Advice

[All Englands Skies]

Hi, I don't know why I posted sooner, but I have been struggling with something.

To cut a long story short, somebody wronged me, then she punished me for simply discovering her wrong doing and then seemed to show no remorse or acceptance for what she did even though she was caught red-handed.

The problems for me now are two areas,

1. How to forgive this person, I mean I tried to forgive and tried to move on, but I could not, I kept feeling angry that somebody could treat me a certain way and just "get off with it", I kept feeling depressed and just could not move on, well I reverted to anger and ended up taking revenge instead, it was wrong I know and I wish I handled it different, but what is done is done, now I want to forgive this person and just move on, I do not want to be consumed by anger.

2. I want to move on from the person, I have had a major time letting go, but its hard, I mean I want to forgive, but I do not want to have anything to do with her, she is damaging to me, emotionally, spiritually and damaging to my faith and I came to realise, she's obviously got Narcissistic personally disorder, I mean, she matches up 100%, shes like an archtype of NPD, she does not care about the way she treats people, uses people, discards them, finds a new "supply", always plays the victim, hurts people, she has a complete lack of empathy, a lack of remorse, never admits to any wrong doing, even when caught red handed, always blames others, loves attention, positive or negative, probes somebody and learns their weaknesses, won't give any closure of any kind, she messes with peoples lives and just does not care.

I just want to forgive her, move on and not have her in my life any more, I still obsess over her to be honest, its been like a year, I also realise I am the classic example of somebody who has been a "narcissistic supply" and a victim of "narcissistic abuse", can't let go, cannot understand why somebody would treat me that way, why at first she seemed so perfect, understanding, supportive and loving, then as soon as she had me "hooked", she changed and treated me like I was worthless, then once I found out the truth and "exposed" her, she showed her true colours and what she was really like, I was not the first, I then found out she has a long history of using others, discarding them when she's found a new supply.

I thought I had found somebody who understood everything I felt, I opened my heart to her, about my Dad walking out, my Sister wrecking her life on drugs, my Mum's mental health problems and her breakdown and my best friends suicide and my own depression, I let her into all that and she was an act and a lie and just manipulated me, why do that to me?

I just want advice to stop the way how I feel and I want you to pray for me.

 

[Tigger45]

If you face the emotions of your dad walking out you'll tend to stop gravitating towards negative relationships.

 

[2ndCovanent]

Maybe try and use that relationship to see where you could have been more humble and how being humble could have helped preventing anything from happening. From the description given it seems as if she was a real Bword or someone who was extremely provoked. So in that case, why would a real Bword be attracted to you and how might have you provoked her?

I'm only putting it this way because I feel like it's not always enough to assume the other person is at fault before a situation can get solved or prevented from repeating itself.

Maybe you could talk to a pastor about your depression. I think it would help to have a reaffirming voice from someone who can teach the word of God very well.

As for anything lost because of the relationship, don't even worry about it. You came into this world with nothing and you will leave with nothing.

 

[All Englands Skies]

Maybe try and use that relationship to see where you could have been more humble and how being humble could have helped preventing anything from happening. From the description given it seems as if she was a real Bword or someone who was extremely provoked. So in that case, why would a real Bword be attracted to you and how might have you provoked her?

I'm only putting it this way because I feel like it's not always enough to assume the other person is at fault before a situation can get solved or prevented from repeating itself.

Maybe you could talk to a pastor about your depression. I think it would help to have a reaffirming voice from someone who can teach the word of God very well.

As for anything lost because of the relationship, don't even worry about it. You came into this world with nothing and you will leave with nothing.

I have thought about this over and over and asked myself these questions.

I do feel she was in the wrong, based on everything she did, but my reaction did turn the situation into a powder keg, I wish I had just walked away and not blown up over it, because whatever she did wrong, I do still feel guilt for getting angry and humiliating her.

I should have forgiven her and just walked away (she is a negative in my life), but I did not.

Its one of those things that seems a lot easier said than done.

 

[KnowHisJoy77]

Sorry you are a struggling.
Get into a Christian support group to deal with hurts and hang ups (unforgiveness, anger, depression, grief, etc) I go to "Celebrate Recovery" weekly meetings in my area and love it.
God bless.

 

[2ndCovanent]

It might seem hard right now but with enough patience you will get through and move past the pain. It might help you if try to focus your life in a more selfless way. Try to realize why your losses shouldn't matter. In a lot of ways, as christians we are called to be losers. We are called to be people who don't seek revenge or get even, and deny ourselves of a lot of other sinful pleasures. Luke 9:24 says that "He who keeps his life will lose it but he who loses it will keep it." Keep that in mind as you deal with the situation.

 

[Gordon Wright]

Narcissistic mother. I've been there.

Even God doesn't let everyone into heaven. Even Jesus wasn't infinitely patient with the Pharisees. God's forgiveness is conditional on the recipient's accepting the gift. If you've really done all you can and she just won't change then shake the dust off your feet. You can't save everyone and you're not required to. Know when to cut your losses. The effort you spend on those who won't repent is effort that could be spent on someone else.

I pity my mother. I've bailed her out of financial jams from time to time. I refuse to let her run my life. Anything I do for her is charity, not filial obligation.

And don't be an enabler or a codependent. No one can serve two masters. Serve the master who loves you, not the one who doesn't. (There are several commands in the bible that outweigh honoring your mother. This is one of them.)