After 5 years

[madison1101]

It has been five years since my ex left me, and I still feel a sense of loss. He has remarried, and they have just bought a nice new house, and I have an apartment. They are traveling to Spain, and I won't get much of a vacation this year travelwise.

But most of all, I miss the smile he used to give me and the silly jokes he used to make. I miss the good stuff so much.

Yet, I know that if I were still married to him, I would not have been able to go back to grad school and pursue my dream career. I would not be able to minister to people the way I do now.

Will I ever get over him? I try, and sometimes I am over him, but then it comes back, and this week it really hurts.

 

[Dr. Shon]

Yes, Madison, you will get over him. It's OK to remember the good times. Just be sure you aren't embellishing those memories, if you know what I mean. Ask God to take the pain away and make room in your heart for who He has in mind for you.

 

[madison1101]

Yes, Madison, you will get over him. It's OK to remember the good times. Just be sure you aren't embellishing those memories, if you know what I mean. Ask God to take the pain away and make room in your heart for who He has in mind for you.

Thanks, Dr. Shon. I know that I have to keep things in perspective. He was not the nicest person to me. He treats me better now that we are split up. I guess I am just jealous that he is doing things with his new wife that we could not afford when we were together. Living on my income alone is just horrible.

I am skeptical that the Lord has another man in mind for me. I am open to it, but just really not believing that there is someone out there who could love me as a husband should. Someday, maybe.

Thanks,
Trish

PS, are you a real doctor, or is that just your nickname?

 

[Dr. Shon]

Thanks, Dr. Shon. I know that I have to keep things in perspective. He was not the nicest person to me. He treats me better now that we are split up. I guess I am just jealous that he is doing things with his new wife that we could not afford when we were together. Living on my income alone is just horrible.

I am skeptical that the Lord has another man in mind for me. I am open to it, but just really not believing that there is someone out there who could love me as a husband should. Someday, maybe.

Thanks,
Trish

PS, are you a real doctor, or is that just your nickname?

Trish,
I understand your doubts about there being somebody out there who could really love you. If you truly want a life partner, then I believe with all my heart that God can get the right one to you. That is what I am believing Him for.

I am a veterinarian. Does that count as being a "real" doctor?

 

[tizherself]

I agree with the fact that sometimes we look at relationships with rose-colored glasses once their over. I've had it nailed down to an art!! It's not necessarily that the person we're no longer with was good for, or to us - it just hurts to see them wrapped up in someone else and wonder "why couldn't he/she be that happy with me?" Maybe it's about doubting our own self-worth underneath it all. I am encouraged to see you devoting your time to enriching your own life (your degree) and the lives of others (with your ministering). As for any new relationships, serving God is definately a positive place to meet someone. But be careful not to dwell on it. If you can be content for now being single, then let it be. It's rewarding to feel at peace with that. I went through it, and accepted that maybe it was God's will for me. Well meaning family and friends couldn't believe it though, thought I was putting on a "brave face". Soon they convinced me too. I didn't wait for God to change my heart and got involved in a difficult relationship. Just trust that God has a plan for you - if this relationship with your ex didn't work, then He has something else in mind for you that's even better than what you had planned for yourself. Unless it's a necessity, I wouldn't torture yourself by staying too closely involved with your ex. At least for now, it seems too painful for you.

 

[meganahan]

Trish,
I understand your doubts about there being somebody out there who could really love you. If you truly want a life partner, then I believe with all my heart that God can get the right one to you. That is what I am believing Him for.

I am a veterinarian. Does that count as being a "real" doctor?

There's a movie called "Baby Boom". The main character gets sick in a little town...she passes out. She ends up being examined by the vet.

 

[Dr. Shon]

There's a movie called "Baby Boom". The main character gets sick in a little town...she passes out. She ends up being examined by the vet.

I like that movie!

Madison, I think Tizherself spoke very well in her post. If I felt the least bit "desperate" for a mate, I wouldn't even let myself THINK about looking. That kind of emotional bankruptcy is what got me into a lousy marriage before. I now have total peace about having a companion in my life or being single either one. So I can pray for God's will to be done and feel perfectly free about it. I hope I'm making sense here.

Tizherself, Are you by any chance a Maureen O'Hara fan?

 

[tizherself]

I can't say I'm familiar with all of her films, but yes, I did love "The Quiet Man" - my folks were from Ireland and we used to go back to visit. When I would come home to visit (here in the States), I would be greeted with "Ah, 'tiz herself!"

 

[Dr. Shon]

I can't say I'm familiar with all of her films, but yes, I did love "The Quiet Man" - my folks were from Ireland and we used to go back to visit. When I would come home to visit (here in the States), I would be greeted with "Ah, 'tiz herself!"

How cool! I am a fan and have read her biography titled "Tis Herself" and so that's the first thing I thought of when I saw your user name. I've never been to Ireland, but would like to go. One of my great-grandmothers on my mother's side was from Ireland.

 

[madison1101]

Trish,
I understand your doubts about there being somebody out there who could really love you. If you truly want a life partner, then I believe with all my heart that God can get the right one to you. That is what I am believing Him for.

I am a veterinarian. Does that count as being a "real" doctor?

Dr. Shon: Real doctors have letters behind their names, like DVM, Ph.D., MD, DO, PsyD, EdD, etc. I meant no disrespect. I just get frustrated by people who might use the term Doc as a nickname without having earned the letters behind the name, regardless of what the doc does.

