After kids the body changes. How to handle this?

[hisbloodformysins]

Awww, Warrior Poet, that is so sweet and romantic, but let me ask you, do you have a wife, has she had a child with you?? Do you think all the chunky women out there are attractive, because guess what, a lot of them were probably a lot thinner and attractive before they had their children. I think that is really sweet though that you feel that way, and i hope you retain that same sentiment if you are encountered with the predicament. I'm sure Spock's friend feels bad for feeling the way he does but cannot help it, and he needs help- for hisself and his wife. I don't blame him for feeling unattracted if he can't help it, my hubby didn't feel as attracted to me while I was pregnant because I lost my figure, I could tell and he admitted it when I inquired, but I also didn't feart that he'd seek other attractive women either because I trusted him (though even if you're miss America, your partner may still notice other attractive women). I like what that one guy said, that sure, he notices other women, but when he feels intimate and close to his wife she's the most beautiful person in the world. That is what we women seek, not to have a wavering security over a changing body, but to know that we are our spouse's one and only choice because they have that connection.

 

[Vollkommen Warrior]

"HE IS THE ISSUE." Whatever. So are people like you. Grow up a little, name calling is for high school. But I see you are not so far removed from it.

 

[Warrior Poet]

ROFL..... that was kinda ironic huh, you bash me for telling him to grow up, then proceed to tell me to grow up ROFL.... then the low blow with the HS remark.... smooth dawg smooth. What name did I call him

So then by all means Sp0ck tell me what IS the issue then, cause not all men feel like that its a personal thing, with your firend "attacking" the issue means adressing your friend AS A PERSON....how is that not utterly apparent?? *shrug* (this might help me grow )

My turn..... No YOU grow up. AAAAAAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA

hisblood I WAS married I loved when my wife gained weight.... she hated when i said that but it was OOOOoooo so true. I find women attractive in all shapes and sizes, her body comes second to the content, and if she gave birth to my child, i dont think I would be anymore turned on. Yes I find women "overweight" and "skinny" women attractive, there is just something about the female body with some meat on it that riles me up. I cant help it.

I know hes your friend so its easy to get defensive. For that I apologize.

I guess overall I cant see how someone would pose this question and then not expect the responses that have been given I went ahead and read the rest of the thread. Its like this: I can sugar coat an answer for you to swallow when a man isnt being a man it needs it to be pointed out. If I was his close friend I would be the one to tell him. Him: "I dont find my wife attractive now that she has given birth".... Dude would have either had to give me a few miniutes to cool down or I would have gave him a tounge lashing he wont soon forget. Thats what friends do, we give it straight up, no beating around the bush, no coating it so he can take it better, if he is failing in his duty( or one duty) as a husband, and IMO this falls in if not very very close to that realm, then he needs to be approached, confrontred and set on the right path, ( man why didnt someone do that to me earlier in my marriage) he will have to do the rest. Someone said its time for him to mature.....i.e. "grow up" i cant see where the difference lays from that and what I echoed from a few others. This isnt a selfrighous thing, its just the way it is. When i was going through the hardest time in my life it was one guy that hammered me that made me see the what it was I did and needed to do. If he would have been nice and cheery about it, it would have had the opposite affect, and I have seen it here to many times, a firm hand is the best hand.

This wouldnt fly with me, I wouldnt try to purposly trash my friendship by being brutually honest, but if you are holding your tounge are you really being a friend??? I dont doubt that you have good intentions and are trying to approach this with tact...... i dont see this as being a time to do so. My bestfriend flat out told me not to get married, FLAT OUT, as my friend it was his job to tell me the "truth", he was still 100% behind my decision, THATS a friend, somewhere in this you hold some responsiblity Sp0ck, he confided in you about this, if you tell him straight up how it is, you are good. If he gets mad at you it means you struck a nerve and he will dwell on it, and in time the TRUTH will surface and you will have been the core of that. In sitautions like this God speaks....and its usually through our friends. Thank God for friends. Your friend should thank God he has you.

Warrior Poet

 

[charligirl]

"HE IS THE ISSUE." Whatever. So are people like you. Grow up a little, name calling is for high school. But I see you are not so far removed from it.

I actually don't think that calling your friend the issue is name calling. His thoughts/feelings/attitudes are actually the issue here.

A fantastic piece of advice I have been given about marriage is that there is no point praying for your spouse to change, as virtually every time God will come back and say, 'if you want that then YOU need to change first'. The issues we have nearly always start with ourselves.

Perhaps your friend can seek God and really get into what the word says, that he is to love his wife as his own body (which it sounds like he is quite proud of) ask God to CHANGE HIM to love and desire his wife in whatever state her body is in, rather than try to change her.

As it stands, she will be picking up on the fact he is not desiring her. this can lead to depression, low self esteem, low energy levels... it is not likely to make her want to do anything about it!!

If he does as Jenna suggested and loves her unconditionally (which is what he promised to do in his marriage vows) shows her he loves her no matter what, she will start to change and is more likely to be confident and caring about her body.

 

[Vollkommen Warrior]

Thanks for the suggestions. I do think this is an easy bashing thread and may be too much for some folks to handle without being judgemental. I am a bit discouraged that on a Christian site folks have to resort to name calling when other folks have challenges unlike their own. I would like to ask the moderator to close this one now as I don't particularly enjoy the nasty-ness or the tone.

 

[E-beth]

Thread closed by Spock's request and to send everybody back to their corners.