Age Difference and Relationships?

[catch22]

ugh...everytime i look at this thread it makes me bummed out.....hmmm...maybe I should stop looking at it.

 

[DaveKerwin]

I`m 22 and my fiancee is 27. We are equal in terms of maturity and life stage. At first we talked about our age difference a lot. But to be honest, we relaly don't notice it. Each case is a little big different, and it depends laregely upon the people that are in the relationship. It works for us no problem, but if we was like eight or ten years older than me, I could see that as a major hinderance to us having dated, I probably would have passed her by because I had my doubts already because of the age gap. Anyhow, it works great for us, five years difference.

 

[charligirl]

…which accounts for/defines IMmaturity!!!!!

Not at all.. it just means that different people mature at different times depending on their personality/up bringing/experiences

…

I’ve heard VERY similar stories from other couples that have vastly different ages, and it always amazes me how the younger party involved in the relationship is always “mature for their age”. From what I’ve seen in every couple with big age differences that I’ve personally known, the older party typically uses that as a way to excuse their attraction/actions towards the younger party, and the younger party typically flatters themselves into thinking they are more mature than they really are because they are in a relationship with someone who, at their age, should be more mature than them. I’m NOT saying that this is you and/or your situation its just what I’ve seen from the couples that I’ve known.

These are the couples who in a previous post you claim to love and respect? but obviously you don't believe and you think they are deceiving themselves??

…

I understand about being labeled more mature than your age. I get that a lot. My favorite movies are old B&Ws. The music I love is: crooners, classical and classical jazz from the 20s, 30s, and 40s (esp. Ella Fitzgerald). I find pretty much NOTHING appealing about today’s culure, fads, stars, “singers”, “humor”, “music”, society, etc… pretty much everything about current times repulses me, and I long for days that were looooooooooong gone even before I was born.

Musical preferences and love of old movies doesn't equal maturity... merely good taste!

…

Yet the prospect of dating/marrying an 80-95 year old man disgusts me. Despite the fact that a man in that age group would probably share my interests/values/beliefs etc…, we would still be on different pages because of the differences in our ages and the maturity that accompanies them. Not to mention the fact that I have absolutely NO physical attraction towards old men and do not wish to be a nurse with benefits.

Good grief!! who mentioned a 60+ age difference?? that's old enough to be your grandfather! I am talking about an age difference with a man who is not even old enough to be my father!!!!!

…

I will not kid/flatter myself that I am as mature as a 80-95 year old man though--just the fact that they’ve lived as long as they have adds to their maturity.

I know some people of that age who are not remotely mature... in fact, despite their years and experiences they still have no understanding of people or have any common sense... yes they may know alot, but knowledge does not equal maturity either. How you apply the things you have learned and whether you have wisdom makes one mature.

By your definition of maturity then I should know far more about this subject and have a fuller understanding on it than you because I am 10 years older ... do you think that is the case??

 

[Onwardclimb]

Not at all.. it just means that different people mature at different times depending on their personality/up bringing/experiences

I agree, but then again I DISagree. All that you mention is apart of maturity, but I think age (the length of time someone's been around) has a lot to do with it as well. When your young although you may have an older person's personality/upbringing/experiences etc... you still posess a certain amount of naivete that the older person typically does not have. Even the Bible speaks of respecting your elders etc... why do you think that is???? I believe its because there's wisdom/less naivete with age--or at least there should be .

These are the couples who in a previous post you claim to love and respect? but obviously you don't believe and you think they are deceiving themselves??

I can "love and respect" someone and still DISapprove of their behavior and way of thinking.

Musical preferences and love of old movies doesn't equal maturity... merely good taste!

awww... THANX Charligirl!!!

Good grief!! who mentioned a 60+ age difference?? that's old enough to be your grandfather! I am talking about an age difference with a man who is not even old enough to be my father!!!!!

... I fail to see a difference. I applied the same principle of what your saying to myself and a man in the 80-95 year old age range would probably be a person with whom I could fully relate to (or at least "fully relate to" in the way you described)--yet I'm NOT too keen on the thought of anything romantic with someone that age

By your definition of maturity then I should know far more about this subject and have a fuller understanding on it than you because I am 10 years older ... do you think that is the case??

Yep. You sure SHOULD--j/k, lol!!!!!

God bless,
Onwardclimb

 

[charligirl]

... I fail to see a difference. I applied the same principle of what your saying to myself and a man in the 80-95 year old age range would probably be a person with whom I could fully relate to (or at least "fully relate to" in the way you described)--yet I'm NOT too keen on the thought of anything romantic with someone that age

If you fail to see that there is a difference between a 12 year age gap between husband and wife and a 60-70 year age gap, then there is really no further discussion to be had on the subject.

 

[Onwardclimb]

The same "principle" can be applied at ANY age.

Anywho, your right, there's really no further discussion to be had.

Have a good day,take care, & God bless ,
Onwardclimb

 

[Donny_B]

The most extreme case of age difference I know about was with the late U.S. Senator from South Carolina and former Governor Strom Thurmond, who recently passed away. He married his second wife in 1968 when he was 66 and she was 22 (his first wife died 8 years prior to this, who he had married when he was 45 and she was 24.)

According to his biography which you can find on the internet, Thurmond had 4 children by his second wife, when he was 68, 69, 71, and 73 years old, and she was 25, 26, 28 and 30. Thurmond had no children by his first wife. Thurmond also had a child out of wedlock when he was 23 by an African-American maid when she was 16.

When Thurmond reached his 90's, you may recall that he was very frail and needed help in just getting around the Senate and standing up to vote...Thurmond died at age 100 when she was only 56.

