I just would like to know what do you guys think about age differences in a Christian couple. I'm talking about an age difference of about 10-15 years. Ex: Would a marriage between a 23 year old woman and a 37 year old man work out?
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Age difference in a christian relationship
- Thread starter LPL
- Start date
I mean, it violates no biblical principles, we know from the Bible that people wed that were a LOT older and younger than each other, so I mean from a biblical standpoint there's nothing wrong with it. You just gotta think about being alone after you or her dies for that period of time, etc.
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CounselorForChrist
Senior Veteran
I see no problem with age diffrence as long as the person isn't in it for the wrong reasons.
At 25 I was with (online) a girl who said she was 22, turns out she was just 18.
At 26 I was almost with someone who was just turned 50.
At 27 I was with someone was was 31.
At 28 I was with someone who was my age.
At 29 I was with someone who was 41.
Currently at 30 I am engaged to a 26 year old.
Usually as a guy I prefer womena bit older then me because they seem more solid in their faith and wisdom. Most girls my age and younger seem to be stuck in the worls still. This girl I am with now is VERY mature for her age. Shes one of the most Godly and Proverbs 31 women I've met and I am very happy.
So as I said age shouldn't matter really if the love is true and the relationship is God centered.
Now the church.... some get weird about a big age diffrence. I think its common though for men to marry younger women. Mainly because women mature faster.
At 25 I was with (online) a girl who said she was 22, turns out she was just 18.
At 26 I was almost with someone who was just turned 50.
At 27 I was with someone was was 31.
At 28 I was with someone who was my age.
At 29 I was with someone who was 41.
Currently at 30 I am engaged to a 26 year old.
Usually as a guy I prefer womena bit older then me because they seem more solid in their faith and wisdom. Most girls my age and younger seem to be stuck in the worls still. This girl I am with now is VERY mature for her age. Shes one of the most Godly and Proverbs 31 women I've met and I am very happy.
So as I said age shouldn't matter really if the love is true and the relationship is God centered.
Now the church.... some get weird about a big age diffrence. I think its common though for men to marry younger women. Mainly because women mature faster.
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mindfulness
Fear the Reaper - He's comin' for You.
I plan on marrying someone a fair bit younger than myself. Is it a sin? Oh probably. Everything is. But I'm still doing it.
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My parents have a 9-year age gap, and they're still happily married. From watching them, though, I'd say there are a couple things you might want to be wary of. Like, do they relate on adult-adult terms or is the older partner in kind of a parenting role? Also it depends on how old you both are. If one of you is 18 and in college, and the other in 30 and established in a career, you're at very different life stages and might have different priorities / lifestyles. Also it depends on how great the age gap is. If ne of you is in a whole different generation (like, a 20-year-old and a 45-year-old) you might have been brought up with different values and expectations.
I'm not saying a marriage wouldn't work out for those reasons, they might just be good to be aware of.
With your example of a 23-year-old and a 37-year-old, I actually dated a 38-year-old when I was 23. He was a really, really great guy, but in our case it didn't work out because he was more a part of my parents generation than my own. He didn't like current/chart music, so we couldn't go to any gigs, or hang out at places where they were playing loud music. And he had kind of a scathing attitude towards "the youth of today", forgetting that I kind of fell into that category also, so we argued a lot because I felt like he was always looking down on me and my peers. He was also firmly established in his career and I'd just graduated, so I wanted to travel, and have adventures, but he was kind of tied down, so we had different priorities, related to what stage of life we were at. Also because he was older he wanted to start a family sooner than I did, if we were to get married. Those kind of differences can also occur in same-age relationships, but in my very limited experience they're more likely when there's a big age difference. They don't have to be deal-breakers though, lots of couples figure out how to get around them
I'm not saying a marriage wouldn't work out for those reasons, they might just be good to be aware of.
