Advice

[Kimmip]

Hi there,
I am kinda new here and desperately seeking some godly counsel. I am unsure if I have posted this in the correct place but feel free move to move it need be. I am asking those patient and willing to pray and allow the Holy Spirit to help here, to please do!


Here's the deal: I am 22 years old and really gave my life to following Christ about a year ago. I have always been more of a loner and struggled with sin and depression for many years. I still go through many days but not like before. My first few months of living with Christ were wonderful and yet hard. I tried to live each day ready to serve God and and I was content with my walk with the Lord and being in His presence.

After about 5 months or so, I started to feel a little lonely. I longed for a husband deep down that I could serve, to manage a household and found that I was very good with children. I wanted to share my exciting experience with God with someone else, but knew I shouldn't seek it.

I hope I am not boring you.

I wanted fellowship with others my age very badly. I became a member of a church nearby and looked for a core group like they suggest. There wasn't anything for anyone my age and single so I inquired about it. I got an e-mail not long after from a young woman my age stating she was starting a female group. I had a feeling she wasn't as gody as I wanted but knew I could set an example and wanted the fellowship. I met her and was right in my feeling, but there were maybe 2 others there that I thought I could both help and learn from. So I wanted to go again but this girl who was leading this had a boyfriend and suggested we group together. I was afraid to do this because I knew I could possibly meet a man and didn't want to be "seeking" so I fought with God angry that it seemed He didn't want me to even mingle with males. I also felt that I would like to be lead by men and that women shouldn't be independent of them. Oddly, the first night I met a guy who I was immediately attracted to. No, he wasn't what I would have chosen as far as looks, though he was quite cute! He was very nice and had a quiet, humble and servantile spirit that I loved.

I thought he had a major sunburn for the next few weeks but he didn't, he was simply interested in me so I wanted to know where he stood with God. I was surpried to find out that he was like me. He had no interest in the worldy things like current movies and music and he served at the church his whole life and had a desire to have a godly wife and family.

We were engaged 6 months later. Of course the church members are soliciting the advice to wait but the temptation we are facing is great and we'd like to marry sooner than later. Our pastor even reccomended we don't wait the 2 and a half years before he is out of school.

Now, my fiancee went on a trip and I have had time to think a lot. I want to be married and have children and raise them right. Something is not right though and it's not him, it's me.

I feel I have a responsibility to reach out to others young girls/women about depression and helping them out of it. I have also been seeing scripture about the wilderness and Moses and leading the people out of Egypt a LOT. I have many gifts of art, writing and counsel, but I can't seem to help myself! I want to use them for God and I know I need a degree to be a professional counselor, even though I don't believe in psychology.

I have no desire to have a career and never have, I don't want to go to school but it is plaguing me.
Now, I am thinking it would be better for me not to marry and pursue a career as a counselor( less distraction). Or be married and pursue it. I know the degree will take many years because a master's is required and I have no schooling besides a high school degree and little money. I also know it will be hard to attend school, even online school and be a mother but I also know that the saving of lives/souls is very, very important and possibly more so than marriage.

I feel selfish to want marriage in the times we are living in. I have been in prayer, studying the word, trying to seek counsel and not really finding anyone. I have a decision to make. I think of 1 Cor. when Paul talks about it better to remain single. I don't want that but I don't want to be selfish either. It's so hard when I have this godly man I love and the it's right here and then his comes. I dunno what to do!

My fiancee and I have different strengths we help eachother with and I've watched him grow with God since we are together. He is supportive either way and wants me to pursue God's will for me. He loves me very much not just by words but action. I go through many times of being emotionally a wreck and he's there and loving. I don't want to be that way though. Please help me or just pray for me. I can cry at the thought of losing him or disobeying God's will.

Thanks and God bless,
Kimmip

 

[drich0150]

I feel I have a responsibility to reach out to others young girls/women about depression and helping them out of it. I have also been seeing scripture about the wilderness and Moses and leading the people out of Egypt a LOT. I have many gifts of art, writing and counsel, but I can't seem to help myself! I want to use them for God and I know I need a degree to be a professional counselor, even though I don't believe in psychology.

It is very possible to help and counsel others without a degree, look at all the Godly advise shared here. (Also note where you came for advise) Some (not all) of the best advise comes from those without a back ground in Psycholigy.. Really the only thing you need a degree for is to be paid for what you do, and it can give a person a secular "start" in the direction of wise counsel, but in the end, whether you understand the human thought process thru study or it's a gift from God. what you have left is just advise. It is now, and always will be up to the person receiving the advise to make change happen.

