Advice

SDAdude · Feb 24, 2012

I'm SDA. My wife is a baptized SDA but doesn't practice. Today, she told me that I pressure her to practice.

I couldn't understand that. I don't force her to go to church. I don't force her to tithe. I don't force her to keep the Sabbath.

I told her that and asked her how I pressure her. She said she feels pressured when she sees me reading my Bible or watching It Is Written or reading the Spirit of Prophecy.

My question is, what should I do? I'm not going to stop my faith because it bothers my wife. But I don't want to pressure her either because it pushes her away. I'm at a loss on what to do.

Kira Light · Feb 24, 2012

She has set up an impossible situation for you. The only way to make her happy is to stop practicing your faith. This is what they call an irreconcilable difference. Seek counseling.

SDAdude · Feb 24, 2012

Kira Light said:
She has set up an impossible situation for you. The only way to make her happy is to stop practicing your faith.

Actually, I've tried that before as well. She starts going to church and keeping the Sabbath and is unhappy because I'm NOT practicing.

Kira Light said:
Seek counseling

I've tried that before as well. She gets out of counseling and mocks what the counselor said and ignores it after that.

Kira Light · Feb 24, 2012

No offense, but she doesn't sound entirely rational. She does the opposite of whatever you do and then gets mad at you for being different? Again, she is creating an impossible situation. Literally impossible. There is no solution except for her getting some mental help.

EastCoastRemnant · Feb 24, 2012

SDAdude said:
I'm SDA. My wife is a baptized SDA but doesn't practice. Today, she told me that I pressure her to practice.

I couldn't understand that. I don't force her to go to church. I don't force her to tithe. I don't force her to keep the Sabbath.

I told her that and asked her how I pressure her. She said she feels pressured when she sees me reading my Bible or watching It Is Written or reading the Spirit of Prophecy.

My question is, what should I do? I'm not going to stop my faith because it bothers my wife. But I don't want to pressure her either because it pushes her away. I'm at a loss on what to do.

It is not you that is pressuring her, it's the Holy Spirit convicting her. Do not stop your faith because of anyone... we are instructed by Jesus that if we put anyone above Him, we do not deserve Him.

I can't imagine what you are going through, all you can do is continue to pray for her and to be the best example of a loving devoted husband that you can. If she can't accept that, the the onus is on her and not you.

Basically love her despite herself...

Cribstyl · Feb 24, 2012

SDAdude said:
I'm SDA. My wife is a baptized SDA but doesn't practice. Today, she told me that I pressure her to practice.

I couldn't understand that. I don't force her to go to church. I don't force her to tithe. I don't force her to keep the Sabbath.

I told her that and asked her how I pressure her. She said she feels pressured when she sees me reading my Bible or watching It Is Written or reading the Spirit of Prophecy.

My question is, what should I do? I'm not going to stop my faith because it bothers my wife. But I don't want to pressure her either because it pushes her away. I'm at a loss on what to do.

How has she changed since marriage? Are you giving her the same attention as when you first loved her?

Friend, learn to love your wife and God will bless according to His word.

SDAdude · Feb 24, 2012

She hasn't changed. I was the one that changed. I understand her frustration in a way. She married a secular person that liked to do secular things.

But I ended up attending an evangelistic series and changed. I'm not the man she married and I understand that. But it's still rough.

Stryder06 · Feb 24, 2012

SDAdude said:
I'm SDA. My wife is a baptized SDA but doesn't practice. Today, she told me that I pressure her to practice.

I couldn't understand that. I don't force her to go to church. I don't force her to tithe. I don't force her to keep the Sabbath.

I told her that and asked her how I pressure her. She said she feels pressured when she sees me reading my Bible or watching It Is Written or reading the Spirit of Prophecy.

My question is, what should I do? I'm not going to stop my faith because it bothers my wife. But I don't want to pressure her either because it pushes her away. I'm at a loss on what to do.

Stay faithful and keep it in prayer. I would even suggest a season of fasting.

Cribstyl · Feb 24, 2012

SDAdude said:
She hasn't changed. I was the one that changed. I understand her frustration in a way. She married a secular person that liked to do secular things.

But I ended up attending an evangelistic series and changed. I'm not the man she married and I understand that. But it's still rough.

You are the man she married. You're changing, and that's not a bad thing.
A stronger relationship with God can only make you a better witness and example of your faith.

You should continue to give her personal time and loving care. Actions speaks louder than words.
If you keep running you mouth, you'll lose.

Pray with your family more often. Help her to see changes rather than a beatdown with words.
Keep your prayers mostly on yourself, rather than trying to change your mate.

Lord help me to be a good husband to my mate. Lord help me to be a better father to my children, Lord help me to lead our family according to your word. Lord help me to provide for our family's needs. Lord bless our marriage.