With your example of a 23-year-old and a 37-year-old, I actually dated a 38-year-old when I was 23. He was a really, really great guy, but in our case it didn't work out because he was more a part of my parents generation than my own. He didn't like current/chart music, so we couldn't go to any gigs, or hang out at places where they were playing loud music. And he had kind of a scathing attitude towards "the youth of today", forgetting that I kind of fell into that category also, so we argued a lot because I felt like he was always looking down on me and my peers. He was also firmly established in his career and I'd just graduated, so I wanted to travel, and have adventures, but he was kind of tied down, so we had different priorities, related to what stage of life we were at. Also because he was older he wanted to start a family sooner than I did, if we were to get married. Those kind of differences can also occur in same-age relationships, but in my very limited experience they're more likely when there's a big age difference. They don't have to be deal-breakers though, lots of couples figure out how to get around them
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Cactus Jack
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Just concentrate on being friends (be it romantic friends or just friends), and leave age out of the picture. Back when I was 34 I was dating a 63 year old woman. Didn't matter, we enjoyed it. And it was clean and harmonious.
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F
Faithful2002
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My parents are 11 years apart and very much in love, It was not easy though you have to be ready for it. I know that God brought them together, otherwise It never would have happened.
I don't understand why everyone badmouths such relationships, almost everyone tried to convince my mother that she could find someone of her own age, but the fact remains that she genuinely needs my dad, he fits all of the missing spots in her and vice verse.
It may just be that you will fight against the odds until your well into your marriage, not to discourage you but in this day and age everyone wants play matchmaker and suit their friends up with the perfect match. Age, Attractiveness, Social Standing, Money, and Intelligence take high preference over the actual mate that God has chosen for you.
My parents had it hard until my mother tuned out all of the negative advice she was given, and she did try to move out and separate many times while I grew up only to realize that she could not live without my dad.
I am experiencing the same kind of problems I am 28, she is 19, I thought she was just a crazy teenager who kept bothering me for my advice... phone ringing at 3am so I could pray with her, asking for more and more errands as time went by, giving her dating advice, watching her date jerk after jerk and getting incredibly annoyed to the point where I almost said goodbye until God spoke to me and I realized that I was falling in love with her.
She has thus far dumped me about 7 times in the two years of dating but somehow God has kept me standing strong and through my previous prayers of begging him to help me let go of her, He has done the exact opposite.
Romans 11:19,20
19 It's certainly possible to say, "Other branches were pruned so that I could be grafted in!" 20 Well and good. But they were pruned because they were deadwood, no longer connected by belief and commitment to the root. The only reason you're on the tree is because your graft "took" when you believed, and because you're connected to that belief-nurturing root. So don't get cocky and strut your branch. Be humbly mindful of the root that keeps you lithe and green"
The day that she came across this verse was the best of my life, she finally realized that I was the root keeping her green. It wont be easy, I will face some of the hardest challenges of my life holding onto her, but Gods grace and love and our love for each other covers more than the cost.
I don't understand why everyone badmouths such relationships, almost everyone tried to convince my mother that she could find someone of her own age, but the fact remains that she genuinely needs my dad, he fits all of the missing spots in her and vice verse.
It may just be that you will fight against the odds until your well into your marriage, not to discourage you but in this day and age everyone wants play matchmaker and suit their friends up with the perfect match. Age, Attractiveness, Social Standing, Money, and Intelligence take high preference over the actual mate that God has chosen for you.
My parents had it hard until my mother tuned out all of the negative advice she was given, and she did try to move out and separate many times while I grew up only to realize that she could not live without my dad.
I am experiencing the same kind of problems I am 28, she is 19, I thought she was just a crazy teenager who kept bothering me for my advice... phone ringing at 3am so I could pray with her, asking for more and more errands as time went by, giving her dating advice, watching her date jerk after jerk and getting incredibly annoyed to the point where I almost said goodbye until God spoke to me and I realized that I was falling in love with her.
She has thus far dumped me about 7 times in the two years of dating but somehow God has kept me standing strong and through my previous prayers of begging him to help me let go of her, He has done the exact opposite.
Romans 11:19,20
19 It's certainly possible to say, "Other branches were pruned so that I could be grafted in!" 20 Well and good. But they were pruned because they were deadwood, no longer connected by belief and commitment to the root. The only reason you're on the tree is because your graft "took" when you believed, and because you're connected to that belief-nurturing root. So don't get cocky and strut your branch. Be humbly mindful of the root that keeps you lithe and green"
The day that she came across this verse was the best of my life, she finally realized that I was the root keeping her green. It wont be easy, I will face some of the hardest challenges of my life holding onto her, but Gods grace and love and our love for each other covers more than the cost.