The way i see it the only real way to make a difference is to channel Godly wisdom, and scripture thru what it is you say to others. I have a buddy currently going thru the "higher education" process, and lets just say offering Godly wisdom is frowned upon.. In my personal opinion he as almost had to sell a piece of himself to accomplish what he has thus far.. He's no longer the same person who went into this field so many years ago.. Now he just regurgitates observations and quotes from the "Experts" in his field of studies... Which is what your supposed to do when you become a doctor in that field.

But, if it's like you say and what you do is for God then what's stopping you from doing this now? If this is something God really want for you, all you will have to supply is earnest want and desire, he will help you with the rest. Start small, and if all is right he will bless you ministry. Just remember your pay check can't be cashed here.

I feel selfish to want marriage in the times we are living in. I have been in prayer, studying the word, trying to seek counsel and not really finding anyone. I have a decision to make. I think of 1 Cor. when Paul talks about it better to remain single. I don't want that but I don't want to be selfish either. It's so hard when I have this godly man I love and the it's right here and then his comes. I dunno what to do!

God isn't asking you fall on your sword here, or in 1Cor 7. Paul says it is (personal advise) he has no commandment from the Lord on this.. He just thinks it's a good Idea unless "passion burns with in you" And by what you have plainly written I would say you fall into that category. I know by the way you write it sounds as if you had to struggle or work for what you have, but if it's like you say, and you have a true gift of counsel from God, Then allow God to work in you. (give him some credit) If he wants you for a job he will equipt you for it..

I left high school on a 6th grade reading level with all sorts of "learning disabilities" and a great number of personal demons Depression, abuse, a bad stutter when nervous, social phobias, and a bunch of other really bad things. Since high school I haven't real been able to do anything to further my education, but I did have a desire to help people in the way you have described, and really long story short, I have been able to do just that, and now God seemingly wants me here (something i have never done before) Giving advise, and praying/ studying for people.. In reality, the only thing worse than my ablity to read the printed word was to write it. I still get confused about witch, which, there, they're, their to use, and my spelling is really bad (I have to substitute words alot. sometimes the spell check has no clue) And editing out the mistakes can take as long as the original post took to write, but Like I said all you have to do is provide the sincere want and desire to do Gods work and he will provide the rest..

All of that said, If you are looking to cash in now, in your advise giving (nothing wrong with that, because we need good consulars) Then you will need to go about it the way you have meticulously laid out (Without a husband) Other wise the added responsibility will probably not allow you to finish what you start. Just know if "Cashing in" despite all of your many reservations is what you decide, then you really need to reevaluate what and why you are doing all that you set out to accomplish. meaning this process may take God out of this equation for you. If it does, is that what you really want?

 

[Where]

Get married. God loves marriage, He designed it. I would also agree with the pastor who says not to wait for your fiancee to finish school. If you think about it, what is more important... having the logistics of being finished with school....or staying pure and living as God directs us to. In Matthew 6 Jesus says :
31 “Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. 33 But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.

My only point is that do what God wants you to do, don't wait for school to be finished if you and your fiancee will struggle with temptation, which I imagine you are.

This leads to another point....It is better to marry then to burn with passion

1 Corinthians 7:9

9 but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

In this part of the Bible, Paul is not saying that being single is somehow "over" being married, but that if someone does not have passion (ie. the desire for sex) it would be great for him/her to be single and serve the Lord. Most of us do however have a desire for passion. This is not a bad thing, it is wonderful and God given.

Also realize too...the desires to be a wife and mother are also absolutely God given.

You may find this interesting...my wife also feels called to be a Christian counselor...she feels God calling her to that. My wife is currently not in college, but does plan on going back to continue in that needed education.

What we have both realized is that just because now she isn't in college and isn't currently pursuing her degree, doesn't mean she will never be a counselor. God may wan you to be a counselor, but He may get you there a different way than you expect. Had my wife insisted on finishing college straight through we may have never met or married. That said, it makes more sense for someone who has the experience of being a wife to counsel people with marital issues. The same is true for children. My wife had the thought that people in need of counsel would be more apt to listen to the advice of an older woman who has lived life in a family of her own rather than a single never married woman right out of college. When my wife is a counselor one day, she will be able to look back at things we have gone through and use it to help people.

Another thing...being a wife and mother requires being a counselor too! Wives counsel their husbands and children. My wife keeps me sane!