You are most definitely a real doctor, because I think I paid my veterinarian more than my family doctor so far this year. I am thinking of looking into health insurance for my two cats. Or maybe a cat psychiatrist for one of them.

One of the things my ex and I disagreed on what the ownership of pets. I ran a petting zoo at a day camp for ten summers. I would take care of a donkey, sheep, goats, peacocks, hamsters, guinea pigs, rabbits, aquatic frogs and snakes all in one summer. Plus teach Nature lessons to the kids in the camp. Critters had a way of finding their way to my house, which drove the husband nuts. Being a teacher, the critters made their way to my classroom during the school year. Right now all I own is two cats. When I get a house with a yard, the dogs will join the family. What fun that will be.

 

[madison1101]

I agree with the fact that sometimes we look at relationships with rose-colored glasses once their over. I've had it nailed down to an art!! It's not necessarily that the person we're no longer with was good for, or to us - it just hurts to see them wrapped up in someone else and wonder "why couldn't he/she be that happy with me?" Maybe it's about doubting our own self-worth underneath it all. I am encouraged to see you devoting your time to enriching your own life (your degree) and the lives of others (with your ministering). As for any new relationships, serving God is definately a positive place to meet someone. But be careful not to dwell on it. If you can be content for now being single, then let it be. It's rewarding to feel at peace with that. I went through it, and accepted that maybe it was God's will for me. Well meaning family and friends couldn't believe it though, thought I was putting on a "brave face". Soon they convinced me too. I didn't wait for God to change my heart and got involved in a difficult relationship. Just trust that God has a plan for you - if this relationship with your ex didn't work, then He has something else in mind for you that's even better than what you had planned for yourself. Unless it's a necessity, I wouldn't torture yourself by staying too closely involved with your ex. At least for now, it seems too painful for you.

I understand completely what you are sharing. The rose colored glasses are off. I just envy his wife that he has taken her to Europe three times in their two years together, while I was to Europe once in 25 years. A little out of balance there.

I keep focusing on that right now my husband is Christ the Lord, and I am HIS beloved bride. I also focus on the legacy I want to leave my children.

Thanks,
Trish

 

[madison1101]

I like that movie!

Madison, I think Tizherself spoke very well in her post. If I felt the least bit "desperate" for a mate, I wouldn't even let myself THINK about looking. That kind of emotional bankruptcy is what got me into a lousy marriage before. I now have total peace about having a companion in my life or being single either one. So I can pray for God's will to be done and feel perfectly free about it. I hope I'm making sense here.

Tizherself, Are you by any chance a Maureen O'Hara fan?

A few years ago I was desperate, and almost married a total loser out of desperation. Praise the Lord, I got some sense in my head and broke that off.

This past September, I was at a women's retreat and the speaker talked about Christ placing a wedding ring on my finger at the time of my salvation. I spent that weekend praying that God would fill that void I tried filling with my ex, and other guys. He has been faithful and I have not felt that desperation to find a man. I have peace that IF and WHEN God has a man HE wants to share me with, HE will let me know clearly.

I went through life doing what I thought best and then seeking God's blessing on it. That got me my first marriage. Not anymore. Now it is God first, last and in between.

Hope this makes sense.

 

[madison1101]

How cool! I am a fan and have read her biography titled "Tis Herself" and so that's the first thing I thought of when I saw your user name. I've never been to Ireland, but would like to go. One of my great-grandmothers on my mother's side was from Ireland.

My great-grandmother on my father's side is from Ireland. Her name was Catherine Reilly. I wanted to name my daughter after her, but my married last name would have conflicted with the nickname Katie. Thankfully, after my divorce, I took back my Irish maiden name.

My niece is in England this semester, and hopes to visit Ireland before she returns. When she turned 18 she got a shamrock tatoo on her back. She proudly told me "Aunt Trish, I will always be Irish."

 

[Dr. Shon]

My great-grandmother on my father's side is from Ireland. Her name was Catherine Reilly. I wanted to name my daughter after her, but my married last name would have conflicted with the nickname Katie. Thankfully, after my divorce, I took back my Irish maiden name.

My niece is in England this semester, and hopes to visit Ireland before she returns. When she turned 18 she got a shamrock tatoo on her back. She proudly told me "Aunt Trish, I will always be Irish."

I hope she gets to visit Ireland too. It would be a shame to be that close and not get to. Glad she is proud of her Irish heritage.

 

[imaniingod]

It has been five years since my ex left me, and I still feel a sense of loss. He has remarried, and they have just bought a nice new house, and I have an apartment. They are traveling to Spain, and I won't get much of a vacation this year travelwise.

But most of all, I miss the smile he used to give me and the silly jokes he used to make. I miss the good stuff so much.

Yet, I know that if I were still married to him, I would not have been able to go back to grad school and pursue my dream career. I would not be able to minister to people the way I do now.

Will I ever get over him? I try, and sometimes I am over him, but then it comes back, and this week it really hurts.

My heart goes out to you, divorce is not easy but we can get through leaning on God and knowing that God will always be there for us, he is our first husband.

 

[madison1101]

I was having a lovely Mothers Day today, and my ex-mother-in-law called to discuss politics, her favorite subject. I had my family here and we were visiting, and she just had to tell me who to vote for in the PA Primary Election on Tuesday. UGH!

Please pray for me to have patience today.