Affair

[Linkinboi]

Hi there, I seriously need urgent help as I have no idea what to do and Im the only Christian in the family, my dad is having an affair outside not sexual but everyday he will fetch the woman to dinner and sometimes to casino and he will pay for her everytime and even give her money to spend. All these rumours were heard from my neighborhood people and some even saw them holding hands and my mum is aware of this.

I don't know what has become of my dad as he is not like this in the past, he is no longer spending time with family but rather outside with that woman, I am thinking to enagage a private investigator to check up on my dad which is the only thing I could think of and that woman is married with husband and children but from what my mum say the husband is afraid of that woman has hence has no ability to control her

Please advise, urgent I hope to handle this situation in a Godly manner and in a Christian way

 

[MyEverything]

Has your mum and you tried to take your dad aside and gently bring all of this up to him? I don't know what else you can do. If he refuses to stop, maybe it'd be better if the family distanced themselves from him a bit.

 

[ServantJohn]

Is he aware that you guys know about what is going on? If he knew, he might stop. If this doesn't cause him to stop, he needs to realize that the path he is taking could make him lose his family. Non-christians are very easy to predict. They follow the basic rule of the world which says to do whatever makes them the happiest. He has to see that staying faithful to his wife and keeping his family together will make him the happiest. If he doesn't see that, he will cheat. If he thinks he can have both, he will cheat.

 

[fm107]

Don't hire an investigator whatever you do!

Instead, confront him about this sin in gentleness and love in hope that he will turn from his sin.

Luke 17:3
So watch yourselves. "If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him.

Galatians 6:1
Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted.

 

[salida]

Agree with fm107

 

[rogsr]

Your Dad sounds really unhappy with his home life. We are all weak in certain areas, and that's the truth. We all want to be loved. So, love your Dad. Give him a hug and talk to him about his life. Maybe his interpretation about his life is different from your interpretation of his life...you know?

 

[wayfaring man]

How do you "know" the "affair" isn't "sexual" ?

"everyday", sounds like a serious addiction of some sort going on.

Pray earnestly first, that The Lord go before you and touch his heart... then when you sense the time is right, express your concerns to your dad, as one who is truly concerned.

And May The Lord Be Pleased to Bless !

wm

 

[laurine]

It is good to seek God's guidance in this, take time and pray earnestly for your father, since you talk to your mom about this you could pray together let the love of God prevail in your hearts and may the Spirit of God guide you.

Meanwhile treat your father with love and respect same to your mother, now this may not be easy after hearing all those rumors but with prayer God will give you the strength and wisdom to do this.

please be careful not to listen to any rumors and more so, do not discuss your father with your neighbors, our God is able He can handle this the best way so talk to Him.

 

[TigerKanga]

Many Christians seem all too eager to meddle in the lives of other people. Unless you think it slipped your father's mind that this behavior is wrong, you don't really have anywhere to go with this. If you confront him he will probably either lie about it, rationalize it, or deny it. Notice I didn't say he'd stop it. This woman makes your father feel good about himself so he rewards her, it may not be right but these days its pretty rare for a man to be able to find that and when he does it takes priority over other things.

This is something your mother needs to address one way or another. Be there for her.

 

[razeontherock]

Don't hire an investigator whatever you do!

Instead, confront him about this sin in gentleness and love in hope that he will turn from his sin.

Luke 17:3
So watch yourselves. "If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him.

Galatians 6:1
Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted.

+1. Are you seeing the pain this is causing your Mother? Your Dad's not! There's certainly a lot beneath the surface, and perhaps more than the 3 of you can handle. Professional help may prove to be necessary before this is fixed, and there's no shame in that. Probably cheaper than what's going on now, too ...

 

[Linkinboi]

After my elder sister confronted my dad, he finally admitted about seeing that woman and he promise us that he will sever all ties with that woman and will never hang out with her again.

Though my dad promise, I still could not take into account and believe what he had said as he is still coming home late night as usual everyday, I have prayed about this and it just feels like I am gonna be without a dad soon as his behavior at home recently makes me feel that.

Right now every night at home once my dad's home, my parents will quarrel over this issue and when my sister threaten to look up that woman's family, my dad threaten us by saying if we ever look up that woman confronting her or her family, he will commit suicide by jumping off the building, this is seriously getting more out of hand, my dad is covering that woman

I'm seriously lost for words and do not know what to do anymore, we have even alerted his siblings to talk to him but all these still doesn't seems to help

 

[Kaitlin08]

Is he aware that you guys know about what is going on? If he knew, he might stop. If this doesn't cause him to stop, he needs to realize that the path he is taking could make him lose his family. Non-christians are very easy to predict. They follow the basic rule of the world which says to do whatever makes them the happiest. He has to see that staying faithful to his wife and keeping his family together will make him the happiest. If he doesn't see that, he will cheat. If he thinks he can have both, he will cheat.

I think you're right that his father is doing what will make him happiest. The most effective way to make a selfish person like this change their behavior is for there to be negatives consequences.

OP, I think your mother should decide what those consequences will be, and that she should talk to your father about them calmly. If he's confronted too forcefully with the wrongness of what he's doing, how it hurts her, he will take the opportunity to say that she's acting dramatic and shift the blame on to her. In any case, your mother has the power in this situation because she's the one who was hurt, so she, rather than your father, gets to set the terms.

 

[iamjcs]

Pray frequently and fervently.

More things are wrought by prayer than this world dreams of. (as my plaque says)

Praying for your dad to come to know Christ's love & saving grace & divine transformation.

 

[Kaitlin08]

This woman makes your father feel good about himself so he rewards her, it may not be right but these days its pretty rare for a man to be able to find that and when he does it takes priority over other things.

This concept of rewarding her is like what a parent does to a child, not what a man does to a woman. I wonder if she can respect herself with this kind of arrangement.

 

[Hipsterz]

This concept of rewarding her is like what a parent does to a child, not what a man does to a woman. I wonder if she can respect herself with this kind of arrangement.

She would not do it if she didn't get anything out of it for her.

 

[wayfaring man]

After my elder sister confronted my dad, he finally admitted about seeing that woman and he promise us that he will sever all ties with that woman and will never hang out with her again.

Though my dad promise, I still could not take into account and believe what he had said as he is still coming home late night as usual everyday, I have prayed about this and it just feels like I am gonna be without a dad soon as his behavior at home recently makes me feel that.

Right now every night at home once my dad's home, my parents will quarrel over this issue and when my sister threaten to look up that woman's family, my dad threaten us by saying if we ever look up that woman confronting her or her family, he will commit suicide by jumping off the building, this is seriously getting more out of hand, my dad is covering that woman

I'm seriously lost for words and do not know what to do anymore, we have even alerted his siblings to talk to him but all these still doesn't seems to help

Pray he's shown clearly that by forsaking the right way he is "jumping off" life's stable platform where one can stand with their dignity in tact.

wm