When God wants you to go, He will provide a way, in His time. Getting married is a wonderful thing. Do what God says is right, and know that He will provide a way for you to do whatever He wills. When I first met my wife,I was having a conversation at the store I worked at with a customer (I worked at a Christian store). She said to me, "God has a plan for you, all you have to do is follow it". Of course we have the choice whether or not to do that, but of course, it is always better when we submit to our Lord.

 

[Elijah2]

Hi there,
I am kinda new here and desperately seeking some godly counsel. I am unsure if I have posted this in the correct place but feel free move to move it need be. I am asking those patient and willing to pray and allow the Holy Spirit to help here, to please do!


Here's the deal: I am 22 years old and really gave my life to following Christ about a year ago. I have always been more of a loner and struggled with sin and depression for many years. I still go through many days but not like before. My first few months of living with Christ were wonderful and yet hard. I tried to live each day ready to serve God and and I was content with my walk with the Lord and being in His presence.

After about 5 months or so, I started to feel a little lonely. I longed for a husband deep down that I could serve, to manage a household and found that I was very good with children. I wanted to share my exciting experience with God with someone else, but knew I shouldn't seek it.

I hope I am not boring you.

I wanted fellowship with others my age very badly. I became a member of a church nearby and looked for a core group like they suggest. There wasn't anything for anyone my age and single so I inquired about it. I got an e-mail not long after from a young woman my age stating she was starting a female group. I had a feeling she wasn't as gody as I wanted but knew I could set an example and wanted the fellowship. I met her and was right in my feeling, but there were maybe 2 others there that I thought I could both help and learn from. So I wanted to go again but this girl who was leading this had a boyfriend and suggested we group together. I was afraid to do this because I knew I could possibly meet a man and didn't want to be "seeking" so I fought with God angry that it seemed He didn't want me to even mingle with males. I also felt that I would like to be lead by men and that women shouldn't be independent of them. Oddly, the first night I met a guy who I was immediately attracted to. No, he wasn't what I would have chosen as far as looks, though he was quite cute! He was very nice and had a quiet, humble and servantile spirit that I loved.

I thought he had a major sunburn for the next few weeks but he didn't, he was simply interested in me so I wanted to know where he stood with God. I was surpried to find out that he was like me. He had no interest in the worldy things like current movies and music and he served at the church his whole life and had a desire to have a godly wife and family.

We were engaged 6 months later. Of course the church members are soliciting the advice to wait but the temptation we are facing is great and we'd like to marry sooner than later. Our pastor even reccomended we don't wait the 2 and a half years before he is out of school.

Now, my fiancee went on a trip and I have had time to think a lot. I want to be married and have children and raise them right. Something is not right though and it's not him, it's me.

I feel I have a responsibility to reach out to others young girls/women about depression and helping them out of it. I have also been seeing scripture about the wilderness and Moses and leading the people out of Egypt a LOT. I have many gifts of art, writing and counsel, but I can't seem to help myself! I want to use them for God and I know I need a degree to be a professional counselor, even though I don't believe in psychology.

I have no desire to have a career and never have, I don't want to go to school but it is plaguing me.
Now, I am thinking it would be better for me not to marry and pursue a career as a counselor( less distraction). Or be married and pursue it. I know the degree will take many years because a master's is required and I have no schooling besides a high school degree and little money. I also know it will be hard to attend school, even online school and be a mother but I also know that the saving of lives/souls is very, very important and possibly more so than marriage.

I feel selfish to want marriage in the times we are living in. I have been in prayer, studying the word, trying to seek counsel and not really finding anyone. I have a decision to make. I think of 1 Cor. when Paul talks about it better to remain single. I don't want that but I don't want to be selfish either. It's so hard when I have this godly man I love and the it's right here and then his comes. I dunno what to do!

My fiancee and I have different strengths we help eachother with and I've watched him grow with God since we are together. He is supportive either way and wants me to pursue God's will for me. He loves me very much not just by words but action. I go through many times of being emotionally a wreck and he's there and loving. I don't want to be that way though. Please help me or just pray for me. I can cry at the thought of losing him or disobeying God's will.

Thanks and God bless,
Kimmip

Hi Kim,

My dear sister, I think you are listening to the wrong God.

Here you are searching for a husband, and our Lord Jesus Christ puts him across your path, and then little "g" comes along and convinces you that he isn't the right one, and for you forgo him, and chase after a career in helping others who are depressed.

Now, my dear sister, I may appear blunt and rude, but if you need to get your own life together first before you go worrying about anyone else.