Be kind and loving as much as possible, and she'll want to be where you are.

tall73 · Feb 24, 2012

SDAdude said:
She hasn't changed. I was the one that changed. I understand her frustration in a way. She married a secular person that liked to do secular things.

But I ended up attending an evangelistic series and changed. I'm not the man she married and I understand that. But it's still rough.

What has been her spiritual background? It sounds like she has gone through some changes too?

SDAdude · Feb 24, 2012

This is all good advice. Thank you. Keep it coming.

tall73 said:
What has been her spiritual background? It sounds like she has gone through some changes too?

When we first met, she was a devout Seventh-day Adventist. She made a BIG mistake in dating me.

Within a month, I mocked the Christian out of her. I mocked her to the point that she became secular like me, which is what I wanted.

Since I found Christ, I have cried almost every night about what I did to her. It's my fault she is the way she is.

EastCoastRemnant · Feb 24, 2012

SDAdude said:
This is all good advice. Thank you. Keep it coming.

When we first met, she was a devout Seventh-day Adventist. She made a BIG mistake in dating me.

Within a month, I mocked the Christian out of her. I mocked her to the point that she became secular like me, which is what I wanted.

Since I found Christ, I have cried almost every night about what I did to her. It's my fault she is the way she is.

God can work all thing for His glory... we all have trials to test our faith and it would seem you were hers and she is yours. Continue to have faith and as others have said continue to pray.

tall73 · Feb 25, 2012

SDAdude said:
When we first met, she was a devout Seventh-day Adventist. She made a BIG mistake in dating me.

Within a month, I mocked the Christian out of her. I mocked her to the point that she became secular like me, which is what I wanted.

Since I found Christ, I have cried almost every night about what I did to her. It's my fault she is the way she is.

How much have you talked with her about this?

Can you tell us what her attitude is now?

Does she feel guilty for dating you in the first place?
Does she feel she wants nothing to do with God?
Has she engaged in other activities that might be a barrier to coming back to God because she feels she can't be forgiven?

It seems there is a lot to the story here.

SDAdude · Feb 25, 2012

tall73 said:
How much have you talked with her about this?

A little. She doesn't seem like she wants to talk about it so I let it go.

tall73 said:
Can you tell us what her attitude is now?

She comes to church most of the time. She pretends to keep the Sabbath, but what she does on the computer on the Sabbath isn't Sabbathy. But, as I said in the OP, she claims she only goes to church because she feels pressured.

tall73 said:
Does she feel guilty for dating you in the first place?

Not to my knowledge.

tall73 said:
Does she feel she wants nothing to do with God?

Sometimes. Not always.

tall73 said:
Has she engaged in other activities that might be a barrier to coming back to God because she feels she can't be forgiven?

Soon after the evangelistic series ended and I started preparing for baptism, she cheated on me. I've forgiven her. But I don't know if she feels God will or not. It's possible she feels like she can't be forgiven.

tall73 · Feb 25, 2012

SDAdude said:
Soon after the evangelistic series ended and I started preparing for baptism, she cheated on me. I've forgiven her. But I don't know if she feels God will or not. It's possible she feels like she can't be forgiven.

So indeed there is more to the story. I think that is likely part of the issue.

Has she broken off all cheating at this time?

SDAdude · Feb 25, 2012

tall73 said:
So indeed there is more to the story. I think that is likely part of the issue.

Has she broken off all cheating at this time?

I believe she has.

tall73 · Feb 25, 2012

SDAdude said:
I believe she has.

What has she told you? You forgive her but has she repented of it? Does she think she can be forgiven?

Someone who used to go to church and now feels threatened by it usually has a reason. I think you likely have found the reason.

tall73 · Feb 25, 2012

Do people in the church know about her affair?

ChrisCarol · Feb 25, 2012

SDAdude said:
This is all good advice. Thank you. Keep it coming.

When we first met, she was a devout Seventh-day Adventist. She made a BIG mistake in dating me.

Within a month, I mocked the Christian out of her. I mocked her to the point that she became secular like me, which is what I wanted.

Since I found Christ, I have cried almost every night about what I did to her. It's my fault she is the way she is.

I would say that God is still working thru both of you thru His Spirit. I would counsel you to listen to Him and Him alone thru His Word. God does not want marriages to be in turmoil but rather he wants that He should be the head if your household, not the church nor any man or women.

Talk with her about what she really wants in a marriage and a spiritual life not to be condemming but to know how you might be a husband who is as Peter puts it:

1 Peter 3:
7 Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.

May God be near to you and her as you seek His quidance.

SDAdude · Feb 25, 2012

tall73 said:
Do people in the church know about her affair?

Just the Pastor.

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