Age difference in dating

[AnthonyRP880]

I wanted to know what the Bible says about age differences between a couple. I am 22 years old and the girl I like is 16. We don't plan on dating 'till she is 18 because her mother doesn't want her dating until then so we will respect her wishes. For some reason our church pastor is very against the idea of us even being friends. I want to do this the right way in the eyes of God because I truly care about her. I wanted to get feedback on what I should say or do. We don't hang out alone either we always hang out in groups and we haven't even held hands or kissed because we are committed to waiting.

 

[CounselorForChrist]

Yes your age difference does make it sound a bit.....creepy. But once shes 18 it wouldn't be as creepy. And since you would be 24 and her 18, its not that big of an age gap.

Everyone has mixed views about age gaps though. My wife is 5 years younger. My mom and dad have 7 years between them. I've met couples that have EXTREME gaps. In my wifes country a 19 year old was dating a 50+ year old. Of course in her country they don't see as a big deal unless of course its one of those things common in america like gold digging and all that. Of course in her country theres no age limit on when you can marry lol.

Her 14 year old cousin married a 15 year old guy. They are unhappily married currently. Mind you this was not a family setup. Although if your 26 and younger you still need your parents permission for the pastor to marry you.

 

[Wookiee]

I think it's a cultural and maturity thing. There's a bit less than 3.5 years between my girlfriend and me. Any more of a gap wouldn't be very comfortable for me.

To me, six years is a lot of a difference. The only girls that much younger than me that I interact with on a regular basis I have known since they were born. They're essentially my little sisters. The idea of having a relationship with any of them would be creepy to me.

That said, my ex-girlfriend's sister has been happily married for two years to a guy who's almost 10 years older than her. She's only a little bit older than me and they started a relationship when she was about 15.

It can work, but I would definitely pray and think about it hard before considering anything. But that's true for any relationship.

For what it's worth, a generally acceptable rule for the age gap is to halve your age and then add 7. This gives you the minimum age someone should be if you're going to date them. (So in this case, it would work out to be 19). Not saying it's a perfect system or law, but it does actually work pretty well for what's "socially acceptable".

 

[Luther073082]

I wanted to know what the Bible says about age differences between a couple. I am 22 years old and the girl I like is 16. We don't plan on dating 'till she is 18 because her mother doesn't want her dating until then so we will respect her wishes. For some reason our church pastor is very against the idea of us even being friends. I want to do this the right way in the eyes of God because I truly care about her. I wanted to get feedback on what I should say or do. We don't hang out alone either we always hang out in groups and we haven't even held hands or kissed because we are committed to waiting.

It does seem a little bit creepy when she's still in high school and you are 22.

It would get a lot less creepy as she gets older, but it is now.

It's not biblical, it's more or less cultural. That doesn't mean that the pastor doesn't have a good point.

I'd consider dating people your own age in the meantime.

 

[AnthonyRP880]

Im really not trying to make it sound creepy Its only a 6 year age gap, my parents are 12 years apart and her parents are 18 years apart so it could be so much more "creepy" But i wasn't planning on dating her at all until she was 18 anyways those are her parents rules with any guy not just me and I will continue to respect their rules. That being said is there anything particularly wrong with committing to wait for each other until she is an adult?

 

[AnthonyRP880]

Im really not trying to make it sound creepy. But i wasn't planning on dating her at all until she was 18 anyways those are her parents rules with any guy not just me and I will continue to respect their rules. That being said is there anything particularly wrong with committing to wait for each other until she is an adult?

 

[Wookiee]

You have to remember a lot can change in two years for both of you.

 

[kidwboro]

If you and her both love the Lord, and put the Lord first and foremost, then go for it.

 

[thecolorsblend]

Apart from the obvious, has the pastor specified what it is about your friendship with this girl that he objects to?

No offense, dude, but if I had a 16 year old daughter and I found out that some 22 year old guy was interested in her, I would assume he wanted only One Thing. You know what I mean here. Suffice it to say, he would not be welcome in my house.

 

[iambren]

Wife was 22 and I was 34 when we met and later married. Two children and 15 years married, age difference never was a problem.

