Is it ok to divorce an abusive spouse? What about remarriage after divorce?
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after divorce
- Thread starter meliz
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cweinstein
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Hi meltz
Yes it is very much ok to divorce an abusive spouse.
I left my abusive spouse 3 yrs ago, and I am now divorced.
I think remarriage after divorce is a personal choice, and it depends on your beliefs, and if you are ready.
I know I am not ready to remarry, perhaps someday.
Yes it is very much ok to divorce an abusive spouse.
I left my abusive spouse 3 yrs ago, and I am now divorced.
I think remarriage after divorce is a personal choice, and it depends on your beliefs, and if you are ready.
I know I am not ready to remarry, perhaps someday.
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Lotuspetal_uk
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Got to agree with cweinstein. I'm not ready to remarry too.
The stages most people go through would be separation (arguably the most important to secure one's safety) -> attempt reconciliation i.e. gave abuser the opportunity to seek help/ get church elders involved/ counselling -> abuser shows no remorse nor reconciliation attempts/tries to repeatedly abuse -> reluctant divorce.
You'll find on other parts of CF that some users would teach that we as believers must not divorce or even that we should remain in the abusive situation. They'll cite scripture to back up their stance. But when I recall looking into it and with talking to ministers on the subject, the overall consensus is to divorce an unrepentant abuser after attempts are refused (by the abuser) for the abuser to seek help and change.
On the remarriage front, it depends on the schools of thought. I remember reading an online segment of a book called "Divorce and Remarriage in the Church" by Dr David Instone-Brewster. When looking into this topic he wanted to actually see what the school of thought was around the time of Jesus to get to understand why the Pharisees asked what they asked Jesus in Matthew 19. But what was interesting was that David considered what both the OT and NT said about divorce and remarriage since Jesus, the Apostles and Paul were observant Jews. I found this blog entry which summarises the book but from his research he says that there were only 3 Biblical grounds for divorce from which the church marriage vows are based upon and with the freedom for the person to remarry if one party revoked these vows:
Check the blog out - it is one school of thought on this but it was one that made historic and Biblical sense for me. More importantly though, pray to the Lord as to your personal circumstance to see what is best for you.
The stages most people go through would be separation (arguably the most important to secure one's safety) -> attempt reconciliation i.e. gave abuser the opportunity to seek help/ get church elders involved/ counselling -> abuser shows no remorse nor reconciliation attempts/tries to repeatedly abuse -> reluctant divorce.
You'll find on other parts of CF that some users would teach that we as believers must not divorce or even that we should remain in the abusive situation. They'll cite scripture to back up their stance. But when I recall looking into it and with talking to ministers on the subject, the overall consensus is to divorce an unrepentant abuser after attempts are refused (by the abuser) for the abuser to seek help and change.
On the remarriage front, it depends on the schools of thought. I remember reading an online segment of a book called "Divorce and Remarriage in the Church" by Dr David Instone-Brewster. When looking into this topic he wanted to actually see what the school of thought was around the time of Jesus to get to understand why the Pharisees asked what they asked Jesus in Matthew 19. But what was interesting was that David considered what both the OT and NT said about divorce and remarriage since Jesus, the Apostles and Paul were observant Jews. I found this blog entry which summarises the book but from his research he says that there were only 3 Biblical grounds for divorce from which the church marriage vows are based upon and with the freedom for the person to remarry if one party revoked these vows:
What God Has Joined said:
Check the blog out - it is one school of thought on this but it was one that made historic and Biblical sense for me. More importantly though, pray to the Lord as to your personal circumstance to see what is best for you.
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1 Corinthians 7:11
but if she does (divorce), she must remain umarried or else be reconciled to her husband.
Luke 16:18
Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery, and the man who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.
Mathew 5:32
But i tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorce woman commits adultery.
this is how we are instructed. its hard and its a harsh reality but we can't pick and choose what parts of the New Testament to follow.
but if she does (divorce), she must remain umarried or else be reconciled to her husband.
Luke 16:18
Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery, and the man who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.
Mathew 5:32
But i tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorce woman commits adultery.
this is how we are instructed. its hard and its a harsh reality but we can't pick and choose what parts of the New Testament to follow.
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I believe that God is kind and understanding so from my point of view, if marriage counseling does not work I would seek a divorce and remarry if someone else right came along.
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Is it ok to remarry if an abusive spouse initiated the divorce? The abused spouse did not initiate divorce, but did initiate the separation.
I'm not saying I'm at all ready for remarriage, but I might want it someday. I am fairly young and it's hard to imagine being alone for the rest of my life.
I'm not saying I'm at all ready for remarriage, but I might want it someday. I am fairly young and it's hard to imagine being alone for the rest of my life.
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Lotuspetal_uk
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If the abusive spouse is a non believer then scripture is clear in 1 Corinthians 7:15 - the believing spouse is not bound to that marriage and can remarry but they must marry a believer.
Where you could do with advice from your pastor/minister is when the abuser claims to be a believer and initiates the divorce. This is where the various schools of thought becomes a bit of a grey area for the innocent party. If the abuser hasn't got a valid reason for the divorce (as in adultery, neglect, abandonment/abuse) then in accordance with Matthew 19:9 the abuser would be committing adultery should he remarry. But then Matthew 5:32 is present pertaining to the innocent party and on the face of it (as in the English translation of it) the innocent party would also be committing adultery should they remarry. As per the link above though, we need to be mindful of who Jesus' audience were at the time he stated what he did and the context that it was meant. His audience knew about Mosaic law and the fact that it was being abused in order to make divorce easier for the privileged. So that's where perhaps someone who has studied this might be able to sift through it all and provide a better answer for you.
If I were you I would pray about this and also ask someone like a chaplain here on CF or your church elders as they would have studied this more in depth and would be able to give you a more accurate answer based on your circumstances.
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