Afraid of Men

[HoneyBee]

Please note that this is in the Recovery Support Forum. Please read the rules before responding.

So, as I've hinted at in the past, I am a survivor of sexual abuse as a young child, and it's really affected how I am able to handle relationships these days, particularly romantic relationships.

The truth is, I'm afraid of entering a romantic relationship. Any time a guy even hints that he is attracted to me, I become afraid. And I literally ran from a guy one time when we were going to be left alone, because I could sense he was hitting on me. That was so embarrassing and I wish that I hadn't done that, but the truth is that I was afraid. I'm always afraid.

I feel like I can't trust men. I wish that I could, but I feel like I can't. Being abused has left me feeling violated in so many ways and like I have to be careful if I want to survive. And maybe that's true, but the degree in which I try to protect myself... it's sad. I'm always so scared that someone is going to harm me or try to drug me. Am I the only one who feels scared like that?

Also, how is this going to affect my future marriage?? I feel like trust will be a major factor that I need to consider before getting married, but even then, will my amount of trust have a limit? I fear that it may have a limit and I'll be on edge even after I've gotten married. I don't have a boyfriend at the moment, nor have I ever had one, but the thought still scares me and makes me feel defective in some ways. I wish I weren't so scared of men like this.

 

[Valetic]

Either the right one will fall in your lap or you will overcome this obstacle. I fell in my wife's lap. I was the only person she dated. She said she knew I was the one the first time she saw me. She played it cool for 6 months, until someone finally told me she liked me. I was so flattered I asked her to go to a movie. We've been together ever since.

 

[Southernscotty]

Dear Sister, Any man worthy of you should not be pushy and should be 100 percent willing to respect your set boundaries. If he isn't, Then he is not a man worth your time.
Pray and seek the one that loves you enough not to be pushy and who will listen to your fears.

 

[PloverWing]

Have you been to professional counselling? You've been through a terrible trauma. Of course you're going to be afraid and defensive; your emotions are trying to protect you from ever being hurt like that again. A counsellor may be able to help you heal and gain more control over your life. Be patient with yourself; it will take time.

 

[yeshuaslavejeff]

Please note that this is in the Recovery Support Forum. Please read the rules before responding.

So, as I've hinted at in the past, I am a survivor of sexual abuse as a young child, and it's really affected how I am able to handle relationships these days, particularly romantic relationships.

The truth is, I'm afraid of entering a romantic relationship. Any time a guy even hints that he is attracted to me, I become afraid. And I literally ran from a guy one time when we were going to be left alone, because I could sense he was hitting on me. That was so embarrassing and I wish that I hadn't done that, but the truth is that I was afraid. I'm always afraid.

I feel like I can't trust men. I wish that I could, but I feel like I can't. Being abused has left me feeling violated in so many ways and like I have to be careful if I want to survive. And maybe that's true, but the degree in which I try to protect myself... it's sad. I'm always so scared that someone is going to harm me or try to drug me. Am I the only one who feels scared like that?

Also, how is this going to affect my future marriage?? I feel like trust will be a major factor that I need to consider before getting married, but even then, will my amount of trust have a limit? I fear that it may have a limit and I'll be on edge even after I've gotten married. I don't have a boyfriend at the moment, nor have I ever had one, but the thought still scares me and makes me feel defective in some ways. I wish I weren't so scared of men like this.

You have learned already what many never learn - worldwide, men are hurtful, overall, instead of helpful, nurturing and caring.
Oh, there are a few caring men, somewhere - they are helpful, nurturing and caring as they should be, but just as "a good wife who can find?" so also "a good husband who can find?" .....

Like sheep we(men, women and children) are, surrounded by wolves ,
when we have found God and walk with Jesus as His.

He guards us though, as He Says. We are His sheep. He can be Trusted 100% (men cannot, as you found out personally) .

Notice one wonderful thing about Jesus the Shepherd, and sheep.
Even with wolves around, as soon as sheep hear Jesus' voice, they are at peace, because He cares for us and protects us faithfully.

Like Mary, sit at Jesus' feet and listen to Him;
we hope Martha stopped doing the chores and did this also,
because Jesus told Martha to leave Mary alone when she was sitting at His feet listening to Him ; Jesus said again - "one thing is important, and she (Mary) has chosen it". A perfect lesson for all of us.

 

[Sabertooth]

To the OP,
I am a guy who was molested by a man in my early teens. Such violation affects not only women trusting men. It affects men in trusting their own sex drive.

My response?

1. Seek out all available Biblical materials on sex & sexuality.
2. Seek out all available health materials on the same.
3. Prayer & deliverance.

The first two helped me to discern sexual guilt and innocence. The Marriage Bed is a good source for both. (Some of it is written for singles.)

The last helped to remove a lingering sense of shame attached to my sex drive.

I am now a father of 11 (10 living) and grandfather of 6+.

 

[Zoii]

Please note that this is in the Recovery Support Forum. Please read the rules before responding.

So, as I've hinted at in the past, I am a survivor of sexual abuse as a young child, and it's really affected how I am able to handle relationships these days, particularly romantic relationships.

The truth is, I'm afraid of entering a romantic relationship. Any time a guy even hints that he is attracted to me, I become afraid. And I literally ran from a guy one time when we were going to be left alone, because I could sense he was hitting on me. That was so embarrassing and I wish that I hadn't done that, but the truth is that I was afraid. I'm always afraid.

I feel like I can't trust men. I wish that I could, but I feel like I can't. Being abused has left me feeling violated in so many ways and like I have to be careful if I want to survive. And maybe that's true, but the degree in which I try to protect myself... it's sad. I'm always so scared that someone is going to harm me or try to drug me. Am I the only one who feels scared like that?

Also, how is this going to affect my future marriage?? I feel like trust will be a major factor that I need to consider before getting married, but even then, will my amount of trust have a limit? I fear that it may have a limit and I'll be on edge even after I've gotten married. I don't have a boyfriend at the moment, nor have I ever had one, but the thought still scares me and makes me feel defective in some ways. I wish I weren't so scared of men like this.

I totally get everything you said. I have guys as friends at university. I like their humour and I like them as people. I certainly would not trust a guy. Ive had my fears reinforced too often with them being drunken, being Amphed up, or just plain violent. I often wonder if theirs something wrong with guys with their porn addictions and their violence, but I know when I think that Im over-generalising.

I'm like you - I get asked out a lot but if Im hit on I just send the "not interested signal"

Ive decided marriage wont be for me. I'll have kids though and I will be happy with that. I dont think anything you've said is defective