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BFine
Seed Planter
*Could you give more details about them?
When you just throw our the ages and not much else...it's
harder to make a better assessment of the situation.
My parents...
There was nearly a 33 yr. age difference between my mom and dad.
My dad was a hunter and a farmer...he was down to earth, solid
and had a vast amount of knowledge/wisdom.
My mom came from poor share-croppers in SC...she wasn't flighty or unsettled. Mom knew the value of hard work and could get by on a shoe-string budget. She had excellent lady of the house skills and is patient/kind/loving. She had the same love of the country life that my
father had and very similar moral values etc.
Nobody thought their marriage would work out...they said my mom was
far too young to stay tied to a much older man.
The marriage last just over 15 yrs. when my dad got sick and subsequently died...my mom was a thirty-something widow with 3 children...the oldest being nearly 14, my second brother was 7 and I was nearly 5...dad died a week before my birthday.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
*The top 10 reasons marriages don't last:
Financial Problems
Communication Problems
Family Problems: Family relationships with children, parents, in-laws, siblings and step-children are all sources of marital problems.
*Infidelity
Friend Problems: Some relationships with friends can be toxic to the marriage if they insert themselves between spouses.
Addiction Problems
Abuse Problems: Emotional, verbal or physical
Personality Problems: Partners that have compulsive needs to please or belittle can make honest communication impossible. Negative personality traits make a long-term relationship unbearable and divorce a real possibility.
Expectation Problems: The ability to adapt to changes in married life often depends on having realistic expectations about a spouse and the marriage relationship itself. It is common for disillusionment to set in when romantic or other unrealistic expectations are not met. Over time, unmet expectations can generate enough dissatisfaction to make meaningful compromise impossible.
Time Problems: Work and home schedules are not always compatible. Time spent apart and time spent together are equally important for maintaining a good married relationship.
(Source: Divorce.com)
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CounselorForChrist
Senior Veteran
Love knows no age....er...except for the whole "underage" thing. Thats a diffrent topic.
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T
TruthSeeker2012
Guest
What does the Bible say about it?
What age is the youngest in Bible where someone was involved in a close relationship?
What age is the youngest in Bible where someone was involved in a close relationship?
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pgp_protector
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Been together about 20 Years, and we haven't been together as long as our age gap is.
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Yes it can definitely work out. My fiancee and I have a 25 yr age gap and my parents had a 17 yr one (although my mom say's she's christian and doesn't accept our relationship.) My parents stayed happily together til my dad died. now my mom's a few yrs older than my stepdad. The fact is, my mom tried to force me to be christian and i hated it more. I would have never been christian if i hadn't met my fiancee and we've been happily together for 4 years so far and plan on being together forever.
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David Sylvian
From Japan With Love
Depends on love is all, Harold & Maude was one of my favorite movies as a teenager, check it out. Basically, about this morose teenager who is very wealthy... his mom tries to set him up with a bunch of beautiful but brainless or soulless women and he sabotages every one... he is weird, he likes to hang out at funerals (maybe wise according to Proverbs)... there he meets this old woman who is his exact opposite. Not morose, she is full of life. And he falls in love with her.
She tells him all her wild stories.
And then she dies.
The price of such love. He did not care, he could not stop it.
Love despite despite death and all outward appearances. Maude was a very beautiful soul.
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The love of my life is more than 17 years older than me. When we met, he was 41 (soon turned 42) and I was 24. I had wanted someone older, but not that much older, but it worked. He is young for his age, I am quite mature for my age and so the difference between us is probably smaller than it might seem. I did find it a bit creepy at first that my mother is only 9 years older than him, but she is such a mother-type and has been treating him as the son in law right from the start that you'd think there were 20 years between them.
Admittedly, my dad didn't give him the same talk that he gave to my sisters' boyfriends when he first met him.
Generally, I don't think age difference is a problem unless if both are adults. I would imagine it to be more difficult, though, if the woman was older because then the couple might not be able to have children.
Admittedly, my dad didn't give him the same talk that he gave to my sisters' boyfriends when he first met him.
Generally, I don't think age difference is a problem unless if both are adults. I would imagine it to be more difficult, though, if the woman was older because then the couple might not be able to have children.
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