Then today I could be happy with a woman my age but I cannot “jump ahead” in my experiential-maturity, regardless of what my birth certificate says.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Once again, I am not some lothario who wants to go after young flesh just to fulfill some carnal desires. I desire, as I did from youth, a totally faithful, monogamous, loving marriage, with only one Christian wife, for life and fulfilling the Biblical commands for loving her—period.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]I am fully aware that unusual circumstances have created this desire but I cannot just reverse what happened just by willing it away. And God, while not abandoning His principles often provides for each of us in a way that takes in account of our circumstances.

Hope this explains.

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