That isn't what HE is saying to you, that's the enemy making sure that you won't get what you want.

Give it another six years and you will most likely miss the boat.

Now, my dear sister, I have been married for a long time and have grandchildren nearly as old as you.

Go for it, get yourself married, but discuss all of this with your man of your life, and really ask yourselves what each of you mean to each other.

Be blessed in Jesus' Name.

 

[In_His_Love]

Hey Kim,

I'd love to be able to offer you some encouragement but I'm slightly confused about the timeline of events here. You mentioned that you became involved in the small group about 5 months ago, the same small group where you met your fiancé. Then 6 months later you got engaged. Did you recently get engaged? How long have you two known each other? I don’t mean to be facetious, I’m just trying to piece it all together.

We had a similar situation at our fellowship with a young couple who had only been dating a few months before getting engaged. Both were Christians and were eager to get married. A few months after the engagement they called it off and parted ways. I think they were more excited about BEING married than they were about being married to each other. I’m not saying you don’t love each other, it’s just something to consider. Even a Godly marriage takes hard work. We're called to serve and love one another as Christ loved the church. That's a tall order and shouldn't be taken lightly. I would encourage the two of you to seek the Lord together and pray that He makes His will plain for you to see. Perhaps marriage is what He has for you, but maybe not just yet. Thank Him for bringing each other into your lives and ask Him to show you the next step for the relationship.

My main reason for the reply is that I wanted to touch on a previous post. I disagree somewhat with the advice given above which stated that “the only thing you need a degree for is to be paid for what you do.” While I agree that godly counsel is not measured by scholastic means, we should make an effort to offer excellence in our service unto the Lord. Proverbs tells us that a wise man “looks for wisdom like silver and searches after it like hidden treasure” (Pro 2:4). Proverbs also tells us that a wise man “stores up knowledge” (Pro 10:14). So we see that wisdom needs to be diligently sought after and a solid effort needs to be put into study. If you are serious about counseling I would look into degreed programs from a decent Bible College. Most offer correspondence programs online. If you don’t feel that Bible College is the path for you I would encourage you that much more to get into the Word, and get into it hard. I’m not seeking to discourage you, actually quite the opposite. I think it’s exciting that you feel called to counseling. However, if you truly feel called to counsel you need to have compassion for those you will counsel. If you already have the compassion, then it should be the desire of your heart to be able to provide the best counsel possible. The ability to offer that counsel will come from the solid study of the word and the teaching of other godly servants. I think it’s common to think that wisdom will be given to us supernaturally as a gift from God (which I completely agree can and does happen often) but I believe God has also given us His wisdom through His word and uses other godly people to convey that wisdom as well. The point here is that a conscious effort will need to be made at one point or another. If you truly feel called to counsel then follow hard after that call.

To me, it doesn’t sound like your heart is in it. It seems like you’re feeling some condemnation, and we know that doesn’t come from our God. I would seek the Lord in prayer to find out where exactly He would have you.

 

[Kimmip]

Hi thanks everyone for your help and comments. I feel much more at peace about marrying my fiancee. I've been getting a lot of encouragement from people at church and everyone else (family too) to be married. If I desired a husband and family (things I despised before God in my life) and God placed a good, godly man in my life I think my question might be answered. Kinda, helloooo, marry him!

As far as clearing things up, my fiancee and I met last fall. We've been together as a couple for 9 months, which may seem fast but we've spent a lot of time together, getting to know eachother, time with families and in prayer. We know people automatically think we might just be in puppy love or shallow but they don't know how serisously we take this.

We really do and our love has been tested. We try hard to focus on 1 Corinthian's verses about love. He knows all my questioning lately and is hanging in there with love and support and understanding even though it's hurting him so. Honesty is important so we talk about these things.

As far as counseling...I strongly agree that counsel can be used without a degree ( I am not interested in a job) and some further education might be good as well. I still am against modern psychology and contacted a Christian school that offered it and read some other reviews for another and they ask that you get a degree in psychology with a focus or specialization in Christian counseling.
That didn't sit right with me-- they are basically teaching secular things with a touch of theology it seems. I also feel time and experience may be beneficial as well. My heart has deep compassion mostly for helping young girls struggling. How I can help, I don't know just yet.

I am unsure if drich0150 was stating that I would be taking God out of the picture if I got married or not? I was a little unsure. Anyways, I have also realized I am terrified to be married afraid of failure as a wife and mom, and letting go of my very solitude life, yet I don't see the constant solitude benefiting me. In fact, when I am with my fiancee he helps me notice things I do that are sinful that I may not have noticed before, or at least he brings it out and tries to help. Vice versa. Somehow, I think whatever God wants me to do, it can be done with marriage otherwise why would he bring me such a man?

