Advice.

[PizzaParty]

I know I am new so asking for advice is very selfish but I do not have anyone else to ask as I have no family and very few friends.

I am in a relationship that I have had doubts about for the past three months The relationship is very positive in every way and I am sure it could be a happy marriage, but I feel empty. Whenever I bring this up they keep telling me that we are made for each other and I am just doubting the truth. I have tried to break up with them before now but they were so confident in their belief that we are supposed to be with each other that I doubted my decision. All the positives are not enough to make me feel that this is a relationship I should be in, but they are so convinced that we are perfect that whenever I try to bring this up my opinion gets shot down.

What can you do when someone refuses to take your doubts seriously? What should you do when they refuse to let you go? Should I try harder to love them?

 

[Verve]

The fact that they didn't respect your feelings when you said you wanted to break up seems like a serious red flag. I mean, nobody wants to be broken up with, it just seems a bit controlling. Maybe I'm wrong though.

 

[Cute Tink]

If you have serious, ongoing and nagging doubts about a relationship, there is a good chance there is a good reason for it.

I'm curious about one thing though: when you address the issue of having doubts and perhaps wanting to break up, you say you get shot down, but I'm not sure what you mean. If you want to break up, is this person just talking you out of it? There is no way someone can just refuse to break up with you. If you break up with them, it's done. (granted you may have to call the police to stop what could become harassment and the like, but you have the power to end it).

 

[Inkachu]

OK, you said the relationship is "positive in every way" and you're SURE it could lead to a happy marriage.

But then you've had so many doubts that you've tried to break it off multiple times. You feel so "empty" that you've tried to leave and keep allowing yourself to be convinced to stay.

You're contradicting yourself all over the place.

My guess is that 1) you're so confused at this point that you don't know what you feel, and 2) this person has no respect for who you are or what you say, want, or need.

This is NOT a "positive" relationship and would NOT make a happy marriage. Not really sure how you come to either of those conclusions, but... anyway.

You're 33 years old (per your profile), and it is way past the time in your life when you should know who you are, what you want, what you need, what you'll put up with, what you won't put up with, etc. Nobody can "refuse to let you go". If you decide to leave, you can leave. If you stay, it's because YOU chose to stay. And "trying harder to love them" is not the answer. A God-ordained relationship (in my opinion) will have a natural ease and flow to it, it won't be something you have to force or drag yourself (or the other person) into.

I always say LISTEN to your doubts. Pay attention to red flags. Ignoring those things is almost always a recipe for failure and misery. It's better to be single than in a doomed relationship.

 

[Woven]

The fact that they didn't respect your feelings when you said you wanted to break up seems like a serious red flag. I mean, nobody wants to be broken up with, it just seems a bit controlling. Maybe I'm wrong though.

^ This.

When I was growing up my dad always used to say you must let the peace of the Holy Spirit be your guide. If you don't have a peace about something, it's for a reason. That advice has saved my life, literally. There is a reason you are having doubts. Please don't ignore that still small voice.

Praying that God would give you wisdom to know how to handle the situation.

 

[mina]

Your feelings are valid....You know when a relationship is right for you or not. Either you want desperately to be with someone or not.....marriage should be with someone that you can't imagine not being with- not someone you are just passive about. Break it off if you are sure and be firm. If they can not handle that or take no for an answer, get someone else involved- as in have them be a witness to what y ou are saying to this person and ask them to back you up. If the other person still will not leave you alone and it is borderline creepy then you may have to get a restraining order or ask for police protection. Don't be afraid about protecting yourself and standing up for what you want.