This is an extreme case, which I would not recommend, because of the extreme burden it must place on a wife who is much younger when he is in his old age.

I personally would put a 20-25 year age difference at tops. But I guess you couldn't tell this to the Thurmonds way back there in 1968!

 

[danielb]

Personally I would think its more important for you to be at a similiar place in your life, I would court someone younger or older than me. But for example I don't think I would court someone who was still a undergarduate @ university as I have been working for a couple years now and I think it would be too much of a barrier as we would both have too different an outlook on life...

DanielB

 

[Starcradle]

Although I am not keen on placing rigid restrictions in this area, I do believe it depends upon the individuals involved. Immaturity can be discovered within all age ranges. Until recently, I preferred much older men, yet I have progressively become more receptive to having someone closer to my age (yet not terribly close). However, I am not comfortable stating that he "absolutely" must be this or that age, for God possesses a wonderful sense of humor and may have plans for me that I would never fathom otherwise. Nevertheless, for me to gravitate toward a man my age or younger, he would indeed have to be a strong man of God. In my experience, older men tend to be more thoughtful, tactful, and respectful than younger men. (Note that I stated "in my experience" to avoid generalizations.)

Incidentally, if a significant age difference existed, I would not be at all bothered by any failures to know the television programs or music of one another's generation. I simply view it as an opportunity to learn and teach one another (even though I consider the aforementioned subjects superficial, yet my thought applies to other matters as well.) My predominant concern would be whether or not our core spiritual values were aligned.

 

[Rosa Mystica]

As a general rule, I don't want a guy in his early 20s. Most of the ones I know personally act like they're 15.

 

[Starcradle]

As a general rule, I don't want a guy in his early 20s. Most of the ones I know personally act like they're 15.

I can relate.

 

[Ceris]

I would say that maturity plays the biggest part.

 

[crydun]

Age is just a number to me. I'm 27 and I personally don't want to date anyone under 30. I just can't relate to youner guys. They are irresponsible and don't know how to treat a woman. Older guys(on the average) seemed to have loved and lost more and know what they lost.
On the other hand, I don't want somebody with one foot in the grave either. I'm thinking 30-45 should be my age range. Of course, there are exceptions.

 

[Rosa Mystica]

Age is just a number to me. I'm 27 and I personally don't want to date anyone under 30. I just can't relate to youner guys. They are irresponsible and don't know how to treat a woman. Older guys(on the average) seemed to have loved and lost more and know what they lost.
On the other hand, I don't want somebody with one foot in the grave either. I'm thinking 30-45 should be my age range. Of course, there are exceptions.

Yes, this sounds reasonable. For me, the ideal age range would be late 20s/early 30s. Mind you, there are exceptions to this rule: if a mature guy under 25 wanted to date me, I'd consider him (if he met my other criteria, that is! )

 

[LynneClomina]

one of my best friend's - her husband is 18 years older than her. 30 and 48 years respectively. they have a great, loving marriage, though the age difference has some impact for sure. but then how is it any different from being raised very differently? or having very different experiences?

but in a lot of ways she seems more mature than he does. maturity really is the big player in this game.

my aunt, when she was about....35? 40?..... was married to a guy in his... late 80's(?). they were in love. but his family thought she just wanted his money. when he died she refused to accept what was willed to her.

 

[bèlla]

.

 

[MehGuy]

The answer depends on the person. Some people can handle large age differences and others cannot. Having said that..

As far as an evolutionary perspective goes men tend to prefer younger women than vice versa. I have listened to older feminist women complain about men dating women significantly younger than themselves asking questions such as "what do you have in common with her?" First of all not all young women are vapid morons. Some can be wise beyond their years and hold their own end when it comes to stimulating conversations. Secondly, romance and love does not have to follow the same logic as a platonic relationship. Men evolved a mindset to yearn to be protectors and providers for their partners. An age gap helps heighten the sense of vulnerability and care. Most men are not bothered by generational differences and life goals when it comes from a downward perspective because men evolved to want to help women. As a consequence a youthful demeanor and innocence is appealing. Older feminist women are just projecting the reasons they find younger men unfulfilling onto men.

Evolutionarily speaking the age of around 22 is when women are at their most desirable. The age when they are at their most fertile and safest to give birth. There were evolutionary pressures for men to seek out younger partners. Men who preferred older women were less reproductively successful. Older men have been seeking out younger women for thousands of years and it is ridiculous that we did not also evolve a mindset to find such age gaps aggregable mentally.

Unfortunately many modern men are confused by social messaging promoted by feminist groups. Men are shamed for wanting younger women and as a result many settle for a woman that makes them feel less masculine and thus less psychologically fulfilled. The irony of the human mind. While ingrained biology is very much real, our complex minds can put ideas into our heads and compel us to act contrary to our "nature". With the idea of "nature" being something that finds and plugs back in the outlets society unplugged and lets our machinery run properly as it was designed and thus improves the quality of our mental well being.

On the plus side I do think many modern men are waking up. The hypocrisy of feminism is driving men to find explanations elsewhere. Evolutionary psychology is a haven for many men who are tired of being lied to and instead want to understand how human beings actually work. There the wheels start turning and many men discover the previously socially hidden femininity and vulnerability of a woman younger than themselves.

 

[.Mikha'el.]

That girl from the dating site I've been talking with is eight years younger. I wish there weren't so big a difference.

 

[MehGuy]

That girl from the dating site I've been talking with is eight years younger. I wish there weren't so big a difference.

Why?

 

[.Mikha'el.]

My personal age differences favor a much tighter gap.