After going too far...

[ps34_18]

hey people, sorry I haven't been responding in so long. To answer anyone who may be still doubting, my boyfriend and I have not had sex, and do not intend to until we are married. I want to thank-you all for your advice, and I especially liked what someone said about not necessarily drawing invisible lines where we will not go on each other's bodies, but drawing lines where we will not go with each other alone...good idea, because really that does tend to be our biggest problem is when we're alone some place.

As for the question of whether or not we should marry...I'm probably going to disappoint a lot of you when I say this, but I'd like to clarify a few things before you jump to conclusions. Two days ago we got engaged. This was not a decision based on the fact that we can't control ourselves around each other. In fact, at the risk of sounding completely nuts, we've both sort of known from the beginning when we started dating that this relationship was going to end in marriage. And at the beginning physical boundaries were not a problem...this is something that has developed the more we've gotten to know each other, and the more intimate we've become emotionally and spiritually. Now, I'm well aware that engagement does not solve our problems, in fact it probably complicates them slightly by the idea that maybe since we now know we're getting married anyway, it's okay to play around. I do not have that thought in my head at all...and if I do, I'm giving myself constant lectures that I need to behave myself, that this idea is wrong. We've been keeping the lines of communication open on the entire subject (of physical lines) and both of us are in the process of finding people to keep us accountable.

And to let you know, we're not getting married for at least a year...I need to finish school yet, and there are still many things that need to be planned out. However, even though we both know that this relationship is still fairly new and engagement could be considering rushing things a little, we've beeing praying about this since the beginning, and don't feel it's necessary to put off the inevitable engagement for a mere few months when we're sure now. We have gotten advice from this from youth workers we both know and trust, as well as blessing from both of our parents, and feel that this entire relationship has been led by God from the outset.

 

[Warrior Poet]

Good girl.
I dont think anyone will be dissapointed in you, you have thought it out and come to a sensible conclusion, you have also decided to excercise your right to self control. You relationship and marriage in that case will be based on content, love and understanding, these last longer then any fit of passion you might have now.
Prepare to hear the "A year is a long time to wait....." speech, im sure someone will cover it.
Overall it seems to be a wise decision.

Warrior Poet

 

[seekingsomething]

I would just like to add a thought. Sometimes i think it is good to muck up. i really do. i see it as a way of knowing what you dont want to do. You might have to muck up a couple of times to fully realise what you were doin wrong, but then you remember the bad feelings afterwards. Its a constant reminder that you dont wana muck up. Me and my boyf have been going out for about the same amount o time, although we have known each other much longer, and we have mucked up in the same way. However from doin this we just realised how humble we should be before God, how we are weak and need Him sooooo much more than anything. Now we have mucked up we talk so much more freely about it. We have a 'keep your feet on the ground rule' and nothin prolonged. God bless you, you sound really responsable. Take care x x x

 

[Laurel Crowned]

But read Fit To Be Tied by Bill and Lynne Hybels and The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John M. Gottman.

Better yet, I'd back off on the physical intimacy (even kissing above the neck, perhaps even hand holding if necessary) for awhile. In any relationship both partners tend to exhibit best behaviour and cater better to each others needs during the first 6 months. After that the regular personalities show up and only then can you decide whether you really want to spend the rest of your life together.

Whatever you do, don't marry for sex.

Enslow

I am reading this book now... after keeping it tucked away for years. I TOTALLY agree with the suggestion to read it. It is making a HUGE difference in how I am approaching the whole relationship issue. You can get Fit to Be Tied on Amazon.com

LC

 

[Aussie_Gareth]

Why would they get married after only 2 months of knowing each other? That's silly. How well can you know someone after only 2 months? Relationships take time, you can't rush it just because you think you'll fall into sin. Marrying someone you don't know is more than likely going to end in disaster. Divorce. Marrying for the wrong reasons is not very smart, if you're truly committed to faith then you would have the desire NOT to have sex before marriage. Would having sex before marriage glorify God?

I think a good thing to do would be to pray before you and your partner get intimate, pray for strength not to fall into sexual temptation. Praying together would be a good idea. Definetely pray after you think you've done something wrong and ask God for advice.

Hope this helps.

 

[SarahAblaze06]

hye, desi is pretty right. that is scripture and you can't argue with scripture LOL, but i do tlhink they should chill with the physical stuff. it is so much easier said than done but i pray that you'll find strength.

 

[EmSchmem]

Who says they only knew each other 2 months? She merely said they only have been dating two months. When I had been dating my husband for 2 months, I had known him for well more than a year. Also, there are times when you just know. I know of more than one marriage that is good and strong and they were together a very short time before they got engaged.
These two sound like they reasonable people who do genuinely care for one another and despite some mistakes want to follow the Lord. That should be supported whether or not we agree with how long they've been dating.
Double dates, very public dates, and the such are all great ideas. I know if I were in the same town as psa, I would be willing to go on a double date with them.

Emily

 

[Silver Speak]

Who says they only knew each other 2 months? She merely said they only have been dating two months. When I had been dating my husband for 2 months, I had known him for well more than a year. Also, there are times when you just know. I know of more than one marriage that is good and strong and they were together a very short time before they got engaged.

I know a guy who proposed to his wife the second time they met. They have been happily married for more than twenty years now.

 

[purple85]

hi there.
when i was in my first ever relationship, my boundary was 'not to have sex till i was married'
i now realise that this wasnt a great boundary as i ended up removing clothes and going pretty much all the way u would with someone before having sex
throughout this time God was constantly calling me back to him, and when i eventually realised the difficulty i was in i came back to him and wept and wept as i realised it was so wrong and that i had been degrading myself through what i had done, what could have been love soon turned to lust and i had to pray continually for 2 months at least for God to erase the images and heal me..altho he set me free pretty much immediatly when i returned to him, just took a while to be healed from the consequences...
anyway, now im in a new relationship, and my boundaries are a little higher, as in definatley no removal of clothes, no touching of breasts or other sensitive parts (altho this boundary has been passed a few times) and i intend to make it strict...im not going to allow what is currently a blossoming loving relationship, be ruined through lust..
hope this helps..

 

[purple85]

and actually...the other day i spoke to my bf and we decided to up our boundaries to nothing other than a bit of a kiss when we say goodnight or are somewhere 'safe'...

 

[ps34_18]

purple: that helps a lot...in fact I'm thinking about talking to my bf about making that our boundary too...we've managed to behave ourselves for just over a week now (after having numerous screw-ups)...here's hoping we can make it to a month, and then two months, and with God's strength until we get married next year. It's so awfully frustrating how easy it is to fall every time...