 

[ProudMomxmany]

I wanted to know what the Bible says about age differences between a couple. I am 22 years old and the girl I like is 16. We don't plan on dating 'till she is 18 because her mother doesn't want her dating until then so we will respect her wishes. For some reason our church pastor is very against the idea of us even being friends. I want to do this the right way in the eyes of God because I truly care about her. I wanted to get feedback on what I should say or do. We don't hang out alone either we always hang out in groups and we haven't even held hands or kissed because we are committed to waiting.

No...just no. I have a 16 year old daughter and if some 22 year old guy was interested in her, I'm afraid his interest would be stopped dead by my husband.

Now, I was 15 and my husband was barely 17 when we started dating and got married when I was 17 and he was 19. That's not bad, but 16 and 22? Just no.

 

[AvilaSurfer]

I would say 9ish years is perfect - with a couple of months where the difference ia 10, so she can say she's sooooo much younger.

 

[CounselorForChrist]

You have to remember a lot can change in two years for both of you.

Aside from some other things, that advice 1,000 times over.

People hate when I say this but do not marry until your both at least in your mid 20s (around 25). People that are young and stubborn and think they know what they are doing, but they do not. Every one thats young always claim they are different and again thats not true either.

The reason why 25 is good because what you think at 16 will not be what you think at 17. And at 17 not what you think at 18...etc until your about 25. Thats when that "settling down"/"goal" phase in life kicks in. So your marriage will work out much better. I've met many who married young and within a year or two they regret it because yet again their goals/views...etc in life had changed.

 

[thecolorsblend]

Wife was 22 and I was 34 when we met and later married. Two children and 15 years married, age difference never was a problem.

Neither of you was a minor when you met. That doesn't apply here. An age gap like the kind you describe is ultimately no big deal. The age gap between a 22 year old and a 16 year old is HUGE.

 

[iambren]

Socially, I would agree with you. The maturing process at 16 is definitely different than at 22. Then again,life experiences can bring some play with the rules. Ms Kay got married at 16 (don't know how old Phil was) and they have been together about 50.

 

[thecolorsblend]

Are you missing the point on purpose? The age gap is only part of the issue here. There's a LIFE gap between 16 and 22 that simply can't be overcome. So let's try again. A 22 year old has no business dating a 16 year old ever. That's as simple as I can make it.

 

[iambren]

That is YOUR rule stating that a 16 dating a 22 year old can't be overcome;for ages this has happened successfully!

And "let's try this again"--- "Then again,life experiences can bring some play with the rules." YOU can't make blanket rules for everyone. Ages 8 and 40 yeah but this is too close. My grandparents were 18/25 at marriage,5 kids all saved,married over 50 years. I am missing no "point on purpose!".

 

[Luther073082]

Im really not trying to make it sound creepy Its only a 6 year age gap, my parents are 12 years apart and her parents are 18 years apart so it could be so much more "creepy" But i wasn't planning on dating her at all until she was 18 anyways those are her parents rules with any guy not just me and I will continue to respect their rules. That being said is there anything particularly wrong with committing to wait for each other until she is an adult?

Yes but your parents are adults. Again this is a totally different conversation when she's older. But she's a kid right now.

The whole friends thing sounds like dating but calling it something else.

I wouldn't let my kid date a 22 year old when he's 16. And I wouldn't let them be "friends" either. I would be opposed to him with a 24 year old when he's 18. I could maybe start to be ok with it when he was 22 or older.

And that's my son. Culturally speaking people tend to be more protective over their daughters when it comes to relationships.

**Here is the thing that is creepy, stew on this for a bit. At 22 you are old enough to have graduated from college. There are people your age with teaching degree's who are out teaching high school right now. You are old enough to be her teacher. You may not be her teacher but you are old enough to be.**

If a parent asks themselves why a 22 year old is interested in their 16 year old, very few of the answers they would likely reach could be good.

 

[FreeSlave]

My youth pastor at my last church was 16 when she started dating her now husband who was 24 at the time. She is 32 now and they have had a great marriage so I see nothing wrong with it. I agree with her mom about no dating till she is 18 so defiantly respect her moms rules.

 

[iambren]

Just to throw this in, I live in the state of Ohio. Ohio's age of consent is 16 years old. That means a teenage girl can give her consent to have sex with a 30-yr old nobody can do anything about it.

I'm sure there are states where it is lower. We Christians need to be reminded of one thing--onset of puberty has decreased while education needs have gone up. Are we being serious about sinning before God to ignore this widening hormonal gap? Premarital sex will happen!