I never expected to meet anyone, nor so soon so this is definately throwing me a loop.

 

[drich0150]

God isn't asking you fall on your sword here, or in 1Cor 7. Paul says it is (personal advise) he has no commandment from the Lord on this.. He just thinks it's a good Idea unless "passion burns with in you" And by what you have plainly written I would say you fall into that category. I know by the way you write it sounds as if you had to struggle or work for what you have, but if it's like you say, and you have a true gift of counsel from God, Then allow God to work in you. (give him some credit) If he wants you for a job he will equipt you for it..

I guess this is where the confusion lies?

You posted:

I have a decision to make. I think of 1 Cor. when Paul talks about it better to remain single. I don't want that but I don't want to be selfish either. It's so hard when I have this godly man I love and the it's right here and then his comes. I dunno what to do!

To which i responded with the above post meaning:
When you quoted what Paul says: It is better for you to remain the way you are (Single) in verses 26 & 27. I was pointing out he also said in Verse 25 of 1 cor chapter 7 that this was a personal advise from the apostle and not a decree from God. So with that understanding I was stating that God didnot want you to sacrifice an opportunity for a Good marriage, (Fall on your sword) for your new interpretation of his will in your life. And if your weren't completely convinced i added verse 9 saying or implying: It's better for you to marry than have "passion burn within you."

Finishing off the paragraph I acknowledge your efforts in planning for a future in the service of the Lord thru counseling. But, I wanted you to yield your efforts and your plans to his will by saying:

"I know by the way you write it sounds as if you had to struggle or work for what you have, but if it's like you say, and you have a true gift of counsel from God, Then allow God to work in you. (give him some credit) If he wants you for a job he will equipt you for it.."

Meaning if it is God's will for you to be apart of a ministry such as this he will provide for you whether it be life experience or in the way of paying for school, either way if this is what you are to do with your life it will happen.. kinda like the husband thing. How much planning, scheming, effort, hard work did you put into a man you never knew you wanted? By what I have read it just kinda all fell into place right? The same will happen to any/every other ministry/direction your are blessed by God in taking.

Just know if "Cashing in" despite all of your many reservations is what you decide, then you really need to reevaluate what and why you are doing all that you set out to accomplish. meaning this process may take God out of this equation for you. If it does, is that what you really want?

Here I was referring to the fact that you had many reservations about going to school, which happened to be a primary reason for holding off on the marriage. I was saying if you went against your better judgement looking for a job in consoling then I'd reevaluate your reasoning to want to goto school.. Meaning God may or may not be the reason for School, not wanting to get married, etc..


...And I'm glad you have found direction, Kinda goes to show "wisdom" or in this case good counsel isn't always bought, thru the means of a diploma.

 

[Mister_Al]

Genesis 2:18 (New International Version)

18 The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."

Alan

 

[SamanthaB]

Hi Kimmip! You have some valid concerns about marriage, family, career, and its really good that you are trying to understand what God's will is for you.
I understand your feeling about not being able to pursue a calling while you are married, as single people do have a lot more time to devote to ministry. But that doesnt mean that God cannot use you while you are married, and marriage in itself is a ministry. You say that you really want to help out young girls, that is an awesome thing! Maybe you could talk to your pastor or minister and figure out a way that you could start a group for young girls in your church. I am certain that it would make a difference. If you dont know where to start, maybe just by getting together at church or one of your homes, just some where that feels safe where girls can talk about what goes on and not be afraid of anyone judging them or gossiping about them. It could be a start, and then I am sure you would figure out other activities as you get to know the girls in your group. Just a thought. You said that your fiancee is a godly man so i am sure he would not have a problem with that, who know's, he might be inspired to do the same thing with young men?
Anyhow, I would suggest reading the book A Woman After God's own Heart by Elizabeth George its really helped me as a wife and it is grounded in scripture, she pretty much backs everything she suggests with scripture.
I totally understand your fears of failing as a wife and a mother and I would use this time to ask God to prepare your heart for marriage and motherhood. It's never too early for prayer! Also, I dont know if your pastor has recommended it, or even required it, but I would highly recommend Premarital Counseling, not saying that you have problems, but it really helped my Dh and I before we got married, we had an understanding of how we should treat each other, and it gave us a more godly perspective of marriage.

Hope that helps!
God Bless!
Sam